# Texas Democrats: you've gotta be fucking kiddin me **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 13, 2003, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-democrats-youve-gotta-be-fucking-kiddin-me/174948 "2003-05-13T13:51:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-democrats-youve-gotta-be-fucking-kiddin-me/174948/21 "2003-05-13T15:08:20Z")
And what about those who hole up in New York? If Oklamoha is ridicule, then surely NY, home of the Yankees, is a lynching. Right **Dewey**? 😛 Enjoy, Steven ---
**Author:** ![Trion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ccd318/32.png) [@Trion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trion)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-democrats-youve-gotta-be-fucking-kiddin-me/174948/22 "2003-05-13T15:13:31Z")
Maybe they just wanted to see the winds come sweeping down the plains. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Cheatem\_Undhow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/13edae/32.png) [@Dewey\_Cheatem\_Undhow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Cheatem_Undhow)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-democrats-youve-gotta-be-fucking-kiddin-me/174948/23 "2003-05-13T15:13:31Z")
**minty** : Now _that_ is spin extraordinaire. You assume the heathens that inhabit Oklahoma desire to leave their wicked ways and embrace the glorious way of the Texan. I assure you, they do not. The cretins of that state have looked across the Red River for well over a century; they can clearly see the superiority of Texas, yet they continue to reject it. Indeed, the denizens of Norman wander into Dallas once every autumn, yet in spite of spending a full weekend in the magnificent boozed-up aura of Texas football, nonetheless elect to return to their dank holes in the north (for which we should probably be thankful). These are a people who force payment for travel on inter-city state highways. These are a people who, desiring barbeque, might actually go to Kansas City. Above all, these are a people who are proud of the fact that their forebears cheated in a land race. To try to bring enlightenment to such a people is a fool’s errand. The Texas Democrats know this. The best interpretation of their actions, far from the missionary work you describe, is that having become scoundrels themselves, the Texas Democrats have decided to make their bed with the worst of scoundrels – Oklahomans. The greatest of Texas Democrats, Sam Rayburn and LBJ, would never have stood for this type of shenanigans. All Texas Democrats should call out to their absentee brethren, and demand their immediate relocation to Texas’ Playground (known to non-Texans as Colorado), lest they be forcibly barred from ever reentering the Garden of Eden that is Texas. ---
**Author:** ![minty\_green](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@minty\_green](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/minty_green)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-democrats-youve-gotta-be-fucking-kiddin-me/174948/24 "2003-05-13T15:17:54Z")
Incidentally, the [Dallas Morning News story](http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dallas/politics/topstory/stories/051303dntexawol.ca25.html) today is a hoot. (Requires free registration, but they don’t spam you.) Among the highlights: > [@](#): > > Legend and mystery mingled deliciously with a few solid facts: Following instructions from organizers, the lawmakers packed bags and assembled for transport to parts largely unknown. > > Late Monday, DPS asked the public for assistance in locating the lawmakers by calling 1-800-525-5555. > [@](#): > > Telephone inquiries to a nearby hotel produced no sign of the missing lawmakers, but an in-person visit revealed a veritable nest of Democrats. > > They could be seen congregating in the hotel’s outdoor courtyard. > > A spokesman for Oklahoma Gov. Brad Henry said he was informed earlier Monday that Democrats would take up residence in the Sooner State. The Democrat offered few prospects that he would aid in the Texans’ repatriation. > > “Our position is that, without a warrant signed by a judge, we have no authority. Even under those circumstances, we are hesitant to get pulled into a Texas political battle. If we’re going to do battle with Texas, we prefer that it be on the football field,” Mr. Henry said through his spokesman. > [@](#): > > Despite an initial statement by Mr. Craddick that troopers could arrest the lawmakers even if they fled the state, his staff later conceded there were limits to what they could do. Some officials at potential destination sites were more emphatic. > > New Mexico Attorney General Patricia Madrid said it appeared her state had no authority to arrest the lawmakers if they show up there, despite being asked to do so by the Texas governor. > > “Nevertheless, I have put out an all-points bulletin for law enforcement to be on the lookout for politicians in favor of health care for the needy and against tax cuts for the wealthy,” said Ms. Madrid, a Democrat. