# Tell us why you are the (third) greatest Doper of them all. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 15, 2008, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-are-the-third-greatest-doper-of-them-all/463721 "2008-09-15T17:53:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Wargamer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/df705f/32.png) [@Wargamer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wargamer)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2008, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-are-the-third-greatest-doper-of-them-all/463721/21 "2008-09-15T20:55:48Z")
1. **Sampiro** 2. **Fabulous Creature** 3. **Sampiro** Because he’s THAT awesome, and you know it to be true. ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2008, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-are-the-third-greatest-doper-of-them-all/463721/22 "2008-09-15T21:17:28Z")
It’s because I am destined to bring Balance to the Forums, of course. 😉 (Oh, and every now and then, I manage to post something that entertains or enlightens someone, I suppose. Not often enough to qualify me on its own, though, without the Destiny stuff.) ---
**Author:** ![Bumbershoot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbershoot/32/3428_2.png) [@Bumbershoot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbershoot)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2008, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-are-the-third-greatest-doper-of-them-all/463721/23 "2008-09-15T21:22:52Z")
3- Hi, Opal! ---
**Author:** ![Giles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giles/32/60_2.png) [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2008, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-are-the-third-greatest-doper-of-them-all/463721/24 "2008-09-15T21:24:44Z")
> [@Pollux\_Oil](#): > > I’m not sure about third or fourth greatest doper, but I’m positive I at least rank in the top 500. 😃 I’m definitely in the top 79,672. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2008, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-are-the-third-greatest-doper-of-them-all/463721/25 "2008-09-15T21:31:21Z")
I would have thought this was obvious, you poor misguided and silly creatures. It is I, for I am a great and terrible beauty. All men fear me. All women envy me. I only use my powers for good. Can Dopers 1 and 2 say the same? I thought not. I rest my case. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2008, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-are-the-third-greatest-doper-of-them-all/463721/26 "2008-09-15T21:36:39Z")
> [@eleanorigby](#): > > I would have thought this was obvious, you poor misguided and silly creatures. > > It is I, for I am a great and terrible beauty. All men fear me. All women envy me. > > I only use my powers for good. Can Dopers 1 and 2 say the same? I thought not. Silly human. We don’t even have confirmation that #2 is who everybody seems to be implying. It could be Autolycus or tomndebb or Giraffe or even ole what’s-his-name, with all the monkeys. ---
**Author:** ![Merhouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Merhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merhouse)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2008, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-are-the-third-greatest-doper-of-them-all/463721/27 "2008-09-15T22:12:40Z")
I will be the third greatest Doper of them all when there are 3 members left. ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Tyger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/fbc32d/32.png) [@Silver\_Tyger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Tyger)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2008, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-are-the-third-greatest-doper-of-them-all/463721/28 "2008-09-15T22:19:40Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > :smack: > > I utterly forgot about you, babe. > > Okay, we are officially looking for the FOURTH greatest doper, on account of our resident’s Thunderkitten’s verve. Damn right. And you’re in trouble for forgetting. Don’t think the evil dictator thing will protect you either. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2008, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-are-the-third-greatest-doper-of-them-all/463721/29 "2008-09-15T22:24:57Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Silly human. We don’t even have confirmation that #2 is who everybody seems to be implying. It could be Autolycus or tomndebb or Giraffe or even ole what’s-his-name, with all the monkeys. First mistake: I’m not human. Second mistake: putting any other name before my own. For this you must die an exquisitely painful death. Third: I’m willing to not kill you, but there are conditions. Fourth: Hi, Opal! ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2008, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-are-the-third-greatest-doper-of-them-all/463721/30 "2008-09-15T22:27:56Z")
I am, or soon shall be, because I shall destroy all ranked above me, save m’Lord **Skald** and **Sampiro**. P.S. Thanks for mainland BC, m’Lord. ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2008, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-are-the-third-greatest-doper-of-them-all/463721/31 "2008-09-15T22:41:06Z")
