# Thanks for dinner, now get off my fucking couch. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 28, 2001, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thanks-for-dinner-now-get-off-my-fucking-couch/56172 "2001-02-28T06:34:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2001, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thanks-for-dinner-now-get-off-my-fucking-couch/56172/61 "2001-03-01T17:20:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sauron \* > \*\*I swear to God, I’ve got to work on my self-esteem. I’m not pushy to a fault. Once, in college, my girlfriend and I were locked in a hot embrace (no sex, just heavy groping), and she got a funny look on her face as we were … ah … shifting around. I asked her what was wrong, and she said, “Sometimes I don’t want you to stop.” I said, “Don’t worry … I’m too scared to go much further.” Sure, it got me undying love and huge bonus points for sensitivity, but I missed out on the hot sex. > > I know, I know … I’m a wimp. To thine own self be true. \*\* **Sauron-** I can’t tell you: A) How much balls it took to say that and B) How ultimately cool that is You can’t go wrong being honest with an honest woman. At all points it’s the right thing to do. Before I met Mrs Chance I used to come clean with the girls I dated, “Look, I’d really like to get laid tonight but if you’re not into it that’s fine too. Maybe some other time.” If they say yes at least you know you’re there. If they say no you can still enjoy yourself with their company. And, I know I’ve said it before, and I **don’t** want to be seen as making light of **magdalene’s** encounter (because it’s a completely wrong thing to do) but… **Thank GOD I met Mrs Chance when I was 19 and we’ve been together for the last 15 years. Every time she and I discuss the experiences our single friends relate we both just cling to each other.** _ahem_ Sorry, carry on. ---
**Author:** ![MikeG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mikeg/32/4329_2.png) [@MikeG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MikeG)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2001, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thanks-for-dinner-now-get-off-my-fucking-couch/56172/62 "2001-03-01T17:42:11Z")
\ …, “geekiness, sexual inexperience, need for kindness, or “sexual pariah” " in NO WAY allow that type of behavior. Or do you think that it is all right to pin a woman down and sexually assault her after TWO very strongly worded and physical rebuffs? Is that excusable due to any of the “modifiers” you have brought up? And that is exactly what happened. Perhaps this may enlighten things a bit: In this corner: **Magdalene** : girl, 5’4”, not a bodybuilder/prowrestler In the other corner: **BritTwit** : guy, 6’6", pretty well built, Now imagine **BritTwit** pinning you down on the couch and _laughing_ at your attempts to free yourself while trying to stick his tongue down your throat- and this is **after** you have already made it pretty fucking clear you did not welcome any more advances. Nope, your defense falls on its face. This is pure, out and out, sexual agression with no regard for the partners wishes or desires. There may have been an excuse for the wandering hands the first time, but after that, it was kneecapping time. (smiley intentionally left out) And the IRL beating offer still stands if there is any more contact. Oh, and on a lighter note, mag? I looooove Passion its one of my favorite albums actually! ---
**Author:** ![porcupine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ac91a4/32.png) [@porcupine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/porcupine)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2001, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thanks-for-dinner-now-get-off-my-fucking-couch/56172/63 "2001-03-01T17:49:43Z")
I’m not sure who I want to kick in the nuts more, **alonicist** or BritTwit. ---
**Author:** ![Alonist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e68b1a/32.png) [@Alonist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alonist)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2001, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thanks-for-dinner-now-get-off-my-fucking-couch/56172/64 "2001-03-01T17:59:55Z")
Mmm, I don’t remember all those details from the original post, but I’ll take your word for the accuracy of the scenario. I’m sleepy and would have never posted in the Pit had I noticed where I was; too much like work. My fault entirely. Anyway, it’s been a good workout. And if I ever need some really classic flames for a sig…anyway, I’m outta here right now, and if anybody wants to defame my character further, I’ll drop by tomorrow. (Wow! porcupine(!)…it would be almost a pleasure to get kicked in the nuts by porcupine!) * * * miscast, misbegotten, misspelled ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2001, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thanks-for-dinner-now-get-off-my-fucking-couch/56172/65 "2001-03-01T18:02:01Z")
