# Terrible songs that never deserved to be hits **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 29, 2018, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745 "2018-01-29T17:35:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/21 "2018-01-29T19:27:01Z")
Brown Sugar- The Rolling Stones Classic rock hit about someone dancing good… wait what is Mick mumbling about? Let me look up those lyrics…:eek: ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/22 "2018-01-29T19:27:38Z")
Almost everything that originated from YouTube. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/23 "2018-01-29T19:28:16Z")
> [@Ellen\_Cherry](#): > > Inspired by this thread: [One-hit wonders that don’t deserve to be](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=848001). I mistakenly thought this was going to be about terrible songs that never deserved to be hits, one-off or not. > > So that’s what _this_ thread is. > > My nominations: > > • [I’ve Never Been to Me](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J3arEmkXZ8s). Surely one of the most awful songs ever written. It makes no sense. It sounds terrible. I defy you to name ONE thing that “a woman ain’t 'spose to see.” I think of this as “The Bodice-Ripper Song”. It seems abundantly obvious to me that the song is told from the point of view of a heroine in one of those romance novels, chiding a fan for wanting to live her life. It’s the romance novelist equivalent of Shatner’s bit on SNL yelling at his fans to “Get a Life!” For some reason, most critics don’t seem to realize this. This isn’t to excuse the song – it IS awful (although, if you want REALLY bad, there are alternate lyrics for a male singer to use with the song. I’ve read them, but fortunately haven’t heard a rendition of it.), but it at least makes things comprehensible. “I’ve seen some things that a woman ain’t supposed to see…” “Like what,” asked one critic, “the Secret MAN Handshake?” Well, no – it’s a romance writer’s dodge for “imagine some really bad – to you – thing”. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/24 "2018-01-29T19:43:07Z")
The muskrat song. Muskrats aren’t cute, and singing about their escapades is freaky. Oh, and how about Screaming Jay Hawkins’ [Constipation Blues?](https://g.co/kgs/CF8gPz) ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/25 "2018-01-29T20:00:56Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > The muskrat song. Muskrats aren’t cute, and singing about their escapades is freaky. I only didn’t say that because I thought it had to be a one-hit wonder. Muskrat Love is objectively the worst song in the world. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/26 "2018-01-29T20:03:36Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > Well, no – it’s a romance writer’s dodge for “imagine some really bad – to you – thing”. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion? ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/27 "2018-01-29T20:03:46Z")
**The Name Game** , by Shirley Ellis. There are a lot of deserving songs mentioned so far that are offensively sweet, or maudlin, or whatever. _The Name Game_ is offensively vacuous. Something about it just always set my teeth on edge. It’s like being lectured on the strategic richness of Chutes and Ladders. ---
**Author:** ![WOOKINPANUB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wookinpanub/32/132_2.png) [@WOOKINPANUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WOOKINPANUB)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/28 "2018-01-29T20:06:45Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > The muskrat song. Muskrats aren’t cute, and singing about their escapades is freaky. > > Oh, and how about Screaming Jay Hawkins’ [Constipation Blues?](https://g.co/kgs/CF8gPz) Whadya talk? [Muskrats](http://woodstream.scene7.com/is/image/woodstream/hh-us-lc-muskrat-facts-general) are very cute. Don’t really need to picture them mating, though. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/29 "2018-01-29T20:14:14Z")
“And I Will Always Love You” beats out even “The Piña Colada Song” and “You’re Beautiful.” I detest the last two, but absolutely loathe the first. It did not surprise me at all to learn it was written by Dolly Parton, whom I equally loathe. ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/30 "2018-01-29T20:38:16Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > **The Name Game** , by Shirley Ellis. There are a lot of deserving songs mentioned so far that are offensively sweet, or maudlin, or whatever. _The Name Game_ is offensively vacuous. Something about it just always set my teeth on edge. It’s like being lectured on the strategic richness of Chutes and Ladders. Robot Arm, Robot Arm, Bo Bobot Arm, Banana Fana Fobot Arm, Fi Fi Mo Mobot Arm. Robot Arm! _ducks and runs_ ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/31 "2018-01-29T20:42:12Z")
_Muskrat Love_ by anybody. I’m amazed and appalled at how many artists have covered this one. _Patches_ by Clarence Carter. I hope to heaven I never hear that one again. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/32 "2018-01-29T20:48:08Z")
