# Terrible songs that never deserved to be hits **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 29, 2018, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745 "2018-01-29T17:35:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 11
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/201 "2018-01-31T04:56:54Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > How about “If” by Bread? > > Every couple I can think of who had this sung at their wedding got divorced. Damn, if I heard that, I would run up to the band and say, “_No, no, not that one, the one from_ Atom Heart Mother.” ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/202 "2018-01-31T04:58:07Z")
> [@astorian](#): > > There are many, many popular recording that I hate. But if millions of people liked a record enough to put up money for it, where do I come off telling them they’re wrong? > > The only way I’d call a #1 hit “undeserving” would be if someone falsified the sales record and made it look more popular than it was. [It’s widely believed that Rod Stewart’s I Don’t Want To Talk About It only held The Sex Pistol’s God Save The Queen out of the UK’s number one chart spot because of ratings skulduggery in the Queen’s Jubilee year.](http://www.telegraph.co.uk/music/artists/god-save-queen-40-sex-pistols-made-controversial-song-history/) ---
**Author:** ![Mijin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mijin/32/9369_2.png) [@Mijin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mijin)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/203 "2018-01-31T05:23:33Z")
The majority of the complaints (by the OP and the couple pages I read), are about song lyrics being silly or meaningless. I don’t know why people care that much about lyrics; meaningful lyrics are a “nice to have” IMO. So I can’t relate to most the choices here; most of them are melodically or rhythmically interesting tunes. Carry on. ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/204 "2018-01-31T05:50:37Z")
ok can we _really_ put this behind us? > [@Grumbacher\_Red](#): > > N\*\*\*er can’t drive with a broken back. > [@pulykamell](#): > > Ok, in regards to the above, for whatever asinine reason, I always heard ”Mirror in the bathroom” as “nigger in the bathroom.” Ok, so, with me (and I’m pretty sure I’ve posted this before) when I was kid I thought Jimmy’s “…lookin for myyyyy last shaker o’salt” was “…lookin for myyyyy last nigger assault.” ok - let’s hope there’s _really_ no more of those.:rolleyes: With the exception of Elvis Costello, Talking Heads and XTC (who weren’t quite as ‘mainstream’ as the previous two\*), I can’t think of any worthwhile 80’s “new wave pop”, which might not be the best title, but at least hopefully distinguishes them from the IMO lesser Modern English/Fabulous Poodles/Depeche Mode/Flock of Seagulls ilk. (Was that fair of me lumping those bands together?) Not even gonna link it - Rod Stewart’s “Hot Legs”. Not. Really. Trying. \*XTC did have “Making Plans For Nigel” and “Life Begins at the Hop”, but still, they weren’t as ‘commercial’ (or well known, say?) as EC and TH. aaaaa fuck it I guess The Smiths and The Cure deserve an 80s nod as well. ---
**Author:** ![Starving\_Artist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aeb1de/32.png) [@Starving\_Artist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Starving_Artist)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 5:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/205 "2018-01-31T05:57:21Z")
> [@Mijin](#): > > The majority of the complaints (by the OP and the couple pages I read), are about song lyrics being silly or meaningless. > I don’t know why people care that much about lyrics; meaningful lyrics are a “nice to have” IMO. So I can’t relate to most the choices here; most of them are melodically or rhythmically interesting tunes. > Carry on. The number one thing that bugs me and makes me hate or dislike a song is bad/stupid/nonsensical lyrics. ---
**Author:** ![Lamoral](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lamoral/32/16078_2.png) [@Lamoral](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamoral)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/206 "2018-01-31T06:07:49Z")
> [@Guest-starring\_Id](#): > > With the exception of Elvis Costello, Talking Heads and XTC (who weren’t quite as ‘mainstream’ as the previous two\*), I can’t think of any worthwhile 80’s “new wave pop”, which might not be the best title, but at least hopefully distinguishes them from the IMO lesser Modern English/Fabulous Poodles/Depeche Mode/Flock of Seagulls ilk. (Was that fair of me lumping those bands together?) Roxy Music, David Bowie, Japan, Aztec Camera, Joe Jackson, Squeeze, to name some of the most musically talented. Elvis Costello _And The Attractions_ were worthwhile 80s new wave pop; his band carried him, IMO. He’s a talented songwriter, and a decent singer; but Pete Thomas, Bruce Thomas, and Steve Nieve had some of the best musical chops out of that entire decade, and they are more responsible for the overall sound of the band than E.C. was. In my opinion. ---
