The video of Terri released by her parents nauseated me. She was lying there just drooling, her nightgown was hiked up to her waist – it’s like they wanted to exploit her – take away every ounce of dignity she might have left.
Maybe it’s a minor point, but that’s something that got to me. Almost as if their own agenda became more important than Terri herself. That they WANTED her to look as pathetic as humanly possible, to tug on the heartstrings. That’s just the impression I got.
I’m not saying they didn’t care about her, but…maybe they cared more about spiting Michael? “See!!! See what he’s done to our daughter!”
Someone help me out here - who was that “doctor” or politician (or was he both) who proclaimed that she was reacting and was conscious … but never bothered to go and actually ummmmm examine her? He watched a video instead. Lekatt, you are simply wrong.
You’re thinking of Bill Frist, most likely. Prize-winning asshole in far more ways than that one.
And Guin, you’re not the only one. By all the accounts I ever read, Terri Schiavo was…not a vain woman, necessarily, but one that took pride in her appearance. How someone who claimed she was still in there could possibly convince themselves that she’d be okay with them nationally televising pictures of her with her hair not done and wearing those godawful flannel granny nightgowns, I simply do not have any idea.
It was actually part of the conversation I had with my mother about the situation. “I don’t want to live like that, and if you fight to make me do so I’ll never forgive you. But if you do fight to keep my shell alive and want to put me on national television, then for the love of Og have the decency to put me in some nice pajamas and a robe and fix my hair.”
I managed to miss that, either because I’m thinking about a different video or because I was too busy frothing about the other part to notice.
Actually, I’m probably thinking about another video, because the one I’m thinking about she was sitting up in a chair. But yeah, still drooling, disheveled, and totally undignified. I’m glad she wasn’t still in there, because you know that would have been both humiliating and infuriating to be put in the public eye looking like that.
My opinion has not changed either. The courts were right to defer to the husband’s wishes.
Let’s remember, when this happened, he went to school and became a nurse so he’d be qualified to care for her and maybe be able to bring her home from the hospital. Takes a long time to become a nurse, that shows a lot of devotion to me. And he did care for her for years and years.
He was always somewhat reserved and dignified and seemed to shun the media, I can respect that too. And, at the end, he went and sat with her while she died, did he not? That is a demonstration of love, respect and strength to me. So I didn’t buy into the parents story, I believed him.
But I wanted to respond to something Blinkie said upthread, as well.
This;
These very words could have come from my Mother In Law’s lips, she was very vocal about never wanting to move in with her kids, etc, as she watched her peers grown infirm and face end life issues. She was adamant and very strong willed. But then, after a devastating stroke that left her entirely bedridden she had to face a different reality.
Her son and I brought her here, to our home, and became her primary caregivers. It was not easy for any of us, even the hospital had tried to warn us off as she needed such a lot of care. No one would have faulted us if we’d chosen to put her into full time care.
Her view changed, on this. While we all agreed she wouldn’t have to die in a hospital, or be kept alive via machines, we managed to have 6 yrs with her, in our home. Yes, it was challenging for all of us. And many times we questioned the path we’d chosen, and the endgame was one of the hardest things I’ve ever been through. But those six years were important for us and for her. I’m convinced she’d have died much sooner left in a facility. Hard as it was, I was, and am, very grateful she was able to change her hard held view, when circumstances changed. I am very grateful I did not miss one of the most powerful experiences I’ve had in my life - carrying for her.
I’m wondering what prompted the question in the OP - in the last five years, there really hasn’t been any new information revealed. Soon after her death, the autopsy results were released, which told us what we already knew from the MRI.
Is there any reason to think that anyone would have changed his mind since then? Why?
And by the way - who changed the name of this section of the SDMB to “Pissy Little Feuds”?
Are you saying “the husband has the right to decide” or “the husband should respect the patient’s last wishes”? Or in other words, suppose the husband had said “My wife told me and her parents that she would want her life terminated under conditions such as she is under now, her parents want to withdraw life support, but I do not agree and want her to remain under life support”. Would you still support the husband’s right to decide?
I ask because I get the impression that when people say “I think the spouse should have final say” I think they mean “I believe the person’s final wishes should be what determines the actions taken by the medical personnel.”
I’m curious to know what your position is, it’s not clear to me from your post. What do you think should have happened? Suppose all close relatives (spouse and parents) agreed to withdraw life support, should life support be removed?
Suppose there was no one to bear the financial burden, should life support be removed? Would the decision still depend on what the close family wants?
ETA: In my case, I think that the person’s last wishes (if unambiguous) should trump the close family’s wishes.