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Cheatem\_Undhow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/13edae/32.png) [@Dewey\_Cheatem\_Undhow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Cheatem_Undhow)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-democrats-youve-gotta-be-fucking-kiddin-me/174948/25 "2003-05-13T15:29:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mtgman \* > \*\*And what about those who hole up in New York? If Oklamoha is ridicule, then surely NY, home of the Yankees, is a lynching. Right **Dewey**? \*\* Verily, **mtgman** , you are unlearned in the way of the Texan. Allow me to enlighten you. You speak the truth when you say that New York is a dark place. Indeed, save for Dopefest, it has whittled away my very soul for three and half years. Like the Prodigal Son, I have wandered afar, and now greatly desire to return home. But New York, while a dark and strange land filled with people who know not the joy that is Texas, is not a land of wickedness of the likes of Oklahoma. Ask a Texan if he would be upset if the Cowboys or Texans lost to the Giants or Jets, and he would reply: “verily, I would.” Ask a Texan if he would be upset if the Mavericks or Rockets lost to the Knicks, and he would reply “verily, I would” (Houstonians would add “and Olajuwon kicked Ewing’s ass in '94”). Ask a Texan if he would be upset if the Rangers lost to the Yankees or the Astros lost to the Mets, and he would reply “verily, I would.” Ask a Texan if he would be upset if the Stars lost to the Rangers, and he would reply “what sport is that again?” But ask a Texan if he would trade all of the above for a victory by the Longhorns over the Sooners, and he will reply “verily, I would, for New York is a mere opponent, while Oklahoma is evil incarnate.” Even Texas Aggies root for the 'Horns on Texas-OU Weekend, though it pains them to do so, for they are Texans first and foremost. While it is never good to spend extended time away from the glory of Texas (except, perhaps, in Texas’ Playground, where there are many fellow Texans about), it is not an excommuinicable offense. That is saved for those choosing freely to stay in Oklahoma. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-democrats-youve-gotta-be-fucking-kiddin-me/174948/26 "2003-05-13T15:42:48Z")
> [@](#): > > The political reason the Dems walked out is because Dick Armey convinced the Republicans in the Texas Legislature to redraw the state’s congressional districts to create more Republican and fewer Democratic seats in Congress. Thus, the ugly partisan battle that takes place in every state every ten years for redistricting now threatens to take place every two years. -Wait a minute-that’s gerrymandering, right? Isn’t that illegal? ---
**Author:** ![minty\_green](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@minty\_green](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/minty_green)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-democrats-youve-gotta-be-fucking-kiddin-me/174948/27 "2003-05-13T15:43:43Z")
Ah, **Dewey**. Have you no faith in human nature? Nay, I say unto you that when the citizens of Oklahoma, their hearts bursting with the hope of the hopeless, look from their squalor across the Red River, they see only Sherman, and Childress, and Dalhart. Of Texas, they know no more. Yet when the bravest of those souls journey farther afield–to Dallas for Texas-OU weekend, to Lukenbach because they have heard of the Great Prophet Willie, to Austin because Coach Brown’s generous heart caused him to take pity and permit them to wear burnt orange–then, my friend, the scales fall away from their eyes. They know no more of “pork” barbeque, or of covered wagons, or of the filth of Norman. They put Cowboys stickers on their trucks. They drink only of Shiner. And yes, praise unto the name of Col. W.B. Travis, they eat Tex-Mex five times a week. Where there is Texas, there is hope. And today, that hope shines like a beacon from the courtyard of the Ardmore Holiday Inn. ---
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-democrats-youve-gotta-be-fucking-kiddin-me/174948/28 "2003-05-13T15:47:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Dewey Cheatem Undhow \* > \*\ ***minty** : Now _that_ is spin extraordinaire. > > Above all, these are a people who are proud of the fact that their forebears cheated in a land race. > \*\* Instead of killing natives for it honestly, like us Ohioans. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Cheatem\_Undhow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/13edae/32.png) [@Dewey\_Cheatem\_Undhow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Cheatem_Undhow)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-democrats-youve-gotta-be-fucking-kiddin-me/174948/29 "2003-05-13T15:54:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by minty green \* > \*\*Ah, **Dewey**. Have you no faith in human nature? Nay, I say unto you that when the citizens of Oklahoma, their hearts bursting with the hope of the hopeless, look from their squalor across the Red River, they see only Sherman, and Childress, and Dalhart. Of Texas, they know no more… \*\* Ah, but Sherman gave birth to the glory that is Mrs. Undhow. What more need the heathens across the river know in order to walk into the light? And if the Texas Democrats are on a mission of mercy, they are woefully unprepared. There is no sign that they brought kegs of Shiner, nor brisket from Kreuz Market, nor Stevie Ray Vaughn CDs. Their tales of a land of bountiful plenty just across the river will be met with guffaws, for who, having lived their whole life in the shadow of Tulsa, could ever believe such a place actually exists? Their stories will be treated as fairy tales without tangible proof. The Democrats should immediately return to Austin so that the lege can approve an emergency airdrop of Shiner Bock and Blue Bell ice cream into Oklahoma by the Texas Air National Guard. Then, and only then, would this alleged “mission of mercy” have any chance at success. ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-democrats-youve-gotta-be-fucking-kiddin-me/174948/30 "2003-05-13T15:55:40Z")
Sigh… this is both ridiculous AND a little embarrassing. Now, as a purely PRACTICAL matter here, the Republicans have a point. Like it or not, Texas is currently an overwhelmingly Republican state. However, that is not currently reflected in the voting districts for the Texas legislature OR the U.S. Congress. Redistricting is long overdue, and the results SHOULD end up (for now, at least) giving the Republicans solid majorities in both houses of the Texas legislature and more Congressmen than we have now. That said, this whole situation has been handled ridiculously by both parties. Look, I fully EXPECT both parties to fight tooth and nail to get the best possible results for their respective sides. I understand that. But both sides have an obligation to act like grown-ups, and to be mature enough to do at least a LITTLE honest negotiating and horse-trading. To the Democrats, I say grow up and accept reality! You’re NOT the majority in Texas any more, you haven’t been for a long time, and you need to accept that you don’t deserve to control the legislature or more than a few Congressional seats,. To the Republicans, I say: be reasonable! Yes, you deserve a lot more than you have, but you don’t need to control EVERYTHING. Yes, use your power to get the best redistricting you can get, but show a LITTLE magnanimity, and stop trying to settle old scores. As much as it pains me to say this, Austin is a solidly liberal Democratic district, and it’s entitled to elect a Lloyd Doggett, however distasteful I find him. Redrawing lines to oust Doggett is petty and unfair. The GOP is entitled to a solid legislative majority and to MOST of Texas’ Congressmen, but it’s not entitled to ALL of them, no matter how much Tom DeLay may want it. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-democrats-youve-gotta-be-fucking-kiddin-me/174948/31 "2003-05-13T15:56:43Z")
For us furriners who can’t tell Texans and Oklahomans apart without the use of precision laboratory equiptment - whence this rivalry? ---
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-democrats-youve-gotta-be-fucking-kiddin-me/174948/32 "2003-05-13T16:01:56Z")
Wait, are you guys saying that they play football in Texas? See, being from Pittsburgh, I eat and breathe the sport. But I wasn’t aware that anyone down there knew anything about the game. Hmmmm. You do learn something new everyday. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-democrats-youve-gotta-be-fucking-kiddin-me/174948/33 "2003-05-13T16:04:06Z")
Holy wakasaka… what an IDEA! It’s just beautiful! I wonder if we could convince the US Congress to go into hiding in Canada, or something. Y’know, the whole year I spent in San Antonio I became convinced that there must be something in the water down Tejas way. ---
**Author:** ![minty\_green](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@minty\_green](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/minty_green)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-democrats-youve-gotta-be-fucking-kiddin-me/174948/34 "2003-05-13T16:06:06Z")
I would point out that the Air National Guard is, per the Texas Constitution, controlled by the governor, and that it is therefore solely within his discretion to authorize the airlifting of provisions to Oklahomans. As Governor Perry is an Aggie, I have little hope that he would authorize anything more than an airdrop of Dixie Chicken bumper stickers. ---
