# Tell us why you are the (third) greatest Doper of them all. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 15, 2008, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-are-the-third-greatest-doper-of-them-all/463721 "2008-09-15T17:53:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2008, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-are-the-third-greatest-doper-of-them-all/463721/1 "2008-09-15T17:53:12Z")
[(Suggested by this thread.)](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=482001&highlight=Sampiro) Why third-greatest? Well, the greatest of all Dopers is, of course, Sampiro. All must bow before his grand storytelling skills. When he left us briefly for a time, there was weeping, gnashing of teeth, and at least one attempted suicide-by-hamster. Modesty forbids me from specifying who the second-greatest Doper is. Surely it is enough to say that fabulous poster is perfectly willing – nay, eager – to not only unleash hordes of genetically engineered, winged, flame-breathing, etc. howler monkeys in defense of the Dope and its citizens, but to, as need be, stride into the field of battle himself, no matter how many infinitives he must split in the process. If you knew how many battles he has fought to protect us all from the depredeations of Morgoth and his Balrogs, you would all offer him your first-born children, or at least some sort of omelet. But among us sits a third. Not as clever as Sampiro, perhaps, nor as valiant as the unnamed creature, but still awesome in his or her general rockingness. Is that you? Tell us why. ---
**Author:** ![AllWalker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/db5fbb/32.png) [@AllWalker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AllWalker)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2008, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-are-the-third-greatest-doper-of-them-all/463721/2 "2008-09-15T17:59:19Z")
Because I replied here first? ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2008, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-are-the-third-greatest-doper-of-them-all/463721/3 "2008-09-15T18:01:12Z")
> [@AllWalker](#): > > Because I replied here first? The third-greatest Doper of them all would not need to ASK if his/her reasoning was acceptable. Try again. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Excellent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Mr.Excellent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Excellent)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2008, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-are-the-third-greatest-doper-of-them-all/463721/4 "2008-09-15T18:06:58Z")
I make a mean omelet. Also, I helped turn the SDMB into the legal world’s leading resource on Zombie Property Law. This is information you may well need if you decide to recruit the undead into your ranks, m’lord **Rhymer**. ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2008, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-are-the-third-greatest-doper-of-them-all/463721/5 "2008-09-15T18:10:11Z")
Kim counts as a Doper, doesn’t she? So aren’t you really looking for a fourth? Third or fourth greatest Doper- it sure as hell ain’t me! Eve & Polycarp are definitely in the top ten. I’m sure of that. And I totally concur about Sampiro. Is Rue DeDay around any more? ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2008, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-are-the-third-greatest-doper-of-them-all/463721/6 "2008-09-15T18:10:18Z")
I would say I’m third because I try harder, but that would be a lie. I don’t try hard for any reason – if my relaxed attempt isn’t enough then it’s not worth struggling over. The reality is I’m third best because so many of the rest of you are such incredible losers. But I’m far too polite to say so. ---
**Author:** ![ivan\_astikov](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@ivan\_astikov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivan_astikov)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2008, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-are-the-third-greatest-doper-of-them-all/463721/7 "2008-09-15T18:15:44Z")
If the Greatest Doper was judged on consistent wit and general handsomeness, the 1st and 2nd Dopers would be languishing in 2nd and 3rd, but as it stands, I think I easily grab that vacant 3rd spot. :p:D:cool: ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2008, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-are-the-third-greatest-doper-of-them-all/463721/8 "2008-09-15T18:16:18Z")
