# Tell me your kid (or you) turned out okay after this kind of atrocious behavior **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 27, 2015, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-your-kid-or-you-turned-out-okay-after-this-kind-of-atrocious-behavior/718683 "2015-04-27T23:54:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 11
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2015, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-your-kid-or-you-turned-out-okay-after-this-kind-of-atrocious-behavior/718683/201 "2015-04-29T21:36:12Z")
> [@Frylock](#): > > I think you maybe don’t understand, or don’t believe, how different people can be online than they are IRL. Here in this thread I responded to an insult with insulting language. I let my anger be known. IRL I’d never do that. I am a mellow constructive guy. Here online I get to _tell_ you when you’re being a less than acceptable human being. IRL I don’t get to tell you that. Please don’t assume that if I express anger at a slight here online this means I must be doing that to my daughter at home. That seems to be what you’re assuming. It’s–wait for it, wait for it–an uncharitable assumption. **Frylock** , I’ll be blunt: you’re coming across online as stressed and prone to conflict. You’re telling us that you’re not like this IRL, but you’re also saying that your daughter is acting stressed and prone to conflict. It looks to some of us like she is picking up on behavioral cues from you and modeling them (in her own way). That’s why people are thinking that perhaps your own perception of how different you are in real life may not be entirely accurate. This may indeed be uncharitable, but it’s driven by what we are reading here, and not coming from thin air. I don’t say this to take a shot at you; it’s just inescapable that it can be hard for any of us to see ourselves the way others see us. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2015, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-your-kid-or-you-turned-out-okay-after-this-kind-of-atrocious-behavior/718683/202 "2015-04-29T21:37:53Z")
> [@Frylock](#): > > But I need some reassurance on that front because I sure as fuck never exhibited these behaviors and neither did any of my siblings. So funny considering where the thread has gone. ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2015, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-your-kid-or-you-turned-out-okay-after-this-kind-of-atrocious-behavior/718683/203 "2015-04-29T21:48:06Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > So funny considering where the thread has gone. But _I’m_ being _reasonable_. ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2015, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-your-kid-or-you-turned-out-okay-after-this-kind-of-atrocious-behavior/718683/204 "2015-04-29T21:56:13Z")
> [@you\_with\_the\_face](#): > > You don’t like your child, right? You’ve told us that its hard to enjoy her presence and that there’s little about her personality that is praiseworthy. That’s a problem whether you want to admit it or not, because 1) she in all likelihood senses you feel this way, 2) those feelings are preventing you from relating to her in a positive way, and 3) the odds of her continuing in her bratty ways increases the more she goes on feeling misunderstood and unloved. > > So yes, this is relevant. Just because you’re not asking for advice on how to relax around your daughter, doesn’t mean your emotional state has nothing to do with her behavior. Is this the connection you’re making between the topic of the thread and the question of whether her behavior reflects aspects of my own personality? “She is like you in some ways. If you think about that, you may act differently toward her. If you act differently toward her, she may start acting differently.” Have I captured it? ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2015, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-your-kid-or-you-turned-out-okay-after-this-kind-of-atrocious-behavior/718683/205 "2015-04-29T21:59:58Z")
> [@Frylock](#): > > But _I’m_ being _reasonable_. I’m sure the way I’m looking at the screen is pretty close to the way you look at your daughter when she’s being dramatic and “atrocious.” ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2015, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-your-kid-or-you-turned-out-okay-after-this-kind-of-atrocious-behavior/718683/206 "2015-04-29T22:11:25Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > I’m sure the way I’m looking at the screen is pretty close to the way you look at your daughter when she’s being dramatic and “atrocious.” Sorry, I was kidding. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2015, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-your-kid-or-you-turned-out-okay-after-this-kind-of-atrocious-behavior/718683/207 "2015-04-29T22:58:03Z")
