# Texting on a First Date: Kosher or no? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 17, 2010, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496 "2010-06-17T01:42:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/21 "2010-06-17T03:39:11Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > Why are you scheduling a date during working hours? What are “working hours”? ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/22 "2010-06-17T03:48:39Z")
I mean, if it was really important, one message couldn’t hurt. But constant texting? Gah. I’m often just bloody ashamed of my generation. ---
**Author:** ![Tamerlane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tamerlane/32/7602_2.png) [@Tamerlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tamerlane)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/23 "2010-06-17T03:56:56Z")
> [@Rand\_Rover](#): > > What are “working hours”? Any hour where you can _expect_ to be _regularly_ interrupted by work. There are certainly extenuating circumstances for people who “must” be on call at a certain point and you know that before hand. Assuming it was an unusual occurrence and they insisted it wouldn’t be more than a momentary distraction, I’d probably shrug my shoulders and go along to get along. But I have to agree with **DianaG** - if you’re the sort of person who is going to be chained to the job 24/7, you probably wouldn’t be my type to begin with. Frankly the notion of taking a job home with you ( and everwhere else ) every day of your life fills me with a certain amount of mild horror ;). Fine for some folks, to be sure. But just not my cup of tea. ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/24 "2010-06-17T04:00:02Z")
I doubt I would care as long as it wasn’t constant. ---
**Author:** ![Ludy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Ludy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludy)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/25 "2010-06-17T04:02:39Z")
> [@Rand\_Rover](#): > > Uh . . . what about work? You don’t like dating people that have jobs with responsibilities where people are seeking their input? > > One thing to keep in mind in this thread: The OP said “texting” (which implies a social or fun activity) but the actual action the OP witnessed could have been “emailing” (which could be for work). Uh yea. I personally don’t want to be with someone who cant step away from the office for the span of a dinner. If it is the night of a big deal, I would question why we are even out right then. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/26 "2010-06-17T04:06:58Z")
The head coach I work with( high school track/cross country) had to ban cell phones, MP3 players and such as the kids would not keep theirs hands off the things for any length of time. ---
**Author:** ![missred](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/missred/32/14096_2.png) [@missred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missred)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/27 "2010-06-17T04:22:07Z")
More than one text and the first date would be the last. I generally text an _ok_ message back to my safety call on a first date (that is if everything actually is ok, if not, I answer the phone). I would have no issue with a man answering the phone or texting for the same reason or child care issues, but if he’s chained to his phone or blackberry, he’s not really my type. ---
**Author:** ![Staggering\_Genius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/46a35a/32.png) [@Staggering\_Genius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Staggering_Genius)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/28 "2010-06-17T04:32:38Z")
It’s very easy to answer “dealbreaker” to this question, and six months ago (back when I was in a long term relationship) that would have been my answer too. But now I’m dating again and I’ve found that, at least for girls in my age range (22-26), if that’s a dealbreaker then I would never ever go on a second date again. They don’t mean to be rude or to send a message of “not interested”, and I’ve had to learn to suppress my instincts to interpret it that way. So, reluctantly, my answer is “as long as it’s quick and not too often, I’ll grin and bear it”. Naturally, I expect a reciprocal attitude from her in bed that night. ---
**Author:** ![amarinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3be4f8/32.png) [@amarinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarinth)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/29 "2010-06-17T04:34:51Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > Get off your lawns? Perhaps. With most of my friends, when we go out we talk to each other. I once hung out with a different group, younger than I am. We got to our destination, we sat down, and the phones came out. They spent the next 45 minutes texting other people, and occasionally sharing texts from the other people with the group. I was stupefied. I can see checking text messages if there’s likely to be an emergency (childcare, medical, etc.) but any text back should be “I’m on my way.” and accompanied with them telling me “There’s an emergency, I need to leave now.” ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/30 "2010-06-17T05:43:23Z")
> [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > This is where we say, “Sorry, but she’s just not that into you,” right? :eek: Nope. I wound up breaking up with her a few weeks later for reasons unrelated. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 8:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/31 "2010-06-17T08:04:02Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > I wouldn’t care. I’ve had a girl send a text message while giving me head. > > Edit: Like **Levins** said, the limit is if it’s a constant interruption. But I’d find that rude regardless if it was a first date or not. Totally off topic here, sort of…but wow **ACM** , based upon your posts on the subject of sex, your sex life is… unusual. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 8:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/32 "2010-06-17T08:09:18Z")
> [@CanvasShoes](#): > > Totally off topic here, sort of…but wow **ACM** , based upon your posts on the subject of sex, your sex life is… > > unusual. 🙂 Trust me, you have no idea. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![minlokwat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/minlokwat/32/2844_2.png) [@minlokwat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/minlokwat)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 9:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/33 "2010-06-17T09:51:27Z")
