# Terrible songs that never deserved to be hits **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 29, 2018, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745 "2018-01-29T17:35:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/121 "2018-01-30T14:22:19Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > Since we’ve had our obligatory Manilow reference, how about “I Write The Songs”? Which (as pointed out above) he did not write. Nor did he write I Made It Through the Rain, which definitely deserves mention in this thread. It was written by Jim Steinman. My favorite Madonna American Pie story: I was in a gay bar when it started to play, and the guys started shouting TURN IT OFF. When a bunch of gay guys don’t want to listen to Madonna, that is BAD. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/122 "2018-01-30T14:54:14Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > Anyway, I nominate Foreigner for “I Want to Know What Love Is.” Terribly treacley price of crap. And it reached number one. God YES! It’s like they studied their previous awesome cuts and engineered a song to have absolutely none of that mojo. Just reading that snippet in your post made me retch a little. ---
**Author:** ![UncleMoose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e0b2c6/32.png) [@UncleMoose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleMoose)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/123 "2018-01-30T15:12:55Z")
Greg Lake had said that he wrote “Lucky Man” when he was 12, and it certainly sounds like that’s true. To me, it sounds so unlike anything else ELP did. It’s a 12 year old’s idea of an important song, and yet it’s the first song most people think of when they think of Emerson, Lake, and Palmer. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/124 "2018-01-30T15:26:37Z")
> [@Superdude](#): > > And Fatboy Slim gave us one of the world’s greatest videos. Behold “Weapon of Choice.” > > [https://youtu.be/XQ7z57qrZU8](https://youtu.be/XQ7z57qrZU8) Indeed. Looking back at Fatboy Slim and Big Beat music, I don’t think the music aged well (and even its shelf life at the time was fairly limited), but I did find it fun when it came out. I still enjoy hearing “Praise You,” for instance, from time to time. I’m not sure I can make it through the entire “You’ve Come a Long Way, Baby,” album, though. ---
**Author:** ![DooWahDiddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9bcb4/32.png) [@DooWahDiddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DooWahDiddy)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/125 "2018-01-30T15:41:15Z")
> [@don\_t\_ask](#): > > _Good Morning Starshine_. Top 10 all over the world. I blame it for the sudden onslaught of Type 2 diabetes. In all fairness though, this was from _Hair_, and was supposed to represent the free-lovin’ hippie era. Not sure why it became a hit outside of musical theatre, but it might help to know there were a bunch of naked people dancing while this song was playing. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![TRC4941](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trc4941/32/6792_2.png) [@TRC4941](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TRC4941)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/126 "2018-01-30T15:55:43Z")
Lady in Red…blech ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/127 "2018-01-30T16:12:05Z")
\*(They Long to Be) Close to You \*Carpenters Hate, hate hate. And, they were creepy. ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/128 "2018-01-30T16:19:46Z")
> [@BobLibDem](#): > > I’m surprised that [Run Joey Run](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGLAH3Ojf20) hasn’t been nominated. God what a nails on the blackboard voice of the female singing “daddy please don’t”. Hey now. That is one bad song that I love. It’s so awful it’s fun. “We’re gonna get MARRIED. Just you WAIT AND SEE!” lol Let us know how that turns out. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/129 "2018-01-30T16:21:49Z")
> [@Gyrate](#): > > Bite your tongue. Dolly and Dolly’s version are both awesome. Whitney Houston’s version, however, is irritating af. If I were strapped upright in a chair with my eyes propped open and given a choice of which version to listen to while electrodes were being applied to my genitals, I’d choose Whitney’s. But I still loathe the song! :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Art\_Rock](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/art_rock/32/525_2.png) [@Art\_Rock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Art_Rock)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/130 "2018-01-30T16:29:19Z")
I have put a lot of these on the car USB MP3 stick - fun to sing along. 😃 > [@DrDeth](#): > > \*(They Long to Be) Close to You > \*Carpenters > > Hate, hate hate. > > And, they were creepy. :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/131 "2018-01-30T16:33:40Z")
> [@Art\_Rock](#): > > I have put a lot of these on the car USB MP3 stick - fun to sing along. 😃 I keep meaning to make myself a compilation of all the songs mentioned in Dave Barry’s Book of Bad Songs. I do like a lot of the ones in this thread too! ---
**Author:** ![Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/earl_snake-hips_tucker/32/3269_2.png) [@Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earl_Snake-Hips_Tucker)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/132 "2018-01-30T16:38:31Z")
This thread might have set a record for the use of ‘treacle.’ I’m expecting Elsie, Lacie, and Tillie to show up anytime. (FWIW, I like terrible songs, and a good many of the songs mentioned in this thread.) Having said that, I heard this song for the first time this weekend on a 1972 Casey Kasem AT 40 rerun. From 1972, [“Once You Understand” by something called “Think”.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=haCqD9Ps0co) ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/133 "2018-01-30T16:39:28Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > I’m having your baby > Can’t remember who sang it. > Paul Anka??? > > Or is it, You’re having my baby?? Paul Anka LOVES women having his babies, unless they take him to court in a custody battle. I do believe the 80 year old fart was humble-bragging when he said he couldn’t attend Captain Sh\*tStain’s inauguration because he was fighting some woman for custody of a young child! I’ve always thought ‘Wildfire’ was bad. ‘She’ll be ridin’ Wiiiiiiiiiiillld Fiiiiiiire’ - is that a one-hit wonder? ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/134 "2018-01-30T16:56:02Z")
“Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm” by Crash Test Dummies I remember being aware of them before this. I was seeing a girl who liked them and they were on the cusp of hitting it big at the same time as the Smashing Pumpkins and I thought the two bands share a similar "early 90s alternative" vibe but then Crash Test Dummies came out with this. And it was popular, and MTV played it a lot, and I remember thinking "Didn't they have other songs that were better than this?" ---
**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/135 "2018-01-30T17:09:33Z")
> [@It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](#): > > Obvious song not yet listed: “My Humps” by Black Eyed Peas. No explanation necessary. I really like [Alanis Morissette’s version of this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRmYfVCH2UA). Seriously. I do. I actually like a lot of the songs mentioned in this thread, even the cheesy ones. Especially the cheesy ones. They give me happy memories of my 1970s childhood. My vote for this is “Panama” by Van Halen. Or pretty much anything from the David Lee Roth era of VH. Every time I hear that shrieky thing he does in _every damn song_ I want to punch him in the face. ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/136 "2018-01-30T17:20:40Z")
ok I gotta volunteer at least one song, dammit. This little piece of moldy feel-goodery about [the crazy world of hitch-hiking](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fToeP2kyQ7g) needs to somehow be drawn and quartered. And then thrown over a high ledge. > [@DrDeth](#): > > \*(They Long to Be) Close to You > \*Carpenters > > Hate, hate hate. > > And, they were creepy. Oh come now, not [creepy](https://youtu.be/tdcN-1M1fSs?t=251) at all. Also, my user profile raises alarms about two more offenders - Thunderclaptrap Newman’s [“Something In The Air”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RTZoJ01FpD8) and [“Green Tambourine”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5Vz-z4PEkk) by some band called the Lemon Pipers. Nothing like shmaltzy top ten “hippy pop”\* - possibly one of the most painful genres ever, aging as well as a bottle of Baby duck, as in - not very. \*Forget the stupid popcorn - I have just now come up with a new genre name. Your welcome. ---
**Author:** ![WreckingCrew](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wreckingcrew/32/4080_2.png) [@WreckingCrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WreckingCrew)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/137 "2018-01-30T17:20:47Z")
> [@Biffster](#): > > “And When I Die” by Blood, Sweat and Tears. With that chugachug harp it just reminds me of some after school special. Oh God yes. I hate that song with the passion of a million supernovas. ---
**Author:** ![mbh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a6a055/32.png) [@mbh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mbh)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/138 "2018-01-30T17:24:45Z")
> [@don\_t\_ask](#): > > _Good Morning Starshine_. Top 10 all over the world. I blame it for the sudden onslaught of Type 2 diabetes. > [@DooWahDiddy](#): > > In all fairness though, this was from _Hair_, and was supposed to represent the free-lovin’ hippie era. Not sure why it became a hit outside of musical theatre, but it might help to know there were a bunch of naked people dancing while this song was playing. 😉 That makes [Sesame Street](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gkav2kjB0qc)’s version rather disappointing. ---
**Author:** ![drad\_dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@drad\_dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drad_dog)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/139 "2018-01-30T17:40:55Z")
> [@Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](#): > > This thread might have set a record for the use of ‘treacle.’ I’m expecting Elsie, Lacie, and Tillie to show up anytime. (FWIW, I like terrible songs, and a good many of the songs mentioned in this thread.) > > Having said that, I heard this song for the first time this weekend on a 1972 Casey Kasem AT 40 rerun. From 1972, [“Once You Understand” by something called “Think”.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=haCqD9Ps0co) You have been deprived for 46 years. I remember that one. For everyone else, it’s a spoken word thing with a dad and a kid and drugs are involved, and the kid winds up dead. ---
**Author:** ![drad\_dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@drad\_dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drad_dog)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/140 "2018-01-30T17:42:32Z")
> [@salinqmind](#): > > Paul Anka LOVES women having his babies, unless they take him to court in a custody battle. I do believe the 80 year old fart was humble-bragging when he said he couldn’t attend Captain Sh\*tStain’s inauguration because he was fighting some woman for custody of a young child! > > I’ve always thought ‘Wildfire’ was bad. ‘She’ll be ridin’ Wiiiiiiiiiiillld Fiiiiiiire’ - is that a one-hit wonder? That depends on whether “Geronimos’ Cadillac” was a hit for you. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745.md?page=8)