# That is NOT a f\*\*king martini!!!!! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 4, 2006, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-is-not-a-f-king-martini/338315 "2006-01-04T01:13:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Nocturne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/9fc348/32.png) [@Nocturne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nocturne)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2006, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-is-not-a-f-king-martini/338315/21 "2006-01-04T05:55:54Z")
You’d be surprised at what people will put in a Tom Collins. I’ve had some nasty nasty Collinses before, mostly due to people being out of gin and making a Vodka collins or (in one infamous case) someone asking me if whisky would be okay in it. I’ve managed to stay away from appletinis, etc. I’ve never even had a vodka martini. Even though I prefer my drinks usually to have a little bit of sweetness, I really really like martinis. ---
**Author:** ![iamthewalrus\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/258eb7/32.png) [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2006, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-is-not-a-f-king-martini/338315/22 "2006-01-04T06:24:52Z")
You said it! In a sane world, I’d order a dry, dirty martini, and I would get 4-5 parts gin to 1 part vermouth, cold, with a bit of olive juice in it. I’ve had to drop the “dry” part, because I keep getting served _no_ vermouth. Thanks, buddy, but I know how to order cold gin with an olive in it. I’ve also had to add “gin” to my order, having been asked too many times about my order “What kind of vodka do you want?” The gin kind, dumbass. ---
**Author:** ![Aeschines](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aeschines/32/16251_2.png) [@Aeschines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aeschines)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2006, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-is-not-a-f-king-martini/338315/23 "2006-01-04T06:39:35Z")
Yes to OP. You gotta make them yourself, folks. I don’t shake or stir myself. I put my gin and vermouth in a glass and stick it in the freezer and chill two tall/thin martini glasses. The same basic process works for other classics: Manhattans and Rob Roys. I never use a shaker for anything. At bars I ask what beer they have on draft, otherwise it’s _neat_ like **Stranger**. ---
**Author:** ![anyrose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@anyrose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anyrose)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2006, 6:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-is-not-a-f-king-martini/338315/24 "2006-01-04T06:59:18Z")
I may be late in posting this, but Khalua and milk is a Sombrero - at least according to my favorite Mexican restaurant ---
**Author:** ![anyrose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@anyrose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anyrose)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2006, 7:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-is-not-a-f-king-martini/338315/25 "2006-01-04T07:00:53Z")
(damn - I hit ‘post’ too quickly) and I happen to like the flavored martinis. ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2006, 7:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-is-not-a-f-king-martini/338315/26 "2006-01-04T07:17:05Z")
> [@Otto](#): > > Try ordering a sidecar sometime. If the bartender’s even heard of it, they have no idea how to make it. **Otto** , you dweeb. I hate customers who think it’s cool to play “stump the bartender.” When you go to your accountant, do you rush in and say, “quick, what 192837129873 times 902387429387? What? Don’t know??? What kind of accountant are you???” We have books that tell us how to make drinks. And you know what? How we make drinks might differ slightly from how your favorite bartender in Bum-Fuck Egypt used to make it. 😛 PS, to the thread in general: it isn’t a martini with gin _or_ vodka. It’s a martini if it’s made with gin. So don’t complain if it’s vodka and something else and how dare they call it a martini. If you want your martini made of vodka, you’re a pussy. 😛😛 ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2006, 7:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-is-not-a-f-king-martini/338315/27 "2006-01-04T07:22:37Z")
> [@levdrakon](#): > > [If you want your martini made of vodka, you’re a pussy. 😛😛 :dubious: You just called James Bond a pussy. ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2006, 7:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-is-not-a-f-king-martini/338315/28 "2006-01-04T07:25:15Z")
> [@betenoir](#): > > :dubious: You just called James Bond a pussy. James Bond was a pussy for wanting his martini shaken. Beyond that, it’s all pussy. ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2006, 7:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-is-not-a-f-king-martini/338315/29 "2006-01-04T07:41:22Z")
> [@levdrakon](#): > > James Bond was a pussy for wanting his martini shaken. Beyond that, it’s all pussy. Well…in his defence, it’s gin you’re NOT supposed to shake. If you’re already having vodka it doesn’t make it any worse. And I’m not saying you’re wrong…just might not want to insult the guy while there are so many supervillians running around. ---
