# Terrible songs that never deserved to be hits **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 29, 2018, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745 "2018-01-29T17:35:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/101 "2018-01-30T04:55:24Z")
> [@running\_coach](#): > > If they had three keyboards, yeah. Well, yes, in a literal sense, sure. I just wasn’t aware that there were any pop songs written with three keyboard parts. ---
**Author:** ![E-DUB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/e-dub/32/403_2.png) [@E-DUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-DUB)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/102 "2018-01-30T04:57:40Z")
The Dave Berry is strong in this thread. > **[Dave Barry's Book of Bad Songs](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dave_Barry%27s_Book_of_Bad_Songs)** > > Dave Barry's Book of Bad Songs is a 1997 humor book written by Miami Herald columnist Dave Barry, chronicling the results of his bad song survey. The survey started when he wrote a column about a song he thought was particularly bad (Neil Diamond's "I Am...I Said"), and he got such a response that in addition to a follow-up column, he decided to write an entire book about the results of the survey. > The book opens with a warning that it will "put bad songs into your head", and suggests that it i... What the heck, it that spirit I’ll throw out “Timothy” by The Buoys. And for the record they were only down in that mine for an hour, two tops. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/103 "2018-01-30T04:58:41Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > I went to Girl Scout camp while that song was still on the charts, and the counselors told us that it wasn’t about that, or picnicking at the local park (out in public on a blanket, anyway!). 😃 You weren’t rubbing sticks together to make sparks ignite? ---
**Author:** ![Lamoral](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lamoral/32/16078_2.png) [@Lamoral](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamoral)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/104 "2018-01-30T05:37:27Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > Well, yes, in a literal sense, sure. I just wasn’t aware that there were any pop songs written with three keyboard parts. Between the Beatles, the Beach Boys, Harry Nilsson, and various other 60s and 70s psychedelica with many complex overdubbed tracks, there are undoubtedly songs that feature some combination of three different keyboard instruments. ---
**Author:** ![Anamorphic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/anamorphic/32/3057_2.png) [@Anamorphic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anamorphic)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/105 "2018-01-30T05:47:17Z")
> [@It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](#): > > He even brought Michael Jackson down with “Ebony and Ivory”. That was Stevie Wonder. It was with “The Girl Is Mine” that McCartney brought down Michael Jackson. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Mondegreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/91b2a8/32.png) [@Lord\_Mondegreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Mondegreen)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/106 "2018-01-30T05:49:14Z")
> [@It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](#): > > He even brought Michael Jackson down with “Ebony and Ivory”. That was Stevie Wonder. The Michael Jackson duets were “Say, say, say” and “The girl is mine” - both horrible, especially the latter. Edited to add: Beaten to it! ---
**Author:** ![Starving\_Artist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aeb1de/32.png) [@Starving\_Artist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Starving_Artist)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/107 "2018-01-30T06:10:32Z")
I wonder what it says about our relative politics that I like about 95% of the songs listed. Re “Break My Stride”, I agree with the commenter who said he could watch those girls dance all day. Dayum, what physiques! Stood not one foot away from Marilyn McCoo in an airport gift shop one day in 1971. ‘Dayum’ doesn’t begin to describe that experience! She was far and away one of the best looking women I’ve ever seen in my life. Beautiful and adorable all at the same time. Much better looking than in that clip, which was 12 years or so later. ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 8:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/108 "2018-01-30T08:16:47Z")
