# Texas Dildo Massacre **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 25, 2004, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-dildo-massacre/252114 "2004-06-25T00:58:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Batsinma\_Belfry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ea5d25/32.png) [@Batsinma\_Belfry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Batsinma_Belfry)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-dildo-massacre/252114/1 "2004-06-25T00:58:45Z")
I have to admit this is the first “Porn Spam” title that made me _almost_ open it. I thought to myself, _“I wonder what massacred dildos look like.”_ I pictured a pile of dildos in all colors and sizes, lying slashed open with batteries and wires scattered around. Then the rest of my brain cells kicked in, and I realised the dildos were probably not the victims. :smack: But who would want to see porn that has _massacre_ in the title? ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-dildo-massacre/252114/2 "2004-06-25T01:01:20Z")
Funniest thread title I’ve seen in a while. 😃 I wonder if any of the dildos require a pull cord to get started? ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-dildo-massacre/252114/3 "2004-06-25T01:18:12Z")
> [@Mr. Blue Sky](#): > > I wonder if any of the dildos require a pull cord to get started? Yeow! **Blue Sky** your post made me cross my legs and clench my nether-regions. “Dildo” and “pull chord” do NOT belong in the same sentence. Ever. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-dildo-massacre/252114/4 "2004-06-25T01:24:17Z")
I live to serve. ---
**Author:** ![TitoBenito](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2acd7d/32.png) [@TitoBenito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TitoBenito)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 7:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-dildo-massacre/252114/5 "2004-06-25T07:03:45Z")
There can’t be a Texas Dildo Massacre because in Texas you have to call them [anatomically correct condom education models](http://www.auschron.com/issues/dispatch/2000-08-11/xtra_feature2.html). So the title should be The Texas Anatomically Correct Condom Education Model Massacre. ---
**Author:** ![Starving\_Artist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aeb1de/32.png) [@Starving\_Artist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Starving_Artist)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 7:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-dildo-massacre/252114/6 "2004-06-25T07:48:26Z")
A slight hijack: One of my best friends is a woman (I’m a guy). I’ve known her many years and she is very attractive and is quite open and frank about her, for the most part vigorous, sex life. She had a very large and very old vibrator. It plugged into the wall and was her favorite. Once, when she was using it alone, in the throes of passion she noticed an orangish light dancing off the walls. She looked down and _flames_ were coming out the sides! Needless to say this was quite a mood spoiler, not to mention that like I said it was also her favorite. The last I heard she had stashed it away in a box somewhere awaiting possible repair sometime in the future. From time to time I ask her if there’s been any news in regard to her “old flame.” She tries not to be amused, but there’s always a certain light in her eyes and the traces of a grin on her lips whenever I mention it. ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 10:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-dildo-massacre/252114/7 "2004-06-25T10:28:15Z")
> [@TitoBenito](#): > > So the title should be The Texas Anatomically Correct Condom Education Model Massacre. National Motto![sup]\*[/sup] - “National Motto!” is the new “Band Name!” Honest. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-dildo-massacre/252114/8 "2004-06-25T12:41:27Z")
> [@Starving Artist](#): > > A slight hijack: > > One of my best friends is a woman (I’m a guy). I’ve known her many years and she is very attractive and is quite open and frank about her, for the most part vigorous, sex life. She had a very large and very old vibrator. It plugged into the wall and was her favorite. Once, when she was using it alone, in the throes of passion she noticed an orangish light dancing off the walls. She looked down and _flames_ were coming out the sides! Needless to say this was quite a mood spoiler, not to mention that like I said it was also her favorite. The last I heard she had stashed it away in a box somewhere awaiting possible repair sometime in the future. From time to time I ask her if there’s been any news in regard to her “old flame.” She tries not to be amused, but there’s always a certain light in her eyes and the traces of a grin on her lips whenever I mention it. Sadly, I think it’s destined to reside in the Old Dildo Museum (which, if there’s a god, will be “erected” in Texas). ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-dildo-massacre/252114/9 "2004-06-25T14:44:54Z")
