# Terrible songs that never deserved to be hits **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 29, 2018, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745 "2018-01-29T17:35:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 25
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2018, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/481 "2018-06-01T01:41:31Z")
> [@Doug\_K](#): > > You aren’t familiar with [skip](http://cbradiomagazine.com/Articles/How%20to%20Shoot%20Skip.htm)? Of course. But you can’t guarantee you can speak to PigPen. ---
**Author:** ![Lamoral](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lamoral/32/16078_2.png) [@Lamoral](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamoral)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2018, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/482 "2018-06-01T01:54:47Z")
> [@](#): > > Wayne Newton’s “Daddy Don’t You Walk So Fast” (with Danke Schoen a close contender) - his voice was really annoying before he took on a more “macho” look and sound. BS dude, Wayne Newton’s young singing voice was amazingly polished…whether or not you like the genre of music, you have to give him props for those pipes. > [@](#): > > Sonny and Cher “The Beat Goes On,” with profound comments on the 1960s such as “the grocery store’s a supermart” and “electrically they keep a baseball score…” revolutionary times indeed. NO argument there…one of the most insipid songs I’ve ever heard. ---
**Author:** ![suranyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@suranyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/suranyi)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2018, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/483 "2018-06-01T05:00:09Z")
> [@Guest-starring\_Id](#): > > “Our Lips Are Sealed” - Go-Gos. What? I love that song! ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2018, 11:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/484 "2018-06-01T11:40:01Z")
Indeed. It is a superb post-feminist diatribe on the methods applied to break through the silence enforced by the overarching male heirarchy. Also, spatter-paint shirts and mullets. ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2018, 12:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/485 "2018-06-01T12:02:22Z")
> [@RealityChuck](#): > > “The Gambler” by Kenny Rodgers (and just about everything else he wrote). “The Gambler” stands out because the “advice” is meaningless and the message is pure unadulterated clinical depression (“The best you can do is die in your sleep”!!! That’s not even a low bar; it’s a ditch :smack:). What’s worse is that people think it’s inspiring.:eek: Well, it’s advice to a gambler after all, or really any risky profession. To die in your sleep means a peaceful death, not a violent one, say at the hands of a sore loser, or some other ne’er-do-wells. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2018, 12:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/486 "2018-06-01T12:15:29Z")
> [@Two\_Many\_Cats](#): > > Well, it’s advice to a gambler after all, or really any risky profession. To die in your sleep means a peaceful death, not a violent one, say at the hands of a sore loser, or some other ne’er-do-wells. But a gambler who never counts their money when they’re sitting at the table wouldn’t go very far. ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2018, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/487 "2018-06-01T12:27:29Z")
Diane Young by Vampire Weekend. According to Wikipedia, this made number 11 as a single. I can imagine the guys in this band sitting around and goofing off after finding an autotuner and then throwing in some Atari-esque synthesizer. I would also imagine that the music executive that heard this probably said "OK, nice first draft. Now make the song for real this time." ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2018, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/488 "2018-06-03T21:02:06Z")
> [@Derleth](#): > > “In the Year 2525” has stupid, obvious rhymes and a vision of the future which is so disconnected from reality it’s pointless to think about. The only relevant part in the whole thing is a brief “green” message; the rest is just curmudgeonly chuntering about stuff the songwriters didn’t understand and therefore considered terrible. (Like… what do they really have against IVF?) > [@Two\_Many\_Cats](#): > > Test tube babies (yes, that’s what they called them) were a new and scary concept when the song came out. Actually, they were the stuff of science fiction when that song came out (in 1969; Louise Brown wouldn’t be born for another nine years). The song probably owes more to _Brave New World_ than to then-current events. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2018, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/489 "2018-06-03T21:07:30Z")
> [@Guest-starring\_Id](#): > > \*I > Am > I > Said… > > To no one there…\* > > Yes - nobody (and I mean nobody) can emote like Niel can. > [@BobLibDem](#): > > And no one…heard…at…all… not even a chair. > I like Neil Diamond but seriously, talking to the furniture? He was inspired by Willie Nelson (by way of Faron Young). [![](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/HMSWAUAKJn0/hqdefault.jpg?sqp=-oaymwEmCOADEOgC8quKqQMa8AEB-AHWBIAC4AOKAgwIABABGHIgTig4MA8=&rs=AOn4CLDXz7vhY_AyWTHlOdqYVoacplUwUQ "Faron Young - Hello Walls") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HMSWAUAKJn0) ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2018, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/490 "2018-06-03T21:12:22Z")