> [@](#): > > But the bj idea was actually not bad…a little kindness can do wonders for the wounded male ego. I’m both amused and mildly alarmed to hear that some consider the performance of oral sex to be “a little kindness.” To me a little kindness is holding a door open or thanking the coat-check girl. I think the guy received a little kindess when Mags decided not to knee his balls through the roof of his mouth. I also think he was very lucky it was only his ego that was wounded. ---
**Author:** ![Diane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2acd7d/32.png) [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2001, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thanks-for-dinner-now-get-off-my-fucking-couch/56172/66 "2001-03-01T18:20:10Z")
> [@](#): > > You Pit guys sure know how to give a warm welcome. What were you expecting? A sympathy blow? :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![magdalene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@magdalene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magdalene)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2001, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thanks-for-dinner-now-get-off-my-fucking-couch/56172/67 "2001-03-01T18:31:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by alonicist \* > I’m sleepy and would have never posted in the Pit had I noticed where I was; too much like work. Be careful, you’re tracking bovine excrement all over Alphagene’s fresh wax job. > [@](#): > > * * * > > miscast, misbegotten, misspelled Dude, so sorry I spelled your name wrong. Would a blow job make it up to you? :wally: ---
**Author:** ![MikeG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mikeg/32/4329_2.png) [@MikeG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MikeG)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2001, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thanks-for-dinner-now-get-off-my-fucking-couch/56172/68 "2001-03-01T18:37:26Z")
Oh and **Magdelane** , check your email re: Indian food this weekend… 🙂 it was worth a try… ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2001, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thanks-for-dinner-now-get-off-my-fucking-couch/56172/69 "2001-03-01T19:04:57Z")
You know, the more I think about it, the sorrier I feel for the guy. I’ve come to the conclusion that Magdalene is one great, great, broad (and I mean that in the finest sense of the term.) Her couch must be a fine place to be. That guy was there, and blew it. OUCH, I just stubbed my toe! The pain, the pain! If only somebody could do something to take my mind off of it. Maybe a… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![MissBHaven](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/missbhaven/32/7170_2.png) [@MissBHaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissBHaven)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2001, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thanks-for-dinner-now-get-off-my-fucking-couch/56172/70 "2001-03-01T19:43:27Z")
**magdalene** , I think you handled things great! I’ve been there and it can get really scary, really fast if you don’t take control of the situation. **SuaSponte** , You know that no one would ever kick you out! 😉 **alonicist** … I don’t even have the words… ---
**Author:** ![Beadalin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Beadalin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beadalin)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2001, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thanks-for-dinner-now-get-off-my-fucking-couch/56172/71 "2001-03-01T20:18:23Z")
Well, **magdalene** , all I can say is that I admire you. When I was but a wee freshman in college, I got myself into a similar situation, only because of my general naivete --and to some degree, spinelessness-- I didn’t kick the guy out and wound up joylessly acquiescing to his sexual aggression. I haven’t stopped regretting that. I guess the one good thing to come of that was that post-asshole, I learned many ways to protect myself, but still… remembering that night brings back that horrible trapped feeling all over again. I don’t know you, but I am proud of you all the same. And **alonicist** , I don’t care how old you are, it should be pretty damn clear that the role of women in this world is not to descend from upon high and relieve inexcusably clueless males of their blue balls. Clueless is always a bad thing, and in this case, it’s scary and disgusting. ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2001, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thanks-for-dinner-now-get-off-my-fucking-couch/56172/72 "2001-03-02T04:48:22Z")
Alonicist, May you only get an erection in the presence of a) your grandmother or b) farm animals. Although in your case…maybe b) is your only hope in finally having a non solo orgasm. Mags…more power to you and beter luck w/ the next guy-I personally would have given that loser a bloody nose and pretended not to hear the words ‘stop’ or ‘no’ as I beat his ass WWF style. After all I’m the grrl who pucnhed my then boyfriend in the throat-bastard slapped for saying I was tired and wanted to go home.SOB never hit another woman again…or got to see me naked. ---
