# Term for a male "mistress"?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/term-for-a-male-mistress/1950
**Category:** Factual Questions
**Created:** [July 12, 1999, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/term-for-a-male-mistress/1950 "1999-07-12T16:45:00Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)
#### Post date: [July 12, 1999, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/term-for-a-male-mistress/1950/1 "1999-07-12T16:45:00Z")
My friend stumped me with this one:
When a married man has a woman on the side, she’s referred to as his mistress. What is (if there is at all) the gender specific term for a man having an affair with a married woman?
We tossed out everything from “lucky” to “F\*ck on the side” to “gigolo” but weren’t satisfied with them.
So…any suggestions?
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### Author:  [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)
#### Post date: [July 12, 1999, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/term-for-a-male-mistress/1950/2 "1999-07-12T16:57:00Z")
“Kept Man”
“Personal trainer”
“Boy Toy”
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### Author:  [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)
#### Post date: [July 12, 1999, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/term-for-a-male-mistress/1950/3 "1999-07-12T16:58:00Z")
How 'bout _boy toy_?
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### Author:  [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)
#### Post date: [July 13, 1999, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/term-for-a-male-mistress/1950/4 "1999-07-13T05:03:00Z")
How 'bout “Personal Stud”? 😃 or
Recreational Gentleman
Personal Escort
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…it has never been my way to bother much about things which you can’t cure.
- A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court-Mark Twain
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### Author:  [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)
#### Post date: [July 13, 1999, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/term-for-a-male-mistress/1950/5 "1999-07-13T05:06:00Z")
Yeah, _boy toy_ certainly works as a slang/vernacular term (as do _pool boy_ and _gardener_, nyuck, nyuck) but, it seems to me that _mistress_ is pretty much a formal term and that there should be some corresponding term for a male lover out-of-wedlock.
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### Author:  [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)
#### Post date: [July 13, 1999, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/term-for-a-male-mistress/1950/6 "1999-07-13T05:07:00Z")
Well now, wait a moment. A “mistress” as I understand the term is a woman _supported_ by a married man in return for love, understanding, and (ahem) sexual gratification outside of his marriage.
But your question alludes to a man who is simply “having an affair with” a married woman. These are two quite different scenarios. The first of my examples applies only to the male equivalent of “mistress.” The other two cross the spectrum.
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### Author:  [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)
#### Post date: [July 13, 1999, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/term-for-a-male-mistress/1950/7 "1999-07-13T05:14:00Z")
Nickrz:
> [@](#):
>
> a “mistress” as I understand the term is a woman _supported_ by a man in return for…
Well, o.k. then the formal male counterpart to a _mistress_ (by the above definition) would be a _gigolo_ which the crummy Merriam Webster Dictionary here at work defines as “a man supported by a woman for the purposes of blah, blah, blah”.
So, this muddies up the water a bit. What then are the formal terms for lovers outside of marriage (_other_ than adulterer and adulteress) who are not supported by his or her paramour?
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### Author:  [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)
#### Post date: [July 13, 1999, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/term-for-a-male-mistress/1950/8 "1999-07-13T05:32:00Z")
“Lover(s)”
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### Author:  [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)
#### Post date: [July 13, 1999, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/term-for-a-male-mistress/1950/9 "1999-07-13T05:45:00Z")
El Mariachi Loco is a translator, and if he sees this, he might help.
In Mexico, we call a male “mistress”: Sancho, and Gonzalez.
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### Author:  [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)
#### Post date: [July 13, 1999, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/term-for-a-male-mistress/1950/10 "1999-07-13T05:48:00Z")
The term “boy toy” refers to a woman who has many male LOVERS. When Madonna was young and wore all the rosaries and crosses, she had a belt that said “boy toy”, referring to herself. I think when speaking of a man, the term would be “toy boy”.
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“Man prefers to believe what he prefers to be true” -Albert Einstein
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### Author:  [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)
#### Post date: [July 12, 1999, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/term-for-a-male-mistress/1950/11 "1999-07-12T18:55:00Z")
Women of nobility referred to the male counterpart to a mistress as a “favorite”.
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### Author:  [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)
#### Post date: [July 12, 1999, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/term-for-a-male-mistress/1950/12 "1999-07-12T19:28:00Z")
I vote with Nickrz; I think the term is simply “lovers.”
-Melin
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```
Phenomenal woman
Bitch Corporate Lawyer
That's me
```
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### Author:  [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)
#### Post date: [July 12, 1999, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/term-for-a-male-mistress/1950/13 "1999-07-12T20:08:00Z")
I think the official term is “paramour” but I don’t like it as much as mistress because it’s easy to misinterpret. I mean it’s not as well known that it refers to a married person’s lover.
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### Author:  [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)
#### Post date: [July 13, 1999, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/term-for-a-male-mistress/1950/14 "1999-07-13T00:10:00Z")
Lucky bastard?
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Cogito Ergo Vroom
I think therefore I ride fast…
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### Author:  [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)
#### Post date: [July 13, 1999, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/term-for-a-male-mistress/1950/15 "1999-07-13T00:53:00Z")
Consort.
My aunt Mila has one. He’s twenty-seven years younger than she is, and right now they’re living in Prague. He’s a Greek shaygets named Stavros. We all call him Aunt Mila’s consort, except my mother’s mother, who just calls him “the shaygets.”
## Aunt Mila has money, because her first husband cleared a bundle importing and exporting. He figured out back in the 70’s (or thereabouts) that Sony would be big, bought stock, and the rest is history.
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–Rowan
Shopping is still cheaper than therapy. --my Aunt Franny
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### Author:  [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)
#### Post date: [July 13, 1999, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/term-for-a-male-mistress/1950/16 "1999-07-13T00:59:00Z")
According to Webster’s, “consort” means an associate or spouse (though that’s not how I always understood the word); but “paramour” is defined as “an illicit lover”, which sounds pretty close to what I think you mean.
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### Author:  [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)
#### Post date: [July 13, 1999, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/term-for-a-male-mistress/1950/17 "1999-07-13T01:36:00Z")
I knew, _I knew_, that reading tawdry historical romances would come in handy some day!
From Merriam-Webster
Main Entry: ci·cis·beo
Pronunciation: “chE-ch&z-'bA-(”)O
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural ci·cis·bei /-'bA-"E/
Etymology: Italian
Date: 1718
: LOVER, GALLANT
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### Author:  [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)
#### Post date: [July 13, 1999, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/term-for-a-male-mistress/1950/18 "1999-07-13T01:38:00Z")
Note: in all the romances I read, this word is used for a woman’s paramour, when “mistress” would be used for a man’s paramour.
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### Author:  [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)
#### Post date: [July 13, 1999, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/term-for-a-male-mistress/1950/19 "1999-07-13T04:35:00Z")
HOW do you pronounce it? I couldn’t make heads or tails of that. Great word though, I’m thinking of getting one myself and that will come in very helpful. 😉
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### Author:  [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)
#### Post date: [July 13, 1999, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/term-for-a-male-mistress/1950/20 "1999-07-13T15:33:00Z")
Hm. I guess “mister” just won’t do.
How about “side boy”?
“My husband’s out, so I’m inviting my side boy over.”
Your Quadell
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