# Tell us why you will be banned under the new rules **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 24, 2009, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-will-be-banned-under-the-new-rules/487253 "2009-02-24T19:22:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2009, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-will-be-banned-under-the-new-rules/487253/41 "2009-02-24T20:06:57Z")
> [@Jimmy\_Joe\_Meager](#): > > You are using this word incorrectly. > > “port” is short for “teleport”, which \*\*Skald \*\*offered to do with the aforementioned hookers. > > “report” means “to teleport again” > > “reported” is the past tense of “report” > > So in your post you informed us that, in the past, you re-teleported something. You’ll respond to THAT, but you won’t bother to tell me your hooker preferences? Do you realize how much it’s costing me to keep one blond skinny white female hooker, one blond skinny white male hooker , one blonde zaftig white female hooker,and so forth on standby? :mad: I mean, just because I embezzled billions & billions of dollars from Halliburton doesn’t mean I’m RICH. ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2009, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-will-be-banned-under-the-new-rules/487253/42 "2009-02-24T20:07:58Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > You’ll pay for this, Superman. Oh, how you’ll pay. > > :: prints out invoice :: > > To be precise, you’ll pay $98.71 (with tax). I accept Visa & Mastercard, but not Amex and FOR DAMN SURE not Discover. > > Or cookies. You can always pay in ginger snaps. Paypal? ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2009, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-will-be-banned-under-the-new-rules/487253/43 "2009-02-24T20:08:40Z")
> [@Ogre](#): > > Paypal? I am not Ed. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Call\_Me\_Shirley](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Don\_t\_Call\_Me\_Shirley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Call_Me_Shirley)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2009, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-will-be-banned-under-the-new-rules/487253/44 "2009-02-24T20:09:31Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > No, no, that’s why **SKALD** will be banned. You are not he. I know this, because I am he, and you are not I. I checked just to be sure. You just caused \*\*Marley \*\*a lot of work. ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2009, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-will-be-banned-under-the-new-rules/487253/45 "2009-02-24T20:11:10Z")
I really do have tourette syndrome. ---
**Author:** ![Bobotheoptimist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/919ad9/32.png) [@Bobotheoptimist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bobotheoptimist)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2009, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-will-be-banned-under-the-new-rules/487253/46 "2009-02-24T20:12:49Z")
Because I didn’t bother to read them ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2009, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-will-be-banned-under-the-new-rules/487253/47 "2009-02-24T20:14:48Z")
> [@Don\_t\_Call\_Me\_Shirley](#): > > You just caused \*\*Marley \*\*a lot of work. I am reasonably sure that Marley is not an idiot. I’m not ABSOLUTELY certain, as i haven’t met him, and it’s conceivable that he’s a savant capable of doing only 2 or 3 stunts, but the overwhelmign weight of evidence is that he’s both clever and perspicacious. Him being an idiot is about as likely as Qadgop actually hating Tolkien and being in the middle of an extremely long series of mockeries about the perfesser. ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2009, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-will-be-banned-under-the-new-rules/487253/48 "2009-02-24T20:15:12Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I am not Ed. You are Spartacus! Or you were, until you started teleporting hookers back in time to fu…copulate with Spartacus’ grandfather, and now you are but a pimp in time, saving none. ---
**Author:** ![Binarydrone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@Binarydrone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Binarydrone)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2009, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-will-be-banned-under-the-new-rules/487253/49 "2009-02-24T20:17:36Z")
> [@Ogre](#): > > Because Ed’s continuing pussification of the FUCKING Pit is capricious, stupid, and fucking ridiculous. We knew this would happen when we let the MPSIMS crowd establish a beach head here. ---
**Author:** ![Jimmy\_Joe\_Meager](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/bb73d2/32.png) [@Jimmy\_Joe\_Meager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jimmy_Joe_Meager)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2009, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-will-be-banned-under-the-new-rules/487253/50 "2009-02-24T20:17:46Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > You’ll respond to THAT, but you won’t bother to tell me your hooker preferences? No hookers, thanks. Just two lesbians please, one on fire. \ (See… I really did learn something about dark humor!) ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2009, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-will-be-banned-under-the-new-rules/487253/51 "2009-02-24T20:18:29Z")
> [@elucidator](#): > > You are Spartacus! Or you were, until you started teleporting hookers back in time to fu…copulate with Spartacus’ grandfather, and now you are but a pimp in time, saving none. Sorry. While I kept the teleporter after giving up the Overlord thing, I no longer have access to the time machine. Otherwise my redundant **kanicbird** pitting would have been disappeared along with the victory of the McCain/Clinton ticket in last year’s election. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2009, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-will-be-banned-under-the-new-rules/487253/52 "2009-02-24T20:19:49Z")
> [@Jimmy\_Joe\_Meager](#): > > No hookers, thanks. Just two lesbians please, one on fire. \ > > (See… I really did learn something about dark humor!) Dude! I’m not setting lesbians on fire! You think I’m MADE of lesbians or something? ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2009, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-will-be-banned-under-the-new-rules/487253/53 "2009-02-24T20:21:39Z")
