# Texting on a First Date: Kosher or no? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 17, 2010, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496 "2010-06-17T01:42:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/61 "2010-06-17T17:12:06Z")
> [@Markxxx](#): > > I can tell you the last five interviews for jobs, I 've been on the person interviewing me has taken cell phone calls and texted as they were talking to me. Good grief! I’d like to think this was only happening at Chuck E. Cheese and not a fortune 500company, but sadly I suspect this new to me rude behavior is all over the place too. ---
**Author:** ![Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maggie_the_Ocelot)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/62 "2010-06-17T17:21:38Z")
Huh. 39, here, and I wouldn’t think anything of it, as long as it wasn’t constant and my date was focussing on me in between texts. Hell, I’d probably be the one doing it. OTOH, I’ve been married a long time, and I’ve had very few “first dates” even when I was single (My relationships tend to be friends -\> sex -\> relationship -\> friends, so there’s not really any “dating” to be done in there.) Also, my stepdad’s a psych and has a lot of unstable clients - I grew up with him having to walk away from family dinners, gatherings, etc. for anywhere from 15 mins to a couple hours at a time to talk with them - putting off answering a page, phone call, etc was not an option in case they were suicidal. Maybe that’s why it’s no big deal to me to quickly take a call, text, etc. _shrug_ ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/63 "2010-06-17T18:06:19Z")
> [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](#): > > Nope, sorry. Doesn’t cut it. If you need to be at work, then you shouldn’t be out on a date. Set up a date when you are actually available to be on a date. Well, that would be never under your definition of “available.” Also, just because I choose to respoind to a few emails doesn’t mean that I really should be at work then. I think a lot of you jusþ don’t get what it’s like to have a job where people depend on you on a long-term basis that’s not tied to specified working hours. I guess many of you guys have jobs where you just show up for a defined period of time and then go home, at which point you are officially “not at work.” Life is simply different than that for a lot of us. We have long-term responsibilities to clients and colleagues, and we are responsible for achieving actual results. If you don’t want or can’t handle that type of job, thwn that’s fine, but don’t act like there’s something wrong with those of us who do and can. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/64 "2010-06-17T18:09:58Z")
There’s nothing wrong with people like that, except that they’re rude and pretentious and boring and not someone you’d want to date. ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/65 "2010-06-17T18:16:37Z")
> [@Sparky812](#): > > This just doesn’t make sense. > You’re saying that even though you are “a couple of people removed from the action” your quick input is needed immediately for a large deal to close? Or that the people closer to the action cannot make educated decisions without first receiving a text confirmation from you? What kind of law firm operates like this? Remind me not to hire them. Besides what urgent tax deal closes at 8 pm on a Saturday night? > If you were that important to the deal, why would you go out on a date at that particular time? I mean, she would understand if you rescheduled because of a big deal at work but conducting business while on a date, is plain rude. The corporate lawyers on the deal will typically be working long hours before a closing or signing to get things prepared. I am the tax lawyer on the deal, so I’m not preparing deal documents, I’m just providing advice on the tax aspects of the deal. The corporate lawyers will often have a quick questioin about something that could have tax implixations, so I respond quickly so they can get their shit done. My law firm runs quite well thank you for your concern. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/66 "2010-06-17T18:28:06Z")
> [@Rand\_Rover](#): > > Well, that would be never under your definition of “available.” Also, just because I choose to respoind to a few emails doesn’t mean that I really should be at work then. > > I think a lot of you jusþ don’t get what it’s like to have a job where people depend on you on a long-term basis that’s not tied to specified working hours. I guess many of you guys have jobs where you just show up for a defined period of time and then go home, at which point you are officially “not at work.” Life is simply different than that for a lot of us. We have long-term responsibilities to clients and colleagues, and we are responsible for achieving actual results. If you don’t want or can’t handle that type of job, thwn that’s fine, but don’t act like there’s something wrong with those of us who do and can. I get it just fine; I just don’t want to be with someone like that. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/67 "2010-06-17T18:34:29Z")
