# Tell us about the Mirrror-Mirror universe version of the Teeming Millions **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 12, 2006, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-about-the-mirrror-mirror-universe-version-of-the-teeming-millions/380102 "2006-11-12T14:48:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![sturmhauke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2006, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-about-the-mirrror-mirror-universe-version-of-the-teeming-millions/380102/41 "2006-11-13T23:52:58Z")
**Mirror sturmhauke** is just as intelligent as me, but the similarities end there. He is highly charismatic, but sees people as little more than tools or obstacles on his path to power. He is driven, organized, and quite ruthless. He had Bill Gates offed in a freak computer “accident” and took over Microsoft, transforming it into an actual tool of world domination. All philantropic funding was ended, and the money was instead funneled to weapons research, surveillance technology, dictatorships, and reality television. Mirror-sturmhauke holds all the real power in the Mirror-US. Elections are still held there, and there are even still mock “voting irregularities” to fool people into thinking any of it actually matters, but all politicians are actually in Mirror-sturmhauke’s pocket. Thanks to Mirror-Microsoft’s actual, factual control of all domestic Internet traffic, anyone who attempts to work against Mirror-Microsoft is sent to a secret prison and tortured. Mirror-sturmhauke is also gaining influence in other countries, but progress is slower than he would like. He has funded a number of terrorist groups as “sticks”, and offered the “carrot” of Mirror-US assistance by way of the nominal government. ---
**Author:** ![Laughing\_Lagomorph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Laughing\_Lagomorph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Laughing_Lagomorph)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2006, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-about-the-mirrror-mirror-universe-version-of-the-teeming-millions/380102/42 "2006-11-14T01:19:47Z")
**Mirror Lagomorph** is a gadget freak. Ipod, cell phone, GPS, he’s gotta have the newest version, with all the bells and whistles. He obsessively watches all the trendy TV shows, and is especially enamored of the reality show flavor of the week. He genuinely cares about the lives of celebrities such as Paris Hilton and Tom Cruise. He is a fanatic Red Sox fan, and especially enjoys when they defeat the hated New York Yankees. He believes that his own interests come first, ahead of those of his son. For this reason he rarely spends time with his son on the weekends, preferring instead to pursue his own hobbies. He has no idea how his son is doing in school. **ML** doesn’t like spicy food, or indeed any kind of exotic cuisine. For libations he prefers watery American lite lagers which he judges on the basis of their marketing budgets, rather than their taste. He is confused by science and math-phobic. He knows evolution is a conspiracy by scientists who made the whole thing up, because no one could possibly hope to understand the available evidence by themselves. He thinks critical thinking is an unnecessary skill and always forwards every Internet urban legend that hits his inbox to everyone he knows. He would rather stay indoors playing various computer or video games than actually, you know, going outside and doing stuff. ---
**Author:** ![ladybug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/46a35a/32.png) [@ladybug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladybug)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2006, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-about-the-mirrror-mirror-universe-version-of-the-teeming-millions/380102/43 "2006-11-14T01:19:49Z")
**Bizarro ladybug** is a jerk. She blasts her stereo at 3 a.m., uses your phone to call Switzerland and chats with some stranger for five hours, tapes _American Idol Revisted_ over your wedding videos, leaves a pile of dirty dishes in the sink and eats the very last doughnut in the box. Not because _she_ wants that doughnut, but because _you_ wanted that doughnut. (Bizarro ladybug doesn’t even like doughnuts. She just likes to make people miserable.) Fortunately she’s also a total idiot, so she’ll be easy to defeat when our universes collide. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![koeeoaddi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/koeeoaddi/32/408_2.png) [@koeeoaddi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/koeeoaddi)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2006, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-about-the-mirrror-mirror-universe-version-of-the-teeming-millions/380102/44 "2006-11-14T02:04:50Z")
**Iddaoeeok** never complains, reads, or changes the radio station. **Iddaoeeok** lives for confrontation, pugnacity and revenge. **Iddaoeeok** violates puppies and is, needless to say, much feared in the Pit. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2006, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-about-the-mirrror-mirror-universe-version-of-the-teeming-millions/380102/45 "2006-11-14T02:26:44Z")
Odder still, both \*\*Contrapuntal \*\*and **One Note Samba** are presidents of the Boiled Poets Society. ---
