# Tell me why you should receive the perfect cookie. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 17, 2010, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-why-you-should-receive-the-perfect-cookie/543488 "2010-06-17T00:04:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-why-you-should-receive-the-perfect-cookie/543488/21 "2010-06-17T04:10:33Z")
[Attempt at reverse psychology] Cookies? Cookies? I don’t need no stinkin’ cookies! ---
**Author:** ![missred](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/missred/32/14096_2.png) [@missred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missred)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-why-you-should-receive-the-perfect-cookie/543488/22 "2010-06-17T04:27:37Z")
Because I’m cute with big, brown puppy eyes! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![JpnDude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/838e76/32.png) [@JpnDude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JpnDude)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 6:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-why-you-should-receive-the-perfect-cookie/543488/23 "2010-06-17T06:21:28Z")
Because I’m in Japan and we don’t really have perfect cookies here. I would kill for a Mrs. Field’s white chocolate macadamia nut cookie! ---
**Author:** ![Pullet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@Pullet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pullet)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 6:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-why-you-should-receive-the-perfect-cookie/543488/24 "2010-06-17T06:41:03Z")
Because I can fix your cat/dog. ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 12:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-why-you-should-receive-the-perfect-cookie/543488/25 "2010-06-17T12:01:06Z")
> [@blondebear](#): > > [Attempt at reverse psychology] > > Cookies? Cookies? I don’t need no stinkin’ cookies! Heh, **[del] Sméagol [/del]**, heh, **Attack from the 3rd dimension** has already tried that, hasn’t he precious? ---
**Author:** ![6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e19adc/32.png) [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-why-you-should-receive-the-perfect-cookie/543488/26 "2010-06-17T12:19:59Z")
I should receive the perfect cookie because, dear Skald, I’d share it with _you_. ---
**Author:** ![Angua](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8baadc/32.png) [@Angua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angua)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 12:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-why-you-should-receive-the-perfect-cookie/543488/27 "2010-06-17T12:26:04Z")
Because I’m me… Your most favouritest astro-chick in the entire universe… ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-why-you-should-receive-the-perfect-cookie/543488/28 "2010-06-17T12:52:57Z")
My mom died about two months ago. That’s not why, though. I hate-hate-hate talking on the phone, with a passion. And yet I have called my dad almost every single day since she died, just for a 5-10 minute call, just to check on him. It’s wearing me out since I don’t even get along with my dad all that much, but I feel it’s incumbent on me, and I plan to do it constantly for at least one more month. Please, I could so use a cookie. I’ve been good. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-why-you-should-receive-the-perfect-cookie/543488/29 "2010-06-17T12:59:13Z")
Because I don’t like cookies, so if there is a chance to make me like cookies (which would be bad for me, given my maternal family’s proclivity to grow sideways after a certain age) this is it. If those cookies can’t turn me into a cookie eater, no cookie can. ---
**Author:** ![ToeJam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dfb087/32.png) [@ToeJam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ToeJam)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-why-you-should-receive-the-perfect-cookie/543488/30 "2010-06-17T13:01:22Z")
Because I take my Nation Board exams tomorrow? And It’d be a really nice thing to enjoy during these times of woe. That said. Back to the books. ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-why-you-should-receive-the-perfect-cookie/543488/31 "2010-06-17T13:36:49Z")
You know your cousin, the one who keeps going on with that “my daddy” bullshit? I can put a stop to that (nonviolently, of course) for a perfect cookie. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-why-you-should-receive-the-perfect-cookie/543488/32 "2010-06-17T13:46:27Z")
Alright, it’s been over 12 hours - where’s my damned cookie? ---
**Author:** ![Kiros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/439d5e/32.png) [@Kiros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kiros)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-why-you-should-receive-the-perfect-cookie/543488/33 "2010-06-17T13:48:06Z")
Because I have here two perfect glasses of milk, and I think we can come to a mutually beneficial arrangement. ---
**Author:** ![Khendrask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3e96dc/32.png) [@Khendrask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khendrask)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-why-you-should-receive-the-perfect-cookie/543488/34 "2010-06-17T14:26:28Z")
Because I live in South Carolina, and [Alvin Greene](http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/mon-june-14-2010/alvin-greene-wins-south-carolina-primary) is from my town. I need something to lift my spirits! ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-why-you-should-receive-the-perfect-cookie/543488/35 "2010-06-17T14:57:14Z")