> [@Frylock](#): > > Is this the connection you’re making between the topic of the thread and the question of whether her behavior reflects aspects of my own personality? > > “She is like you in some ways. If you think about that, you may act differently toward her. If you act differently toward her, she may start acting differently.” > > Have I captured it? Yes, and also: “The more you see yourself in her, the less you’ll judge her behavior as a character defect that defines her entire being…and the more you’ll see this aspect of her personality as just one out of many complicated parts of her. This understanding may make it easier for you to parent her.” And also: “The more you see yourself in her, the less you’ll judge her behavior as a character defect that defines her entire being…and the more you’ll work on changing your own responses to stress before trying to change hers.” Perhaps the answer here is not to focus so much of your mental energy on getting her to change. I recommend you approach therapy with the mindset of “I (we) need help figuring out how to relate to our daughter, because we feel what we’ve been doing isn’t working and we don’t know why.” ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2015, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-your-kid-or-you-turned-out-okay-after-this-kind-of-atrocious-behavior/718683/208 "2015-04-29T23:33:10Z")
> [@you\_with\_the\_face](#): > > Yes, Okay, I see why you were saying it’s relevant. I’ve responded in previous posts to the individual points making up what you’re saying here. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2015, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-your-kid-or-you-turned-out-okay-after-this-kind-of-atrocious-behavior/718683/209 "2015-04-29T23:48:51Z")
The problem is, if time and time again, you keep feeling like people are misunderstanding you, you might want to stop and reconsider that the problem is on your end. Not on our’s. That’s really something you might want to stop and think about. Seriously. > [@Frylock](#): > > It doesn’t feel like bullshit. > > It seems, though, like some people here think of seeing a behavior therapist as a bigger deal than others. To me it’s like a huge deal likely to affect the kid’s self-understanding for life, even if it’s only a few visits or something. Is that exaggerated in your view? > > Like, to me, going to a professional in that field is what you do _after_ all other options are exhauste, and only _after_ doing a bunch of your own research. But it’s looking like a lot of others are regarding it as a _first_ step, the first thing you should do at the first sign of trouble. > > Which should it be, and why? I would think not getting help and enduring untreated anxiety and depression would affect her even more. Yeah, at first she might worry, “does this mean there’s something wrong with me?” But better she feel that way for a short time, and then get help for it, than not get help and feel that way for the rest of her life. Therapy IS scary at first. It may make you feel like, “Am I crazy?” But the whole point is to solve a problem, to help her learn to DEAL with whatever it is that’s bothering her. And I’ll be blunt: telling her “it’s only a doctor’s visit” is a bad idea. Don’t lie. Say, “we think this will be a good idea. We feel that with all your anger, you need some help, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of.” (or something like that) (And no, I’m not a parent. But I had ADHD as a child and I know I greatly benefitted from therapy. I’ve had similiar experiences, and I’m so grateful that I was able to get that help. And my therapist kicked ass. I remember that I missed her when I stopped seeing her. So consider MY advice from the kid’s perspective, FWIW) ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2015, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-your-kid-or-you-turned-out-okay-after-this-kind-of-atrocious-behavior/718683/210 "2015-04-30T00:41:15Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > We’ve been to therapy a number of times with my kids. They were fine with it because we were fine with it. We used to prevent more problems and to give us a outsiders perspective on the situation. It helped out family’s communication and my child heard from a neutral source when we were in the right! Therapy isn’t a route of last resort. It prevents damage being to the child and the family relationship. I can tell you taht the stress in your family can affect the other kids as well, and they seeing you taking it seriously and trying to get help makes them feel better too. > > You’ve never done therapy with your kids- listen to those of us who have. I have no crystal ball for you to know if therapy would be valuable to your family, but don’t assume you know what it’s all about because you don’t. \*\* Frylock\*\*, I wonder if it would help to think of it as counseling for better communication skills and frustration tolerance, rather than THERAPY. In my family’s case, we found similar benefits to those that **IvoryTowerDenizen** describes—an expert in child development and behavior to reflect and reality test for us parents, and someone uninvolved to teach my kids coping skills. They each listened more readily to the therapist, because the therapist wasn’t someone they were mad at or frustrated with. > [@you\_with\_the\_face](#): > > In kindergarten, **monstro** and I were pulled out of class once a week to work with a speech therapist (we did the twin talk thing as toddlers and weren’t particularly fluent in English), and I remember loving the extra attention. Even to this day, I only associate speech class with cupcakes and fun worksheets. It never occurred to me that there might be something shameful about needing help with how I spoke and processed words, even though I knew that’s exactly what the therapy was for. > > It’s only with age that the desire to fit in and be seen as normal overrules the desire for attention and specialness. My son loves the in-school counselor and the group he goes to. He’s learned a metric buttload of social skills and conflict resolution skills, and he’s made friends with some of the kids in the group. No cupcakes, though. ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2015, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-your-kid-or-you-turned-out-okay-after-this-kind-of-atrocious-behavior/718683/211 "2015-04-30T00:50:49Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > The problem is, if time and time again, you keep feeling like people are misunderstanding you, you might want to stop and reconsider that the problem is on your end. Not on our’s. That’s really something you might want to stop and think about. Seriously. Tell me about post 173. Do you find anything in it hard to understand? Tell me what you think I’m saying in post 173. ETA: If I say, explicitly, blatantly, in no uncertain terms, “I am trying to do X,” and people respond “why are you trying to do Y,” and I reply by saying “you think I’m trying to do Y, but actually I am trying to do X,” and the in turn reply “Okay but why are you trying to do Y,” there is nothing I can do better than what I have already done. The problem’s not on my end in that case. ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2015, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-your-kid-or-you-turned-out-okay-after-this-kind-of-atrocious-behavior/718683/212 "2015-04-30T00:51:50Z")
> [@lorene](#): > > \*\* Frylock\*\*, I wonder if it would help to think of it as counseling for better communication skills and frustration tolerance, rather than THERAPY. > > In my family’s case, we found similar benefits to those that **IvoryTowerDenizen** describes—an expert in child development and behavior to reflect and reality test for us parents, and someone uninvolved to teach my kids coping skills. They each listened more readily to the therapist, because the therapist wasn’t someone they were mad at or frustrated with. > > My son loves the in-school counselor and the group he goes to. He’s learned a metric buttload of social skills and conflict resolution skills, and he’s made friends with some of the kids in the group. No cupcakes, though. Good points all. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2015, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-your-kid-or-you-turned-out-okay-after-this-kind-of-atrocious-behavior/718683/213 "2015-04-30T01:07:32Z")
> [@Frylock](#): > > Is this the connection you’re making between the topic of the thread and the question of whether her behavior reflects aspects of my own personality? > > “She is like you in some ways. If you think about that, you may act differently toward her. If you act differently toward her, she may start acting differently.” > > Have I captured it? The suggested connection is more active and direct than what you’ve written. It’s not simply that she’s like you, it’s that she may be learning behaviors from you. As far as when to seek outside help, you’ve already asked for help. The difference between all of us and a professional is that a professional is more likely to know what he or she is talking about. What’s more likely to be hard for your daughter – being told that you’re getting her some help for how she relates to the family, or stumbling across this thread? ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2015, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-your-kid-or-you-turned-out-okay-after-this-kind-of-atrocious-behavior/718683/214 "2015-04-30T02:03:17Z")
> [@Frylock](#): > > Tell me about post 173. Do you find anything in it hard to understand? Tell me what you think I’m saying in post 173. > > ETA: If I say, explicitly, blatantly, in no uncertain terms, “I am trying to do X,” and people respond “why are you trying to do Y,” and I reply by saying “you think I’m trying to do Y, but actually I am trying to do X,” and the in turn reply “Okay but why are you trying to do Y,” there is nothing I can do better than what I have already done. The problem’s not on my end in that case. My point still stands. (Especially since I wasn’t speaking about any particular incident) Most people, when asked, “could you clarify that?” would explain the actual reason. Like, in the example, “how was it reasonable to let your kid jump on a couch?” “Well, in this case, my OTHER kid was trying to run out the door, so I had to worry about that.” Instead, you simply expected people to accept what you said, without any explanation, other than coming up with ridiculous scenarios, which lead people to think you just wanted to play games. Here’s the thing: