# Terrible songs that never deserved to be hits **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 29, 2018, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745 "2018-01-29T17:35:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/161 "2018-01-30T22:43:21Z")
> [@Sefton](#): > > I have to agree with Dave Barry that _[Yummy Yummy Yummy (I’ve Got Love in My Tummy)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4aQiFaCod8)_ wasn’t worthy of hit-ness. Wait, so that’s not a lyrically subversive song about oral sex? 😉 (I actually thought I was a pervert for having that tongue-in-cheek interpretation, but, looking at Google now, it is apparently a story that is told about that song.) ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/162 "2018-01-30T22:45:55Z")
Tina Turner’s “What’s Love Got To Do With It?” had no business being a hit song. There are no words for how much I hate that song. ---
**Author:** ![E-DUB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/e-dub/32/403_2.png) [@E-DUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-DUB)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/163 "2018-01-30T23:01:20Z")
Originally Posted by Sam Stone I’ll vote for ‘What is Love’ by Haddaway. If you don’t recognize the title, it’s the song that just repeats, “Lady Don’t Hurt Me’ over and over again. If you did any clubbing in the 90’s, you could not avoid this dreck. And it was a global hit and sold millions of copies. It was also used in the SNL skit about the three guys at the club…repeatedly. ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/164 "2018-01-30T23:15:23Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > \If I were strapped upright in a chair with my eyes propped open and given a choice of which version to listen to while electrodes were being applied to my genitals\ Man, that reminds me of prom night… ---
**Author:** ![Grumbacher\_Red](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/85e7bf/32.png) [@Grumbacher\_Red](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grumbacher_Red)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/165 "2018-01-30T23:25:23Z")
What? No **Leo Sayer** with that horrific **You Make Me Feel Like Dancin’**? And I also nominate another Soul Train oldie: **Float On** by **The Floaters**. I see my other top picks have been chosen, Muskrat Song, Disco Duck, Honey by Bobby Goldsboro, and Afternoon Delight. I will add anything by **Chicago** , goddam I freakin’ hate their music. My 90s pick is **Peaches** by **The Presidents of the United States of America**. ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/166 "2018-01-30T23:30:39Z")
Can’t remember if [Final Countdown](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jK-NcRmVcw)was already mentioned, or if I’m thinking of the melodramatic songs thread. The “Men” bands - [Men Without Hats’ “Safety Dance”\*](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AjPau5QYtYs) and [Mean At Works’ “Who Can It Be Now?”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SECVGN4Bsgg) Insipid and pedestrian is being kind. \*Dancing midgets never help the cause. ---
**Author:** ![Grumbacher\_Red](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/85e7bf/32.png) [@Grumbacher\_Red](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grumbacher_Red)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/167 "2018-01-30T23:45:18Z")
Also worth mentioning is “ **We Are the Champions** ” by **Queen**. And I hate to say it, because I adore Queen, but that song just smacks of, “Gee, let’s write something to play in a sports arena” try-hard. And I like to believe Queen is better than that. ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2018, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/168 "2018-01-30T23:53:52Z")
> [@Superdude](#): > > Man, that reminds me of prom night… especially the snip snip ---
**Author:** ![betterlifethroughchemistry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/betterlifethroughchemistry/32/3094_2.png) [@betterlifethroughchemistry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betterlifethroughchemistry)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/169 "2018-01-31T00:06:07Z")
> [@kenobi\_65](#): > > [Afternoon Delight](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wu1UXCdyNo0), a treacly song about the joys of midday sex, which, inexplicably, was a #1 hit in 1976, and led to the Starland Vocal Band actually getting a variety show on CBS. I remember as a 13-14 year old budding Dead Head just being horrified when this song would come on the radio…and totally mortified when my Dad would hum along…some things just can’t be unheard… ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/170 "2018-01-31T00:08:22Z")
> [@Grumbacher\_Red](#): > > Also worth mentioning is “ **We Are the Champions** ” by **Queen**. > > And I hate to say it, because I adore Queen, but that song just smacks of, “Gee, let’s write something to play in a sports arena” try-hard. > > And I like to believe Queen is better than that. I love Queen, too, but yes, they \*\*were \*\*inspired by fans chanting at football (soccer) matches, and wanted to create a song that encouraged audience participation. > [@Freddie Mercury](#): > > “I was thinking about football when I wrote it,” Mercury said. “I wanted a participation song, something that the fans could latch on to. Of course, I’ve given it more theatrical subtlety than an ordinary football chant." Source: [http://americansongwriter.com/2014/02/queen-champions/](http://americansongwriter.com/2014/02/queen-champions/) ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/171 "2018-01-31T00:20:53Z")