> [@SevenOfTeemingMillions](#): > > O Glorious Skald, who art in Heavenly Kitchen, hallowed be thy oven. Give me this day thy Divine Cookie. And I shall travel the land preaching the Glories of the Divine Cookies. I shall slay the blasphemous cookies sold in supermarkets (by scarfing them) that are pale imitations of the Divine Cookies. 😕 I didn’t bake the cookies. If I could bake 'em, there’d be more than 144. Um…140, at this point. My blood sugar went down in the middle of the night. Too long on the treadmill yesterday, sorry. [QUOTE=Cat Whisperer] Alright, it’s been over 12 hours - where’s my damned cookie? [/QUOTE] Turn your teleport receive pad on, damn it! [QUOTE=Anaamika] Please, I could so use a cookie. I’ve been good. [/QUOTE] [QUOTE=Oakminster] Because I will kill or maim whoever Chefguy hires if I get a cookie. [/QUOTE] Both of y’all know perfectly well you’re getting cookies. [QUOTE=Pullet] Because I can fix your cat/dog. [/QUOTE] Neither Mrs. Which nor Mrs. Who is broken. [QUOTE=Khendrask] Because I live in South Carolina, and Alvin Greene is from my town. I need something to lift my spirits! [/QUOTE] Okay, but I expect you to do something to track down his puppet-master. I’d do it myself but I’m conflicted out of the project. [QUOTE=Angua] Because I’m me… Your most favouritest astro-chick in the entire universe… [/QUOTE] Yeah, I’m probably gonna need some help from you next month, because it’s my turn again to lead the talk at the amateur astronomer’s society and I want to look smart. Gimme some fresh facts about the heat death, damn it! [QUOTE=Barrett Bonden] That one in the bottom row, third from the right, is actually slightly imperfect. I’d be happy to dispose of it, so as not to dim the perfection of the other one hundred forty-three. [/QUOTE] 134, at this point. Anyway, you just insulted Galadriel. You better hope Legolas isn’t a lurker. > [@](#): > > eleanorigby Because there is no one cuter, more fun or more attractive than I. You give me this cookie to pay homage to my beauty, wit and compassion. I am the Ultimate Woman; the Ideal to which all other women can merely aspire. The cookie can go to no one else; its destiny lies with me. 😕 I sent you one of 'em first thing, Miss Portman. You may wish to check with your butler or housekeeper or whatever. ---
**Author:** ![Ann\_Onimous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ea5d25/32.png) [@Ann\_Onimous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ann_Onimous)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-why-you-should-receive-the-perfect-cookie/543488/36 "2010-06-17T15:02:56Z")
I would give the cookie to my daughter. Since she has diabetes, she doesn’t get this kind of thing very often: and if it were the truly perfect cookie, I’d want her to be the one to experience it. Plus, if it is truly perfect, it would have no carbs and no calories, which would mean she would be able to enjoy it without a blood test or insulin. If I had two, I would give one to **Lissla Lissar** ’s son for the exact same reason. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Angua](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8baadc/32.png) [@Angua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angua)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-why-you-should-receive-the-perfect-cookie/543488/37 "2010-06-17T15:04:58Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Yeah, I’m probably gonna need some help from you next month, because it’s my turn again to lead the talk at the amateur astronomer’s society and I want to look smart. Gimme some fresh facts about the heat death, damn it! 😃 Ask away… All I know is that heat death is gonna be really really cold! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-why-you-should-receive-the-perfect-cookie/543488/38 "2010-06-17T15:11:30Z")
> [@Juliana](#): > > I would give the cookie to my daughter. Since she has diabetes, she doesn’t get this kind of thing very often: and if it were the truly perfect cookie, I’d want her to be the one to experience it. Plus, if it is truly perfect, it would have no carbs and no calories, which would mean she would be able to enjoy it without a blood test or insulin. ☹ Now you make me wish this wasn’t a joke thread! The perfect cookie would have to be magic, of course. It would have carbs only when needed–say like in the middle of last night, when my blood sugar was crashing. My best friend makes me these excellent low-cal chocolate cookies that don’t make me spike. If you want I’ll get the recipe. ---
**Author:** ![Angua](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8baadc/32.png) [@Angua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angua)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-why-you-should-receive-the-perfect-cookie/543488/39 "2010-06-17T15:13:00Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > My best friend makes me these excellent low-cal chocolate cookies that don’t make me spike. If you want I’ll get the recipe. Never mind **Juliana** , _I_ want the recipe! Low-cal chocolate cookies that don’t give blood sugar spikes or require crazy amounts of insulin to eat? I’m IN! ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-why-you-should-receive-the-perfect-cookie/543488/40 "2010-06-17T15:14:47Z")
> [@Angua](#): > > 😃 Ask away… All I know is that heat death is gonna be really really cold! 😉 I probably will, as soon as I pick a topic. I have a couple of weeks. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-why-you-should-receive-the-perfect-cookie/543488.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-why-you-should-receive-the-perfect-cookie/543488.md?page=3)