> [@Face\_Intentionally\_Left\_Blank](#): > > Yeah, the lyrics are shit, but I think of it as a kind of vocal showcase, [and I do like her vocals](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lV1oafB3grM). [Simon Cowell complained when Carrie Underwood chose it](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OyuGKR15_KA) (During disco week, I think), but she killed it. I just turn off my lyrics recognition and listen to the sounds. > > I do not disagree with the general assessment of the lyrics, however. I just ignore them. Not that I’m a ‘disco’ kind of guy, but cool vocals are cool vocals. > > I have no comment on the Richard Harris version. I’m just kinda speechless there. > > I haven’t read the entire thread, but I see that “We Built this City” is well-represented as the epitome of the thread title. I’ll throw out my personal White Whale. From Hell’s heart, I stab at thee; For hate’s sake, I spit my last breath at the song that is, [“Break My Stride” by Matthew Wilder.](https://youtu.be/cy46iOwWQiE) Cthulhu-level insanity-causing shitty 80’s keyboard part, and the first lines of the song: > > 'Nuff said, I would hope. > > EDIT: Nope, guess it’s not enough after all. That 'stache wears HIM. “It’s-a-ME, MARIO!” How could you NOT link to his follow-up, “The Kid’s American?” [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/W9zUjVB8pw4/maxresdefault.jpg "Matthew Wilder - The Kid's American") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W9zUjVB8pw4) ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 8:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/109 "2018-01-30T08:27:14Z")
> [@Superdude](#): > > How could you NOT link to his follow-up, “The Kid’s American?” > > [https://youtu.be/W9zUjVB8pw4](https://youtu.be/W9zUjVB8pw4) Missed the edit window. Matthew Wilder looks like [Allen Covert](https://goo.gl/images/dpYyKj) in “The Wedding Singer.” ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 8:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/110 "2018-01-30T08:43:12Z")
_Good Morning Starshine_. Top 10 all over the world. I blame it for the sudden onslaught of Type 2 diabetes. > [@](#): > > Good mornin’ starshine, You lead us along > My love and me as we sing > our early mornin’ singin’ song > > Glibby gloop gloopy Nibby Nabby Noopy La La La Lo Lo > Sabba Sibby Sabba Nooby abba Nabba Le Le Lo Lo > Tooby ooby walla nooby abba nabba > Early mornin’ singin’ song ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 9:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/111 "2018-01-30T09:22:02Z")
> [@Ellen\_Cherry](#): > > • [Loving You](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kE0pwJ5PMDg) by Minnie Ripperton. This has to be one of the most saccharine-sweet, disagreeable songs ever recorded. Watch this video. I dare you. It’s the high notes. If she hadn’t done the high notes it wouldn’t have been such a hit. But honestly I find it giddy-sweet but not saccharine. It’s auditory afterglow. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 10:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/112 "2018-01-30T10:00:10Z")
> [@Starving\_Artist](#): > > I wonder what it says about our relative politics that I like about 95% of the songs listed. Politics? ---
**Author:** ![irritant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/dfb087/32.png) [@irritant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/irritant)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 10:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/113 "2018-01-30T10:07:42Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > Minnie Ripperton reportedly had a five-octave range. She couldn’t only hit those high notes – she could sing in them, too. > > I think you judge Maya Rudolph’s mom too harshly. This is, sadly, the one song we know her by ( **go ahead – name anything else by her without looking it up** ), and it’s one made for her kids – Maya and later, her brother. That it’s treacly isn’t surprising (and, I have to admit, it annoyed the hell out of me when it was new, and always seemed to be on the radio). But it’s probably not typical and indicative of her _oeuvre_. She was a member of the Rotary Connection, and their cover of “Respect” is pretty cool. Does that count? ---
**Author:** ![Les\_Espaces\_Du\_Sommeil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/les_espaces_du_sommeil/32/308_2.png) [@Les\_Espaces\_Du\_Sommeil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Les_Espaces_Du_Sommeil)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/114 "2018-01-30T12:07:33Z")
> [@eschereal](#): > > [This one](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qpdBX-u1dv8) bothers me. I know it is a fine song and not at all creepy but I just do not like how it feels. I love it. It’s cute but in a good way IMO and the melody’s really strong. I find the bit that goes “But try as hard as I might do, I don’t know why” simply arresting. ---
**Author:** ![LH75](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lh75/32/4438_2.png) [@LH75](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LH75)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/115 "2018-01-30T12:37:26Z")
Funk Soul Brother. The song evidently consists of the lyric “Check it out now, funk soul brother!” repeated over and over. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/116 "2018-01-30T12:45:58Z")
