Once, when I was 12, I attended summer camp in the middle of the woods. I came back with a rather painful ear, which my mother insisted was swimmer’s ear and tried all sorts of home remedies like alcohol and peroxide treatments and such.
“But MooOoom, I can hear something moving in there! I think there’s a bug in my ear!”
“Nonsense, you just have swimmer’s ear.”
But after several weeks of pain and strange noises (you’re just imagining things! It’s swimmer’s ear!) we went to the doctor, who took one look in my ear, yelped “Sweet Jesus!” and immediately called one of his colleagues in. They too freaked out when they looked in my ear. The entire office staff got a good look, too, including the receptionist. I was the entertainment for the day. And why?
There was a tick the size of Boston in my ear.
So they smothered it with Vaseline and waited for it to die, and were able to extract it without too much difficulty. It was massive, about the size of the end of your pinky. No real lasting damage done, though I do seem to have a bit of an equilibrium problem. I fall over rather easily, sometimes when I’m just standing around. I do yoga to work on my balance issues. However, my real issue: I can’t stand having anything or anyone near my ears. When bees buzz by my ears I shriek and cover them up. I’ve been known to reflexively swing at anyone attempting to give me a wet willy. My (very amusing :rolleyes: ) friends used to play a joke on new acquaintances, daring them to stick their finger in my ear. I’m sure it’s hilarious to bystanders, because I go into instinctive attack mode.
Speaking of attack mode… I’ve also been in a couple of brawls. Never intentionally. I grabbed one half of a cat fight and walked her down the street (because the other girl was very aggressive and, despite the fight being broken up 3 times, kept coming after the girl), only to have the other half chase us down, and when I told her to leave this (much smaller, intoxicated, and terrified 16 year old) alone, she slapped me. Which I didn’t take kindly too, and reciprocated.
Although I don’t hit like a girl, so she got punched in the face rather than slapped. My girlfriends ran to assist me in subduing the idotic girl so that her useless boyfriend could drag her off (finally! I guess he took notice when she started hitting girls that hit back), and one (rather irritated by having to break up the earlier fights) kicked her in the crotch rather hard. I bet that hurt.
I used to be a bit of a hoodlum, but didn’t get into that whole mindless violence thing young punks seem to like a lot. But if you hit me, I will hit you back. And a lot harder.
And boyfriends, don’t let your drunk girlfriend start fights while you stand around like a useless lump. Because they’ll get a couple of black eyes, and a very sore crotch.*
*[sub]I’m really a very sweet person, I just have a bit of a temper. And a very good right hook.[/sub]