# Terrible songs that never deserved to be hits **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 29, 2018, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745 "2018-01-29T17:35:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 23
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2018, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/441 "2018-02-27T01:43:32Z")
Can’t remember if Chicago’s “You’re the Inspiration” has been mentioned. ---
**Author:** ![drad\_dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@drad\_dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drad_dog)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2018, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/442 "2018-02-27T01:54:48Z")
> [@Fotheringay-Phipps](#): > > This relates to a point that several posters have made but which doesn’t seem to have been acknowledged. > > By what standard other than (long or short term) popularity can any song be objectively said to be good or bad? What’s the meaning of people saying that such-and-such song is a terrible song that never deserved to be a hit? What’s in such an assertion other than a premise that their own personal taste has some objective value that the taste of many other people doesn’t have, and for no apparently-valid reason? > > The only thing I can think of if you can somehow make a case that a given song has some non-musical aspect which accounts for its popularity, such that you can discount the song’s popularity as being on non-musical grounds. Examples would be national anthems or sports-team theme songs, or songs which happen to fill some need at a particular time (e.g. patriotic songs in the wake of 9/11). I’ll grant that. But that’s not the vast majority of songs cited here, most of which have no apparent basis for their popularity other than genuine musical appreciation by fans. > > But perhaps this entire thread is one gigantic whoosh, and no one really intends any of these claims seriously at all, and all everyone means is that “I personally don’t like this song” and nothing more. It doesn’t seem like that, though. I think people are talking about the beauty of beautiful things, and the ugliness of ugly things in these threads. Matters of taste. Do you always get engaged with the existential questions of a thread? Are you a neil diamond fan? Is it political? ---
**Author:** ![DidierAubin87](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ac91a4/32.png) [@DidierAubin87](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DidierAubin87)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2018, 9:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/443 "2018-02-27T09:04:49Z")
LOL That’s true. We could not listen to this song anymore :smack: > [@terentii](#): > > \*\*This \*\*gawdawful song knocked ABBA’s “Money, Money, Money” off the top of the UK charts the last week in December 1976, much to my amazement and that of everyone else I knew in England: > > Ew! To this day, I can't stand listening to it! :mad: ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2018, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/444 "2018-02-28T04:27:03Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > \*\*This \*\*gawdawful song knocked ABBA’s “Money, Money, Money” off the top of the UK charts the last week in December 1976, much to my amazement and that of everyone else I knew in England: > > Ew! To this day, I can't stand listening to it! :mad: I loved that song at the time. Now, I recognize it for the dreck it is, especially because David Soul turned out to be a coked-up wifebeater. :mad: And I do agree with pulykamell that ABBA’s music was great. I attribute at least some of the bad lyrics to the fact that AFAIK none of them spoke English as a first language. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2018, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/445 "2018-02-28T14:12:58Z")
Oliver’s “Jean.” I will not provide a link, and I would caution against googling it. I just barely consider it a song. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2018, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/446 "2018-02-28T19:41:12Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > And I do agree with pulykamell that ABBA’s music was great. I attribute at least some of the bad lyrics to the fact that AFAIK none of them spoke English as a first language. I think Benny and/or Bjorn spoke on this topic once (maybe in connection with _ **Chess** _). They actually considered it an advantage, since it enabled them to play around with collocations that would probably never occur to a native English speaker. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2018, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/447 "2018-02-28T19:46:29Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > Oliver’s “Jean.” I will not provide a link, and I would caution against googling it. I just barely consider it a song. Did you see the movie _ **The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie** _, which starred an unbelievably hot Maggie Smith?\* :o \ ***MAD Magazine** called it _ **The Prime of Miss Jean’s Body** _. Right on! 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2018, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/448 "2018-02-28T19:51:27Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > David Soul turned out to be a coked-up wifebeater. :mad: Pity that Vaal didn’t zap him at some point. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2018, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/449 "2018-02-28T23:37:43Z")
> [@Derleth](#): > > “In the Year 2525” has stupid, obvious rhymes and a vision of the future which is so disconnected from reality it’s pointless to think about. The only relevant part in the whole thing is a brief “green” message; the rest is just curmudgeonly chuntering about stuff the songwriters didn’t understand and therefore considered terrible. (Like… what do they really have against IVF?) Test tube babies (yes, that’s what they called them) were a new and scary concept when the song came out. Even today, people get squicked out by the idea of designer babies, or people choosing certain genes, and not others for their offspring. Seems to meddle with nature. The lyric that puzzled me was about not needing eyes because “Nobody’s gonna look at you.”. Huh? I do more with my eyes than look at people, and anyway, why wouldn’t future folk look at each other? ---