Without the gift of dildos, the world might have had to put up with “The Texas Ben-Wa Ball Massacre,” which would have been far less scary. [paraphrased from **Snooooopy**] ---
**Author:** ![Olentzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/90ced4/32.png) [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-dildo-massacre/252114/10 "2004-06-25T19:16:44Z")
> [@Starving Artist](#): > > Once, when she was using it alone, in the throes of passion she noticed an orangish light dancing off the walls. She looked down and _flames_ were coming out the sides! One presumes you were talking about the sides of the adapter, and not the dildo itself. :eek: I can imagine it, though - the soul of the dildo up on the soft, warm, pink clouds of Dildo Paradise, leaning back and saying to his companions, “Yeah… she was _that_ good.” ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-dildo-massacre/252114/11 "2004-06-25T19:36:01Z")
> [@Starving Artist](#): > > Once, when she was using it alone, in the throes of passion she noticed an orangish light dancing off the walls. She looked down and _flames_ were coming out the sides! I think they use a material now that develops substantially less friction. ---
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-dildo-massacre/252114/12 "2004-06-25T19:43:30Z")
> [@Kalhoun](#): > > Sadly, I think it’s destined to reside in the Old Dildo Museum (which, if there’s a god, will be “erected” in Texas). There is a God, and she chose to “erect” the [museum](http://www.goodvibes.com/cgi-bin/sgdynamo.exe?CODIV=0102&UID=2004062512445756&HTNAME=museum/index.html) in California. Where it’s legal to own more than three anatomically correct condom models. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-dildo-massacre/252114/13 "2004-06-25T19:46:16Z")
> [@Kalhoun](#): > > the Old Dildo Museum [MacArthur] Old dildoes never die…they just…burst into flames. [/MacArthur] > [@Starving Artist](#): > > looked down and flames were coming out the sides! this time, it’s not your dog I burning… ---
**Author:** ![Severian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/49beb7/32.png) [@Severian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Severian)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-dildo-massacre/252114/14 "2004-06-25T19:56:20Z")
Perchance does anyone know, are **The Flaming Lips** on tour? I just got a hankering for some reason. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-dildo-massacre/252114/15 "2004-06-25T20:23:17Z")
> [@Severian](#): > > Perchance does anyone know, are **The Flaming Lips** on tour? I just got a hankering for some reason. Bwahahahahahahahaha! ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-dildo-massacre/252114/16 "2004-06-25T20:43:51Z")
Lots of _people_ smoke after sex, but this is the first time I’ve heard of a dildo doing it. ---
**Author:** ![Starving\_Artist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aeb1de/32.png) [@Starving\_Artist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Starving_Artist)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-dildo-massacre/252114/17 "2004-06-25T20:47:01Z")
I should probably point out again because some people seem to have missed it, but my friends device was a large, plug-in _vibrator_, not a dildo. Hence the hijack I apologized for, but on a subject in a similar vein. ---
**Author:** ![Papaveraceae](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e8c25b/32.png) [@Papaveraceae](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Papaveraceae)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-dildo-massacre/252114/18 "2004-06-25T20:50:56Z")
😃 Thank you for reminding me once again why I love this place so much. _flaming lips…_ ---
**Author:** ![Batsinma\_Belfry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ea5d25/32.png) [@Batsinma\_Belfry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Batsinma_Belfry)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2004, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-dildo-massacre/252114/19 "2004-06-25T22:16:22Z")
If a dildo vibrates, is it a dildo or a vibrator? ---
**Author:** ![Brainiac4](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brainiac4/32/3534_2.png) [@Brainiac4](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brainiac4)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2004, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-dildo-massacre/252114/20 "2004-06-26T01:44:13Z")
Having spent an entire Saturday helping a friend of mine move her sex toy store from one location to another, I can say with authority that, if it vibrates, it’s a vibrator, not a dildo. Bonus TMI: When sorting dildos, one can distinguish the anal from the vaginal dildos by the shape of the tip – the anal ones have conical tips, as opposed to the domed end of the vaginal ones. 😃 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-dildo-massacre/252114.md?page=2)