# Texting on a First Date: Kosher or no? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 17, 2010, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496 "2010-06-17T01:42:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/81 "2010-06-17T19:52:10Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > Back in the real world, I must ask this. How many people who are texting their happy little hearts away during a date are actually carrying on “important” or critical conversations? I have no idea but I totally agree that if it’s someone tee-heeing with their friends socially or harvesting their Farmville zucchini, it is totally unacceptable. Deciding that someone isn’t worth knowing because they occasionally need to check a work email, which others have indicated is the case, is equally ridiculous. ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/82 "2010-06-17T19:54:08Z")
I think its kind of rude, because it comes off as blowing the other person off. I’ve been on many online dates, and I can’t recall anyone doing this (at least to the point it annoys me). Then again I’m the type of person that likes to rule things like this out before I even meet someone. Its simple enough to ask someone “are you the type of person who calls/texts frequently?” and share your opinion of people doing it over dinner. If the person is polite and likes you, they will put their phone on silent/excuse themselves/etc to do anything on it, and focus on you during the date. With my girlfriend, I tend to refrain from even _looking_ at the phone if it beeps because I don’t want her to think that some arbitrary text message is more important than her. Of course, she always tells me she doesn’t mind me checking, but I try to be considerate- I wait till she leaves or goes to the bathroom or something to check. ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/83 "2010-06-17T19:59:37Z")
Why do some of you draw such a sharp distinction between those you see as being forced to answer emails all the time (eg, doctors) and those who are in a service industry andchoose to answer questions all the time (eg, me)? Also, Dianag, I don’t see why you think the “tone” I am taking with some posters here has anything to do with the “tone” I would take with my date. ---
**Author:** ![sugar\_and\_spice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e8c25b/32.png) [@sugar\_and\_spice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sugar_and_spice)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/84 "2010-06-17T20:01:13Z")
I have a friend who is always texting when we’re out. As in, out at a bar/restaurant having dinner. I let it go because I know that’s just how he and his friends are, he’s not going to change for me and I still enjoy his company even when the phone is on the table. But yeah, it’s a habit that I try to avoid myself. I keep my phone out when someone is coming to meet us, and may need to track us down. But once that person shows up then I put the phone away. And I agree that a first date is “best food forward” mode. It costs you nothing to give that person your complete attention, if you can’t even be bothered to do that then it’s a statement of how serious they are about the date. ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/85 "2010-06-17T20:07:58Z")
> [@sugar\_and\_spice](#): > > It costs you nothing to give that person your complete attention Well, in the context of work emails, that simply isn’t true. ---
**Author:** ![villa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/bc79bd/32.png) [@villa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/villa)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/86 "2010-06-17T20:09:22Z")
> [@Rand\_Rover](#): > > Well, that would be never under your definition of “available.” Also, just because I choose to respoind to a few emails doesn’t mean that I really should be at work then. > > I think a lot of you jusþ don’t get what it’s like to have a job where people depend on you on a long-term basis that’s not tied to specified working hours. I guess many of you guys have jobs where you just show up for a defined period of time and then go home, at which point you are officially “not at work.” Life is simply different than that for a lot of us. We have long-term responsibilities to clients and colleagues, and we are responsible for achieving actual results. If you don’t want or can’t handle that type of job, thwn that’s fine, but don’t act like there’s something wrong with those of us who do and can. I do. I’m a litigation associate. I know what deadlines are all about and being on call 24/7 is part of my job. But I don’t date on the night before a filing. And when I do date, I let my colleagues and the partners with whom I work know that I will be off line for that time. And I spend the time focusing on my date. Given that I will probably split a bottle of wine with my date, with a cocktail or two beforehand, I am not sure I really should be giving advice to the client at the same time. ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/87 "2010-06-17T20:17:54Z")
> [@villa](#): > > litigation associate I can’t decide which of those words to sneer at more, so I’ll just let it pass (requisite smiley: 🙂 ). ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/88 "2010-06-17T20:19:29Z")
That’s fine, **villa** , but manufacturing is a world with never ending deadlines. There is a new one every day. Sometimes things get really crazy and I wouldn’t go on a first date then unless I explained the situation and got acceptance beforehand. There is no way to plan when a test chamber goes haywire or a bad batch of components hits the line and things need to be fixed. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/89 "2010-06-17T20:22:27Z")
Dealbreaker, totally, unless it was, say, one time, and he explained, “Sorry, I’ve got to respond to this - they can’t move forward at work without this number” or something. If he was a doctor on call or a parent, he would have told me at the beginning that he might get a call. ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/90 "2010-06-17T20:23:55Z")
Honestly I’m not sure why anyone feels that their “side” needs defending. We don’t all value the same things. Finding out as soon as possible that someone isn’t a match for you is a good thing. ---
