# Texting on a First Date: Kosher or no? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 17, 2010, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496 "2010-06-17T01:42:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 11:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/41 "2010-06-17T11:43:44Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > Why are you scheduling a date during working hours? There are times when my “working hours” (i.e. on call and have to respond at a moment’s notice) are 24 hours a day for three or four weeks at a stretch, even though I’m only in the office for 9-10 hours a day. Of course, if I was expecting to be on call, I’d explain myself beforehand, and if I had to respond to a message rather than defer it until after a date, I’d explain that as well. If a woman were just texting friends during a date, I’d just assume that she isn’t actually interested in talking to me and end the date as soon as possible. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/42 "2010-06-17T12:08:53Z")
I’m not sure whether texting on a first date is in accordance with Jewish religious practices. But as a dater, it can be either acceptable or not depending on who you are dating, what is currently happening in their life and what you are looking for in a date. It takes all kinds. ---
**Author:** ![HMS\_Irruncible](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hms_irruncible/32/7394_2.png) [@HMS\_Irruncible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HMS_Irruncible)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/43 "2010-06-17T12:16:59Z")
> [@Rand\_Rover](#): > > Uh . . . what about work? You don’t like dating people that have jobs with responsibilities where people are seeking their input? > > One thing to keep in mind in this thread: The OP said “texting” (which implies a social or fun activity) but the actual action the OP witnessed could have been “emailing” (which could be for work). Having to be available 24x7 screams ‘underling’ to me; I would not be interested at all in such a person. ---
**Author:** ![Bridget\_Burke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7cd45c/32.png) [@Bridget\_Burke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bridget_Burke)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/44 "2010-06-17T12:40:07Z")
> [@Rand\_Rover](#): > > You don’t know what really happened. What if said “asshole” told his date “sorry, I’m in the middle of a large deal, closing is supposed to be tomorrow, and people need my input on urgent matters. I will have to respond to emails all night, but each email shouldn’t take that long. Thank you for understanding.” Does that change anything for you? Shouldn’t such an international tycoon have minions to take care of those details? Why did he schedule a first date while such a big deal was going down? (Now I’m picturing a truck just in from down south, loaded with bales.) Or maybe he’s not a big shot, but one of the minions. Who wants to date a minion? ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/45 "2010-06-17T13:48:26Z")
> [@Sparky812](#): > > Seriously!? No one negotiates and/or closes “large deals” by text messaging or e-mail. Besides,if you or your opinions were that important to the deal, you would be more directly involved. Come on, even if a deal breaker emergency were to come up, you’re going to resolve it by texting? > If any of that were true, why would you schedule a date at such an important time. Why not reschedule the date? Better yet, turn your Blackberry off (for what 2 or 3 hours?), enjoy your date, and when you get home you’ll realize that the world can get along perfectly fine without you for a while. Well, I’m a tax lawyer. I’m a couple oif peopke removed from the action. People closer to the actio often need my quick input on a deal point, especially when closing is imminent. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/46 "2010-06-17T13:51:23Z")
> [@minlokwat](#): > > So now I turn here. My two-fold question: Is it a big deal to text on a first date and what would you do if your companion were doing so? Texting on a first, tenth or ten-thousandth date is not acceptable, period. If you’re on a date, turn the goddam cell phone off and pay attention to your partner. There’s nothing so important on that cell that requires you to answer it at that point in time. And whatever date number it was, if my partner started texting during it, it would be the last. ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/47 "2010-06-17T14:16:57Z")
> [@Cosmic Relief](#): > > Having to be available 24x7 screams ‘underling’ to me; I would not be interested at all in such a person. I’m in a service industry, so we are all underlings in that sense, even the guys older than me who make $5 m a year. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/48 "2010-06-17T14:17:07Z")
Very, very rude. I’ve been married 13 years, and if I HAD to text (well, email. I don’t text) while having a casual lunch out with my Wife, I would explain myself. And it would be important. ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/49 "2010-06-17T14:25:43Z")
> [@Ludy](#): > > It would be a dealbreaker for me. > But then again, I would think poorly of someone who answered a call, unless they have kids and it could be an emergency. > > It basically tells the person you’re with that they are not interesting enough to keep your attention. It would be a dealbreaker for me too. Actually, all I needed to do was plagiarize your post. > [@Rand Rover](#): > > Maybe the texter was emailing people for work. That’s not something I’d find objectionable on a first date (folks gotta take care of shit, ya know). Nope, sorry. Doesn’t cut it. If you need to be at work, then you shouldn’t be out on a date. Set up a date when you are actually available to be on a date. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/50 "2010-06-17T14:27:50Z")