people can’t read your mind. That’s not how communication works. If someone feels you’re not being clear, they’re going to ask you to explain further. Telling them they’re being uncharitable for misunderstanding you isn’t going to help. I’ve noticed you complain about this alot. It’s nothing personal, Frylock – I’m not trying to attack you. But as I keep trying to point out, if you’re constantly feeling that people aren’t getting what you’re telling them, no, it’s not because they’re deliberately missreading your posts, or because they’re making “bad arguments”. Or that outside details are "irrelevant. Often times, they are. Telling people, “oh, but there’s much more to the story that you don’t know!” Well, like I said, we’re not mind readers. We can only comment on what you’ve told us. As for getting your daughter help, and worrying about how she may pick up on your attitude, keep in mind that in the past, many people avoided getting treatment because of the stigma against mental illness. And because of doing so, a lot of people turned to alcohol or drugs to cope, some ended up committing suicide, etc. I am NOT saying that’ll happen to your daughter. But by avoiding getting her help now, because you’re worried she might feel that you might think she’s “crazy” or whatever, it’s only it’s best to help her get the proper skills to cope with her problem, rather than find some other, worse way. Like I said yes, in the short term, she may doubt herself. (Why am I in therapy, is there something wrong with me?) But after a few sessions, she’ll start realizing that her counselor is simply someone who’s there to listen to her, not someone there to “fix” her. And she’ll learn to deal with her anger issues, and probably won’t be as frustrated. I wish you all the best of luck. ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2015, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-your-kid-or-you-turned-out-okay-after-this-kind-of-atrocious-behavior/718683/215 "2015-04-30T02:46:29Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Instead, you simply expected people to accept what you said, without any explanation, other than coming up with ridiculous scenarios, which lead people to think you just wanted to play games. > > Here’s the thing: people can’t read your mind. That’s not how communication works. If someone feels you’re not being clear, they’re going to ask you to explain further. But what you’re talking about here isn’t a request for clarity, it’s a request for evidence. I was perfectly clear. What I refused to give was evidence. > [@](#): > > Telling them they’re being uncharitable for misunderstanding you This is something I _haven’t_ been perfectly clear about. What I have intended to say is this: People are being uncharitable when they assume I’m a bad parent based on one sentence. They can only reach that conclusion by assuming negative things, and those assumptions are not reasonable. I’ve argued for that elsewhere. What I have _not_ intended to say is that people misunderstanding my point was due to a lack of charity. (I did actually basically imply that at one point, I recently noticed, but that was unintentional. That is what I mean when I say I haven’t been perfectly clear on this bit.) That is due to factors other than a lack of charity. > [@](#): > > I wish you all the best of luck. Thank you kindly. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2015, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-your-kid-or-you-turned-out-okay-after-this-kind-of-atrocious-behavior/718683/216 "2015-04-30T04:00:34Z")
> [@Frylock](#): > > But what you’re talking about here isn’t a request for clarity, it’s a request for evidence. I was perfectly clear. What I refused to give was evidence. Sometimes evidence can help with clarity. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2015, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-your-kid-or-you-turned-out-okay-after-this-kind-of-atrocious-behavior/718683/217 "2015-04-30T12:35:05Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > [QUOTE=Shodan] > > If I ever ask for relationship advice on the SDMB, or the Internet in general, do me a favor and shoot me. Sure. What are friends for? Reloads, Turnip [/QUOTE] I knew _you’d_ be there for me, **VT**. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2015, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-your-kid-or-you-turned-out-okay-after-this-kind-of-atrocious-behavior/718683/218 "2015-04-30T13:34:01Z")