> [@FriarTed](#): > > Kim counts as a Doper, doesn’t she? So aren’t you really looking for a fourth? You & \*\*Mr. Excellent \*\*seem to be implying that I ranked myself second. That is puzzling, as I was clearly talking about that sick bastard **Fabulous Creature** , not me. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2008, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-are-the-third-greatest-doper-of-them-all/463721/9 "2008-09-15T18:18:01Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > [(Suggested by this thread.)](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=482001&highlight=Sampiro) > > Why third-greatest? > > Well, the greatest of all Dopers is, of course, Sampiro. All must bow before his grand storytelling skills. When he left us briefly for a time, there was weeping, gnashing of teeth, and at least one attempted suicide-by-hamster. > > Modesty forbids me from specifying who the second-greatest Doper is. Surely it is enough to say that fabulous poster is perfectly willing – nay, eager – to not only unleash hordes of genetically engineered, winged, flame-breathing, etc. howler monkeys in defense of the Dope and its citizens, but to, as need be, stride into the field of battle himself, no matter how many infinitives he must split in the process. If you knew how many battles he has fought to protect us all from the depredeations of Morgoth and his Balrogs, you would all offer him your first-born children, or at least some sort of omelet. > > But among us sits a third. Not as clever as Sampiro, perhaps, nor as valiant as the unnamed creature, but still awesome in his or her general rockingness. > > Is that you? Tell us why. It’s ok, you can admit the 2nd greatest you hesitate to name is me. I don’t require such modesty on my behalf. ---
**Author:** ![Revenant\_Threshold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@Revenant\_Threshold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revenant_Threshold)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2008, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-are-the-third-greatest-doper-of-them-all/463721/10 "2008-09-15T18:19:47Z")
I take partial responsibility for the creation of the Games forum. And I have a nice hat. ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2008, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-are-the-third-greatest-doper-of-them-all/463721/11 "2008-09-15T18:21:10Z")
Me … 'cause there are few things sweeter than a Doper with a cherry on top. \ :rolleyes: 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2008, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-are-the-third-greatest-doper-of-them-all/463721/12 "2008-09-15T18:21:33Z")
The only rule to being a great Doper: Never tell others why you’re so great. That being said, I’m simply the greatest because I break all the rules. ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Tyger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/fbc32d/32.png) [@Silver\_Tyger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Tyger)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2008, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-are-the-third-greatest-doper-of-them-all/463721/13 "2008-09-15T18:25:43Z")
Well duh. Because I’m _me_ ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2008, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-are-the-third-greatest-doper-of-them-all/463721/14 "2008-09-15T18:28:18Z")
> [@Silver Tyger Girl](#): > > Well duh. Because I’m _me_ :smack: I utterly forgot about you, babe. Okay, we are officially looking for the FOURTH greatest doper, on account of our resident’s Thunderkitten’s verve. ---
**Author:** ![Pollux\_Oil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/858c86/32.png) [@Pollux\_Oil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pollux_Oil)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2008, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-are-the-third-greatest-doper-of-them-all/463721/15 "2008-09-15T18:31:25Z")
I’m not sure about third or fourth greatest doper, but I’m positive I at least rank in the top 500. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Influential\_Panda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Influential\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Influential_Panda)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2008, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-are-the-third-greatest-doper-of-them-all/463721/16 "2008-09-15T19:06:40Z")
I’ve got a pretty sweet username. And I look like Brad Pitt. ---
**Author:** ![Dosipede](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Dosipede](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dosipede)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2008, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-are-the-third-greatest-doper-of-them-all/463721/17 "2008-09-15T19:31:13Z")
I, uh… well there’s the, uh… no… I have… there’s… yeah, I got nothin’. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2008, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-are-the-third-greatest-doper-of-them-all/463721/18 "2008-09-15T19:33:30Z")
I created a SD meme, albeit one that survives off of my foolishness and perverseness. Still, I’m not worthy to be 3rd best. I am looking for a master to train with, and then, maybe one day I can ascend to that title. ---
**Author:** ![UncleRojelio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unclerojelio/32/3160_2.png) [@UncleRojelio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleRojelio)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2008, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-are-the-third-greatest-doper-of-them-all/463721/19 "2008-09-15T19:37:27Z")
It’s me because I brought pie. ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2008, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-are-the-third-greatest-doper-of-them-all/463721/20 "2008-09-15T19:49:39Z")
Simple…because you know it to be so. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-are-the-third-greatest-doper-of-them-all/463721.md?page=2)