**Author:** ![Suburban\_Plankton](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suburban_plankton/32/219_2.png) [@Suburban\_Plankton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Suburban_Plankton)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2006, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-about-the-mirrror-mirror-universe-version-of-the-teeming-millions/380102/46 "2006-11-14T02:57:12Z")
**Rural Plankton** lives in a 34 acre commune somewhere in the Pacific Northwest, and thinks that the Green Party are a bunch of right-wing nutjobs. And he does all of his shopping at Wal-Mart. ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2006, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-about-the-mirrror-mirror-universe-version-of-the-teeming-millions/380102/47 "2006-11-14T03:15:43Z")
**rednuhTJ** has never killed a man with his bare hands. ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2006, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-about-the-mirrror-mirror-universe-version-of-the-teeming-millions/380102/48 "2006-11-14T03:26:17Z")
JRDemirror is an outgoing, gregarious charmer with the charisma and social confidence of Bill Clinton, who can remember every face and name he has encountered since First Grade; he’s the life of every party, the man that men want to be and women throw themselves at, which they do often. He has the assertiveness and boldness to action of a lovechild of Ayn Rand and Friedrich Nietsche, is a workout-junkie sportsman and outdoorsman who likes fast cars and thrillseeking activities such as bungeejumping, skydiving, and helicopter skiing; and his moves on the dance floor are such that John Travolta and Michael Jackson named him as an influence. He is not, though, a very visually artistic or literary person nor is he very comfortable in academic elite environments, and is baffled by technology and science. Though a stud highly in demand in his private life, he believes porn is just repulsive filth and nothing should sully the delicate purity of womanhood, who should remain on a pedestal. ---
**Author:** ![Civil\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d78d45/32.png) [@Civil\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Civil_Guy)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2006, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-about-the-mirrror-mirror-universe-version-of-the-teeming-millions/380102/49 "2006-11-14T05:15:34Z")
UncivilGuy’s self-confidence is matched only by his fundamental ignorance - but that’s okay, because he doesn’t care. Unless it’s got to do with sports, since high-roller sports bookie is another one of UncivilGuy’s many ventures. UncivilGuy has tried his hand at several things, like running ponzi schemes and managing political campaigns, but hasn’t found anything that works quite as well as marrying rich widows - a few of whom have not yet accidently fallen overboard. Hmm, soldier of fortune sounds like too much work - but there could be some money to be made in _recruiting_ mercenaries… ---
**Author:** ![Bobotheoptimist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/919ad9/32.png) [@Bobotheoptimist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bobotheoptimist)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2006, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-about-the-mirrror-mirror-universe-version-of-the-teeming-millions/380102/50 "2006-11-14T05:39:19Z")
RobthePessimist believes that other people are inherently good and worth keeping alive. That the government knows what’s best and trusts the police to keep his home safe from criminals. Rob is also highly motivated and managed to get a useful degree that applied to his job in far less than 13 years. Probably has a trophy wife, a fancy car, and a well trained lab or retriever… Bastard. ---
**Author:** ![Ace309](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ace309/32/1050_2.png) [@Ace309](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ace309)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2006, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-about-the-mirrror-mirror-universe-version-of-the-teeming-millions/380102/51 "2006-11-14T05:45:12Z")
Ace-Prime? He’s, like, _interesting_. ---
**Author:** ![Queen\_Bruin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Queen\_Bruin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Bruin)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2006, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-about-the-mirrror-mirror-universe-version-of-the-teeming-millions/380102/52 "2006-11-14T06:03:11Z")
**The Assuage Creature** is an incredibly outgoing woman but dumb as a box of rocks. The only reason she got into school at all was because of Daddy’s money. She likes to keep her blond hair short and impeccably coiffed. Her main goal at university is to find a rich guy with a BMW to marry, skate out on a C average, and be BEST FRIENDS FOREVAR with her sorority sisters. She loathes sex except as a tool to win Mr. Right, and as soon as that ring is on the finger you better believe she’ll forget she even has a vagina. She finds motorcycling to be a sport of barbarians that deserve to donate their organs to people with some goddamn _sense_. She listens to Rick Dees, and has never heard of Mark and Brian. Assuage Creature never bothers to vote because she is too busy doing her nails. And she never ever drops the F bomb. ---
**Author:** ![anyrose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@anyrose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anyrose)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2006, 6:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-about-the-mirrror-mirror-universe-version-of-the-teeming-millions/380102/53 "2006-11-14T06:49:12Z")
**no rose at all** is 5’10", perfect size 10, multi-Tony winning Broadway Musical Diva with 4 lovers who all know about each other and don’t mind. Her daughter, now 29, is a Nobel Prize winning biologist who helped formulate a cancer fighting wonder drug with no side-effects. **no rose at all** ’s ex-husband wallows in the regret he feels for having tossed her aside so long ago. ---
**Author:** ![tomndebb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@tomndebb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomndebb)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2006, 8:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-about-the-mirrror-mirror-universe-version-of-the-teeming-millions/380102/54 "2006-11-14T08:00:12Z")
Mirror Spock was pretty much Spock. Mirror tomndebb would be pretty much tomndebb for pretty much the same personality-free reasons. ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2006, 8:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-about-the-mirrror-mirror-universe-version-of-the-teeming-millions/380102/55 "2006-11-14T08:23:11Z")
Mirror **chowder** is an obnoxious little fucker who detests everything and everyone. He has sex with goats, sheep and blow up rubber choirboys and even with knot holes in trees. His ambition is to throw 5000 kittens from a tower block just to watch them splatter. Apart from all that he’s a decent sort really ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Rieux](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Dr.Rieux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Rieux)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2006, 9:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-about-the-mirrror-mirror-universe-version-of-the-teeming-millions/380102/56 "2006-11-14T09:40:52Z")
Mirror Rieux is an illiterate Christian fundamentalist and anti-government conspiracy nut. His favorite TV show is Family Guy. He enjoys punk rock and boy bands. He inherited a large fortune and owns a ranch in Southern California. Because of his paranoia, he has never used the Internet. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2006, 11:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-about-the-mirrror-mirror-universe-version-of-the-teeming-millions/380102/57 "2006-11-14T11:44:25Z")
Strictly speaking, wouldn’t my total oppisate be a silicon-based black lesbian who breathes seawater? Eh, anyway… Mirror Ranchoth is a dapper, clean-shaven liberal christian. A go-getter, morning person, and the life of every party, he wears his heart on his sleeve, his love of life knows no bounds—he’s anti capital punishment, anti abortion, and so aghast at violence that halloween makeup makes him faint. He thinks the “modern” world would be SO much better off if only it would slip off it’s trappings of “science” and “technology” and go back to a simple outdoor agrarian culture—not unlike Ran himself, who manages an organic-farming orchard commune. (Which works well for him, a somewhat portly lifelong fruitarian.) Mirror Ran doesn’t really care for music, and not only will you never see him watching TV—he doesn’t even OWN one!—but you’ll rarely see him reading. “Fantasy? _Escapism?_ HA! Who has time for that—who can even JUSTIFY them—when there’s such a big, bold, beautiful world out there to experience…and leave a better place, before we slip into the miracle of the great beyond!” ---
**Author:** ![mrklutz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ebca7d/32.png) [@mrklutz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mrklutz)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2006, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-about-the-mirrror-mirror-universe-version-of-the-teeming-millions/380102/58 "2006-11-14T15:38:15Z")
**mrgrace** is an ambitious, tee-totalling workaholic with no time for friends. He never, ever does anything accidentally. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2006, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-about-the-mirrror-mirror-universe-version-of-the-teeming-millions/380102/59 "2006-11-14T16:26:25Z")
[QUOTE=tomndebb] Mirror Spock was pretty much Spock. Mirror tomndebb would be pretty much tomndebb for pretty much the same personality-free reasons. [/QUOTE] But still hypocritical and somewhat less than manly, yes? ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2006, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-about-the-mirrror-mirror-universe-version-of-the-teeming-millions/380102/60 "2006-11-14T16:41:10Z")
**Hannukah-Annie** was born rich, blond, and beautiful, with the IQ of a hamster. Once the most successful rock groupie in history (she has a page in Guiness), she now heads her daddy’s business after his untimely, “accidental” death. She is best known for her many, many, many parties, which feature "sex, drugs and rock 'n roll, " with frequent appearances by Mick & Keith when they are in town. Her Dopefests are legendary. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-about-the-mirrror-mirror-universe-version-of-the-teeming-millions/380102.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-about-the-mirrror-mirror-universe-version-of-the-teeming-millions/380102.md?page=4)