# That Hilarious German Language **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 11, 2004, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-hilarious-german-language/239401 "2004-04-11T00:52:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Yamirskoonir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/c0e974/32.png) [@Yamirskoonir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yamirskoonir)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2004, 8:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-hilarious-german-language/239401/21 "2004-04-11T08:12:30Z")
Ach, ja. Die Deutschklasse macht viel Spaß…when our crazy Fraulein (who had escaped Nazi Germany as a young girl and had been teaching for something like 40 years by the time I had her) wasn’t crying at us or making us learn (and perform) drinking/hiking/Christmas songs, we did idioms. My favorite is my sig. It means: Stupid stays stupid, pills can’t help you! Then there was that sub we had one day that taught us a neat little ditty. Sung in an off-key monotone, it went: “Ich bin froh Denn mein Po Past genau auf unserem Kloh!” Roughly translated: “I am happy Because my butt Fits exactly on our toilet!” Yeah, our teacher really liked that one when she got back and the whole class sang it to her. 😃 Then there was the fun of memorization, since that’s the hard party of learning any language. This one creative kid came up with a great way to remember the word for skirt (die Röcke). When you asked him what his trick was, he’d gleefully reply: “Because when you lift one up, you _rock_ the world!” Teenagers… :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2004, 8:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-hilarious-german-language/239401/22 "2004-04-11T08:13:47Z")
> [@Call me Frank](#): > > **Celyn** ’s right about the -chen being neuter thing…can’t believe I forgot that… True…-chen being the diminutive of (almost) any German word, but I was taught it originates from the word Maedchen…so we get back to the odd origin of a girl being neuter instead of feminine. Entschuldigung, ich will diesen toten Pferd nicht zu Erde schlagen… ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2004, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-hilarious-german-language/239401/23 "2004-04-11T14:57:49Z")
> [@DMark](#): > > True…-chen being the diminutive of (almost) any German word, but I was taught it originates from the word Maedchen…so we get back to the odd origin of a girl being neuter instead of feminine. > > Entschuldigung, ich will diesen toten Pferd nicht zu Erde schlagen… Zu spät! And as to the OP, there are two phrases that I more or less remember from my German classes many, many years ago. One is from a “dialogue” we had to learn, another from a surreal film: Du bist so rot wie ein Krebs Du siehst lustig aus, du mit deine Sonnebrille! Lach nicht, ich muss eine Brille tragen: mir tun sonst die Augen weh. And An dem Strand ist eine Perrucke sehr practisch Perrucke, schone Perrucke! Schwarze, Blonde, Kurze, Lange! Excuse the lack of umlauts or proper spelling. It’s been a long time and I don’t have my dictionary nearby to check. ---
**Author:** ![Fish\_Cheer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fish_cheer/32/17179_2.png) [@Fish\_Cheer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish_Cheer)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2004, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-hilarious-german-language/239401/24 "2004-04-11T16:38:12Z")
> [@Celyn](#): > > where I and my family were living on the nth of September 1938 This is not as ridiculous as it sounds. It’s meant for people who were driven away from their homes before, during or after WW2. The date was September 29, IIRC - the day of the Munich Agreement. ---
**Author:** ![Mercury](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e95f7d/32.png) [@Mercury](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mercury)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2004, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-hilarious-german-language/239401/25 "2004-04-11T18:36:01Z")
In 12th grade, I was taking a class in Microsoft Office. Word, Excel and stuff like that. The class was mostly seniors, and we all had terrible cases of senioritis. One of the students was a very quiet German exhange student. We also had a big, silly guy who got good grades but loved annoying the teacher. Our teacher would let him goof off for a while, but when he finally got under her skin, she’d yell at him. Loudly. And always by his last name. His last name was Ficken. Our German friend finally told the teacher what that meant. I’ve never seen anyone’s eyes bug out like that since. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2004, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-hilarious-german-language/239401/26 "2004-04-12T02:56:38Z")