**Author:** ![villa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/bc79bd/32.png) [@villa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/villa)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/91 "2010-06-17T20:24:36Z")
> [@Rand\_Rover](#): > > I can’t decide which of those words to sneer at more, so I’ll just let it pass (requisite smiley: 🙂 ). Not surprising. Just know the sheer contempt that tax attorneys are held in by those who actually practice the law. Actually - that’s not true. Some tax attorneys are fine, upstanding, intelligent people. Some are just idiotic blowhards. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/92 "2010-06-17T20:24:36Z")
> [@Sparky812](#): > > Seriously!? No one negotiates and/or closes “large deals” by text messaging or e-mail. Incorrect. I can tell you that just yesterday, one of the consultants I work with emailed an RFP response to a client with our bid for some very big work… _from his Blackberry_, because he’s on vacation in Florida. Most clients \*want \*electronic submissions of responses to RFPs these days. It’s not two old white dudes in a room together, shaking hands as they tap ash off their big-ass cigars and sip at snifters full of brandy. > [@Cosmic Relief](#): > > Having to be available 24x7 screams ‘underling’ to me Again, incorrect. In my company, it’s anyone \*above \*a certain level who’s required to have a Blackberry. One of my coworkers is praying she never gets a promotion (this is someone with a PhD in math and about a billion other high-level professional certifications, and a billing rate to match) because she’s currently juuuuuust under the level where she needs to have one. > [@Rand\_Rover](#): > > Why do some of you draw such a sharp distinction between those you see as being forced to answer emails all the time (eg, doctors) and those who are in a service industry andchoose to answer questions all the time (eg, me)? Doctors can’t predict when a patient is going to have an urgent problem. Service-industry work should be scheduled out ahead of time, and you can schedule your personal life around it. A night that you are going to have to be involved in an important project is not a good night to schedule a first date. ---
**Author:** ![villa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/bc79bd/32.png) [@villa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/villa)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/93 "2010-06-17T20:26:24Z")
> [@hajario](#): > > That’s fine, **villa** , but manufacturing is a world with never ending deadlines. There is a new one every day. Sometimes things get really crazy and I wouldn’t go on a first date then unless I explained the situation and got acceptance beforehand. There is no way to plan when a test chamber goes haywire or a bad batch of components hits the line and things need to be fixed. I don’t dispute anything you have said - but I was responding specifically to the whining of a lawyer complaining that other people couldn’t possibly understand what it was like to be one. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/94 "2010-06-17T20:32:44Z")
> [@Rand\_Rover](#): > > Why do some of you draw such a sharp distinction between those you see as being forced to answer emails all the time (eg, doctors) and those who are in a service industry andchoose to answer questions all the time (eg, me)? Depends on the doctor, actually. Cardiac surgeon or OB/GYN gets a pass on the cell phone. Podiatrist, not so much. It’s all about how actually urgent and/or important the issue is, and frankly, if lives aren’t hanging in the balance, you can put your phone away for a couple of hours. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/95 "2010-06-17T20:33:16Z")
> [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](#): > > Honestly I’m not sure why anyone feels that their “side” needs defending. Have you forgotten where you are posting? ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/96 "2010-06-17T20:41:58Z")
> [@hajario](#): > > Have you forgotten where you are posting? Seriously, what was I thinking? Carry on! Let’s fight this out to the death! ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/97 "2010-06-17T20:42:02Z")
I do some hostage negotiation work, but strictly on the 9 to 5. I make sure they know not to call or text me with any of this “we’ve got a hostage situation” biznazz after hours. That’s _pravnik_ time, baby! ---
**Author:** ![Oredigger77](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oredigger77/32/3181_2.png) [@Oredigger77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oredigger77)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/98 "2010-06-17T20:49:32Z")
> [@Bridget\_Burke](#): > > Do you work for BP? > > (I’m _joking_!) Thank god no but the first guy on land called to notify them of the problem has the same job as me. Probably I’m not sure exactly how BP is structured. The fun part is that if it’s a big enough problem then I have to wake my boss up, luckily I haven’t been out drinking when those problems occur. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/99 "2010-06-17T21:00:10Z")
> [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](#): > > Seriously, what was I thinking? > > Carry on! Let’s fight this out to the death! Damn straight! Cue the the Star Trek Vulcan Mating/Death match music and lets do this thing! Who’s gonna play Spock on Prozak and meth and who’s gonna play a bare chested Kirk? ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496/100 "2010-06-17T21:09:13Z")
> [@villa](#): > > Not surprising. Just know the sheer contempt that tax attorneys are held in by those who actually practice the law. The fact that I’m held in contempt by litigators is way down on my list of things to worry about (right after the amount of lint toilet paper leaves on my asshole and how much I hate that damn commercial). > [@](#): > > Actually - that’s not true. Some tax attorneys are fine, upstanding, intelligent people. Some are just idiotic blowhards. Some litigation associates just push paper around and wouldn’t know how to reason their way out of a wet paper sack. Some actually could if the bag were really really wet. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/texting-on-a-first-date-kosher-or-no/543496.md?page=6)