I’m having your baby Can’t remember who sang it. Paul Anka??? Or is it, You’re having my baby?? ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/33 "2018-01-29T20:51:49Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > I’m having your baby > Can’t remember who sang it. > Paul Anka??? > > Or is it, You’re having my baby?? [“(You’re) Having My Baby”, by Paul Anka](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/(You%27re)_Having_My_Baby), and you’re not alone: > [@](#): > > Despite its commercial success, the song has been criticised for its maudlin sentimentality[3] and perceived sexist undertones,[2] and has appeared in “worst song” lists. It was voted the #1 “Worst Song of All Time” in a poll conducted by [CNN.com](http://CNN.com) in 2006.[4] ---
**Author:** ![NDP](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ndp/32/55_2.png) [@NDP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NDP)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/34 "2018-01-29T20:54:54Z")
> [@Ellen Cherry](#): > > Inspired by this thread: One-hit wonders that don’t deserve to be. I mistakenly thought this was going to be about terrible songs that never deserved to be hits, one-off or not. > > So that’s what this thread is. > > My nominations: > > • I’ve Never Been to Me. Surely one of the most awful songs ever written. It makes no sense. It sounds terrible. I defy you to name ONE thing that "a woman ain’t 'spose to see. > [@CalMeacham](#): > > I think of this as “The Bodice-Ripper Song”. It seems abundantly obvious to me that the song is told from the point of view of a heroine in one of those romance novels, chiding a fan for wanting to live her life. It’s the romance novelist equivalent of Shatner’s bit on SNL yelling at his fans to “Get a Life!” > > For some reason, most critics don’t seem to realize this. > This isn’t to excuse the song – it IS awful (although, if you want REALLY bad, there are alternate lyrics for a male singer to use with the song. I’ve read them, but fortunately haven’t heard a rendition of it.), but it at least makes things comprehensible. “I’ve seen some things that a woman ain’t supposed to see…” “Like what,” asked one critic, “the Secret MAN Handshake?” Well, no – it’s a romance writer’s dodge for “imagine some really bad – to you – thing”. How true. Listening to that song is like being force to read the collected works of Danielle Steele at gunpoint. I remember reading somewhere that the record’s success had a lot more to do with greasy palms than actual public demand. I can’t verify that fact so it probably belongs in the category of urban legend/nasty rumors. Still, I do find it curious that the song seemed to disappear quickly after it finally fell off the charts. When my local Top 40 station later did their end-of-the-year countdown, they didn’t have a copy of the record to play when they got to the song’s spot on the list. I also haven’t heard the song played on any oldies stations. ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/35 "2018-01-29T20:55:23Z")
> [@Dung\_Beetle](#): > > I only didn’t say that because I thought it had to be a one-hit wonder. Muskrat Love is objectively the worst song in the world. Dung, my darling, we might disagree about never having been to us, but I am with you on muskrats being worthy song material. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/36 "2018-01-29T21:02:16Z")
“We Built This City” aka “We have Grace Slick’s family hostage.” ---
**Author:** ![bmoak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9dc877/32.png) [@bmoak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bmoak)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/37 "2018-01-29T21:11:10Z")
I nominate “Winchester Cathedral” by the New Vaudeville Band. Not only was it not by an actual band (the songwriter hired one-off studio musicians just for the one session to record the song), and not only did it spend three weeks at the top of the US charts, it also won the Grammy for Best Song, beating out “Good Vibrations”, “Eleanor Rigby”, “Monday Monday”, “Last Train to Clarksville”, and “Cherish”! ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/38 "2018-01-29T21:16:30Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > “We Built This City” aka “We have Grace Slick’s family hostage.” I like that song simply because [del]Jefferson Airplane[/del] [del]Jefferson Starship[/del] Starship unironically sing about nobody caring about corporation names changing. More to the point, it’s the whole arc in a nutshell, isn’t it? They went from being cultural touchstones in the 1960s psychedelia to being out-of-touch arena rockers complaining about the music industry in the 1980s. ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/39 "2018-01-29T21:21:02Z")
> [@Derleth](#): > > I like that song simply because [del]Jefferson Airplane[/del] [del]Jefferson Starship[/del] Starship unironically sing about nobody caring about corporation names changing. > > More to the point, it’s the whole arc in a nutshell, isn’t it? They went from being cultural touchstones in the 1960s psychedelia to being out-of-touch arena rockers complaining about the music industry in the 1980s. Which is exactly why I abhor that song. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![DooWahDiddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9bcb4/32.png) [@DooWahDiddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DooWahDiddy)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/40 "2018-01-29T21:31:22Z")
This far into a ‘terrible song’ thread and no one’s mentioned [MacArthur Park](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6H0BD2eWIww) yet? Good Lord. And yet it hit number 1 in 1978! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745.md?page=3)