> [@Bambi Hassenpfeffer](#): > > I _love_ the word **geschwindigkeitsbegrenzung**. It means “speed limit.” I also enjoy how German verbs tend to come at the end of their sentences. A speaker can go on and on, giving the listener intimate details of who did something, to whom it was done, how it was done, but giving no clue exactly _what_ was done until the very last word. > > “Ich denke, daß ich in die Stadt gehen möchten. Auch denke ich, daß ich in meinem Auto gehen werde.” > > translates literally into > > “I think that I to the city to go would like. Also think I that I in my car go will.” > > I think – it’s been 9 years since my last Deutschklasse. > > I just think that it’s odd. I mean, it works for them, so who am I to question, really? Brings to mind Mark Twain’s famous quote: “Whenever the literary German dives into a sentence, that is the last you are going to see of him until he emerges on the other side of his Atlantic with his verb in his mouth.” I remember when we were studying German homonyms. Our teacher had a sentence that was grammatically correct, but made no real sense whatsoever, just to illustrate homonyms: Auf diese Weise koennte der weise Weisse wissen, wo die Wiese sich befindet. (In this manner the wise orphan could know where the meadow was located). ---
**Author:** ![Anaxagoras](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b77776/32.png) [@Anaxagoras](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaxagoras)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2004, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-hilarious-german-language/239401/27 "2004-04-12T14:34:43Z")
How 'bout: Feuerversicherungsgesellschaft Always liked that one. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2004, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-hilarious-german-language/239401/28 "2004-04-12T16:05:42Z")
What I learned in high school German: “Nicht alle Esel haben vier Beine.” I still remember the “punch line” to a little story in our textbook intended to poke fun at the German tendency to make big long compound words: “Burgermeisterblindarmentzundungsoperation” (sp?) referring to a mayor’s appendix operation. ---
**Author:** ![lee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lee/32/7455_2.png) [@lee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lee)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2004, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-hilarious-german-language/239401/29 "2004-04-12T16:44:47Z")
Lovely blunt language. The German word for nipple translates back as breast wart, the word for placenta as mother’s cake. ---
**Author:** ![Ghanima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Ghanima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ghanima)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2004, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-hilarious-german-language/239401/30 "2004-04-12T20:45:08Z")
My personal favorite is _streichholzschachtelchen_. A little match-box. Makes the natives howl with laughter when the auslanders try to say it. ---
**Author:** ![Loopydude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e56c9b/32.png) [@Loopydude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopydude)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2004, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-hilarious-german-language/239401/31 "2004-04-12T21:34:01Z")
When in Wien, I, of course, went out to get some authentic Wienerschnitzel. Perusing the menu, I came across the word Schweinefleisch. I thought about that…“Swine flesh.” “Mein Herr! Geben Sie hier etwas Schweinefleish, bitte!” Trans: “Hey mister! Gimme some pig meat, willya?” I now find German kind of creepy. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2004, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-hilarious-german-language/239401/32 "2004-04-12T21:44:28Z")
I’m surprised it took until post #26 in this thread to see Mark Twain mentioned. His “The Awful German Language” is a classic. A favorite quote is _“A young lady has no sex, but a cabbage does.”_ Has anyone here read the story by Saki(H. H. Munro) “Tobermory”, about a professor(who happens to be German, who has developed a method of teaching animals to talk? He practices on the housecat belonging to the host and hostess of a British houseparty, and is successful, much to their dismay. One person suggests he should have taught animals that are under proper control, like the elephants in the Berlin zoo. After the houseparty breaks up, his death is noted by the hosts. He was trampled to death by an elephant in the Berlin zoo. The verdict of all was that “If he was trying to teach the elephant German irregular verbs, he deserved everything he got.” ---
**Author:** ![Gazelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Gazelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gazelle)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2004, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-hilarious-german-language/239401/33 "2004-04-12T21:58:58Z")
I lived in Germany for quite a while as a U.S. Army brat and now live in Minnesota next door to a German woman… I love to go to [Altavista.com](http://Altavista.com) and use their translation engine to write her strange, nonsequiter-filled emails. I also love to find new words. One that I found a few years ago that has stuck with me is das Berg-und-Tal Bahn. Rollercoaster. Literally: Mountain and Valley Train. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![asterion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4da419/32.png) [@asterion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asterion)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2004, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-hilarious-german-language/239401/34 "2004-04-12T23:22:15Z")
