# Terrible songs that never deserved to be hits **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 29, 2018, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745 "2018-01-29T17:35:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 17
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2018, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/321 "2018-02-02T17:40:17Z")
I have no inside information on the Police. I CAN say this: if Stewart Copeland DID have any bad blood toward Sting, he seems to have gotten over it. Not long ago, I heard him doing a radio interview along with Adrian Belew, with whom he’s formed a new band called Gizmodrome. Belew was complaining about Robert Fripp’s huge ego. The DJ quipped that Stewart had some experience with huge egos. But Stewart said, “Sting? You know… by the second Police album, it was pretty obvious that he was the star of the group and that he didn’t need Andy or me. But he stayed with us for five albums. So, for all his faults, Sting is a very loyal guy.” I’m sure Copeland HAS been furious at Sting, but enough time has elapsed that he’s now forgiving and philosophical. ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2018, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/322 "2018-02-02T18:18:38Z")
> [@Guest-starring\_Id](#): > > ok I really hate to do this to you people - I’m not doing this out of spite, because I think you’re all ok and everything, but, really - the following I’m about to dump on you could have long-lasting neurological consequences. > > [venture forth bravely, foolish soul](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-xRMw0NyW0) > > _I said - what? (gross echo) > She said - ooo, ooo, ooo-weeee > I said - all right! (really truly fucking annoying echo that time) > She said - love me, love me, love me!_ My friend P. and I rewrote some of the lyrics to that: Undercover monkey Midnight tragedy I never had an ape that made sweet love to me Undercover monkey the answer to my prayer You made me know that there’s a chimp for me Out there, somewhere… Now, baboon, don’t go… * * * You’re very welcome. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2018, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/323 "2018-02-02T18:19:39Z")
> [@astorian](#): > > I have no inside information on the Police. I CAN say this: if Stewart Copeland DID have any bad blood toward Sting, he seems to have gotten over it. Not long ago, I heard him doing a radio interview along with Adrian Belew, with whom he’s formed a new band called Gizmodrome. Belew was complaining about Robert Fripp’s huge ego. > > The DJ quipped that Stewart had some experience with huge egos. But Stewart said, “Sting? You know… by the second Police album, it was pretty obvious that he was the star of the group and that he didn’t need Andy or me. But he stayed with us for five albums. So, for all his faults, Sting is a very loyal guy.” > > I’m sure Copeland HAS been furious at Sting, but enough time has elapsed that he’s now forgiving and philosophical. I watch lots of videos of Copeland (he’s got a pretty sweet musical set up at his place) and he just looks to always be having the time of his life. Manic as fuck, but he’s in his happy spot, so I can totally believe that he harbors no resentment whatsoever, if he did at one time. ---
**Author:** ![The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_wind_of_my_soul)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2018, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/324 "2018-02-02T18:37:05Z")
“What’s Up” is my least favorite song ever, so I’ll definitely throw in another vote for that. Also “Red Solo Cup” by Toby Keith. The guy sounds like his drunk as he’s singing it, which I know is deliberate, but still – drunk people are bad singers. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2018, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/325 "2018-02-02T19:44:49Z")
> [@Guest-starring\_Id](#): > > ok I really hate to do this to you people - I’m not doing this out of spite, because I think you’re all ok and everything, but, really - the following I’m about to dump on you could have long-lasting neurological consequences. > > [venture forth bravely, foolish soul](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-xRMw0NyW0) > > _I said - what? (gross echo) > She said - ooo, ooo, ooo-weeee > I said - all right! (really truly fucking annoying echo that time) > She said - love me, love me, love me!_ I actually really like \*Undercover Angel. \* ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2018, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/326 "2018-02-02T22:20:51Z")
I had completely forgotten about Undercover Angel. It is worse than I remembered! ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2018, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/327 "2018-02-02T22:28:50Z")
> [@vivalostwages](#): > > My friend P. and I rewrote some of the lyrics to that: > > Undercover monkey > Midnight tragedy > I never had an ape that made sweet love to me > Undercover monkey > the answer to my prayer > You made me know that there’s a chimp for me > Out there, somewhere… > > Now, baboon, don’t go… > > * * * > > You’re very welcome. 😃 Gosh. Yes, thank-you! Impressive. And if you and P. can do a number on this [stinker](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HO320HpYV-M), that will really rate high in my book. At first I thought - ok, I’ll cut this drummer/vox a little slack (considering my bias as a drummer/vox, myself), but then I thought, no - he’s a fucking dork. And the keyboardist - _coolest_ posturing, ev-a! > [@DrDeth](#): > > I actually really like \*Undercover Angel. \* :eek: 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Grumbacher\_Red](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/85e7bf/32.png) [@Grumbacher\_Red](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grumbacher_Red)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2018, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/328 "2018-02-03T01:44:46Z")