**Author:** ![Duke\_of\_Rat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Duke\_of\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke_of_Rat)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-democrats-youve-gotta-be-fucking-kiddin-me/174948/35 "2003-05-13T16:10:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by minty green \* > \*\*Ah, **Dewey**. Have you no faith in human nature? Nay, I say unto you that when the citizens of Oklahoma, their hearts bursting with the hope of the hopeless, look from their squalor across the Red River, they see only Sherman, and Childress, and Dalhart. Of Texas, they know no more. > > \*\* Well, pardner, I’ll give ya Sherman and Childress, but you can’t see Dalhart from the Red River. **Alessan** We see Okies as an inferior breed, much the same as Democrats. Hey, that’s the ticket!! Just let Oklahoma have the yellow bastards!! They deserve each other! ---
**Author:** ![minty\_green](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@minty\_green](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/minty_green)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-democrats-youve-gotta-be-fucking-kiddin-me/174948/36 "2003-05-13T16:18:01Z")
Yes, it could be that the absent legislators are merely taking up residence in the new districts that Tom DeLay is drawing for them. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Cheatem\_Undhow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/13edae/32.png) [@Dewey\_Cheatem\_Undhow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Cheatem_Undhow)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-democrats-youve-gotta-be-fucking-kiddin-me/174948/37 "2003-05-13T16:21:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Alessan \* > \*\*For us furriners who can’t tell Texans and Oklahomans apart without the use of precision laboratory equiptment - whence this rivalry? \*\* Easy. Texas is the light of the world, and Oklahomans refuse to acknowledge this fact. 🙂 OK, OK. Football has a lot to do with it – every year, Texas and OU play in Dallas, which is equidistant from Norman and Austin. That tradition of meeting on neutral ground (well…sorta) has made the game bigger than most college rivalries – over time, it’s sort of evolved beyond a college football game into a full-blown interstate pissing contest. Also, both states are known for the oil industry, so there’s probably some bragging rights at stake in that area. And the shared border of the Red River has been the source of disputes for ages (who maintains bridges, etc). But mostly, the rivlary “just is.” Texans don’t like Oklahoma. Oklahomans don’t like Texas. Such as it has been, such as it forever will be. I remember watching _Politically Incorrect_ some years ago (back when it was marginally entertaining). Two of the guests were then-governor of Oklahoma Frank Keating and Texas political observer Jim Hightower. I have no idea what the topics originally were, but the discussion eventually led to a Texas/Oklahoma argument between Keating and Hightower. Some things are important on a basic, primal level, I suppose. If anyone knows anymore background on this topic, I’d love to hear it. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Cheatem\_Undhow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/13edae/32.png) [@Dewey\_Cheatem\_Undhow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Cheatem_Undhow)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-democrats-youve-gotta-be-fucking-kiddin-me/174948/38 "2003-05-13T16:25:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by minty green \* > **I would point out that the Air National Guard is, per the Texas Constitution, controlled by the governor, and that it is therefore solely within his discretion to authorize the airlifting of provisions to Oklahomans.** Yes, but he can’t appropriate the funds for the provisions – he needs the lege for that. \*\* > [@](#): > > As Governor Perry is an Aggie, I have little hope that he would authorize anything more than an airdrop of Dixie Chicken bumper stickers. \*\* This is a real problem. One can only hope that he has spent enough time in Austin to favor Shiner over sheep. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-democrats-youve-gotta-be-fucking-kiddin-me/174948/39 "2003-05-13T16:30:42Z")
> [@](#): > > The GOP is entitled to a solid legislative majority and to MOST of Texas’ Congressmen If the Republican candidate in question can’t get the majority of the people in his or her district to vote for him/her, then the party that candidate represents doesn’t deserve anything. Maybe the person preferred by the voters should be the one elected, regardless of party affiliation? Oh wait, we’re talking about Texas Republicans. What was I thinking? ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2003, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-democrats-youve-gotta-be-fucking-kiddin-me/174948/40 "2003-05-13T16:42:41Z")
I recall, back in the late forties or early fifties, a number of Texas residents were moving to Oklahoma. I forget what for, exactly, but I think it was related to the oil industry. The then-governor of Texas was asked about the migration, and if it concerned him. He replied, “I think it’s a good thing. It raises the average IQ in both states.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-democrats-youve-gotta-be-fucking-kiddin-me/174948.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-democrats-youve-gotta-be-fucking-kiddin-me/174948.md?page=3)