# Terrible songs that never deserved to be hits **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 29, 2018, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745 "2018-01-29T17:35:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/41 "2018-01-29T21:34:19Z")
“If Lovin’ You Is Wrong, I Don’t Wanna Be Right.” Also a candidate for the biggest dick song, even if it is sung by a woman. ---
**Author:** ![installLSC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/54ee81/32.png) [@installLSC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/installLSC)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/42 "2018-01-29T21:41:33Z")
The Pina Colada Song? “We Built This City”? Now for really awful chart toppers you have to go to the UK [Cinderella Rockafella, Esther and Abi Ofarim](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXIoEl53T-I) [Shaddup Your Face, Joe Dolce](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lJLEXgkddPQ) And for the absolute bottom of the barrel, [Mr. Blobby](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h37KQu64RY4). Words fail me. ---
**Author:** ![installLSC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/54ee81/32.png) [@installLSC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/installLSC)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/43 "2018-01-29T21:43:53Z")
How did I forget this gem? [Star Trekkin, the Firm.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCARADb9asE) ---
**Author:** ![CaptMurdock](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/captmurdock/32/11736_2.png) [@CaptMurdock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CaptMurdock)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/44 "2018-01-29T22:02:47Z")
> [@installLSC](#): > > How did I forget this gem? [Star Trekkin, the Firm.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCARADb9asE) Ah, come on. That’s a novelty song. It’s _meant_ to be cheesy. * * * [That’s What Friends Are For.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HyTpu6BmE88) I worked in a building in the mid-80s that could only get AM Radio, and \*this \* piece of schmaltz was on heavy rotation. It got to where I could barely keep from screaming when the opening bars came on. :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/45 "2018-01-29T22:06:18Z")
> [@installLSC](#): > > How did I forget this gem? [Star Trekkin, the Firm.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCARADb9asE) I was going to say that was never a hit, but apparently it was in the UK. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/46 "2018-01-29T22:08:05Z")
“Music Is The Doctor”, the Doobie Brothers “Kokomo”, the Beach Boys “Macarena” by whoever did it “Mr. Roboto”, Styx (FWIW, that song killed their career) “Hold On”, Wilson Phillips (WHY is this still on heavy rotation more than 25 years later?!?!?!?) I’ll think of some others. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/47 "2018-01-29T22:11:30Z")
> [@DooWahDiddy](#): > > This far into a ‘terrible song’ thread and no one’s mentioned [MacArthur Park](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6H0BD2eWIww) yet? Passé. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/48 "2018-01-29T22:14:55Z")
Here’s another. “When I’m With You” by Sheriff. In the mid 1980s, I worked at a restaurant where the cooks always had the album rock station on, and I would hear that miserable dreck every Saturday morning. A couple years later, I started hearing it on the Top 40 station, and called them to inquire. 😕 What happened was a DJ put it on in some big market, as filler I guess, and the switchboard lit up with people going, “Whoa, what was that? This song is GREAT!” :smack: and not long afterwards, it hit #1. The album it was from also climbed the charts, and more than one reviewer said that “When I’m With You” was the only good song on it, and the rest sounded like “warmed-over Boston.” I’d also nominate “99 Luftballons” in every version except the original German, and Pearl Jam’s “Last Kiss”. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/49 "2018-01-29T22:17:44Z")
> [@Ellen\_Cherry](#): > > • [Achy, Breaky Heart](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byQIPdHMpjc), Sir Billy Ray Cyrus. I don’t know about the rest of the world, but being from Kentucky I was at Billy Ray Ground Zero in 1993. There was nowhere to run. People were wearing T-shirts. They were working “achy breaky heart” into conversations. They were talking about growing up with Billy Ray in Flatwoods. I’m still not over it. In the spring of 1994, I did rotations on an Indian reservation, and they had a community radio station with a totally free-form format, and anyone who wanted to be on that station could be. There were some kids who would come in after school and play requests, and the #1 request was that song by the Chipmunks. One of the other pharmacists, a middle-aged woman who was a devout Christian, said, “What the hell is this crap?” 😛 ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/50 "2018-01-29T22:24:42Z")
> [@kenobi\_65](#): > > [Afternoon Delight](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wu1UXCdyNo0), a treacly song about the joys of midday sex, which, inexplicably, was a #1 hit in 1976, and led to the Starland Vocal Band actually getting a variety show on CBS. I love that song. The vocals are quite nice the song is easy to listen too, quite relaxing. My nominee is MacArthur Park. sung by Richard Harris. I loathe that song. “Someone left the cake out in the rain”??? ---
