# Terrible songs that never deserved to be hits **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 29, 2018, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745 "2018-01-29T17:35:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![Grumbacher\_Red](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/85e7bf/32.png) [@Grumbacher\_Red](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grumbacher_Red)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/181 "2018-01-31T01:16:36Z")
> [@RTFirefly](#): > > The problem isn’t the quality of classic rock _per se_. It’s that very few songs can survive a freakin’ _half-century_ of endless repetition without destroying one’s capacity to enjoy them. This makes sense to me. I find myself in recent years going long periods of time without listening to any of the music of my youth so that I can occasionally turn it on and enjoy it again. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/182 "2018-01-31T01:33:49Z")
> [@Guest-starring\_Id](#): > > The “Men” bands - > > [Men Without Hats’ “Safety Dance”\*](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AjPau5QYtYs) > > Insipid and pedestrian is being kind. > > \*Dancing midgets never help the cause. [There’s a literal video of that one.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZaiB9jYCxI) ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/183 "2018-01-31T01:38:09Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > [There’s a literal video of that one.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZaiB9jYCxI) Aw. One of my favorite 80s tunes. I still listen to that album, too! (“Rhythm of Youth” really is a solid, infectious (don’t even, guys) synth pop album.) Crazy-ass video, though. ---
**Author:** ![Lamoral](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lamoral/32/16078_2.png) [@Lamoral](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamoral)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/184 "2018-01-31T01:51:29Z")
> [@Grumbacher\_Red](#): > > My 90s pick is **Peaches** by **The Presidents of the United States of America**. Couldn’t disagree more, I think that song is badass. I’d rather hear music like that, which doesn’t take itself too seriously, than any of the overwrought melodramatic crap that makes up much of this thread and much of music on the radio in general. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/185 "2018-01-31T02:03:20Z")
I have ranted about this song before, but “Picture” by Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow (two artists I despise). Why do I hate it? THE LYRICS MAKE NO DAMNED SENSE. > [@](#): > > I called you last night in the hotel > Everyone knows but they won’t tell > But their half hearted smiles tell me > Somethin’ just ain’t right > I been waitin’ on you for a long time > Fuelin’ up on heartaches and cheap wine > I ain’t heard from you in 3 damn nights > I put your picture away > I wonder where you been > I can’t look at you while I’m lyin’ next to him So, you haven’t heard from him in 3 nights and you’re whining about it while banging some other dude. TRUE LOVE! ---
**Author:** ![drad\_dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@drad\_dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drad_dog)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/186 "2018-01-31T02:06:19Z")
I detest “Walking in Memphis” in every aspect. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/187 "2018-01-31T02:24:12Z")
> [@Grumbacher\_Red](#): > > I will add anything by **Chicago** , goddam I freakin’ hate their music. Blasphemy! ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/188 "2018-01-31T02:41:09Z")
Other than the rhythm of the violins (_barely_ a saving grace here) this [overwrought pretentiousness](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cPzLy4jI-g8) always bummed me out when I was a kid. And funny - still does! Basically - the weaksauce emoting of “Can you give it all, to me” and dreary pleading of “How can we liiiiiiiiiiive?” still absolutely just rankles my drankle. Oh and that budgie-on-bath-salts [wailing synth riff](https://youtu.be/cPzLy4jI-g8?t=60) isn’t doing me any favours. Heh, now that we’ve basically gotten all the true dreck out of the way with\*, now the selections will get less and less odious, making things here possibly a little more interesting.😉 \*Or maybe, as KC mighta said - “We’ve only just begun.” ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Sam\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_Stone)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/189 "2018-01-31T02:48:27Z")
> [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](#): > > Isn’t it “_Baby_ don’t hurt me”? Or have I been hearing it wrong all this time? I can’t believe we found something actually interesting about this song, but it appears that a lot of people disagree over this. This youtube video attempts to answer this by isolating the vocals: [https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=fdKtiXgEcCQ](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=fdKtiXgEcCQ) In the original, I can clearly hear ‘lady’. But apparently the official lyrics say it’s baby, and in the one live performance where you can see his lips, he’s clearly singing ‘baby’. But then, in that video it also sounds like ‘baby’, whereas in the original all I can hear is ‘lady’. I can clearly hear the L and the D, not two B’s. On the other hand, it could also be an unintentional auditory illusion. The best example of that is [the McGurk effect](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/McGurk_effect), which can be a very powerful illusion: [https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kzo45hWXRWU](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kzo45hWXRWU) ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/190 "2018-01-31T02:56:24Z")
> [@drad\_dog](#): > > I detest “Walking in Memphis” in every aspect. The one thing that makes me kind of smile about this song – and this is a music nerdy sort of thing – and one that I literally only noticed about three or four weeks ago when I heard it on the radio: It’s the cliche I-vi-IV-V progression, just displaced two chords over. So, it’s IV-V-I-vi. Somehow, I literally never noticed that until a few weeks ago. ---