**Author:** ![Alonist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e68b1a/32.png) [@Alonist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alonist)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2001, 6:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thanks-for-dinner-now-get-off-my-fucking-couch/56172/73 "2001-03-02T06:21:41Z")
I feel sorrier for Mr. Cranky than anyone else. If I have added to the poor man’s burden, I richly deserve my punishment! (I hate to bump this, and will not do so again- if anyone needs to dialogue about my real or imagined behavior, please take it to my e-mail. Thanks.) ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2001, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thanks-for-dinner-now-get-off-my-fucking-couch/56172/74 "2001-03-02T06:37:09Z")
Perhaps there are other things for which you should be beaten with a massive clue stick. Be that as it may. Cranky’s got girl bits, you dolt. Okay, you know what? Your mentality is grossly ignorant. Suggesting a blowjob to get rid of the guy? Why don’t you just ask her to spread her legs and shut up while you’re at it? ---
**Author:** ![Lux\_Fiat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/bc79bd/32.png) [@Lux\_Fiat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lux_Fiat)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2001, 8:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thanks-for-dinner-now-get-off-my-fucking-couch/56172/75 "2001-03-02T08:42:17Z")
**alonicist** , I want you to repeat this five times when you get up in the morning, before starting your day: “Women are also people, just with different plumbing.” It will help you when you have to interact with them in situations which do not involve the words “streaming video” or “low monthly charge.” ---
**Author:** ![Alonist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e68b1a/32.png) [@Alonist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alonist)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2001, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thanks-for-dinner-now-get-off-my-fucking-couch/56172/76 "2001-03-02T12:33:02Z")
I said I wasn’t going to bump this again, but I just want to share that I think the phrase “streaming video” is one of the loveliest in our language. Second only to the phrase “low monthly charge”. “Read the whole thread before jumping to conclusions” is another. ---
**Author:** ![Diane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2acd7d/32.png) [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2001, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thanks-for-dinner-now-get-off-my-fucking-couch/56172/77 "2001-03-02T13:50:00Z")
> [@](#): > > “Read the whole thread before jumping to conclusions” is another. I read the entire thread, twice. You’re still a dumbass. ---
**Author:** ![porcupine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ac91a4/32.png) [@porcupine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/porcupine)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2001, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thanks-for-dinner-now-get-off-my-fucking-couch/56172/78 "2001-03-02T13:53:49Z")
FTR, I’ve decided that I’d rather kick **alonicist** in the nuts that BritTwit. ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2001, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thanks-for-dinner-now-get-off-my-fucking-couch/56172/79 "2001-03-02T14:21:52Z")
And here I thought my attempt to distract people by praising **Sauron** would work. _sigh_ But for the record I still think **Sauron’s** behavior was pretty cool. ---
**Author:** ![Milossarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Milossarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Milossarian)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2001, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thanks-for-dinner-now-get-off-my-fucking-couch/56172/80 "2001-03-02T14:45:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\*And Cranky, my darling dear - I loved the black and unapologetic sarcasm of your post. We can relive this all at the Flint Dopefest, where I will get you drunk and we can flirt sophomorically with Milo. \*\* Like I’d miss a party where “undeserved blowjobs” might even _possibly_, uh, come up, in a conversation involving myself and two lovely ladies. Lux and Diane - You guys are funny. alonicist - I’m **hoping** you’re a troll. Or you’ve got a _lot_ to learn. And save for the canola oil next to your computer, you’re not going to be learning the hard way. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thanks-for-dinner-now-get-off-my-fucking-couch/56172.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thanks-for-dinner-now-get-off-my-fucking-couch/56172.md?page=5)