**Author:** ![eunoia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eunoia/32/97_2.png) [@eunoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eunoia)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/51 "2018-01-29T22:27:51Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > I actually don’t hate that song. It was amazing how high she could go with her voice. And she gave birth to Maya Rudolph. If you can gut the video out to the very end, she’s actually sing “Maya, Maya.” I think it’s a sweet song 😛 ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/52 "2018-01-29T22:28:48Z")
> [@bmoak](#): > > I nominate “Winchester Cathedral” by the New Vaudeville Band. Not only was it not by an actual band (the songwriter hired one-off studio musicians just for the one session to record the song), and not only did it spend three weeks at the top of the US charts, it also won the Grammy for Best Song, beating out “Good Vibrations”, “Eleanor Rigby”, “Monday Monday”, “Last Train to Clarksville”, and “Cherish”! Well, it was very different. I kinda like it, but yeah, there were many better songs, as you point out. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/53 "2018-01-29T22:37:13Z")
How about the mother of all bad songs: Madonna’s remake of “American Pie”? :mad: I heard that radio stations were bombarded with requests to NOT play it. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/54 "2018-01-29T22:47:58Z")
I’ll nominate MacArthur Park. I’m surprised it hasn’t been mentioned yet. Have any of you guys ever heard of it? ---
**Author:** ![Jennshark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Jennshark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jennshark)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/55 "2018-01-29T22:51:43Z")
Copa, Copacabana His name was Rico He wore a diamond He was escorted to his chair, he saw Lola dancing there And when she finished, he called her over But Rico went a bit to far Tony sailed across the bar And then the punches flew and chairs were smashed in two Played 3,174 times a week on our local radio stations. Stevie Wonder’s “I just called to say I love yoooo.” Gak! ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/56 "2018-01-29T23:00:03Z")
> [@Jennshark](#): > > Copa, Copacabana > His name was Rico > He wore a diamond > He was escorted to his chair, he saw Lola dancing there > And when she finished, he called her over > But Rico went a bit to far > Tony sailed across the bar > And then the punches flew and chairs were smashed in two > > Played 3,174 times a week on our local radio stations. > > S This goes into (IMHO) a new category: “Songs that arent all that bad until you are forced to listen to them time after time…”😛 ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/57 "2018-01-29T23:19:45Z")
Since we’ve had our obligatory Manilow reference, how about “I Write The Songs”? ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/58 "2018-01-29T23:26:59Z")
> [@RealityChuck](#): > > “The Gambler” by Kenny Rodgers (and just about everything else he wrote). “The Gambler” stands out because the “advice” is meaningless and the message is pure unadulterated clinical depression (“The best you can do is die in your sleep”!!! That’s not even a low bar; it’s a ditch :smack:). What’s worse is that people think it’s inspiring.:eek: Come on. If you want to hate a Kenny Rogers song, [this is the one to go with.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yZ8k6fVe25k) ---
**Author:** ![Face\_Intentionally\_Left\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/face_intentionally_left_blank/32/288_2.png) [@Face\_Intentionally\_Left\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Face_Intentionally_Left_Blank)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/59 "2018-01-29T23:29:06Z")
> [@DooWahDiddy](#): > > This far into a ‘terrible song’ thread and no one’s mentioned [MacArthur Park](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6H0BD2eWIww) yet? > > Good Lord. And yet it hit number 1 in 1978! Yeah, the lyrics are shit, but I think of it as a kind of vocal showcase, [and I do like her vocals](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lV1oafB3grM). [Simon Cowell complained when Carrie Underwood chose it](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OyuGKR15_KA) (During disco week, I think), but she killed it. I just turn off my lyrics recognition and listen to the sounds. I do not disagree with the general assessment of the lyrics, however. I just ignore them. Not that I’m a ‘disco’ kind of guy, but cool vocals are cool vocals. I have no comment on the Richard Harris version. I’m just kinda speechless there. I haven’t read the entire thread, but I see that “We Built this City” is well-represented as the epitome of the thread title. I’ll throw out my personal White Whale. From Hell’s heart, I stab at thee; For hate’s sake, I spit my last breath at the song that is, [“Break My Stride” by Matthew Wilder.](https://youtu.be/cy46iOwWQiE) Cthulhu-level insanity-causing shitty 80’s keyboard part, and the first lines of the song: > [@Matthew "Porn-'stache" Wilder](#): > > Last night I had the strangest dream > I sailed away to China > In a little row boat to find ya > And you said you had to get your laundry cleaned 'Nuff said, I would hope. EDIT: Nope, guess it’s not enough after all. That 'stache wears HIM. “It’s-a-ME, MARIO!” ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/60 "2018-01-29T23:36:57Z")
This thread is cracking my shit up! I feel many of these songs are before my time, though. I could tell you how I feel about Taylor Swift’s new song “Look What You Made Me Do,” but I’d probably be breaking some decency law. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745.md?page=4)