# Thank you Dan Simmons for that 725 page fucking PART ONE **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 20, 2008, 8:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thank-you-dan-simmons-for-that-725-page-fucking-part-one/438362 "2008-02-20T08:42:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Eureka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/74df32/32.png) [@Eureka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eureka)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2008, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thank-you-dan-simmons-for-that-725-page-fucking-part-one/438362/41 "2008-02-21T18:57:13Z")
[QUOTE=Priceguy] I thought that when I saw the thread and when I opened it, and for a few minutes of reading it. Then I realized it wasn’t, and that **David Simmons** had merely recommended this book that pissed **Morbo** off. It wasn’t until **Just Some Guy** said that Simmons had a history of this that I figured it out. [/QUOTE] It’s only now that I’ve figured out that the author in question is not Dan Brown, author of _The DaVinci Code_. Well, I noticed the name, but I only just realized that it wasn’t the person i thought it was. ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2008, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thank-you-dan-simmons-for-that-725-page-fucking-part-one/438362/42 "2008-02-21T23:54:09Z")
By the way: The sequel _sucks_. Hard. -FrL- ---
**Author:** ![Walpurgis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/7ea924/32.png) [@Walpurgis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walpurgis)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2008, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thank-you-dan-simmons-for-that-725-page-fucking-part-one/438362/43 "2008-02-22T00:18:41Z")
[QUOTE=Frylock] By the way: The sequel _sucks_. Hard. -FrL- [/QUOTE] A friend of mine once said that it’s a stamp of crappiness when the author repeatedly uses both the character’s first and last names (“John Smith pointed the laser rifle straight at the alien’s head. He pulled the trigger. John Smith was not a squeamish man.”). I’ve found this theory to be mostly true. In _Olympos_, Simmons usually calls the main character by his first and last names, title and _occupation_. I think he even sneaks a middle name in there too at some point. ---
**Author:** ![beowulf573](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8e7dd6/32.png) [@beowulf573](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beowulf573)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2008, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thank-you-dan-simmons-for-that-725-page-fucking-part-one/438362/44 "2008-02-22T04:06:17Z")
I like Dan Simmons, even went out of my way to go to a book signing of his. But at the end of Olympos I had no idea what just happened. I liked the characters, but the story was really obtuse. Really obtuse. Really, really, really obtuse. ---
**Author:** ![Will\_Repair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a698b9/32.png) [@Will\_Repair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Will_Repair)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2008, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thank-you-dan-simmons-for-that-725-page-fucking-part-one/438362/45 "2008-02-22T19:38:27Z")
[QUOTE=Morbo] Now I have to go out and buy Part Two. [/QUOTE] “Here’s a little tip for you Dr. Crane, it’s called a library card.” Woody from ‘Cheers’. ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Some\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ad7895/32.png) [@Just\_Some\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Some_Guy)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2008, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thank-you-dan-simmons-for-that-725-page-fucking-part-one/438362/46 "2008-02-22T22:44:45Z")
[QUOTE=Will Repair] “Here’s a little tip for you Dr. Crane, it’s called a library card.” Woody from ‘Cheers’. [/QUOTE] But someone else will have touched it and gotten their eyeballs all over it! And how is it supposed to sit on your shelf to impress visitors with how smart you are by owning a large pile of books? ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2008, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thank-you-dan-simmons-for-that-725-page-fucking-part-one/438362/47 "2008-03-03T04:36:12Z")
[QUOTE=EddyTeddyFreddy] So were _Carrion Comfort_ – very good – and _Summer of Night_ – which I hated. [/QUOTE] Summer of Night wasn’t a stand-alone. It was followed by [A Winter Haunting](http://www.amazon.com/Winter-Haunting-Dan-Simmons/dp/0380817160) which blatantly ripped off an old Peter Straub book, **[If You Could See Me Now](http://www.amazon.com/If-You-Could-See-Now/dp/0345438671/ref=pd_bbs_sr_3?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1204518917&sr=1-3)**. Of course, A Winter Haunting’s cover didn’t mention it was a sequel, and I was nearly though it before I found out it was. I never read Summer of Night because the sequel made me so mad. I know the Straub book is somewhat obscure, but **A Winter Haunting** even lifted characters! ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2008, 6:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thank-you-dan-simmons-for-that-725-page-fucking-part-one/438362/48 "2008-03-03T06:58:46Z")
Gah. _Summer of Night_ read like a long-drawn-out pitch for a horror flick – the whole way through it felt like Simmons didn’t care about it as a book, only as a prospective movie deal. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2008, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thank-you-dan-simmons-for-that-725-page-fucking-part-one/438362/49 "2008-03-03T13:23:23Z")
[QUOTE=Eleanor of Aquitaine] I thought the book flap on \*Ilium \*describes it as the first of a two-part epic? Or did you buy it without a cover? [/QUOTE] It does. It’s on the back cover. (I bought the book the day it came out - can’t tell you about later editions.) ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2008, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thank-you-dan-simmons-for-that-725-page-fucking-part-one/438362/50 "2008-03-03T13:27:31Z")
I do agree with those who think the Illium/Olympos books read like regurgitated _Hyperion_. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thank-you-dan-simmons-for-that-725-page-fucking-part-one/438362.md?page=2)