# Ten Funniest Whedonverse Moments. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 4, 2007, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ten-funniest-whedonverse-moments/406717 "2007-06-04T17:01:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![SuperNelson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7feea3/32.png) [@SuperNelson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuperNelson)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2007, 11:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ten-funniest-whedonverse-moments/406717/61 "2007-06-05T11:29:27Z")
I wear the cheese. It does not wear me. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2007, 11:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ten-funniest-whedonverse-moments/406717/62 "2007-06-05T11:41:12Z")
Jayne: “See, that’s why I never kiss a woman on the mouth.” {Cue a priceless range of expressions from the rest of the crew, from intrigued to baffled to horrified} ---
**Author:** ![Bridget\_Burke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7cd45c/32.png) [@Bridget\_Burke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bridget_Burke)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2007, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ten-funniest-whedonverse-moments/406717/63 "2007-06-05T12:59:04Z")
Buffy: “Hey, Ken. Wanna see my impression of Gandhi?” (mangles Ken/demon offscreen) Lily: “Gandhi?” Buffy: “Well, you know, if he was really pissed off.” ---
**Author:** ![Lissla\_Lissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lissla\_Lissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissla_Lissar)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2007, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ten-funniest-whedonverse-moments/406717/64 "2007-06-05T14:36:05Z")
> [@](#): > > from Firefly (paraphrased) > Jayne: River’s a witch? > Wash: Yes, she has had congress with the beast. > Jayne: She’s in Congress!? You forgot the next line. 😃 Wash: How did your brain even learn English? I’m just so curious!" ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2007, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ten-funniest-whedonverse-moments/406717/65 "2007-06-05T14:42:40Z")
Another of the many from _Serenity_: **Simon:** “Now River, stay behind the others. If there’s fighting, you drop to the floor and run away.” (stage whispers) “It’s okay to leave them to die.” **Mal:** “Doctor, I’m taking your sister under my protection here. If anything happens to her, anything at all, I swear to you, I will get very choked up. Honestly, there could be tears.” ---
**Author:** ![stolichnaya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bcef8e/32.png) [@stolichnaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stolichnaya)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2007, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ten-funniest-whedonverse-moments/406717/66 "2007-06-05T14:44:28Z")
“Dear Diary: Today I was pompous and my sister was crazy.” Edit- I see the best line was taken. Hrm- OK- Kaylee - “Goin’ on a year now I ain’t had nothin’ twixt my nethers weren’t run on batteries!” Mal - “Oh, God! I can’t _know_ that!” Jayne - “I could stand to hear a little more.” There are maybe two or three actors in the world who could competently deliver that first line. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2007, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ten-funniest-whedonverse-moments/406717/67 "2007-06-05T15:27:51Z")
GILES: Quite. And it, uh, acts on-on pure instinct. No conscience, uh, uh, predatory and, and aggressive. BUFFY: In other words, your typical male. XANDER: On behalf of my gender, hey! GILES: Yes, let’s not jump to any conclusions. BUFFY: I didn’t jump. I took a tiny step, and there conclusions were. I’ve used that tiny step line a few times myself. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2007, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ten-funniest-whedonverse-moments/406717/68 "2007-06-05T15:38:28Z")
I should really stop reading this thread. Although I loved _Firefly_, I told myself I wouldn’t even consider watching _Buffy_ for the foreseeable future just because I can’t really afford to get sucked into watching a multi-season show on DVD for the time being. And now here I am considering adjusting my Netflix queue. Darn you all! :mad: ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2007, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ten-funniest-whedonverse-moments/406717/69 "2007-06-05T15:42:36Z")
**BD** , you have until Thanksgiving to get through _Buffy_ Season 4. Otherwise you’ll never understand why it’s a sham with yams. It’s a yam sham. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Lightnin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lightnin/32/180_2.png) [@Lightnin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lightnin)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2007, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ten-funniest-whedonverse-moments/406717/70 "2007-06-05T17:03:11Z")
Ah, another favorite from Angel: Lorne, while telling a story to the audience, cuts from the scene in which he gets beat up to say, “Okay… Ow?!” I use that all the time. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2007, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ten-funniest-whedonverse-moments/406717/71 "2007-06-05T20:40:35Z")
Jayne: “I married me a powerful ugly woman.” Mal {disguised}: “How can you go shaming me in front of new people like that?” Jayne: “Look, if I could make you any prettier, I would!” Mal: “You are _not_ the man I married twelve months ago!” And of course Jayne, the Elder and the rainstick: “You’re…THE GUY!” ---