It would not be ok unless they were a doctor on call. I really can’t think of any other exceptions. Having kids would have been a dealbreaker for me anyway so that as an excuse is out. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/51 "2010-06-17T14:44:12Z")
Only okay if there was an emergency at work (like a doctor) or had a near-death loved one. Otherwise, not a thing I’d think was acceptable on any date. ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/52 "2010-06-17T14:54:44Z")
Aside from being just plain rude, I would be thinking she was narrating the date to her friend(s), which would make me very uncomfortable. _(OMG, he jst made this wrd slurping noise w/ his soup!! Wt a drk!!!)_ No second date. Then again, I’ve been out of the dating pool for almost two decades. Texting is like breathing for a lot of teenagers I know; they probably don’t give it a second thought. ---
**Author:** ![Sparky812](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb9ed0/32.png) [@Sparky812](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sparky812)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/53 "2010-06-17T15:00:03Z")
> [@Rand\_Rover](#): > > Well, I’m a tax lawyer. I’m a couple oif peopke removed from the action. People closer to the actio often need my quick input on a deal point, especially when closing is imminent. This just doesn’t make sense. You’re saying that even though you are “a couple of people removed from the action” your quick input is needed immediately for a large deal to close? Or that the people closer to the action cannot make educated decisions without first receiving a text confirmation from you? What kind of law firm operates like this? Remind me not to hire them. Besides what urgent tax deal closes at 8 pm on a Saturday night? If you were that important to the deal, why would you go out on a date at that particular time? I mean, she would understand if you rescheduled because of a big deal at work but conducting business while on a date, is plain rude. ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/54 "2010-06-17T15:08:43Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > I wouldn’t care. I’ve had a girl send a text message while giving me head. So…many…comments. Must…restrain…self… ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/55 "2010-06-17T15:39:41Z")
Dealbreaker. Completely and totally. I don’t even like that my brother answers calls while we’re together…and proceeds to talk on them, for several minutes at a time, expecting me to wait. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/56 "2010-06-17T15:46:20Z")
> [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](#): > > So…many…comments. > > Must…restrain…self… Obviously he was on an economy plan service. The more expensive premium plans are text free 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/57 "2010-06-17T16:42:46Z")
Completely unacceptable, whether it’s texting or emailing. And I say this as someone who thinks nothing of her husband getting calls from work during holiday dinners, movies, parties, home improvement projects, vacations, and sex. The reason I’m okay with the one and not with the other is this: most of those calls happen when he is, well, on-call, and the rest are mistakes where he very politely tells the caller to fuck off, call whoever is actually on call, and stop intruding on his/our personal time. It’s almost like he, you know, gives a shit that we have time where we can focus on one another without constant interruptions. You’d think I was important to him or something. And that’s what I’d think if someone were texting/emailing/taking calls all the time during a date–that I’m not important enough for you to find a friggin’ 2-hour window somewhere in your schedule where we can focus on one another without constant interruptions. And frankly, fuck that noise. I’d rather sit at home eating popcorn and watching cartoons in my underpants with the dogs than out with someone who can’t make me even a mild priority for even a tiny amount of time. ---
**Author:** ![Markxxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@Markxxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Markxxx)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/58 "2010-06-17T16:51:36Z")
I would care but that’s the reason I am going to die all alone 🙂 I have been on first date after first date where people have spent half the evening texting or taking phone calls or otherwise ignoring me. A couple times after about 30 minutes of this I just ended the date there and then. To me a first date is when you want to put your best foot forward. If a peson is ignoring you on the first date, it ain’t gonna get any better from that point on. But that said, it is more and more the norm, so I am willing to admit I might be off here. I can tell you the last five interviews for jobs, I 've been on the person interviewing me has taken cell phone calls and texted as they were talking to me. I don’t know if it’s just me. I didn’t get the job so perhaps they don’t do that if they intend on giving someone the job or if it’s they figured, “he ain’t getting the job,” so they don’t care. It’s a different level of politeness in today’s world. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/59 "2010-06-17T16:53:00Z")
How about sexting during a first date? ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/60 "2010-06-17T17:08:38Z")
If I did that on a first date, and were so open about it, I would not expect a second one. Same if some girl I went out with on a first date was constantly texting. I can understand if there is an extenuating circumstance and a very sincere apology, but I would hope people would have more tact than that on a first date. If I/she is ignoring her/me like that on a first date, what the hell do I have to look forward to? At the very least, excuse yourself to go to the bathroom and surreptitiously text from there if you must. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496.md?page=4)