I criticised your ancient couch-jumping post due to what you posted. It was just a crap argument. I never said and don’t think that you’re a bad parent. You ask questions and then respond to them, which is a sign of a good parent. So overall you just seem like an average parent who once got the internet wrong. 🙂 If you have, even in ball-park-figures, costed out how much therapy would cost, then set aside that amount to do stuff with your daughter every month on a schedule. With therapy, there’s usually a co-pay (I’m not American, so might get the terms wrong) and there’s always a cost in terms of you having to leave work. If it’s not monetary, it’s “Bob’s off work again.” With “your time” you can schedule it when it suits you best. Just go to a diner she likes the look of and have ice-cream. Watch a movie on the cheap days and trade off who gets to choose. Choose a cheap restaurant to eat at once a month - let it be her choice. Go to a local game if you can afford the tickets and she wants to. All of that is after work so is cheaper than going to counselling. Don’t do anything expensive, that feels like a treat. If your older kid gets annoyed then do the same for him, because this is one hour of disposable time with one parent each month we’re talking about. And never make this part of her behaviour routine - ie, she will never lose this because she’s been BAD. She will always get this time away from daily life to be with you. You are not taking time away from work for this, or spending tons of money, you are just being with her as her parent. And whether you like her right now or not, you are her parent. She is a very young, vulnerable person. And it would be much cheaper for you to try this for a few months than to get therapy and would feel better for you than never trying anything. FWIW I’ve know a couple of total utter bastards when they were eight grow up to be really nice people. I’ve known kids who seemed out of control get back into control, seemingly by their own choice. Those kids were surrounded by demonstrations of love, support and interest from those around them who were not always their natural parents. I’ve also seen kids go down the wrong way when the people looking after them didn’t like them at all. Act as if you like your kid, even if you don’t. ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2015, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-your-kid-or-you-turned-out-okay-after-this-kind-of-atrocious-behavior/718683/219 "2015-04-30T17:36:58Z")
> [@SciFiSam](#): > > I criticised your ancient couch-jumping post due to what you posted. It was just a crap argument. I never said and don’t think that you’re a bad parent. You ask questions and then respond to them, which is a sign of a good parent. So overall you just seem like an average parent who once got the internet wrong. 🙂 😃 > [@](#): > > If you have, even in ball-park-figures, costed out how much therapy would cost, then set aside that amount to do stuff with your daughter every month on a schedule. > > With therapy, there’s usually a co-pay (I’m not American, so might get the terms wrong) and there’s always a cost in terms of you having to leave work. If it’s not monetary, it’s “Bob’s off work again.” > > With “your time” you can schedule it when it suits you best. Just go to a diner she likes the look of and have ice-cream. Watch a movie on the cheap days and trade off who gets to choose. Choose a cheap restaurant to eat at once a month - let it be her choice. Go to a local game if you can afford the tickets and she wants to. All of that is after work so is cheaper than going to counselling. Don’t do anything expensive, that feels like a treat. > > If your older kid gets annoyed then do the same for him, because this is one hour of disposable time with one parent each month we’re talking about. > > And never make this part of her behaviour routine - ie, she will never lose this because she’s been BAD. She will always get this time away from daily life to be with you. You are not taking time away from work for this, or spending tons of money, you are just being with her as her parent. This is an excellent idea. We’ve kicked around the idea of doing something like it, I’ll bring it back up. Our kids need one-on-one parent time away from everything else. They get it with their mom already just due to how various scheduling things have fallen out. I used to do a weekly “board game night” with the kids where we went somewhere away from the house and played games but whereas my older kid loves this my daughter–though she wants to be included of course–ultimately really doesn’t like doing the actual things one does when playing a board game. She doesn’t understand how you can lose and still have fun, basically, so things get tense. We’ll think of something else. ---
**Author:** ![esmeralda2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ccd318/32.png) [@esmeralda2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/esmeralda2)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2015, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-your-kid-or-you-turned-out-okay-after-this-kind-of-atrocious-behavior/718683/220 "2015-04-30T17:55:45Z")
To me, a kid, or anyone, who does things for attention is feeding off the attention. I think the solution is to ignore such behavior, all the dramatics and so on. Reinforce anything she does that is good–positive reinforcement for good behavior and totally ignore all the BS behavior and dramatics. She will stop the attention seeking behavior when she realizes she isn’t getting any attention for it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-your-kid-or-you-turned-out-okay-after-this-kind-of-atrocious-behavior/718683.md?page=10) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-me-your-kid-or-you-turned-out-okay-after-this-kind-of-atrocious-behavior/718683.md?page=12)