Please, do not be alarmed. I ask you, the small people, to not panic for what I am about to reveal. But I happen to be greater than the third greatest Doper. Yes, even greater than the second. And beyond compare, it is I, that is even greater than the first greatest Doper of all time! I happen to be the zeroth greatest Doper. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2008, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-are-the-third-greatest-doper-of-them-all/463721/32 "2008-09-15T22:45:01Z")
I introduced the Dope to Bacon Salt. Thanks to the rest of you for playing. What do I win? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2008, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-are-the-third-greatest-doper-of-them-all/463721/33 "2008-09-15T23:22:15Z")
> [@Silver Tyger Girl](#): > > Damn right. And you’re in trouble for forgetting. Don’t think the evil dictator thing will protect you either. Silly kitten! In the first place, I am not a dictator; I am a god-king. (God-kings delegate; dictators micromanage.) In the second place, I don’t reply on my god-king-ity to protect me; I have my army of enslaved Autobots for that. Now go work on your mythology, or you will force me to destroy Las Vegas. [QUOTE=eleanorigby] [Quote=Skald the Rhymer] Silly human. We don’t even have confirmation that #2 is who everybody seems to be implying. It could be Autolycus or tomndebb or Giraffe or even ole what’s-his-name, with all the monkeys. [/quote] First mistake: I’m not human. Second mistake: putting any other name before my own. For this you must die an exquisitely painful death. Third: I’m willing to not kill you, but there are conditions. Spoken like someone who plans to send an army of GOBOTS into battle against an army of AUTOBOTS. Fourth: Hi, Opal! [/QUOTE] ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Tyger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/fbc32d/32.png) [@Silver\_Tyger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Tyger)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2008, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-are-the-third-greatest-doper-of-them-all/463721/34 "2008-09-15T23:29:03Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Silly kitten! In the first place, I am not a dictator; I am a god-king. (God-kings delegate; dictators micromanage.) In the second place, I don’t reply on my god-king-ity to protect me; I have my army of enslaved Autobots for that. > > Now go work on your mythology, or you will force me to destroy Las Vegas. What’s wrong with destroying Las Vegas? ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2008, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-are-the-third-greatest-doper-of-them-all/463721/35 "2008-09-15T23:31:25Z")
> [@Silver Tyger Girl](#): > > What’s wrong with destroying Las Vegas? I might have to change my username. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2008, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-are-the-third-greatest-doper-of-them-all/463721/36 "2008-09-15T23:42:32Z")
> [@Silver Tyger Girl](#): > > What’s wrong with destroying Las Vegas? Well, it’s near enough to you so that you would have to tremble at my genocidal callousness, but far enough way so that you wouldn’t be harmed and could continue working on your TC mythopoeia. ---
**Author:** ![Athena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/35a633/32.png) [@Athena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athena)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2008, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-are-the-third-greatest-doper-of-them-all/463721/37 "2008-09-16T00:11:22Z")
Goddess of Wisdom. Only reason I’m not first is because I have to spend time saving the world, accepting sacrifices, and baiting beautiful youths. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2008, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-are-the-third-greatest-doper-of-them-all/463721/38 "2008-09-16T00:12:36Z")
> [@Athena](#): > > Goddess of Wisdom. Only reason I’m not first is because I have to spend time saving the world, accepting sacrifices, and baiting beautiful youths. So shouldn’t you be battling that dude in the number two spot? I know his one weakness and will happily provide you with the key to his downfall. ---
**Author:** ![Athena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/35a633/32.png) [@Athena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athena)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2008, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-are-the-third-greatest-doper-of-them-all/463721/39 "2008-09-16T12:55:21Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > So shouldn’t you be battling that dude in the number two spot? I know his one weakness and will happily provide you with the key to his downfall. Nah. He and I, we have an understanding. And I like all the omelets. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2008, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-are-the-third-greatest-doper-of-them-all/463721/40 "2008-09-16T15:15:33Z")
> [@Athena](#): > > Nah. He and I, we have an understanding. And I like all the omelets. :mad: I should have known the goddess of wisdom, war, & weaving wouldn’t fall for such an obvious trap. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-are-the-third-greatest-doper-of-them-all/463721.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-are-the-third-greatest-doper-of-them-all/463721.md?page=3)