because I’m planning on mentioning tits, bitches, and asses in upcoming pit subject lines. I hate all kinds of animals. ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2009, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-will-be-banned-under-the-new-rules/487253/54 "2009-02-24T20:23:28Z")
I won’t be. I’m not emotionally invested enough in message board posts to flame people over them(there was once a time when I was, but that was many years ago). I mainly read the pit to keep myself current on outrageous stories and to get some good laughs. That having been said, I’m on record as saying I disagree with the changes being made to the pit rules because if everyone was like me, damn what a fucking boring piece of white-bread toast with nonfat spread half scraped over it the world would be. Reading some of the bullshit you people spew has caused significant damage to my paradigm clutch and my brain bleach bills may qualify me for Federal bail out money. Some seriously fucked up people post some of the craziest shit, and then some whole other batch of assholes come up and make them look like the kid in fourth grade who always wore the bike helmet. Soon the train is completely off the tracks and burrowing it’s way into the bowels of the earth. Particularly if some of the pet topics are involved. The best part is that most of the posters mean it. Fuck if that doesn’t make my head spin. How someone could give half a shit about some of the dumbass things that cause trainwrecks around here is beyond me, but it’s stretching my capabilities of comprehension. Coming here is like a workout for my moral outrage meter and opportunity to remodel the sub-basement my opinion of humanity resides in at the same time. I love you fuckers. Don’t ever change. Enjoy, Steven ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Call\_Me\_Shirley](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Don\_t\_Call\_Me\_Shirley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Call_Me_Shirley)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2009, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-will-be-banned-under-the-new-rules/487253/55 "2009-02-24T20:25:25Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I am reasonably sure that Marley is not an idiot. I’m not ABSOLUTELY certain, as i haven’t met him, and it’s conceivable that he’s a savant capable of doing only 2 or 3 stunts, but the overwhelmign weight of evidence is that he’s both clever and perspicacious. Him being an idiot is about as likely as Qadgop actually hating Tolkien and being in the middle of an extremely long series of mockeries about the perfesser. I think I whooshed you. (Can I say that? Is that abuse?) ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2009, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-will-be-banned-under-the-new-rules/487253/56 "2009-02-24T20:26:03Z")
For noting that anonymonster hit the nail on the head with the “Ed is a snarker” writeup. ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2009, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-will-be-banned-under-the-new-rules/487253/57 "2009-02-24T20:27:17Z")
These new rules barely affect me but I still am no fan as I sympathize with those you hate them. So I suppose I might run afoul of showing sympathy to other posters. OK, that doesn’t work. I’ve got nothing. > [@WhyNot](#): > > Pluck yew? > > (Yes, I know. Please don’t send me to Snopes, please don’t send me to Snopes…) Sorry, off to Snopes with you and no fair using software that suppresses their ads. ---
**Author:** ![akennett](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ee59a6/32.png) [@akennett](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/akennett)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2009, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-will-be-banned-under-the-new-rules/487253/58 "2009-02-24T20:29:52Z")
I will be banned for calling these new rules “fucking retarded.” Eddie-boy will then probably read into that comment that I am calling him “fucking retarded.” (The veracity of said reading will not here be verified or denied.) While I would probably get away with just plain “retarded” the additional “fucking” would make that insult too offensive for his poor, sensitive eyes, and I will be banhammered. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2009, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-will-be-banned-under-the-new-rules/487253/59 "2009-02-24T20:30:15Z")
> [@Don\_t\_Call\_Me\_Shirley](#): > > I think I whooshed you. > > (Can I say that? Is that abuse?) I played along with your joke, woman. And now you have killed it. That is JUST LIKE a Carthaginian. Cato was right. I hope your entire stinking city gets conquered by the Romans, the women stampeded, and the cattle raped. [QUOTE=Mtgman] I won’t be. I’m not emotionally invested enough in message board posts to flame people over them(there was once a time when I was, but that was many years ago). I mainly read the pit to keep myself current on outrageous stories and to get some good laughs. [/QUOTE] Have we not met? I am reporting your post for your flagrant refusal to tell a joke. I’m not going to report **What Exit?** for doing the same thing. Instead I shall jump into my Burroughs-Libby continua device thingie, go to Buckland, and murder seven randomly chosen cousins of young Meriadoc, as I know that will hurt him more. ---
**Author:** ![Omegaman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e480ec/32.png) [@Omegaman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omegaman)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2009, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-will-be-banned-under-the-new-rules/487253/60 "2009-02-24T20:44:33Z")
Um, because I’m not a literary giant. When I care to tell someone to “fuck off” that’s just what I say. Just like in real life. I’m not very well educated and if I have to come up with some swishy ass way to insult some fucking snapperhead who is working my nerves, I doubt I’ll last very long. Nice job **Ed**. You’re really well on your way to making sure every one that doesn’t meet your academic and social standards just doesn’t post here. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-will-be-banned-under-the-new-rules/487253.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tell-us-why-you-will-be-banned-under-the-new-rules/487253.md?page=4)