# Terrible songs that never deserved to be hits **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 29, 2018, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745 "2018-01-29T17:35:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2018, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/61 "2018-01-29T23:37:18Z")
> [@Face\_Intentionally\_Left\_Blank](#): > > Yeah, the lyrics are shit, but I think of it as a kind of vocal showcase, [and I do like her vocals](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lV1oafB3grM). [Simon Cowell complained when Carrie Underwood chose it](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OyuGKR15_KA) (During disco week, I think), but she killed it. I just turn off my lyrics recognition and listen to the sounds. > > I do not disagree with the general assessment of the lyrics, however. I just ignore them. Not that I’m a ‘disco’ kind of guy, but cool vocals are cool vocals. > > I have no comment on the Richard Harris version. I’m just kinda speechless there. > > is Donna does kinda make horrible lyrics easy to listen to, sure. But the Richard Harris version. Good God. ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/62 "2018-01-30T00:36:12Z")
You should have heard my dad belt out “Loving You” from his Karmann Ghia with the top down. A thing like that, you don’t forget. ---
**Author:** ![Lamoral](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lamoral/32/16078_2.png) [@Lamoral](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamoral)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/63 "2018-01-30T00:44:39Z")
> [@Face\_Intentionally\_Left\_Blank](#): > > From Hell’s heart, I stab at thee; For hate’s sake, I spit my last breath at the song that is, [“Break My Stride” by Matthew Wilder.](https://youtu.be/cy46iOwWQiE) Cthulhu-level insanity-causing shitty 80’s keyboard part, and the first lines of the song: > > 'Nuff said, I would hope. > > EDIT: Nope, guess it’s not enough after all. That 'stache wears HIM. “It’s-a-ME, MARIO!” LMAO. I never, in a million years, pictured the singer of that song looking like that. I can’t really say I had a mental picture of him at all, but it _wasn’t_ that guy. Wow. That adds a whole new level of ridiculousness to an already ridiculous song. I do have to give it points for some interesting chord choices. ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/64 "2018-01-30T00:48:25Z")
“One Headlight” by the Wallflowers. Those droning voices, those depressing lyrics…I wish the lead singer for that band wasn’t Bob Dylan’s son, so that song would have gotten the obscurity is richly deserved. I switched the station every time that blasted thing invaded my radio. ---
**Author:** ![Lamoral](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lamoral/32/16078_2.png) [@Lamoral](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamoral)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/65 "2018-01-30T00:48:27Z")
> [@kenobi\_65](#): > > [Afternoon Delight](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wu1UXCdyNo0), a treacly song about the joys of midday sex, which, inexplicably, was a #1 hit in 1976, and led to the Starland Vocal Band actually getting a variety show on CBS. I think that song is badass because of the vocal harmonies, even if the lyrics are asinine. It deserved to be a hit, IMO. ---
**Author:** ![Lamoral](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lamoral/32/16078_2.png) [@Lamoral](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamoral)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/66 "2018-01-30T00:58:18Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > Brown Sugar- The Rolling Stones > > Classic rock hit about someone dancing good… wait what is Mick mumbling about? Let me look up those lyrics…:eek: The lyrics are fucked up if taken at face value, but the Stones were about breaking taboos and rustling peoples’ jimmies, and anyway, I view it more as making fun of the hypocrisy of slave owners fucking their female slaves, than glorifying it. In any case, yeah it’s some dark subject matter, but it deserved to be a hit because it was an ass-kicking hard-driving grooving rock and roll song. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/67 "2018-01-30T01:02:30Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > This thread is cracking my shit up! I feel many of these songs are before my time, though. > > I could tell you how I feel about Taylor Swift’s new song “Look What You Made Me Do,” but I’d probably be breaking some decency law. +1 ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/68 "2018-01-30T01:09:24Z")
Carley Rae Jepsom (ms?) Call me maybe Hate that mess! ---
**Author:** ![Lamoral](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lamoral/32/16078_2.png) [@Lamoral](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamoral)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/69 "2018-01-30T01:14:48Z")
> [@cmkeller](#): > > “One Headlight” by the Wallflowers. Those droning voices, those depressing lyrics…I wish the lead singer for that band wasn’t Bob Dylan’s son, so that song would have gotten the obscurity is richly deserved. I switched the station every time that blasted thing invaded my radio. Wow, I couldn’t disagree more, I thought that was one of the best songs of the late 90s to make it onto the radio. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/70 "2018-01-30T01:15:40Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > Since we’ve had our obligatory Manilow reference, how about “I Write The Songs”? He didn’t even write that. It was written by Bruce Johnston of the Beach Boys. ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/71 "2018-01-30T01:18:31Z")