**Author:** ![kelly5078](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/6f9a4e/32.png) [@kelly5078](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kelly5078)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2007, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ten-funniest-whedonverse-moments/406717/72 "2007-06-05T21:12:15Z")
Judge: You’re a fool. No weapon forged can stop me. Buffy: That was then. [Xander hands her the weapon from the box, and she raises the anti-tank rocket launcher to her shoulder.] Buffy: This is now. Judge: What’s that do? Buffy: I don’t think I can face them. Giles: Of course, you can. Buffy: I can’t! What am I supposed say? “Sorry I almost got your throat slit. What’s the homework?” Giles: Punishing yourself like this is pointless. Buffy: It’s entirely pointy. I was a moron. I put my best friends in mortal danger on the second day of school. Giles: What are you gonna do? Crawl inside a cave for the rest of your life? Buffy: Would it have cable? Giles: Buffy, you acted wrongly, I admit that. But believe me, that was hardly the, the worst mistake you’ll ever make. Uh, that wasn’t quite as comforting as it was meant to be. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2007, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ten-funniest-whedonverse-moments/406717/73 "2007-06-05T22:49:40Z")
Of the ones not named- **BUFFY, ep. 64: PANGS** Hus, a Chumash Indian vengeful spirit has been unleashed and he’s reaking havoc on the Scoobys. (Among other things, Xander comes down with syphilis as payback for the diseases that killed the Chumash.) Willow will not use her magic against Hus because she has major white liberal guilt over the treatment of the Indians. > [@](#): > > Spike: How are you gonna fight any one with that attitude? > Willow: We don’t want to fight any one. > Buffy: We just want to have Thanksgiving > Spike: (laughs) Yeah. good luck! > Willow:If we could talk to him > Spike:You exterminated his race! What could you possibly say that would make him feel better? It’s kill or be killed here. Take your bloody pick! Later, Spike’s been tied to a chair (by Buffy, not the Indians) and is being filled with arrows during the Chumash attack. They’re coming closer to his heart but Willow still won’t help. > [@](#): > > Spike: I just can’t take all this mamby pamby boo-hooing about the bloody Indians. > Willow: The preferred term is… > Spike: You won. All right? You came in and you killed them and you took their land. That’s what conquering nations do. It’s what Caesar did, and he’s not going around saying, “I came, I conquered, I felt really bad about it.” The history of the world isn’t people making friends. You had better weapons, and you massacred them. End of story! From **Once More With Feeling** : Giles: I was able to examine the bodies while the police were taking witness arias. From **Earshot** : > [@](#): > > (Very clearly deranged lunchroom lady who’s tried to poison the students): Vermin! You’re all vermin! You come in here and you eat! And you eat filth! > > Buffy (weighing her options): I don’t see this as being settled with logic. > > Buffy proceeds to kick demented lunchroom lady’s ass. ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2007, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ten-funniest-whedonverse-moments/406717/74 "2007-06-05T23:08:33Z")
The mentions of Pangs reminded me of a great Xander line I’d forgotten… From Buffy vs Dracula. XANDER: Dammit! You know what? I’m sick of this crap. I’m sick of being the guy who eats insects and gets the funny syphilis. As of this moment, it’s over. I’m finished being everybody’s butt-monkey! ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2007, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ten-funniest-whedonverse-moments/406717/75 "2007-06-05T23:28:42Z")
[QUOTE=Tengu] The mentions of Pangs reminded me of a great Xander line I’d forgotten… From Buffy vs Dracula. XANDER: Dammit! You know what? I’m sick of this crap. I’m sick of being the guy who eats insects and gets the funny syphilis. As of this moment, it’s over. I’m finished being everybody’s butt-monkey! [/QUOTE] From the same episode, one of the very few quotable Riley lines: “No, sir. No more chick pit for you.” ---
**Author:** ![merrily](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@merrily](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/merrily)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2007, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ten-funniest-whedonverse-moments/406717/76 "2007-06-05T23:42:12Z")
After the Judge is blasted to little bits, the Scoobies are told to go pick up the pieces. Cordelia: Our job _sucks_! She says it so right! Jayne muttering about explosives. Harmony’s little speech about why she’d be a good secretary for Angel. “The secret ingredient is otter!” ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2007, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ten-funniest-whedonverse-moments/406717/77 "2007-06-05T23:44:08Z")
I nearly forgot one of my all-time favorite lines: _We don’t have cable, so we have to make our own fun._ ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2007, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ten-funniest-whedonverse-moments/406717/78 "2007-06-06T00:27:14Z")
[QUOTE=Tengu] From Buffy vs Dracula. XANDER: Dammit! You know what? I’m sick of this crap. I’m sick of being the guy who eats insects and gets the funny syphilis. As of this moment, it’s over. I’m finished being everybody’s butt-monkey! [/QUOTE] Same episode: XANDER: Do you really think that will be enough for us to fight the Dark Master?.. bater. ---
**Author:** ![kung\_fu\_lola](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f4b2a3/32.png) [@kung\_fu\_lola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kung_fu_lola)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2007, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ten-funniest-whedonverse-moments/406717/79 "2007-06-06T03:20:11Z")
“Rule number one: No punching me in the face. Rule number two: When I punch YOU in the face, you tell me how you feel, so I can write it on my clipboard. Rule number three: No touching the clipboard.” ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2007, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ten-funniest-whedonverse-moments/406717/80 "2007-06-06T03:23:54Z")
Am I bad if I can only think of two, both from Buffy? 1. Thanksgiving episode- Spike chained to the bathtub, professing his love for the soap opera _Passions_ (‘Timmy’s stuck in the well!’) 2. Hush- Buffy giving the wrong impression to everyone by miming the staking of a demon. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ten-funniest-whedonverse-moments/406717.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ten-funniest-whedonverse-moments/406717.md?page=5)