> [@LH75](#): > > Funk Soul Brother. The song evidently consists of the lyric “Check it out now, funk soul brother!” repeated over and over. The song is “Rockefeller Skank” by Fatboy Slim if it’s the one I’m thinking of. It also contains the lyric “Right about now, the funk soul brother.” The nteresting thing is he got no royalties for the song. There were four samples on it, and each artist received 25% royalties in order to clear the sample for use. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/117 "2018-01-30T13:10:54Z")
The thing one has to remember about “Copacabana” is that it was supposed to be a throwaway novelty song. If you hate it, take some comfort in that Manilow also hates it and yet has been forced to keep singing it in concerts for _forty years_. > [@terentii](#): > > “And I Will Always Love You” beats out even “The Piña Colada Song” and “You’re Beautiful.” I detest the last two, but absolutely loathe the first. It did not surprise me at all to learn it was written by Dolly Parton, whom I equally loathe. Bite your tongue. Dolly and Dolly’s version are both awesome. Whitney Houston’s version, however, is irritating af. But it does give me a chance to tell this joke: Q. What was Whitney Houston’s favourite form of coordination? A. HAND-EEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEE > [@don\_t\_ask](#): > > _Good Morning Starshine_. Top 10 all over the world. I blame it for the sudden onslaught of Type 2 diabetes. > > > [@](#): > > > > Glibby gloop gloopy Nibby Nabby Noopy La La La Lo Lo > > Sabba Sibby Sabba Nooby abba Nabba Le Le Lo Lo > > Tooby ooby walla nooby abba nabba > > Early mornin’ singin’ song Now imagine it being sung by Rick from _Rick and Morty_. Better, no? My own offering in this thread is [“Life” by Des’ree](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKtrWU4zaaI), featuring this deathless piece of writing: > [@](#): > > I don’t want to see a ghost, > It’s a sight that I fear most > I’d rather have a piece of toast > And watch the evening news Really, there just aren’t enough references to toast in modern songwriting in my opinion. But wait - it really picks up in the chorus! > [@](#): > > Life, oh life, oh life, oh life, > Doo, doot doot dooo. > Life, oh life, oh life, oh life, > Doo, doot dooo Amazing stuff. ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/118 "2018-01-30T13:24:15Z")
> [@davidm](#): > > I’ve posted this before in similar threads but I’ll say it again. > _Sylvia’s Mother_ I don’t think that lyrically it’s that bad a song, I just think it doesn’t work the way Dr. Hook did it (bizarre vibrato). [The cover that Herman Brood did I think works much better with the lyrics.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wlm4HdZ2BKI&list=RDwlm4HdZ2BKI) I’m surprised that [Run Joey Run](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGLAH3Ojf20) hasn’t been nominated. God what a nails on the blackboard voice of the female singing “daddy please don’t”. ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/119 "2018-01-30T13:40:52Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > The song is “Rockefeller Skank” by Fatboy Slim if it’s the one I’m thinking of. It also contains the lyric “Right about now, the funk soul brother.” The nteresting thing is he got no royalties for the song. There were four samples on it, and each artist received 25% royalties in order to clear the sample for use. And Fatboy Slim gave us one of the world’s greatest videos. Behold “Weapon of Choice.” [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/XQ7z57qrZU8/maxresdefault.jpg "Fatboy Slim - Weapon Of Choice") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQ7z57qrZU8) ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/120 "2018-01-30T13:50:11Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > Since we’ve had our obligatory Manilow reference, how about “I Write The Songs”? > [@cochrane](#): > > He didn’t even write that. It was written by Bruce Johnston of the Beach Boys. And adding to my previous post, Manilow didn’t even want to record the song in the first place. He saw the problem with the song right away, stating, "“The problem with the song was that if you didn’t listen carefully to the lyric, you would think that the singer was singing about himself. It could be misinterpreted as a monumental ego trip.” > **[I Write the Songs](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Write_the_Songs)** > > "I Write the Songs" is a popular song written by Bruce Johnston in 1975 and released on his album Going Public in 1977. Barry Manilow's version reached number one on the Billboard Hot 100 chart in January 1976 after spending two weeks atop the Billboard adult contemporary chart in December 1975. It won a Grammy Award for Song of the Year and was nominated for Record of the Year in 1977. Billboard ranked it as the No. 13 song of 1976. > The original version was recorded by Captain & Tennille, who w... [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745.md?page=7)