Appreciate the input from everyone. This does seem to be a generation thing, another episode in the ceaseless battle between whippersnappers and old fogeys. With **Rand Rover** , especially I hope this didn’t strike a nerve of some kind. We can do the “What if…” thing with any thread. If there were some child care issues going on or if your date is Mr./Ms. Super-Important-Decision-Making-Person and must be accessible at all times, yeah that changes things. What we are talking about is the two are on the date, one person --(o.k., it was the girl) was occasionally checking and firing off the occasional text. With the inane dialogue that makes up 99% of text exchange, if my date were doing this, I would delicately inquire: “What is so goddamn, fucking important that can’t wait 'til after we’re done???” Followed by “Check please” and then “Looks like your half of the bill comes to…” ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 10:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/34 "2010-06-17T10:11:08Z")
For me it depends. I always expect at least one text to happen during a date (the ‘safety’ call that **missred** alluded to). If I get a text I will answer it while the I or the lady is in the bathroom or refreshing a beverage at the bar, but since I’m not expecting one I just ignore it until then. It’s never happened, but more than two times I would ask about the conversation. ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 10:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/35 "2010-06-17T10:22:38Z")
I’m old and old fashioned. If you would rather be elsewhere then go be elsewhere. If you want to be with me, do me the courtesy of giving my your attention - you will have mine. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 10:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/36 "2010-06-17T10:27:08Z")
Ah, but in the age of the cell phone, we as a society seem to have decided that \*nothing \*is worthy of your full attention. Not a date, not a meeting, not a movie, certainly not driving. Sometimes I want to say to people “You know, that thing won’t blink out of existence if you don’t use it every minute or so. I promise you that you can put it away for an entire hour and it will still be there when you go back to it.” ---
**Author:** ![Serenata67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/serenata67/32/10646_2.png) [@Serenata67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Serenata67)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 11:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/37 "2010-06-17T11:04:56Z")
> [@Ludy](#): > > It would be a dealbreaker for me. > But then again, I would think poorly of someone who answered a call, unless they have kids and it could be an emergency. > > It basically tells the person you’re with that they are not interesting enough to keep your attention. I hate it. It’s one thing if they’re a doctor on call, get an emergency call from the babysitter, etc. But if you can’t put your phone down long enough to really get into a serious conversation with me, I’m done. No second date. If you’re e-mailing for work or whatever, it sets the precedent that I’m okay with playing second fiddle to your job… which is a very slippery slope to be on. And I don’t want to be in that kind of a relationship. And as far is it being fogeys vs. young’uns, I think at 27, I’m closer to the young’un side. Some of us under-30s still believe in respect and etiquette. ---
**Author:** ![Sparky812](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb9ed0/32.png) [@Sparky812](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sparky812)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 11:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/38 "2010-06-17T11:31:51Z")
> [@Rand\_Rover](#): > > You don’t know what really happened. What if said “asshole” told his date “sorry, I’m in the middle of a large deal, closing is supposed to be tomorrow, and people need my input on urgent matters. I will have to respond to emails all night, but each email shouldn’t take that long. Thank you for understanding.” Does that change anything for you? Seriously!? No one negotiates and/or closes “large deals” by text messaging or e-mail. Besides,if you or your opinions were that important to the deal, you would be more directly involved. Come on, even if a deal breaker emergency were to come up, you’re going to resolve it by texting? If any of that were true, why would you schedule a date at such an important time. Why not reschedule the date? Better yet, turn your Blackberry off (for what 2 or 3 hours?), enjoy your date, and when you get home you’ll realize that the world can get along perfectly fine without you for a while. ---
**Author:** ![Khendrask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3e96dc/32.png) [@Khendrask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khendrask)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/39 "2010-06-17T11:38:45Z")
I’m in my 40’s, and yes, texting / emailing / talking on the phone… all are unwelcome on a first date. Even a second. Probably a thirty-fourth as well. A date is a time to get together with someone and share time together. I actually used to turn my phone off when I went on a date, and probably still would. You can always step off to the rest room for the “I’m okay” safety check. ---
**Author:** ![Staggerlee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/staggerlee/32/3134_2.png) [@Staggerlee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Staggerlee)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 11:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/40 "2010-06-17T11:40:26Z")
> [@Rand\_Rover](#): > > You don’t know what really happened. What if said “asshole” told his date “sorry, I’m in the middle of a large deal, closing is supposed to be tomorrow, and people need my input on urgent matters. I will have to respond to emails all night, but each email shouldn’t take that long. Thank you for understanding.” Does that change anything for you? In those circumstances, the label could be changed to ‘Self-important asshole’ I’d imagine. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496.md?page=3)