> [@Guest-starring\_Id](#): > > ok I really hate to do this to you people - I’m not doing this out of spite, because I think you’re all ok and everything, but, really - the following I’m about to dump on you could have long-lasting neurological consequences. > > [venture forth bravely, foolish soul](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-xRMw0NyW0) > > _I said - what? (gross echo) > She said - ooo, ooo, ooo-weeee > I said - all right! (really truly fucking annoying echo that time) > She said - love me, love me, love me!_ So I just clicked the link to listen to this, and my cat, who had been sleeping contentedly in my lap, got up and left. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2018, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/329 "2018-02-03T02:55:50Z")
> [@Grumbacher\_Red](#): > > So I just clicked the link to listen to this, and my cat, who had been sleeping contentedly in my lap, got up and left. 😛 Your cat has discerning taste.🆒 The Romantics were a band that I knew only three songs from. “When I Look In Your Eye”, which is not _too_ bad - a snappy little pop rocker, and there’s the bloodied deuce (Heat logo?) I dropped a couple pages back with “I Hear the Secrets That You Keep”, and the third one, below, was this bottom-of-the-barrel vintage spooge called [One In a Million](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGAV8wvYdVI) (Hey original title, huh? Yeah - try looking that up on youtube:p) And the video itself…::shudder::…the fromage level offended my fine-honed sense of morals. goddamn how can’t this be some of the most phoned-in, yawn-worthy lyrics - _One in a million - baby you’re the one. One in a million - and you’re second to none._ _Especially_ the way he sings that second line - so douchey, like he’s just doing it off-the-cuff and not giving _any_ shit. Piss-weaker than Coors Lite. and yeah, sure - 4 Non-Blonde’s “What’s Up” could possibly be the quintessence of a puddle of dried up puke during a Bills’ tailgate. The vox in the chorus, in particular, absolutely defies any reasonable claims to the concepts of mercy and grace in humanity. ---
**Author:** ![scabpicker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scabpicker/32/8268_2.png) [@scabpicker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scabpicker)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2018, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/330 "2018-02-03T03:54:12Z")
> [@Guest-starring\_Id](#): > > Sh!!! (in whispered tones): At all costs don’t let that beastly beast of all beasts 😛 **scabpicker** 😛 in on this, or all hell will break loose! > > Yes - there’s the Anti-Christ, and then there’s the Anti-Steely Dan, and Scabs is so wretchedly, so grotesquely, and horribly (and vulgarly too!) The Anti Steely Dan, he’ll…he’ll…probably go tell me to go get off my yacht or something! > > 😛 Hehehe, while I appreciate and am really quite flattered by the idea that I might be the anti-anything, and that people would tremble at the thought of accidentally summoning me, this isn’t factually correct. After all, I can play about half the solo to “Reeling in the Years” and threaten the health of my speakers with a good number of their songs. They took chances, and sometimes when you take chances, you land right where I’d like you to be. But they also have tight, well crafted songs that were muzak the day they were released, and I’m usually not fond of them. Jeebus, you tell someone that their sacred cow doesn’t make the best hamburger once, and they never let you hear the end of it. Oh well, it’s nice to be remembered. 😃 With that said, this is a thread that I have **absolutely no business being in**. The threads we’ve had on the #1 hits for each year have confirmed what I long suspected. You can get quite rich consistently going against my tastes. Popular just isn’t my bag. Now, I’ve got to go dance to “Peg”, because it’s stuck in my head again. Yep, it will come back to you. Bastards. ---
**Author:** ![Lamoral](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lamoral/32/16078_2.png) [@Lamoral](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamoral)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2018, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/331 "2018-02-03T04:03:15Z")
By the way, with regard to Roxy Music crossing over with XTC in the 80s, I was so stoned when I first saw the video for [Wonderland](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7DCtdVdvuE0) that I thought Colin Moulding at 1:37 _was_ Bryan Ferry. I was like, “why would Bryan Ferry be in this video?” Something about the tuxedo, the posture, and the backdrop just screamed “Bryan Ferry”. ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2018, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/332 "2018-02-03T06:00:34Z")
> [@scabpicker](#): > > Hehehe, while I appreciate and am really quite flattered by the idea that I might be the anti-anything, and that people would tremble at the thought of accidentally summoning me, this isn’t factually correct. After all, I can play about half the solo to “Reeling in the Years” and threaten the health of my speakers with a good number of their songs. They took chances, and sometimes when you take chances, you land right where I’d like you to be. But they also have tight, well crafted songs that were muzak the day they were released, and I’m usually not fond of them. > > Jeebus, you tell someone that their sacred cow doesn’t make the best hamburger once, and they never let you hear the end of it. Oh well, it’s nice to be remembered. 😃 > > With that said, this is a thread that I have **absolutely no business being in**. The threads we’ve had on the #1 hits for each year have confirmed what I long suspected. You can get quite rich consistently going against my tastes. Popular just isn’t my bag. > > Now, I’ve got to go dance to “Peg”, because it’s stuck in my head again. Yep, it will come back to you. Bastards. Jeez - took ya! I could be way out wrong, but I coulda sworn you mentioned in another post maybe a year back that you like to sometimes bombard your better half with PEG-yells. And you call _us_ bastards!!! 🙂 Absolutely **depraved**. I was wanting to mention Al Stewart’s “Year of the Cat” but figured naaa that would muss up peoples’ hair a little. or wait ---
