# Texas-sized dildo mess
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-sized-dildo-mess/222502
**Category:** The BBQ Pit
**Created:** [January 3, 2004, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-sized-dildo-mess/222502 "2004-01-03T19:11:37Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 2
### Author:  [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)
#### Post date: [January 3, 2004, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-sized-dildo-mess/222502/21 "2004-01-03T21:34:03Z")
How long has it been since the Civil war? 130 years, give or take?
I think the south needs another fucking beat down. They seem to be slow learners down there.
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### Author:  [@An\_Arky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Arky)
#### Post date: [January 3, 2004, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-sized-dildo-mess/222502/22 "2004-01-03T21:35:05Z")
Not likely. Texas, like much of America, prides itself on its backwards ignorance.
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### Author:  [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)
#### Post date: [January 3, 2004, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-sized-dildo-mess/222502/23 "2004-01-03T21:46:26Z")
> [@](#):
>
> Dildo Dawn, what’s that mechanism you have on?
> Could it be a porcelain penis though they’re proscribed?
> And did you call me a prig when I shoved you in the brig?
> They say time in the penal system just slides by.
>
> She’s forty-two, and the heat’s got her in the pokey…
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### Author:  [@Master\_Wang-Ka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Master_Wang-Ka)
#### Post date: [January 3, 2004, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-sized-dildo-mess/222502/24 "2004-01-03T22:03:10Z")
I must respectfully disagree with some of the opinions hereby expressed.
I am a Texan, and not terribly proud of some of the recent crop of politicians the state has unleashed. Still… I WARNED you people about letting a Texas plutocrat get into office. LBJ would have been just as bad if it weren’t for his obsession about getting civil rights legislation enacted.
True, there are Texans who are proud of their ignorance, preferring instead the state of smug certainty that tends to accompany ignorance. However, I daresay that this syndrome exists ANYWHERE you have an entrenched gang of rednecks. I was surprised to find it in Michigan, of all places, a while back, as well as in various other states, including California.
…and as a rule, national politicians aren’t real wild about getting into bed with the rednecks. Makes 'em look bad. At least until an Ivy League redneck made it into the White House.
LOCAL politicians, on the other hand, don’t mind it at all… which is what CAUSES some of these idiotic laws, and restricts their removal from the books.
Y’see, Texas didn’t invent dirty politics, but we refined it to the point where it damn near resembles Noh theatre, in some ways. It’s predictable, it’s abstract, it’s dramatic, and it’s friggin’ impenetrable to them what ain’t been raised to it… although PARTS of it are plainly understandable to anyone.
No one gives a damn about dildos. But if Congressman Bobo tries to repeal the law, you can guarantee that Mr. Jojo will call him a lesbian-loving fruitbar the next time elections come up, and here we go again.
…which begs the question of why any sane politician would go after idiotic laws about sodomy and dildos when he has important legislation to deal with? And that’s assuming he’s reasonably honest to begin with.
Society changed to the point where a politician could score POINTS by debating the SODOMY laws! THAT’s the only reason anyone cared about that, and why anything ever got DONE about that.
…and until enough people start clamoring about dildos, free speech, and so forth, the dildo laws will remain as they are. I’ve heard it said that the problem with the OP case is that the person in question wanted to stand on “freedom of speech,” and take the moral, reasonable high ground, here. Come on, folks, these are DILDOS, not bags of heroin or blocks of C-4!
Uh-uh. WRONG tack to take, in Texas. As a rule, Texas law enforcement officials are NOT interested in justice, free speech, or much of anything aside from the Law. The Constitution is utterly irrelevant, unless it’s the Texas Constitution, the state charter, or suchlike.
…and if the law says we can bust you for something idiotic, and perhaps violate your civil rights in doing so, well, that’s how it is, and you should have known better. The Law Is The Law, and you’d better believe it.
…and until it reaches a point where a district attorney or other politically sensitive person takes more heat or ridicule for prosecuting such an idiotic case than he’s willing to fade… (or more flak than it’s worth to score the political points)…
…this sort of thing will continue.
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### Author:  [@bagkitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bagkitty)
#### Post date: [January 3, 2004, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-sized-dildo-mess/222502/25 "2004-01-03T22:05:16Z")
Hey what makes people think only lesbians like dildos… as a gay male I must express a certain fondness for them (hmmm, that would be an interesting tagline… you can have my dildo when you pry it from my cold, greasy fingers)😃
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### Author:  [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)
#### Post date: [January 3, 2004, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-sized-dildo-mess/222502/26 "2004-01-03T22:28:06Z")
And thank you for sharing.
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### Author:  [@spinky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spinky)
#### Post date: [January 3, 2004, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-sized-dildo-mess/222502/27 "2004-01-03T22:28:23Z")
The paradox here is that since Texas is the biggest state, Texas-sized dildos are outlawed in the only state that they’ll even fit in.