> [@Rand\_Rover](#): > > . > > I think a lot of you jusþ don’t get what it’s like to have a job where people depend on you on a long-term basis that’s not tied to specified working hours. I guess many of you guys have jobs where you just show up for a defined period of time and then go home, at which point you are officially “not at work.” Life is simply different than that for a lot of us. We have long-term responsibilities to clients and colleagues, **and we are responsible for achieving actual results**. If you don’t want or can’t handle that type of job, thwn that’s fine, but don’t act like there’s something wrong with those of us who do and can. Bolding mine. That post with the bolded part removed. Registers nearly zero on the self important douchbag meter. Actually a reasonable post. That post with the bolded part included. Self important douchbag meter pegs at 11. You were so close Rand but as usual you just couldnt help yourself. ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/68 "2010-06-17T18:45:55Z")
I dated a girl like this once and it didn’t last long. When we were together she’d always always be texting other people. It got to the point of asking her “What’s the problem? Are you bored being here? Am I boring you? Is there some other place you’d rather be?” She assured me none of this to be true and would put her phone away but you could tell she was itching like crazy to get her hands on the thing. Then when we weren’t together she’d be blasting me text meassages every 5 minutes. I’d be overly short with my replies, yup, nope, un-huh or text back that I was really busy even though I was watching a baseball game. I’d ask her if she had fun when she was out with her friends and she’d say “yes, why?” and I’d ask how she had time to have fun when she was texting me all night. Apparently I was the one with the problem because I couldn’t multitask like her. ---
**Author:** ![Oredigger77](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oredigger77/32/3181_2.png) [@Oredigger77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oredigger77)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/69 "2010-06-17T18:47:56Z")
I don’t have a problem with an occasional text. Full conversations would bug me, I’ve got a friend who texts constantly but it doesn’t interrupt his conversation but after a while I ask what he’s texting about he normally tells me. If the girl was willing to involve me in the other conversation I don’t think I’d mind. On the other end I’m on call 24/7 365 when I have a rig running. Right now things have been slow so I’m only going to be on call 8 months this year. Normally I know when I’ll get a call and so I can make sure that I’m sober and in a position to answer but there are problems that crop up that need an immediate response, the worst was during a drunken one night stand and I was trying to ignore her attempts to regain my attention and think through the drunken haze luckily it was a standard decision that only took about 5 minutes. I don’t text during dates but I’ll at least read the incoming messages to see if I want to respond it normally doesn’t take long or interrupt the conversation. ---
**Author:** ![bjbrashier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e68b1a/32.png) [@bjbrashier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bjbrashier)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/70 "2010-06-17T18:50:24Z")
I’m probably in the “old fuddy-duddy” category, now, being 33, but if I were going on a first date, the person better have a darned good reason for texting (ie. a high-demand job, like doctor or sysadmin), and better tell me beforehand that this was likely and necessary. If that was the case, I’d probably be mildly bothered, but would understand that this was part of the package. Otherwise, after a few minutes, I’d politely inquire about what she is doing, followed by politely informing her that I cleared my calendar expressly to be able to focus on her and find out all that I could about her, and would appreciate it if she would do me the honor of focusing similarly on me. Any further texting after that point (except as mentioned), and I would cut the date short, with essentially no chance of a second. I’m not interested in being with someone who is not all there. Pun intended. In fact, I’ve been married for 14 years, and my wife and I go on dates from time to time, and on ANY date, if there’s texting, that’s a problem, IMHO. You go on dates to be together – to focus on each other. If you’re just “hanging out”, that’s not a date, and texting is fine. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/71 "2010-06-17T19:06:38Z")
> [@Cosmic Relief](#): > > Having to be available 24x7 screams ‘underling’ to me; I would not be interested at all in such a person. Your statement screams ‘very, very ignorant’ to me. I’m a manufacturing engineer. Manufacturing is a 24/7 world. I’m in charge of assembly lines and manage some projects and if there is a problem, shipments stop and people can’t work and maybe even get sent home without getting paid for the rest of the shift. I can go weeks without getting a late night call but I have to be available for when shit hits the fan and fix it or find someone who can. That’s why I get the “big bucks” but it’s also a profession that I love. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/72 "2010-06-17T19:12:32Z")
