# Thanks, cocksuckers **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 18, 2003, 7:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thanks-cocksuckers/162231 "2003-03-18T07:33:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Sofa\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/58956e/32.png) [@Sofa\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sofa_King)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thanks-cocksuckers/162231/41 "2003-03-19T00:42:58Z")
I’d just like to take this moment to thank all the cocksuckers who have touched my life in that most special of ways. Thank you, all of you, who have endeavored to take my penis into your mouth and gently muzzled my wank weasel to a gushing crescendo. I hold a special place in my heart for you. And for all the rest of you who have yet to suck my cock, I say, patience, my friends. There is still time. ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thanks-cocksuckers/162231/42 "2003-03-19T00:44:41Z")
> [@](#): > > but to anyone who weeps in misery over some imagined gay-bashing slight… sorry > [@](#): > > I do believe that was the most moving apology I’ve ever seen on the Straight Dope. I truly think I may cry Woohoo! halfhearted pit love-in! ---
**Author:** ![j\_kat\_251](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/71c47a/32.png) [@j\_kat\_251](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j_kat_251)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thanks-cocksuckers/162231/43 "2003-03-19T00:47:28Z")
How is turdburglar any different from cocksucker? It’s a bit like the difference between butt-buddy and ass-pal, is it not? THEY MEAN THE SAME FUCKING THING ---
**Author:** ![3trew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/13edae/32.png) [@3trew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3trew)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thanks-cocksuckers/162231/44 "2003-03-19T00:49:43Z")
Dude, get an anatomy book. ---
**Author:** ![j\_kat\_251](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/71c47a/32.png) [@j\_kat\_251](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j_kat_251)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thanks-cocksuckers/162231/45 "2003-03-19T00:51:04Z")
And anyway, why stop there? Sooner or later people who felch goats will become enough of a minority (nonsensical English there… the minority will become big enough I mean) to be listened to. Wah wah wah we have feelings too, we’re human, just because we like to X doesn’t mean you can use these words about X in a derogatory fashion wah. Christ above. People who eat the cum off of porn theatre floors could form a love-group and demand the elimination of all “cum-guzzling” references from the language because it’s just too darn offensive. I call absolute fucking bullshit. ---
**Author:** ![3trew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/13edae/32.png) [@3trew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3trew)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thanks-cocksuckers/162231/46 "2003-03-19T00:52:53Z")
Realizing I had reached the bottom of the barrel, I quickly broke through the side and began digging… ---
**Author:** ![j\_kat\_251](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/71c47a/32.png) [@j\_kat\_251](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j_kat_251)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thanks-cocksuckers/162231/47 "2003-03-19T00:55:22Z")
Certainly I am concerned about unfair discrimination against any group, minority or nay, but decrying an insult like “cocksucker” and claiming “turdburglar” is an acceptable alternative is just retarded. OH FUCK I CAN’T SAY THAT EITHER, WATCH OUT FOR THE ALTERNATIVELY-ABLED BRIGADE. ---
**Author:** ![j\_kat\_251](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/71c47a/32.png) [@j\_kat\_251](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j_kat_251)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thanks-cocksuckers/162231/48 "2003-03-19T00:56:33Z")
Also, shut up you fuckwit. ---
**Author:** ![3trew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/13edae/32.png) [@3trew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3trew)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thanks-cocksuckers/162231/49 "2003-03-19T00:56:59Z")
Once I breeched the crust, I began to swim… ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thanks-cocksuckers/162231/50 "2003-03-19T00:57:38Z")
And _just_ when I thought you couldn’t dig any deeper - nicely done! Esprix ---
**Author:** ![j\_kat\_251](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/71c47a/32.png) [@j\_kat\_251](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j_kat_251)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thanks-cocksuckers/162231/51 "2003-03-19T00:59:57Z")
Let’s look at this objectively. To the dismay of whoever it was that doesn’t want me having sex, I’ve eaten muff. Conclusively, I must have insulted myself with the cuntmunching reference in the OP. However, I don’t seem to be up in arms whining my ass off about how that particular word is utterly offensive to anyone who likes to eat muff be they lesbian, bisexual or hetero male. Isn’t that strange? ---
**Author:** ![Morbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morbo/32/389_2.png) [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thanks-cocksuckers/162231/52 "2003-03-19T01:04:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by j\_kat\_251 \* > \*\*Well what the fuck do you want me to do? I can’t exactly go back and edit that shit. I had no idea someone was going to start crying, but to anyone who weeps in misery over some imagined gay-bashing slight… sorry \*\* How about: Well, it certainly wasn’t my intention to offend anyone on this board by using the term “cocksucker.” I meant it as an inoffensive insult akin to “asshole.” But now that I see that some of my fellow Dopers find the term offensive, I apologize and will attempt to not use it in further posts. Or, you could continue in your quest to make us all see your point of view through childish insults. Carry on. ---
**Author:** ![JohnBckWLD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d6d6ee/32.png) [@JohnBckWLD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnBckWLD)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thanks-cocksuckers/162231/53 "2003-03-19T01:04:35Z")
So what happened on 24? ---