> [@kenobi\_65](#): > > [Afternoon Delight](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wu1UXCdyNo0), a treacly song about the joys of midday sex, which, inexplicably, was a #1 hit in 1976, and led to the Starland Vocal Band actually getting a variety show on CBS. I honestly and truly thought, for the longest time, that it was about model rocketry…:smack: ---
**Author:** ![gkster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gkster/32/14107_2.png) [@gkster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gkster)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/72 "2018-01-30T01:19:08Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > _Seasons In the Sun_ by Terry Jacks. > > /thread My brother and I had parody lyrics to this one: “we had joy we had fun we had seasons in the sun but the smell of your breath was what caused my early death”" And I’m surprised that nobody has mentioned “Feelings” yet? [![](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/73MsHR3BL4M/hqdefault.jpg?sqp=-oaymwEmCOADEOgC8quKqQMa8AEB-AG-AoAC8AGKAgwIABABGGUgXSg0MA8=&rs=AOn4CLAsJJpL8cevBVetWflwNbNCjTdkSA "morris albert - feelings ( 1975 ).mpg") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=73MsHR3BL4M) ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/73 "2018-01-30T01:24:09Z")
68 posts in, and no mention of Disco Duck. For shame. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/74 "2018-01-30T01:27:34Z")
> [@Ellen\_Cherry](#): > > • [Achy, Breaky Heart](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byQIPdHMpjc), Sir Billy Ray Cyrus. I don’t know about the rest of the world, but being from Kentucky I was at Billy Ray Ground Zero in 1993. There was nowhere to run. People were wearing T-shirts. They were working “achy breaky heart” into conversations. They were talking about growing up with Billy Ray in Flatwoods. I’m still not over it. > [@DooWahDiddy](#): > > This far into a ‘terrible song’ thread and no one’s mentioned [MacArthur Park](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6H0BD2eWIww) yet? > > Good Lord. And yet it hit number 1 in 1978! Obviously, there’s only one thing to do: Play some Weird Al. [Achy Breaky Song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJWWKj_wptY&app=desktop) [Jurassic Park](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gh4zvQfDhi0&app=desktop) ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/75 "2018-01-30T01:33:46Z")
> [@cmkeller](#): > > “One Headlight” by the Wallflowers. … I absolutely love that song. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/76 "2018-01-30T01:42:12Z")
> [@Jacquernagy](#): > > Wow, I couldn’t disagree more, I thought that was one of the best songs of the late 90s to make it onto the radio. Not my general cup of tea, but I agree with you. “One Headlight” is a beautifully crafted pop song. It does not deserve to be on a list like this, IMHO. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/77 "2018-01-30T01:47:05Z")
“My Heart Will Go On” by Celine Dion. A shame, that. 🙂 > [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > _Patches_ by Clarence Carter. I hope to heaven I never hear that one again. Agreed. > [@nearwildheaven](#): > > “Mr. Roboto”, Styx (FWIW, that song killed their career) A lot of people still like that song, for reasons that escape me. (\*\*Jonathan Chance \*\*comes to mind.) > [@](#): > > “Hold On”, Wilson Phillips (WHY is this still on heavy rotation more than 25 years later?!?!?!?) I guess it depends on what sorts of stations you listen to. I haven’t heard Wilson Phillips since the mid-1990s. (And that’s **not** a complaint. ) > [@nearwildheaven](#): > > Since we’ve had our obligatory Manilow reference, how about “I Write The Songs”? _I write the songs that make the whole world cry, I write the songs that make you want to die_ 😃 > [@kenobi\_65](#): > > Robot Arm, Robot Arm, Bo Bobot Arm, Banana Fana Fobot Arm, Fi Fi Mo Mobot Arm. Robot Arm! Yer _eeeeeeeeviiiiilll!_ > [@](#): > > _ducks and runs_ In keeping with the theme of this thread, we’ll _give ya three steps, give ya three steps, mister, give ya three steps toward the door…_ 😃 😃 ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/78 "2018-01-30T01:48:46Z")
[This one](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qpdBX-u1dv8) bothers me. I know it is a fine song and not at all creepy but I just do not like how it feels. ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/79 "2018-01-30T01:50:48Z")
Jacquernagy et al: > [@](#): > > Wow, I couldn’t disagree more, I thought that was one of the best songs of the late 90s to make it onto the radio. Different strokes, different folks. It was apparently pretty well-admired, but what piece, however acclaimed, doesn’t have its detractors as well? I couldn’t stand it. Guess I’m a minority. Doesn’t bother me. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/80 "2018-01-30T01:53:58Z")
> [@Face\_Intentionally\_Left\_Blank](#): > > I haven’t read the entire thread, but I see that “We Built this City” is well-represented as the epitome of the thread title. I’ll throw out my personal White Whale. From Hell’s heart, I stab at thee; For hate’s sake, I spit my last breath at the song that is, [“Break My Stride” by Matthew Wilder.](https://youtu.be/cy46iOwWQiE) Cthulhu-level insanity-causing shitty 80’s keyboard part, and the first lines of the song: > > 'Nuff said, I would hope. > > EDIT: Nope, guess it’s not enough after all. That 'stache wears HIM. “It’s-a-ME, MARIO!” > [@Jacquernagy](#): > > LMAO.\*\* I never, in a million years, pictured the singer of that song looking like that. I can’t really say I had a mental picture of him at all, but it _wasn’t_ that guy.\*\* Wow. That adds a whole new level of ridiculousness to an already ridiculous song. > > I do have to give it points for some interesting chord choices. You want a _real_ voice/singer’s looks disconnect mindfuck? [Behold](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gf1WT8VEZxk) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745.md?page=5)