> [@Jacquernagy](#): > > Sirius XM’s _Yacht Rock_ is one of the stations in regular rotation on my radio; and it plays Rupert Holmes a lot. I think his song [“Him”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b_eQ63Plv6A) is a lot better than _Escape._ Has a better groove, better hook, better lyrics, better everything. Agreed about “Him,” but “The People That You Never Get to Love” leaves them both in the dust. [![]( " - YouTube") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mdmkXDnKgXE) ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2018, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/491 "2018-11-18T01:59:04Z")
Heard it again at the grocery store today…Whoever the hell does that song with the “tearing me, tearing me, tearin’ me a-paa-aaaaaaaaaaht…” It’s the only part in the song that I can make out over the crummy sound system - the rest of the song could sound like Ernie Johnson snoring for all I know/care. ---
**Author:** ![Covfefe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ee7513/32.png) [@Covfefe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covfefe)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2018, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/492 "2018-11-18T02:59:52Z")
> [@Guest-starring\_Id](#): > > Heard it again at the grocery store today…Whoever the hell does that song with the “tearing me, tearing me, tearin’ me a-paa-aaaaaaaaaaht…” > It’s the only part in the song that I can make out over the crummy sound system - the rest of the song could sound like Ernie Johnson snoring for all I know/care. Jewel had a nice little run of singles in the '90s. That’s the one that’s kind of a tedious dud, “Foolish Games”. ---
**Author:** ![Ulf\_the\_Unwashed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Ulf\_the\_Unwashed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulf_the_Unwashed)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2018, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/493 "2018-11-18T03:10:45Z")
Can’t do much better (or worse) than “hey Jude,” or the “Horse with no name” song, or the one about the cake being left out in the rain (“MacArthur Park”). Stink, stank, stunk, all three of 'em. ---
**Author:** ![BrickBat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac91a4/32.png) [@BrickBat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrickBat)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2018, 6:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/494 "2018-11-18T06:53:05Z")
> [@Ulf\_the\_Unwashed](#): > > Can’t do much better (or worse) than “hey Jude,” or the “Horse with no name” song, or the one about the cake being left out in the rain (“MacArthur Park”). Stink, stank, stunk, all three of 'em. Bingo. I never liked those tunes even in their heyday either. I didn’t _hate_ them, but I tolerated them as background noise…within reason. What pisses me off is those who use a kind of “appeal to authority” ( or more like “appeal to Wall St.” ) argument today to “prove” that banal muck was/is/will be great. Yes, I’m quite sure XYZ watered-down light beer is “great”…they sell so much of it!!!. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Les\_Espaces\_Du\_Sommeil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/les_espaces_du_sommeil/32/308_2.png) [@Les\_Espaces\_Du\_Sommeil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Les_Espaces_Du_Sommeil)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2018, 8:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/495 "2018-11-18T08:52:57Z")
> [@Isamu](#): > > Johnny Come Home by Fine Young Cannibals. (Ohh an arthouse cinema reference! I just know I’m going to like this band!!) > > Why did Johnny leave home? - probably your ultra-annoying vocal style. A bit late, but the answer is spelled out in the chorus : _Johnny, We’re sorry, Won’t you come on home We worry, Won’t you come on **What is wrong in my life That I must get drunk every night**_ I really like this song, although the singer’s voice is indeed… peculiar. But the groove and lyrics seal the deal for me. ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2018, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/496 "2018-11-18T16:31:49Z")
> [@Covfefe](#): > > Jewel had a nice little run of singles in the '90s. That’s the one that’s kind of a tedious dud, “Foolish Games”. Ah, thanks - heh, for some reason, I get her mixed up with Adele. I’m only vaguely familiar with just smidgeons of their hits (like in my previous example) so it’s possible the comparison could be utterly outta whack. > [@Isamu](#): > > Johnny Come Home by Fine Young Cannibals. (Ohh an arthouse cinema reference! I just know I’m going to like this band!!) > > Why did Johnny leave home? - probably your ultra-annoying vocal style. In particular, the “h-we h-_wor-ray_” vocalization really picks me. > [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](#): > > Bronski Beat. [grumble, grumble, grrrrrrrr…](https://youtu.be/KzA-V0YN3QA?t=161) ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2018, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/497 "2018-11-18T16:53:32Z")
Missed edit window Forgot to mention about Horrible Old Cannibals - in “Drives Me Crazy”, I’m driven crazy by the electronic sound of the [“snare drum”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UtvmTu4zAMg). ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2019, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/498 "2019-03-11T06:22:15Z")
Heard this today through some crackling muzak and was like - aw man I thought I forgot about this sappy, re-regurgitated steamer. [I Like Dreaming](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dV8eT0zqP5s) hip Dick Clark intro [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745.md?page=24)