I should add that I wouldn’t ever be in a position to be constantly texting and that I would certainly say to my dinner companion, “Excuse me, I just have to answer a quick question from the factory.” ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/73 "2010-06-17T19:22:25Z")
> [@minlokwat](#): > > ANYway, I conjectured that in these times, texting is so thoroughly second nature that first date, last date and all the ones in between makes no difference. Ugh, not for me. You shouldn’t be pulling out your phone \*at all \*unless (a) you’re expecting some obscenely important call (e.g., family member is in surgery to have fifty pounds of shrapnel removed from their heart) and you’ve already explained the situation ahead of time and apologized for the necessity or (b) the person is a \*very \*good friend and doesn’t mind you futzing with it. And I’m an '83 baby, so this isn’t some old fogey talking. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/74 "2010-06-17T19:22:44Z")
> [@hajaro](#): > > I should add that I wouldn’t ever be in a position to be constantly texting and that I would certainly say to my dinner companion, “Excuse me, I just have to answer a quick question from the factory.” And that would be fine. What isn’t fine is placing your cell phone on the table and saying that you\* need to keep checking it because you’re just that important. Not to me, you’re not. You can have your blackberry for company, I have better things to do. \*Not _you_. ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/75 "2010-06-17T19:28:50Z")
> [@Cosmic Relief](#): > > Having to be available 24x7 screams ‘underling’ to me; I would not be interested at all in such a person. > [@Bridget\_Burke](#): > > Or maybe he’s not a big shot, but one of the minions. Who wants to date a minion? I certainly hope you’re letting people know up front that you’re only interested in the big shots and non-underlings so they know right away just what kind of people you are. ---
**Author:** ![Bridget\_Burke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7cd45c/32.png) [@Bridget\_Burke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bridget_Burke)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/76 "2010-06-17T19:31:29Z")
> [@Oredigger77](#): > > I don’t have a problem with an occasional text. Full conversations would bug me, I’ve got a friend who texts constantly but it doesn’t interrupt his conversation but after a while I ask what he’s texting about he normally tells me. If the girl was willing to involve me in the other conversation I don’t think I’d mind. > > On the other end I’m on call 24/7 365 when I have a rig running. Right now things have been slow so I’m only going to be on call 8 months this year. Normally I know when I’ll get a call and so I can make sure that I’m sober and in a position to answer but there are problems that crop up that need an immediate response, the worst was during a drunken one night stand and I was trying to ignore her attempts to regain my attention and think through the drunken haze luckily it was a standard decision that only took about 5 minutes… Do you work for BP? (I’m _joking_!) ---
**Author:** ![gravitycrash](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/977dab/32.png) [@gravitycrash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gravitycrash)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/77 "2010-06-17T19:36:30Z")
I know that I’m an old fart but it would be an instant deal breaker, no questions asked. Before the date even began I would know if she was a Doctor or had a sick kid in the hospital or something. Other than that why bring the fucking phone in to the restaurant in the first place? But since I really don’t get texting anyway, wtf do I know. And a blowjob while texting? Oh hell no. Kids these days. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/78 "2010-06-17T19:37:15Z")
This is going like all the other “is this bad”? kind of threads. All the special flowers here on the SDMB have reasonable (and I mean that) excuses for why THEY do it and it isnt bad. The problem is, in the real world, special flowers are NOT the norm. Yeah, you might actually be a big wig THAT is on 24 hour call and must answer a text right now or millions will be lost or the nuclear reactor will melt down or whatever. Any reasonable person would realize that such a text must be answered. Back in the real world, I must ask this. How many people who are texting their happy little hearts away during a date are actually carrying on “important” or critical conversations? ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/79 "2010-06-17T19:37:54Z")
DianaG, can you explain the factual differences you see between the activity hajario described and the activity I described? ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/80 "2010-06-17T19:43:59Z")
Mostly the tone. Notice that he apologized for being rude, rather than belittle other people for not being wired into the corporate borg collective. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496.md?page=5)