# Ten minutes with the Asshole of your choice. Who/where. What tools do you need? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 12, 2003, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ten-minutes-with-the-asshole-of-your-choice-who-where-what-tools-do-you-need/174758 "2003-05-12T18:44:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Phlosphr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Phlosphr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phlosphr)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2003, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ten-minutes-with-the-asshole-of-your-choice-who-where-what-tools-do-you-need/174758/1 "2003-05-12T18:44:24Z")
**Mulleted White Supremist:** - emptied in ground pool, vasoline, gerbil, handcuffs, ten pound dumb bell, German-English Dictionary, and a Condalisa Rice rubber mask. **Muhammad Atta** : - open field, roast beef, North American wolverine, handcuffs, fishing line, rubber boots, and a NY times. _Oh and a Hello Kitty rubber stammer with “Allah” written on it_ **Wolf Blitzer** : Rockefeller center, sheep sheers, duct-tape, apple sauce, a fake fox tail, a leopard bikini, and a fazzy the bear muppet mask. Anyone else? ---
**Author:** ![Phlosphr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Phlosphr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phlosphr)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2003, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ten-minutes-with-the-asshole-of-your-choice-who-where-what-tools-do-you-need/174758/2 "2003-05-12T18:46:50Z")
oh that should be _rubber stamper_, stamper. ---
**Author:** ![UrbanChic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9dc877/32.png) [@UrbanChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanChic)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2003, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ten-minutes-with-the-asshole-of-your-choice-who-where-what-tools-do-you-need/174758/3 "2003-05-12T18:48:42Z")
apple sauce? ---
**Author:** ![minty\_green](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@minty\_green](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/minty_green)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2003, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ten-minutes-with-the-asshole-of-your-choice-who-where-what-tools-do-you-need/174758/4 "2003-05-12T18:49:40Z")
Is this a porn thread? ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2003, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ten-minutes-with-the-asshole-of-your-choice-who-where-what-tools-do-you-need/174758/5 "2003-05-12T18:50:21Z")
**Uday Hussein** : - Cheap upstairs Miami hotel room, loud TV, chainsaw. ---
**Author:** ![Phlosphr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Phlosphr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phlosphr)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2003, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ten-minutes-with-the-asshole-of-your-choice-who-where-what-tools-do-you-need/174758/6 "2003-05-12T18:56:48Z")
**Minty** no, not at all. I’m just thinking extreme embarrassment…Wolf is eons past needing to be brought down from his pedistal. I should really not turn to CNN in my office. ---
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2003, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ten-minutes-with-the-asshole-of-your-choice-who-where-what-tools-do-you-need/174758/7 "2003-05-12T19:09:50Z")
Who: **D\_Odds** rolls out a list of 5,999,999,990 names. Best he doesn’t list them all Where: Anyplace their wails of agony won’t assault my ears and their rotting corpses won’t stink up my home Tools: Folding chairs, duct tape to affix people to folding chairs, perhaps barbed wire between duct tape and body, and a 24/7 loop of Fox reality TV programming ---
**Author:** ![Nametag](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nametag/32/406_2.png) [@Nametag](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nametag)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2003, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ten-minutes-with-the-asshole-of-your-choice-who-where-what-tools-do-you-need/174758/8 "2003-05-12T19:13:29Z")
**Fred Phelps** : Orange Day-Glo paint, toilet paper, 50 boxes of baking soda, spray starch, an agitated raccoon, Jeff Stryker full-body silicon replica, sturdy nylon rope, and a tall building. Oh, and a webcam. ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2003, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ten-minutes-with-the-asshole-of-your-choice-who-where-what-tools-do-you-need/174758/9 "2003-05-12T21:20:47Z")
**Nametag** once you’ve finished with him. Mr Phelps, in the Library, with a candlestick. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![TheFunkySpaceCowboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a9a28c/32.png) [@TheFunkySpaceCowboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheFunkySpaceCowboy)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ten-minutes-with-the-asshole-of-your-choice-who-where-what-tools-do-you-need/174758/10 "2003-05-13T02:40:31Z")
Who: No one has, yet, crossed me badly enough to justify this. Where: Somewhere in the Alaskan wilderness. Tools: Adequate supply of sturdy rope, a sharp knife, handheld propane torch, needle nose pliers, ballpeen hammer, 2lb sledge hammer and concrete nails, bench vice (mounted to the tree said asshole is tied too) and several feet of 14gauge steel wire. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ten-minutes-with-the-asshole-of-your-choice-who-where-what-tools-do-you-need/174758/11 "2003-05-13T02:46:20Z")
Jack Chick: room in a sleazy by-the-hour motel, a solid gold Bible, a 22" long, 6" diameter barbed-wire encrusted dildo, a high speed internet connection, an HDTV-quality webcam, and a gallon of honey mustard. ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ten-minutes-with-the-asshole-of-your-choice-who-where-what-tools-do-you-need/174758/12 "2003-05-13T02:47:55Z")
My ex. Duct tape and a colony of fire ants. Anywhere. ---
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ten-minutes-with-the-asshole-of-your-choice-who-where-what-tools-do-you-need/174758/13 "2003-05-13T03:07:49Z")
A woman in the office who shall remain nameless. Over the desk. A big tub of K-Y. ---
**Author:** ![minty\_green](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@minty\_green](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/minty_green)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ten-minutes-with-the-asshole-of-your-choice-who-where-what-tools-do-you-need/174758/14 "2003-05-13T03:13:51Z")
I told you this was a porn thread. ---
**Author:** ![Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satisfying_Andy_Licious)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ten-minutes-with-the-asshole-of-your-choice-who-where-what-tools-do-you-need/174758/15 "2003-05-13T06:24:56Z")
Condoleezza. Two e’s. Two z’s. ---
**Author:** ![Faerie\_Nuff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/76d3ee/32.png) [@Faerie\_Nuff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Faerie_Nuff)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ten-minutes-with-the-asshole-of-your-choice-who-where-what-tools-do-you-need/174758/16 "2003-05-13T14:22:12Z")
I’m a pissed off unofficial New Yorker, so: **Osama bin Laden** - abandoned cabin in deep woods with: duct tape, cordless electric drill, Hazmat suit (wouldn’t want any of that evil blood on me), then come back a week later with gasoline and a book of matches. Wow, that felt good. ---
**Author:** ![dinahmoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8797f3/32.png) [@dinahmoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dinahmoe)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ten-minutes-with-the-asshole-of-your-choice-who-where-what-tools-do-you-need/174758/17 "2003-05-13T14:31:11Z")
Fred Durst. An automatic slapping machine. Satellite tv hookup and pledge calling staff. It’s fun, and a good way to make money. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ten-minutes-with-the-asshole-of-your-choice-who-where-what-tools-do-you-need/174758/18 "2003-05-13T14:38:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Hentor the Barbarian \* > \*\*A woman in the office who shall remain nameless. > > Over the desk. > > A big tub of K-Y. \*\* Rape is not funny, **Hentor** , no matter how much you hate her. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ten-minutes-with-the-asshole-of-your-choice-who-where-what-tools-do-you-need/174758/19 "2003-05-13T14:39:39Z")
GWB and a case of beer. ---
**Author:** ![carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de0a6/32.png) [@carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrot)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ten-minutes-with-the-asshole-of-your-choice-who-where-what-tools-do-you-need/174758/20 "2003-05-13T14:52:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Diogenes the Cynic \*\*\*Rape is not funny, **Hentor** , no matter how much you hate her. \*\* I don’t think he was talking about rape. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ten-minutes-with-the-asshole-of-your-choice-who-where-what-tools-do-you-need/174758.md?page=2)