> [@Grumbacher\_Red](#): > > Also worth mentioning is “ **We Are the Champions** ” by **Queen**. > > And I hate to say it, because I adore Queen, but that song just smacks of, “Gee, let’s write something to play in a sports arena” try-hard. > > And I like to believe Queen is better than that. I’ll see your Champs and raise you a Radio Gaga and Bicycle. ---
**Author:** ![Grumbacher\_Red](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/85e7bf/32.png) [@Grumbacher\_Red](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grumbacher_Red)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/172 "2018-01-31T00:25:30Z")
> [@kenobi\_65](#): > > I love Queen, too, but yes, they \*\*were \*\*inspired by fans chanting at football (soccer) matches, and wanted to create a song that encouraged audience participation. > > Source: [http://americansongwriter.com/2014/02/queen-champions/](http://americansongwriter.com/2014/02/queen-champions/) :(:(☹ That makes me sad, Pa… :(:(☹ ---
**Author:** ![Grumbacher\_Red](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/85e7bf/32.png) [@Grumbacher\_Red](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grumbacher_Red)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/173 "2018-01-31T00:32:04Z")
> [@Guest-starring\_Id](#): > > I’ll see your Champs and raise you a Radio Gaga and Bicycle. But, but, but… Bohemian Rhapsody & Fat Bottom Girls sorta cancel those out? Alright, I’ll fold. Because Another One Bites the Dust was pretty awful, too. But I’ll always have A Crazy Little Thing Called Love. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![betterlifethroughchemistry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/betterlifethroughchemistry/32/3094_2.png) [@betterlifethroughchemistry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betterlifethroughchemistry)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/174 "2018-01-31T00:42:24Z")
Anything by John Cougar Mellencamp makes me want to vomit, but “Jack and Diane” make me violent and want to stab my ears with screwdrivers…and the fact the “Classic Rock” stations play it over and over again is maddening… ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/175 "2018-01-31T00:45:12Z")
> [@Grumbacher\_Red](#): > > Fat Bottom :smack: Damn. Right. I forgot about that one. The keyboards in [“96 Tears”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7uC5m-IRns) makes me vomit prolapse. Which means I don’t like the rest of the song either. ---
**Author:** ![drad\_dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@drad\_dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drad_dog)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/176 "2018-01-31T00:45:45Z")
The 90s were like a terrible decade that never deserved to be a hit. Each song seemed to be another one hit wonder that was worse than the last. That Post-Nirvana signing frenzy. And all the big indie bands got a shot too, to have a hit, be on 120 minutes and be big rock. But not as many of those payed off as in other eras of mania. It seemed like dead ends. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/177 "2018-01-31T00:49:18Z")
> [@Grumbacher\_Red](#): > > But, but, but… Bohemian Rhapsody & Fat Bottom Girls sorta cancel those out? > > Alright, I’ll fold. > > Because Another One Bites the Dust was pretty awful, too. > > But I’ll always have A Crazy Little Thing Called Love. 😉 But then we would not have had [_Another One Rides The Bus._](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3SFEgu3KsGk). And possibly no Weird Al. ---
**Author:** ![Exapno\_Mapcase](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/exapno_mapcase/32/1051_2.png) [@Exapno\_Mapcase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exapno_Mapcase)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/178 "2018-01-31T00:56:30Z")
> [@astorian](#): > > There are many, many popular recording that I hate. But if millions of people liked a record enough to put up money for it, where do I come off telling them they’re wrong? > > The only way I’d call a #1 hit “undeserving” would be if someone falsified the sales record and made it look more popular than it was. Saying that if something is popular it must good is exactly as silly as saying that if something is not popular it must be bad. ---
**Author:** ![Grumbacher\_Red](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/85e7bf/32.png) [@Grumbacher\_Red](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grumbacher_Red)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/179 "2018-01-31T00:57:49Z")
> [@running\_coach](#): > > But then we would not have had [_Another One Rides The Bus._](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3SFEgu3KsGk). And possibly no Weird Al. yes, yes, the many uneven gifts of Queen. 😃 For every Killer Queen, I Want to Break Free and Somebody to Love there is a Flash and a We Will Rock You. BUT, Under Pressure did spawn Vanilla Ice on our souls like a bad rash. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2018, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745/180 "2018-01-31T01:11:08Z")
> [@Exapno\_Mapcase](#): > > I like a lot of these songs, and love a few of them. Even the worst ones don’t begin to scrape the awfulness of treacle songs from the 60s and 70s. Of that list, I find “Knock Three Times” silly and only mildly annoying. The others are just as bad as you say. > [@](#): > > Any time you young’uns like to rail against classic rock, put these on and remember these were the alternative. The problem isn’t the quality of classic rock _per se_. It’s that very few songs can survive a freakin’ _half-century_ of endless repetition without destroying one’s capacity to enjoy them. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terrible-songs-that-never-deserved-to-be-hits/807745.md?page=10)