Regardless, using anything bigger than, say, Vermont is obscene.
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### Author:  [@Master\_Wang-Ka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Master_Wang-Ka)
#### Post date: [January 3, 2004, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-sized-dildo-mess/222502/28 "2004-01-03T22:38:34Z")
I’m sorry, Bagkitty. I did not mean to imply that dildos are only for lesbians.
But that’s pretty much what Texas legislators would say during the big mudslinging festival before the elections. Either it would not occur to them that gay men and heterosexual women like dildos, too, or they’d choose to stay away from potential voters and members of a group that could potentially embarrass them…
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### Author:  [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)
#### Post date: [January 3, 2004, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-sized-dildo-mess/222502/29 "2004-01-03T22:38:47Z")
Anyone else notice that “Dade County, Florida” is an anagram of “Dildo fo’ ya dear c…”
Actually, never mind.
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### Author:  [@Mighty\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Girl)
#### Post date: [January 3, 2004, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-sized-dildo-mess/222502/30 "2004-01-03T22:43:30Z")
This kind of stuff makes Texas look like some kind of backward third world-country ruled by a theocratic regime… I suggest you guys keep that kind of stuff out of the newspaper, it makes you look bad.
And at least we don’t need no frigging texas-sized dildo, thankyouverymuch. One the size of Rhode Island will suffice.
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### Author:  [@Age\_Quod\_Agis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Age_Quod_Agis)
#### Post date: [January 3, 2004, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-sized-dildo-mess/222502/31 "2004-01-03T23:03:24Z")
> [@](#):
>
> _ntucker:_
> The paradox here is that since Texas is the biggest state . . . .
Finally, someone acknowledges what I’ve suspected all along – that this “Alaska” is really just a Northern conspiracy to rob Texas of their rightful crown as America’s biggest state.
> [@](#):
>
> _Diogenes the Cynic:_
> I think the south needs another fucking beat down. They seem to be slow learners down there.
Bring it, Yankee. We’ll be sipping iced tea and listening to our new national anthem (lyrics by Robert Earl Keen) in D.C. before Autumn.
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### Author:  [@racinchikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racinchikki)
#### Post date: [January 3, 2004, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-sized-dildo-mess/222502/32 "2004-01-03T23:38:24Z")
I don’t care how good the music is down here, people are fuckin’ STUPID.
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### Author:  [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)
#### Post date: [January 3, 2004, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-sized-dildo-mess/222502/33 "2004-01-03T23:45:14Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Ilsa\_Lund \*
> \*\*Where does on[e] _get_ a Texas-sized dildo? \*\*
A1: Up the ass.
A2: At the bottom of the USA
A3: Off on.
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### Author:  [@Berkut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Berkut)
#### Post date: [January 3, 2004, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-sized-dildo-mess/222502/34 "2004-01-03T23:53:34Z")
Legalizing dildos in TX would result in higher unemployment.
Won’t someone _please_ think of the cock-sniffing police dogs?
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### Author:  [@Ilsa\_Lund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ilsa_Lund)
#### Post date: [January 3, 2004, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-sized-dildo-mess/222502/35 "2004-01-03T23:54:22Z")
> [@](#):
>
> A1: Up the ass.
I don’t think even Sally Struther’s ass could handle a Texas-Sized dildo.
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### Author:  [@gluteus\_maximus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gluteus_maximus)
#### Post date: [January 4, 2004, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-sized-dildo-mess/222502/36 "2004-01-04T00:02:33Z")
What we need here is a [Constitutional Ammendment](http://www.ucomics.com/rallcom/2003/12/20/).
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### Author:  [@Mighty\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Girl)
#### Post date: [January 4, 2004, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-sized-dildo-mess/222502/37 "2004-01-04T00:15:07Z")
Funny cartoon gluteus.
I am all for kinky sex and experimentation, but trust me on this: a threesome that includes the government IS NOT a good idea.
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### Author:  [@Gadfly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gadfly)
#### Post date: [January 4, 2004, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-sized-dildo-mess/222502/38 "2004-01-04T00:57:58Z")
It’s understandable why he’s so grouchy. I mean, Texas hasn’t had sex in _years_. Years!
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### Author:  [@moriah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moriah)
#### Post date: [January 4, 2004, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-sized-dildo-mess/222502/39 "2004-01-04T01:39:44Z")
Texans have an ass backward penile code. What a bunch of dicks.
Won’t somebody think of the latex vaginas?!
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### Author:  [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)
#### Post date: [January 4, 2004, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texas-sized-dildo-mess/222502/40 "2004-01-04T02:51:50Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Fionn \*
> \*\*I had to explain that I needed a bigger one because I kept losing the attention of the person I was educating."
BWAAA-HAAA-HAAAAA!!!\*\* I can just picture it now:
“Slave! I said, PAY ATTENTION!”
(_UUUUHHH!_ “Yes Mistress!”
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