**Author:** ![eunoia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eunoia/32/97_2.png) [@eunoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eunoia)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/207 "2018-01-31T06:27:01Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > Aw. One of my favorite 80s tunes. I still listen to that album, too! (“Rhythm of Youth” really is a solid, infectious (don’t even, guys) synth pop album.) Crazy-ass video, though. No argument here, I nearly defended MWH in the “don’t deserve to be a one-hit wonder” thread. It’s funny that Safety Dance is not a fave of their hardcore fans and Ivan often refused to play it at all in 80’s concert sets. What’s upsetting me is here that a lot of 80’s pop (as in popular and top selling) is justifiably forgotten, and the alternative artists because of their staying power are being remembered as the popular ones. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 7:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/208 "2018-01-31T07:46:07Z")
> [@Mijin](#): > > The majority of the complaints (by the OP and the couple pages I read), are about song lyrics being silly or meaningless. > I don’t know why people care that much about lyrics; meaningful lyrics are a “nice to have” IMO. So I can’t relate to most the choices here; most of them are melodically or rhythmically interesting tunes. > Carry on. So, you’re saying some people want to fill the world with silly love songs? ---
**Author:** ![Bandisas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c57346/32.png) [@Bandisas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bandisas)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 8:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/209 "2018-01-31T08:24:51Z")
Run Joey run by David Geddes. Awful. ---
**Author:** ![Annoying\_Buzz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Annoying\_Buzz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annoying_Buzz)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 8:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/210 "2018-01-31T08:29:28Z")
The #1 songs the week I was born were: US: [Brand New Key](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lKcpodt0YCU), Melanie UK: [Ernie, the Fastest Milkman in the West](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6bQhRVVzAyU), Benny Hill So there’s 2 right there. ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 9:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/211 "2018-01-31T09:13:25Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > So, you’re saying some people want to fill the world with silly love songs? Hey, you know, my love does it good. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 10:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/212 "2018-01-31T10:23:53Z")
“Hey, the producers have bought the rights to this French song and they want me to write new English lyrics to it, but I’m stuck for what to write.” “Eh. Just go smoke way too much weed and then write down whatever pops into your head. It’ll be good enough for radio.” > [@](#): > > Like a circle in a spiral > Like a wheel within a wheel > Never ending or beginning > On an ever-spinning reel > Like a snowball down a mountain > Or a carnival balloon > Like a carousel that’s turning > Running rings around the moon > Like a clock whose hands are sweeping > Past the minutes of its face > And the world is like an apple > Whirling silently in space > Like the circles that you find > In the windmills of your mind ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/213 "2018-01-31T12:34:26Z")
> [@Grumbacher\_Red](#): > > Is that from the same song? No, it’s from the early 80s song “Mirror in the Bathroom” by the Beat (or the English Beat in US and Canada and British Beat in Australia.) ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/214 "2018-01-31T12:44:20Z")
> [@Mijin](#): > > The majority of the complaints (by the OP and the couple pages I read), are about song lyrics being silly or meaningless. > I don’t know why people care that much about lyrics; meaningful lyrics are a “nice to have” IMO. So I can’t relate to most the choices here; most of them are melodically or rhythmically interesting tunes. > Carry on. I tend to be that way, too. It depends on the type of song, of course, but lyrics to me are generally secondary, so nonsense doesn’t bother me. Actively bad lyrics, though, do make me cringe a little. I’d rather have a chorus like “Money spine paper lung kidney bingos organ fun” (“Kidney Bingos” by Wire) than much of MacArthur Park, for instance. ---
**Author:** ![not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/not_what_you_d_expect/32/3246_2.png) [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/not_what_you_d_expect)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/215 "2018-01-31T12:46:27Z")
Love Shack. I fucking hate this fucking song. blech [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/9SOryJvTAGs/maxresdefault.jpg "The B-52's - Love Shack (Official Music Video)") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SOryJvTAGs) ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/216 "2018-01-31T13:32:03Z")