**Author:** ![jaycat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jaycat/32/3015_2.png) [@jaycat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jaycat)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/191 "2018-01-31T03:08:05Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > The one thing that makes me kind of smile about this song – and this is a music nerdy sort of thing – and one that I literally only noticed about three or four weeks ago when I heard it on the radio: It’s the cliche I-vi-IV-V progression, just displaced two chords over. So, it’s IV-V-I-vi. Somehow, I literally never noticed that until a few weeks ago. Big whoop. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/192 "2018-01-31T03:17:09Z")
> [@jaycat](#): > > Big whoop. No, it’s not that big a deal, of course. But, like I said, form a music nerdy point of view, I found it interesting, since I never noticed that it’s one of the most common music progressions just displaced over a couple of bars, and, for me, it’s more like, how the fuck did I not notice that before?! sort of thing. No, it doesn’t make it a good song, of course. (But, honestly, I think it’s a perfectly serviceable pop tune, which may be/is damning it with faint praise.) ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/193 "2018-01-31T03:34:08Z")
How about “If” by Bread? Every couple I can think of who had this sung at their wedding got divorced. ---
**Author:** ![Grumbacher\_Red](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/85e7bf/32.png) [@Grumbacher\_Red](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grumbacher_Red)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/194 "2018-01-31T03:35:49Z")
> [@Sam\_Stone](#): > > I can’t believe we found something actually interesting about this song, but it appears that a lot of people disagree over this. > > This youtube video attempts to answer this by isolating the vocals: [https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=fdKtiXgEcCQ](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=fdKtiXgEcCQ) > > In the original, I can clearly hear ‘lady’. But apparently the official lyrics say it’s baby, and in the one live performance where you can see his lips, he’s clearly singing ‘baby’. But then, in that video it also sounds like ‘baby’, whereas in the original all I can hear is ‘lady’. I can clearly hear the L and the D, not two B’s. > > On the other hand, it could also be an unintentional auditory illusion. The best example of that is [the McGurk effect](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/McGurk_effect), which can be a very powerful illusion: [https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kzo45hWXRWU](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kzo45hWXRWU) Well if we are going to talk about mis-hearing words and even when you KNOW what the correct lyric is you STILL hear the wrong word, please pardon my hijack because I have to share that in **Billy Joel’s Moving Out** there is this line: If he can’t drive with a broken back At least he can polish the fenders Annnnd, somehow I got in my teen-aged brain decades ago: N\*\*\*er can’t drive with a broken back :eek::mad::eek::mad: I have no idea why that is what I heard when this song was first in rotation on the radio, but there ya go. I am stuck with it and that is what I hear. Every time. I even knew that wasn’t the correct lyric at the time (like they would say that on the radio in the 80s) but I simply cannot UN-hear it. I am not even going to bother to ask if anyone else hears it that way, I accept it is my anomaly to bear. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/195 "2018-01-31T03:53:17Z")
Ok, in regards to the above, for whatever asinine reason, I always heard ”Mirror in the bathroom” as “nigger in the bathroom.” A Googling shows me that there was at least one other person who heard that, too. No fucking clue, either, why I heard it that way, but, as above, there ya go. ---
**Author:** ![Grumbacher\_Red](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/85e7bf/32.png) [@Grumbacher\_Red](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grumbacher_Red)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/196 "2018-01-31T04:00:33Z")
Is that from the same song? ---
**Author:** ![Euphrosyne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d9b06d/32.png) [@Euphrosyne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euphrosyne)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/197 "2018-01-31T04:06:24Z")
“That’s the Way I’ve Always Heard It Should Be” by Carly Simon. 1971. Downbeat and depressing whiney-rock. ---
**Author:** ![Grumbacher\_Red](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/85e7bf/32.png) [@Grumbacher\_Red](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grumbacher_Red)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/198 "2018-01-31T04:11:33Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > How about “If” by Bread? > > Every couple I can think of who had this sung at their wedding got divorced. A good friend’s husband had this sung at his 1st wedding, so yeah, he was obviously divorced. That is the 1 and only case I know of, but your theory holds up in my experience. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/199 "2018-01-31T04:12:33Z")
“Back in Black”. Just an ugly, ugly sounding song. More recently, “Havana” is driving me insane with its irritatingly irritating… and unforgettable… simplicity and stupidity. One of my worst earworms in years. ---
**Author:** ![Face\_Intentionally\_Left\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/face_intentionally_left_blank/32/288_2.png) [@Face\_Intentionally\_Left\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Face_Intentionally_Left_Blank)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/200 "2018-01-31T04:56:28Z")
> [@Superdude](#): > > How could you NOT link to his follow-up, “The Kid’s American?” > > [https://youtu.be/W9zUjVB8pw4](https://youtu.be/W9zUjVB8pw4) Because I’ve spent my life DEEPLY regretting knowing about the first song, the big hit that I could NOT avoid. It’s not like I said, “This may be the worst song I’ve ever heard. I MUST hear his entire oeuvre.” I was blissfully unaware of this. It’s actually a typically bad 80’s song, and not aggressively, offensively bad like, “Break My Stride”. I might actually use my time machine to kill Hitler if THIS had been his big hit, and, “Break My Stride” had never been recorded. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745.md?page=11)