# Terror alert RED (at least in my house) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 23, 2003, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terror-alert-red-at-least-in-my-house/177012 "2003-05-23T12:58:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![tanookie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/48db29/32.png) [@tanookie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tanookie)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terror-alert-red-at-least-in-my-house/177012/1 "2003-05-23T12:58:40Z")
Or … Gabby goes to the vet. Our normally serene household went to Orange alert and the borders were closed. Cats ran for high places! Bedroom doors were closed and the cat door was locked. The CIA (Canine Investigation Association) operative sniffed out the feline but was unable to detain her for capture. The fiasco flooded part of the kitchen and panic enused. Terror alert escalated to red at this point. In an attempt to provide backup, our TIA (Toddler In Arms) agent joined the chase. Cheerios flew everywhere but the feline was not to be caught. We believe her moles in the FBI (Feline Bureau of Instigation) were providing assistance. After much furniture displacement the feline was finally apprehended and is now being kept as a feline of interest in the bathroom until 09:15 when she will be moved in a secured transport to an undisclosed veterinary hospital for interrogation and torture. ---
**Author:** ![welby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d78d45/32.png) [@welby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/welby)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terror-alert-red-at-least-in-my-house/177012/2 "2003-05-23T13:06:15Z")
Give her the rack! Bring out the rubber hoses! Make her talk. She’s in it with the squirrels, I just know it. ---
**Author:** ![Ashkicker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4bbf92/32.png) [@Ashkicker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ashkicker)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terror-alert-red-at-least-in-my-house/177012/3 "2003-05-23T13:28:52Z")
So she is secluded in the water torture chamber? Turn on the water and crack open a can of tuna. Suspect will talk then and you might be able to lower the terror alert to green. ---
**Author:** ![tanookie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/48db29/32.png) [@tanookie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tanookie)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terror-alert-red-at-least-in-my-house/177012/4 "2003-05-23T14:08:30Z")
Water torture is Thursdays. We had a thoroughly unproductive round of “talks” with our fat cat last evening. She spent many hours giving us nasty looks and should the hamster disappear she will be our number one suspect. Welby graced one of _my_ threads with a response! I will never wash this thread again! I do believe the squirrels are involved. It is only with fanatical perseverence by our CIA operative that the squirrels have not invaded the main compound. Searches and chases occur daily. ---
**Author:** ![welby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d78d45/32.png) [@welby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/welby)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2003, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terror-alert-red-at-least-in-my-house/177012/5 "2003-05-24T18:55:50Z")
[B}tanookie\*\* you’ve just _got_ wash your threads, otherwise they get all nasty and gross. Tell you what, wash this one and I’ll post in it again. ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2003, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terror-alert-red-at-least-in-my-house/177012/6 "2003-05-24T19:06:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by tanookie \* > … We believe her moles in the FBI (Feline Bureau of Instigation) were providing assistance … So, your cat doesn’t just play with the moles it catches, it actually recruits them for nefarious purposes? This is a dangerous kitty! ---
**Author:** ![80sHairMetalMaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/8/ed655f/32.png) [@80sHairMetalMaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/80sHairMetalMaven)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2003, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terror-alert-red-at-least-in-my-house/177012/7 "2003-05-24T19:32:30Z")
RoTFLMAO\* IDBB ---
**Author:** ![tanookie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/48db29/32.png) [@tanookie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tanookie)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2003, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terror-alert-red-at-least-in-my-house/177012/8 "2003-05-24T20:52:55Z")
Eeek I did not consider the long term ramifications of not doing proper thread maintenance! All those lurkers popping in and out do make quite a mess! _dust dust … sweep sweep … scrub scrub_ I shall even vaccuum the thread although it is quite difficult with the CIA operative attempting to eat said vaccuum. ---
**Author:** ![welby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d78d45/32.png) [@welby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/welby)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2003, 11:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terror-alert-red-at-least-in-my-house/177012/9 "2003-05-27T11:43:51Z")
Good job on the thread! I like the curtains and door mat, but the kitchen could use a little work. Purple and red wall paper? Ugh! Just wanted to stop in and say that I’m not surprised by your cat causing problems. Everyone knows cats are evil. That’s why dogs hate them. ---
**Author:** ![tanookie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/48db29/32.png) [@tanookie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tanookie)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2003, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terror-alert-red-at-least-in-my-house/177012/10 "2003-05-27T13:34:06Z")
Aaah but the cats have corrupted my dog with some odd grooming ritual. They surround her and lick her like fuzzy purring maniacs. As this is preferable to being ridden by the two year old the dog has gone cat-side in many ways. Lucky for us she’s still the village idiot and will gladly join in any “find the kitty” festivities. Unlucky for us this usually includes breaking at least one thing and toppling some piece of furniture each time. Oh and I kind of like purple and red… early psychotic axe murderer is a great theme for a kitchen dontcha think? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Parallax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbce88/32.png) [@Parallax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Parallax)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2003, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terror-alert-red-at-least-in-my-house/177012/11 "2003-05-27T13:34:26Z")
Hrm - then what does it mean when our dog has a cross-species lesbian lick fest with several of our cats? Sounds like we are in trouble and the dog has been turned to the dark side. ---
**Author:** ![tanookie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/48db29/32.png) [@tanookie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tanookie)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2003, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/terror-alert-red-at-least-in-my-house/177012/12 "2003-05-27T13:36:00Z")
Kinky… simulposts!