**Author:** ![Lamoral](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lamoral/32/16078_2.png) [@Lamoral](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamoral)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2018, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/333 "2018-02-03T06:11:54Z")
> [@Guest-starring\_Id](#): > > I was wanting to mention Al Stewart’s “Year of the Cat” but figured naaa that would muss up peoples’ hair a little. I think that song is sufficiently unique and alluring that it deserved to be a hit. It staked out its own distinctive sound, which is more than can be said for many songs that become hits. I think it stumbles a little during the bridge, though, which contains a combination of lyrics and chords that I don’t find appealing and which just doesn’t function very well as a bridge from a musical standpoint. ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2018, 9:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/334 "2018-02-03T09:08:09Z")
> [@Jacquernagy](#): > > I think that song is sufficiently unique and alluring that it deserved to be a hit. It staked out its own distinctive sound, which is more than can be said for many songs that become hits. I think it stumbles a little during the bridge, though, which contains a combination of lyrics and chords that I don’t find appealing and which just doesn’t function very well as a bridge from a musical standpoint. All makes sense to me - my problem was specifically his lilting, hyper-sibilant voice, but considering that aspect can be applied to basically to the rest of his songs, I’ll have to readily concede, then, that was a bit of a pot-shot on my part at Cat. Take note, though, the lack of my usual hyperbole when I broached that one. Hyperbole, though, might be the first item on the menu with this hazmat suit-friendly excursion into the very bowels of saccharine sappiness with Mr. Eric Carmen’s [All By Myself](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-o9gf_soFBM). While I’m on these wrong side of the tracks, he actually outdoes himself with [Never Gonna Fall In Love Again](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YVP-6eepYtY) featuring what I think is a recorder (or possibly flute) that needs to meet its end in [“How not to be seen”.](https://youtu.be/dTQYEkIvN2M?t=92) ---
**Author:** ![Lorne\_Armstrong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/87869e/32.png) [@Lorne\_Armstrong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lorne_Armstrong)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2018, 9:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/335 "2018-02-03T09:28:55Z")
Hey There Delilah by the Plain White T’s makes me want to commit an atrocity. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2018, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/336 "2018-02-03T14:50:57Z")
And I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know that _Ain’t No Sunshine_ by Bill Withers deserves a mention in this thread. ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2018, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/337 "2018-02-03T15:02:02Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > And I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know that _Ain’t No Sunshine_ by Bill Withers deserves a mention in this thread. I adore this song. The mumbled lyrics remind me of “Louie, Louie”. Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2018, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/338 "2018-02-03T15:14:34Z")
> [@Lorne\_Armstrong](#): > > Hey There Delilah by the Plain White T’s makes me want to commit an atrocity. Yes! Last year (or maybe two years ago), I was contacted by someone who wanted me to photograph her big house party/charity event. I gave her my very reasonable price. She wanted me to go down on price because the lead singer of the Plain White T’s was going to be there and it was going to be such a cool party. It took every ounce of willpower not to reply back with a higher price if I was forced to suffer through that. 😉 At any rate, I did not do the job. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2018, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/339 "2018-02-03T15:16:51Z")
> [@Cartooniverse](#): > > I adore this song. The mumbled lyrics remind me of “Louie, Louie”. > > Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk Me too. “Ain’t No Sunshine” is a wonderful and evocative song through and through. (But I don’t hear any mumbled lyrics–they’re all perfectly understandable.) ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2018, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/340 "2018-02-03T19:52:20Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > Me too. “Ain’t No Sunshine” is a wonderful and evocative song through and through. (But I don’t hear any mumbled lyrics–they’re all perfectly understandable.) Yeah I’m having a tough time seeing many flaws with that one either. Have we even plumbed any of the K-Tel shit yet? How could _kids_ even tolerate this [quasi-novelty _pain_?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3Iw2qYtN8A) The choreography here should blow your mind. The creepy synth solo sure’s a nice fit! Oh who cares if it mighta crossed a few synapses. And what the fuck’s that sparkly image on the clothes? Ultimate burn: nothing worse than a poor-kid’s Micheal Lookinland. Enjoy the intro. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745.md?page=16) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745.md?page=18)