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2018, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/450 "2018-03-01T03:17:45Z")
> [@Two\_Many\_Cats](#): > > … why wouldn’t future folk look at each other? Because technology is going to replace all human interaction - see: test tube procreation. My spouse has been known to text me from another room, and we even give condolences by Facebook now, so, I’d say they were a little late. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2018, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/451 "2018-03-01T04:28:59Z")
I’ll go ahead and say it. I love 90% of the songs mentioned in this thread. And I’m only slightly ashamed. :o ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2018, 7:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/452 "2018-03-01T07:05:55Z")
\*I Am I Said… To no one there…\* Yes - nobody (and I mean nobody) can emote like Niel can. ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2018, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/453 "2018-03-01T12:19:47Z")
> [@Guest-starring\_Id](#): > > \*I > Am > I > Said… > > To no one there…\* > > Yes - nobody (and I mean nobody) can emote like Niel can. And no one…heard…at…all… not even a chair. I like Neil Diamond but seriously, talking to the furniture? ---
**Author:** ![Celyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9dc877/32.png) [@Celyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Celyn)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2018, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/454 "2018-03-02T17:26:31Z")
> [@Sam\_Stone](#): > > … The best example of that is [the McGurk effect](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/McGurk_effect), which can be a very powerful illusion: [https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kzo45hWXRWU](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kzo45hWXRWU) Ooh, that was interesting to read. I had not heard of it before. Thanks for posting that. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2018, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/455 "2018-03-21T01:03:43Z")
Heard it today and just _had_ to dig this thread up: Honeymoon Suite - [I Got a New Girl Now](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uK0AmgDGpPo) Coolest part of the video: [The Delivering of the Phone](https://youtu.be/uK0AmgDGpPo?t=136) (brief but slick) ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2018, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/456 "2018-03-21T16:55:25Z")
I’m old fashioned, I listen to the oldies station on the car radio, AND on a Spectrum tv music station (they have oldies, and a couple dozen other categories). The one I cannot bear is that Pina Colada song. I want to punch both Rupert Holmes AND ‘his lady’ in their respective crotches. I’ve recently been watching an MTV channel with all-80’s ‘hits’. I can’t think of one in particular that is so very terrible, because I DO love the 80’s. But 30 years later looking at all those teased up mall-rat hairdos, black leather pants, big gooey red lips, and sunglasses on every stonefaced guy who’s wearing a blazer with the sleeves pushed up - my god, it’s like a March of the Douchebags fashion show. WTH? ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2018, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/457 "2018-03-21T21:07:54Z")
> [@salinqmind](#): > > ‘his lady’ You’re not, by any chance, thinking of LRB’s “Lady…let me take a look at you noooowwww…”? A bit of a toss-up - all those 80’s caveats, above, or the bell bottoms, platforms, fro picks, trans ams, and patchouli of the 70’s.😕 ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2018, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/458 "2018-03-21T21:18:19Z")
> [@salinqmind](#): > > I’m old fashioned, I listen to the oldies station on the car radio, AND on a Spectrum tv music station (they have oldies, and a couple dozen other categories). The one I cannot bear is that Pina Colada song. I want to punch both Rupert Holmes AND ‘his lady’ in their respective crotches. I like that song- but not when it was in constant rotation. ---
**Author:** ![Starving\_Artist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aeb1de/32.png) [@Starving\_Artist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Starving_Artist)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2018, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/459 "2018-03-21T21:39:35Z")
I like it too, and found myself feeling happy for the couple that they discovered things in each other that they’d wanted all along but had been missing. They obviously cared about each other enough to form the long-lasting relationship they had, and they weren’t trying to find someone else out of lust. They just wanted someone they felt they had more things in common with. So it was a win-win. They still got to have each other, but in ways that were mutually fulfilling and therefore likely to lead to a longer and happier future together. ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2018, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/460 "2018-03-22T16:20:08Z")
> [@Starving\_Artist](#): > > I like it too, and found myself feeling happy for the couple that they discovered things in each other that they’d wanted all along but had been missing. They obviously cared about each other enough to form the long-lasting relationship they had, and they weren’t trying to find someone else out of lust. They just wanted someone they felt they had more things in common with. So it was a win-win. They still got to have each other, but in ways that were mutually fulfilling and therefore likely to lead to a longer and happier future together. Yeah, yeah, happy happy joy joy. It’s just that I picture the singer 1) winsomely dancing around his kitchen wearing a caftan. He sounds like the kind of guy who wears a caftan. And sipping on a big tumbler of pina colada. 2) like the words ‘my lover’ and ‘baby bump’, referring to a girlfriend as ‘my lady’ raises my hackles and makes me cringe. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745.md?page=22) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745.md?page=24)