**Author:** ![j\_kat\_251](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/71c47a/32.png) [@j\_kat\_251](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j_kat_251)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thanks-cocksuckers/162231/54 "2003-03-19T01:16:32Z")
Alright. Alright. I honestly didn’t mean to offend any people besides those lame pricks who spoilt 24 for me. I suppose seeing as how it is offensive, never mind that I have no idea why, then I will be more careful with such terms in the future. Perhaps some sort of compromise where people don’t piss their pants for no reason could be reached. However, this does seem unlikely, given the righteous attitude of those so sorely offended. So I won’t use hateful invective that could even remotely be construed as an insult to any particular group ever again. No, wait, I can’t actually guarantee that. Like I’ve said, where does it stop? What if, indeed, a goat-felcher has tearful memories of being disliked in the past and my new (supposedly safe) insult of goat-felching reminds him? Besides, I still don’t see how turdburglar can be OK but cocksucker can’t. Perhaps both sides are being unreasonable. Maybe, maybe. Back to the story: If any persons who have or do suck(ed) cock were offended by my mentioning of “cocksuck(er/ing)” in a negative manner, then I apologise. I don’t really want the gay/straight female community to be pissed off at me because of something I intended to be interpreted differently. So, I’m sorry. Mark my fucking words though, if some self-righteous asshole doesn’t accept this apology at face value and starts going all smartass about sincerity and other bullshit then I’ll be extremely jaded and not change my ways. If this (real) apology settles the issue, then I will certainly be more careful with hateful words in the future. ---
**Author:** ![3trew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/13edae/32.png) [@3trew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3trew)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thanks-cocksuckers/162231/55 "2003-03-19T01:20:19Z")
I do so look forward to watching that. ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thanks-cocksuckers/162231/56 "2003-03-19T01:26:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Enderw24 \* > \*\*Absolutely not. Anyone can feel insulted about anything at any time. I merely retain the right to tell them they’re being overly sensitive. \*\* I have a gift certificate for a Plexindectomy™ for you. This installs plexiglas over your abdomen so you can see as you walk around with your head up your ass. ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thanks-cocksuckers/162231/57 "2003-03-19T01:36:51Z")
Why thank you very much, **Mockingbird**. I fail to see what I said in my previous post that warranted such a reply, but I shall endeavor to use the certificate in good health and with the kindness for which the gift was intended. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thanks-cocksuckers/162231/58 "2003-03-19T01:44:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by j\_kat\_251 \* > \*\*How is turdburglar any different from cocksucker? It’s a bit like the difference between butt-buddy and ass-pal, is it not? THEY MEAN THE SAME FUCKING THING \*\* Wow. Sorry, I was thinking it meant someone of sufficiently low intelligence who would creep into a dog owners yard and steal poop. I evidently lack imagination. Believe me I meant it only has a synonym for catbox-raider. Guinastasia, can you forward that memo to me? Mine got lost in the mail. ---
**Author:** ![Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troy_mcclure_sf/32/4150_2.png) [@Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troy_McClure_SF)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thanks-cocksuckers/162231/59 "2003-03-19T04:17:08Z")
This’ll be an interesting addition to the _24 Club_ thread library. Oh, and **j\_kat\_251** , dude, you pitted people for spoiling that detail of _24_ for you, yet you _repeat the spoiler in your OP_! :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 7:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thanks-cocksuckers/162231/60 "2003-03-19T07:54:44Z")
OK, see, it’s kind of hard to accept your apology as sincere at face value since very little of it seemed sincere. Here, just to help you out, I’ll bold the parts that make you sound like the fucking asshole that you are: > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by j\_kat\_251_ > > Alright. Alright. I honestly didn’t mean to offend any people besides those lame pricks who spoilt 24 for me. I suppose seeing as how it is offensive, **never mind that I have no idea why** , then I will be more careful with such terms in the future. Perhaps some sort of compromise **where people don’t piss their pants for no reason** could be reached. However, this does seem unlikely, given the **righteous attitude of those so sorely offended**. So I won’t use hateful invective that could even remotely be construed as an insult to any particular group ever again. **No, wait, I can’t actually guarantee that. Like I’ve said, where does it stop? What if, indeed, a goat-felcher has tearful memories of being disliked in the past and my new (supposedly safe) insult of goat-felching reminds him? Besides, I still don’t see how turdburglar can be OK but cocksucker can’t. Perhaps both sides are being unreasonable. Maybe, maybe.** Back to the story: > > If any persons who have or do suck(ed) cock were offended by my mentioning of “cocksuck(er/ing)” in a negative manner, then I apologise. I don’t really want the gay/straight female community to be pissed off at me because of something I intended to be interpreted differently. So, I’m sorry. > > **Mark my fucking words though, if some self-righteous asshole doesn’t accept this apology at face value and starts going all smartass about sincerity and other bullshit then I’ll be extremely jaded and not change my ways.** If this (real) apology settles the issue, then I will certainly be more careful with hateful words in the future. I have absolutely no reason to believe that your “apology” was real. If you’d have gone word for word with what **Dooku** wrote, you would have easily shown yourself to be the better man; sadly, the above qualifiers, insults and snarkiness shows that is not even close to being the case. But, hey, look at it this way - I’ve given you the excuse you were so desperately looking for to “be extremely jaded and not change {your} ways.” :rolleyes: Your sensitivity makes the baby Jesus cry. Esprix [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thanks-cocksuckers/162231.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thanks-cocksuckers/162231.md?page=4)