# Terrible songs that never deserved to be hits **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 29, 2018, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745 "2018-01-29T17:35:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 13
**Author:** ![mattm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c89c15/32.png) [@mattm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mattm)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2018, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/241 "2018-02-01T05:23:33Z")
> [@kunilou](#): > > Come on. If you want to hate a Kenny Rogers song, [this is the one to go with.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yZ8k6fVe25k) What??!! Man that was the backdrop to my first acid trip in Junior year. That and Mungo Jerry’s “In the Summertime.” Also the Coen brothers put it in that [documentary](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cd-go0oBF4Y) about a kidnapping. Great song. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2018, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/242 "2018-02-01T05:27:43Z")
> [@ZonexandScout](#): > > OK, it’s “Spirit In the Sky” by six lengths. I honestly have no idea at all why this song was (and continues to be) so popular. It’s simplistic, sappy, and repetitive. There are no great riffs or solos in it. It’s not profound. It didn’t change music as we know it. It’s not even that irritating on the first listen; it’s just boring and unremarkable. > > It’s been almost 50 years and I still don’t get it. I know a guy who writes with and(sometimes) plays with Julian Lennon and he is kinda impressed with the start of that tune. Personally, I love it, and it has been in a 100 films. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2018, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/243 "2018-02-01T05:29:02Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > Better this than “Jesus Is Just Alright With Me” by the (egads) Doobie Brothers. :o That is kinda bad, yes. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2018, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/244 "2018-02-01T06:10:11Z")
> [@Grumbacher\_Red](#): > > Dear Jesus, I had forgotten that song existed. Now I know again and will have to take another 20 years to forget. > > Maybe putting Love Shack on repeat about 40 times will speed up the process. 😃 When “Love Shack” was a hit, a local radio station played a parody called “Butt Crack”. It must have been done by them, because I’ve never been able to find it online, nor did I ever hear it anywhere else. ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2018, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/245 "2018-02-01T12:23:42Z")
If millions of people like a record and pay good money for it, then no matter how much I hate it, it deserves to be a hit. The same is true in any business. Even if I think Starbucks coffee tastes like burnt toast, millions of people love it and buy it, so they deserve their success. ---
**Author:** ![Horatio\_Hellpop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Horatio\_Hellpop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatio_Hellpop)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2018, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/246 "2018-02-01T12:50:57Z")
Jim Steinman was mentioned upthread–only once, oddly enough–and he has a lot to answer for. Meat Loaf alone! The stink bomb that was _Streets of Fire!_ But his greatest hate crime against the culture was probably “Total Eclipse of the Heart.” If you found a musically capable psychopath who knew nothing about human emotions or love and hired him to write a love song, this would be the result. “Making Love (Out of Nothing at All)” would be corroborating evidence. Maybe he could be paired with a lyricist to mitigate future damage? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Tooth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c67d28/32.png) [@The\_Tooth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Tooth)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2018, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/247 "2018-02-01T12:55:41Z")
> [@Guest-starring\_Id](#): > > With the exception of Elvis Costello, Talking Heads and XTC (who weren’t quite as ‘mainstream’ as the previous two\*), I can’t think of any worthwhile 80’s “new wave pop”, which might not be the best title, but at least hopefully distinguishes them from the IMO lesser Modern English/Fabulous Poodles/Depeche Mode/Flock of Seagulls ilk. (Was that fair of me lumping those bands together?) It’s fair. I’d say Oingo Boingo had more going on than the average 80’s band as well. Danny Elfman is who David Byrne would have been had the Byrnes forced David to spend his childhood in a closet. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2018, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/248 "2018-02-01T14:06:31Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > …My nominee is MacArthur Park. sung by Richard Harris. I loathe that song. “Someone left the cake out in the rain”??? Yeah, you mentioned that [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=251494&highlight=MacArthur+Park) > [@DrDeth;](#): > > MacArthur Park. Worst. Song. Ever. And [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=429275&highlight=MacArthur+Park) > [@DrDeth;](#): > > MacArthur Park And [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=445883&highlight=MacArthur+Park) > [@DrDeth;](#): > > “MacArthur Park” is the worst song ever. And [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=557553&highlight=MacArthur+Park) > [@DrDeth;](#): > > MacArthur Park for the win. And [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=420470&highlight=MacArthur+Park) > [@DrDeth;](#): > > If any list of bad songs doesn’t have MacArthur Park on it somewhere, the list is incomplete. And [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=570310&highlight=MacArthur+Park) > [@DrDeth;](#): > > I despise (MacArthur Park). And [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=801923&highlight=MacArthur+Park) > [@DrDeth;](#): > > MacArthur Park is just about my most hated 'song"… 🙂 mmm ---
**Author:** ![Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/son_of_a_rich/32/5439_2.png) [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Son_of_a_Rich)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2018, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/249 "2018-02-01T14:15:23Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > Yeah, you mentioned that [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=251494&highlight=MacArthur+Park) > > And [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=429275&highlight=MacArthur+Park) > > And [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=445883&highlight=MacArthur+Park) > > And [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=557553&highlight=MacArthur+Park) > > And [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=420470&highlight=MacArthur+Park) > > And [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=570310&highlight=MacArthur+Park) > > And [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=801923&highlight=MacArthur+Park) > > 🙂 > mmm Too much doth protesting there. Probably has it playing on an endless loop. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2018, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/250 "2018-02-01T14:54:12Z")
All mmm proved was we’ve been here too damned long. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2018, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/251 "2018-02-01T17:11:48Z")