> [@NDP](#): > > How true. Listening to that song is like being force to read the collected works of Danielle Steele at gunpoint. > . There’s a whole interrogation scene right there. Sadistic Captor: " Oh, you’ll tell us the damned launch coordinates !! Play the song at 80 db !! " Steely-Willed Captive: " Pffft !! No dice, pally. You can’t break met. " Sadistic Captor: " Oh yeah?? Here. Read the first chapter of this Danielle Steele novel. And I use the term ‘novel’ with extreme prejudice ! " Steely-Willed Captive: " Oh, please. My steely-willed mind cannot be bent no less broken simply by dint of reading a few poorly turned phrases. " Sadistic Captor: " Play the song WHILE he reads the novel !" Steely-Willed Captive: " Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. --whimper-- Here, here, gimme a paper, here are the coordinates !! They’re 66.7520634,123.3853572 !!! " 😃 I’ll throw in " I Think I Love You ", nominally by The Partridge Family. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Les\_Espaces\_Du\_Sommeil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/les_espaces_du_sommeil/32/308_2.png) [@Les\_Espaces\_Du\_Sommeil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Les_Espaces_Du_Sommeil)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/217 "2018-01-31T13:51:54Z")
> [@drad\_dog](#): > > The 90s were like a terrible decade that never deserved to be a hit. Each song seemed to be another one hit wonder that was worse than the last. That Post-Nirvana signing frenzy. And all the big indie bands got a shot too, to have a hit, be on 120 minutes and be big rock. But not as many of those payed off as in other eras of mania. It seemed like dead ends. Oh, yes. Yes, yes, yes. Especially the 1993-1994 period. Not a good song in sight. Other decades had their annoying or silly songs but 1993-1994 is just… bland and boring. I remember having MTV in the background and not hearing a single noteworthy number for hours. Nothing that was terrible and certainly nothing good either. Not even so-bad-it’s-good. The aural equivalent of beige. Apart from **Björk**. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/218 "2018-01-31T14:21:57Z")
A song from a hit musical with music by Andrew Lloyd Webber, lyrics based on a poem by T.S. Eliot, that has been recorded by over 100 people, including versions by Elaine Paige, Barbra Streisand, and the afore mentioned Barry Manilow that makes me want to put pencils in my ears? I can’t take that MEMORY. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/219 "2018-01-31T14:38:56Z")
> [@Les\_Espaces\_Du\_Sommeil](#): > > Oh, yes. Yes, yes, yes. > > Especially the 1993-1994 period. Not a good song in sight. Other decades had their annoying or silly songs but 1993-1994 is just… bland and boring. I remember having MTV in the background and not hearing a single noteworthy number for hours. Nothing that was terrible and certainly nothing good either. Not even so-bad-it’s-good. The aural equivalent of beige. > > Apart from **Björk**. It may be because 93-94 was my freshman year of college, but some of my favorite music comes from those years. Two of my three most listened-to albums are from '93: Liz Phair’s “Exile in Guyville” and Smashing Pumpkins “Siamese Dream.” (My most listened-to album is probably “The Smiths Best Vol I & II.”) ---
**Author:** ![Lamoral](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lamoral/32/16078_2.png) [@Lamoral](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamoral)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/220 "2018-01-31T14:56:42Z")
> [@Les\_Espaces\_Du\_Sommeil](#): > > Especially the 1993-1994 period. Not a good song in sight. Other decades had their annoying or silly songs but 1993-1994 is just… bland and boring. I remember having MTV in the background and not hearing a single noteworthy number for hours. Nothing that was terrible and certainly nothing good either. Not even so-bad-it’s-good. The aural equivalent of beige. _Everybody Else is Doing it So Why Can’t We_, the Cranberries album containing _Linger_ and _Dreams_, was released in '93. 1994 was the year that Weezer came along with their debut album of hard-hitting power-pop - which is still IMO the best album of their career, even though _Pinkerton_ is a very close second. They’re not everyone’ cup of tea and they certainly wouldn’t have been on MTV, but Phish were doin’ their thing all through the early and mid 90s. Whatever else you could say of them, they were not part of the Nirvana-clone period. (Also one of the very first groups to utilize the internet to connect with fans.) One of my favorite songs ever - [Buena](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M34iZH4-qkI) by Morphine with the late Mark Sandman - a power trio with a singer who played chords on a bass with two strings, a drummer, and a baritone sax. Not the aural equivalent of beige, IMO. This is just off the top of my head, there may be many others that I’m not thinking of. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745.md?page=10) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745.md?page=12)