> [@fishcheer15](#): > > This is not as ridiculous as it sounds. It’s meant for people who were driven away from their homes before, during or after WW2. The date was September 29, IIRC - the day of the Munich Agreement. Serious question: Why? Does the government give out some sort of reperations if you can prove it or something? ---
**Author:** ![MC\_Master\_of\_Ceremonies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/bb73d2/32.png) [@MC\_Master\_of\_Ceremonies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MC_Master_of_Ceremonies)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2004, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-hilarious-german-language/239401/35 "2004-04-12T23:43:58Z")
Turkish is simlair to German in that you can make compond words seeming without limit. Avrupalılaştıramadıklarımızdan mısınız? ---
**Author:** ![MC\_Master\_of\_Ceremonies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/bb73d2/32.png) [@MC\_Master\_of\_Ceremonies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MC_Master_of_Ceremonies)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2004, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-hilarious-german-language/239401/36 "2004-04-12T23:47:02Z")
Sorry which translates to “Are you one of those whom we could not Europeanise?” ---
**Author:** ![Call\_me\_Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Call\_me\_Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Call_me_Frank)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2004, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-hilarious-german-language/239401/37 "2004-04-13T04:17:43Z")
> [@Baker](#): > > I’m surprised it took until post #26 in this thread to see Mark Twain mentioned. His “The Awful German Language” is a classic. A favorite quote is _“A young lady has no sex, but a cabbage does.”_ Uhh, actually…the thread title was supposed to be a take on Twain’s title… I guess I’m the only one who got that… ---
**Author:** ![Fish\_Cheer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fish_cheer/32/17179_2.png) [@Fish\_Cheer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish_Cheer)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2004, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-hilarious-german-language/239401/38 "2004-04-13T12:07:30Z")
> [@asterion](#): > > Serious question: Why? Does the government give out some sort of reperations if you can prove it or something? Hmm… I can’t find clear and comprehensive cites for this right now. As far as I can see it ran as follows: If you had lived east of the [Oder/Neiße](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oder-Neisse_line) line or as a German citizen outside of Reich territory by September 29, you were labeled a displaced person\* (“Vertriebener”) and were eligible for compensation by the federal government. If you had lived west of the line, you were a refugee (“Flüchtling”) and got nothing. Please do not rely on that, though. Could somebody with a clue please speak up? - Not to be confused with the _other_ displaced persons, i. e. slave laborers forcefully removed from their home countries by the Nazis. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2004, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-hilarious-german-language/239401/39 "2004-04-13T12:31:44Z")
Many years ago a friend was studying Freud particularly his work on humour. Since all the works were translated the jokes (mainly puns) made absolutely no sense. He taught some of us a few and we would drop them in conversation and laugh uproariously. One went : In his haste to write the prescription the Indian [doctor] has made a mistake. ---
**Author:** ![Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/bc8723/32.png) [@Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unauthorized_Cinnamon)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2004, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-hilarious-german-language/239401/40 "2004-04-13T12:36:44Z")
(Damn it, my baby is in league with the hamsters! Let’s try again.) For what it’s worth, one of my professors told us the gender of a word depends somewhat on its age. Older words are masculine, IIRC. I have no idea if this is true in any way, shape, or form. I shall close with one of the few phrases I remember from German class 15 years ago: “Kreideman fliegt aus dem Fenster!” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-hilarious-german-language/239401.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-hilarious-german-language/239401.md?page=3)