ok I really hate to do this to you people - I’m not doing this out of spite, because I think you’re all ok and everything, but, really - the following I’m about to dump on you could have long-lasting neurological consequences. [venture forth bravely, foolish soul](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-xRMw0NyW0) _I said - what? (gross echo) She said - ooo, ooo, ooo-weeee I said - all right! (really truly fucking annoying echo that time) She said - love me, love me, love me!_ ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2018, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/252 "2018-02-01T17:25:46Z")
> [@betterlifethroughchemistry](#): > > Anything by John Cougar Mellencamp makes me want to vomit, but “Jack and Diane” make me violent and want to stab my ears with screwdrivers…and the fact the “Classic Rock” stations play it over and over again is maddening… I’m a Mellencamp fan, but I’ll agree that most of this song is pretty pedestrian. IMHO, the only thing that saves it is the bridge (let the Bible Belt come and save my soul, etc.), which (as bridges often do) has a whole different sound. > [@Guest-starring\_Id](#): > > The keyboards in [“96 Tears”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7uC5m-IRns) makes me vomit prolapse. OK, but how was it all that different from a shitload of other keyboard-heavy pop songs of the mid to late 1960s? > [@running\_coach](#): > > But then we would not have had [_Another One Rides The Bus._](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3SFEgu3KsGk). And possibly no Weird Al. Yeah, I was thinking about that when “Safety Dance” and especially “Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm” came up. Even though I heard the latter a bunch of times when it was on the airwaves in early 1994, I can’t remember the original lyrics _at all,_ they’ve been totally overlaid by Weird Al’s. _Once there was this guy who went to Singapore and he took along his spray paint…_ 🙂 > [@Cartooniverse](#): > > I’ll throw in " I Think I Love You ", nominally by The Partridge Family. 😛 Voice of the Beehive [did a very good cover](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b6yGehUdfC4) of this song. ---
**Author:** ![Grumbacher\_Red](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/85e7bf/32.png) [@Grumbacher\_Red](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grumbacher_Red)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2018, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/253 "2018-02-01T17:32:33Z")
Now that this has been going on for 6 pages, and so many horrible songs have been brought up that I had erased from my brain drive, I find myself sorta wanting to listen to them again. 😕😕 I know, I can’t even believe it myself. But this has evoked a strong desire to listen to some really bad music. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2018, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/254 "2018-02-01T17:48:16Z")
There’s a few (but only a few) songs mentioned in this thread that I actually like. I’m only going to mention one of them here. I confess that I’m the only person in America who: _never got tired of the Macarena._ Feel free to throw things. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2018, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/255 "2018-02-01T17:48:47Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > Yeah, you mentioned that [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=251494&highlight=MacArthur+Park) > > And [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=429275&highlight=MacArthur+Park) > > And [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=445883&highlight=MacArthur+Park) > > And [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=557553&highlight=MacArthur+Park) > > And [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=420470&highlight=MacArthur+Park) > > And [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=570310&highlight=MacArthur+Park) > > And [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=801923&highlight=MacArthur+Park) > > 🙂 > mmm Gosh, you think maybe we have had several threads like this before? I dont see the point of this stalker-like post. ---
**Author:** ![Crustybooger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@Crustybooger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crustybooger)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2018, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/256 "2018-02-01T18:03:36Z")
All good nominees, let me add anything by Led Zepplin after LZ 3. Brutal, uninteresting, noisy crapola. Ok Zeppheads, bring it on. ---
**Author:** ![drad\_dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@drad\_dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drad_dog)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2018, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/257 "2018-02-01T18:08:27Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > Yeah, you mentioned that [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=251494&highlight=MacArthur+Park) > > And [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=429275&highlight=MacArthur+Park) > > And [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=445883&highlight=MacArthur+Park) > > And [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=557553&highlight=MacArthur+Park) > > And [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=420470&highlight=MacArthur+Park) > > And [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=570310&highlight=MacArthur+Park) > > And [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=801923&highlight=MacArthur+Park) > > 🙂 > mmm That song’s okay. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2018, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/258 "2018-02-01T18:10:57Z")
> [@Crustybooger](#): > > All good nominees, let me add anything by Led Zepplin after LZ 3. > Brutal, uninteresting, noisy crapola. > > Ok Zeppheads, bring it on. Shouldn’t you blame those they stole from? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/son_of_a_rich/32/5439_2.png) [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Son_of_a_Rich)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2018, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/259 "2018-02-01T18:30:11Z")
This the story about Jack and Diane, Two young lovers with nothing better to do… ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2018, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/260 "2018-02-01T18:35:15Z")
> [@RTFirefly](#): > > OK, but how was it all that different from a shitload of other keyboard-heavy pop songs of the mid to late 1960s? It differs because its tedious selection of notes eclipses, by _light years_, (and yes I realise that metaphor doesn’t really quite flow) any other 60’s keyboard-heavy hit.\* The song almost fascinates me how it’s so difficult to decide which is more mind-numbingly putz-like - [this part (ending at :10)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7uC5m-IRns) or [this part (beginning at :10)](https://youtu.be/R7uC5m-IRns?t=10). I think I’ll give the nod to number one, with its rock steady Kids From Widney Highness. And somewhat related - it’s possible I might have a slight bias against proto-garage like Them (holy fuck if I ever hear “Gloria” or The Standell’s “Dirty Water” again), despite the fact I have an unaccountable soft spot for later stuff like The Lyres and The Gruesomes. Go figure. I’ll give Tears credit, though, for their truly nifty bandname: :eek: Question Mark and the Mysterians :eek: > [@Crustybooger](#): > > All good nominees, let me add anything by Led Zepplin after LZ 3. > Brutal, uninteresting, noisy crapola. > > Ok Zeppheads, bring it on. aw duuuuuuude - no 4? Well…here goes: Jimmy T’s “You’ve Got a Friend” \*And hey - there were some perfectly ok 60s keyboard hits - “House of the Rising Sun”, “Green Onion” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745.md?page=12) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745.md?page=14)