**Author:** ![CynicalGabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@CynicalGabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CynicalGabe)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2006, 7:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-is-not-a-f-king-martini/338315/30 "2006-01-04T07:43:23Z")
> [@levdrakon](#): > > **Otto** , you dweeb. I hate customers who think it’s cool to play “stump the bartender.” Wait. Are you a bartender? In Monterey? ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2006, 7:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-is-not-a-f-king-martini/338315/31 "2006-01-04T07:50:09Z")
> [@CynicalGabe](#): > > Wait. Are you a bartender? In Monterey? I have been a bartender in Monterey, but not currently. ---
**Author:** ![CynicalGabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@CynicalGabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CynicalGabe)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2006, 8:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-is-not-a-f-king-martini/338315/32 "2006-01-04T08:14:40Z")
> [@levdrakon](#): > > I have been a bartender in Monterey, but not currently. What bar? ---
**Author:** ![fushj00mang](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d26b3c/32.png) [@fushj00mang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fushj00mang)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2006, 8:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-is-not-a-f-king-martini/338315/33 "2006-01-04T08:42:12Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Er…isn’t that just Kalhua and milk? According to the Bartender’s Pocket Guide, Kalhua and milk is called a “Sombrero” or a “5AM Wakeup.” A “White Russian” is vodka (100 proof preferred), coffee liquer, and heavy cream (not milk or half&half.) A jigger of vodka, a pony of Kaluha, and a splash of cream. Shake with ice and serve in a lowball or rocks glass with fresh ice. 😃 Oh, and vodka martini’s suck ass. Just my .02. 😉 ~Mang ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2006, 8:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-is-not-a-f-king-martini/338315/34 "2006-01-04T08:57:40Z")
The gin thing was cute. We all love gin. It reminds of those British. Those silly British who like to make everything just a bit more complicated. “Ohhhh…I want an extra dry martini! See! The joke is that I want gin in an inpractical glass. Haw haw haw.” The vodka thing was dumb. “Yeah. Yeah. Me too! But I’m a soul sucking cretin who’s never actually attempted to understand or enjoy alcoholic spirits and has fallen for the marketing ploys of people selling diluted grain alcohol at a five million percent markup! I’d like a socially acceptable way to drink a big old glass of vodka, please!” The Blahblah-Tini thing is reeeeeeeediculous. I’ve got nothing against girly drinks. But martini glasses suck ass. They tip. You can’t walk without sloshing something over the top and on to your nice dress. And they make you look like a pretentious dumbass. If you are going to drink puckers and vodka, by all means! I’ve had many a good times with that combo. But don’t pretend like it’s anything but what dumb college kids drink when their broke. And I get angry from the depths of my soul when I order some perfectly reasonable drink and the bartender assumes that I must also want to lug one of those badges of dumbassitude around. My first lemondrop was served in a beautiful minature brandy snifter. It was a work of art- all curves and crystals and sugardust with that wonderful incandescent glow and a suggestive red ripe cherry resting lewdly right in the center. I felt like the queen of the bar with that thing- feminine, suductive, sophisticated but fun, and with just a hint of early sixties nostalgia. As it turns out, the vast majority of lemon drops are served in stupidtini glasses. I’ve had to switch to gin and tonics. ---
**Author:** ![CynicalGabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@CynicalGabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CynicalGabe)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2006, 9:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-is-not-a-f-king-martini/338315/35 "2006-01-04T09:04:24Z")
> [@fushj00mang](#): > > A jigger of vodka, a pony of Kaluha, and a splash of cream. That’s weak sauce. When I make a White Russian, I go by “2-3-4” 2 oz. Vodka 3 oz. Kahlua 4 oz. half/half Sometimes slightly more Kahlua. ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Cad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saint_cad/32/18907_2.png) [@Saint\_Cad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Cad)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2006, 9:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-is-not-a-f-king-martini/338315/36 "2006-01-04T09:26:23Z")
I love to drink Martinis Two at the very most Three I’m under the table Four I’m under the host -Dorothy Parker ---
**Author:** ![irishgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@irishgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/irishgirl)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2006, 10:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-is-not-a-f-king-martini/338315/37 "2006-01-04T10:22:42Z")
My sister is currently working as a cocktail waitress, a proper one, who spent 3 weeks learning to make the damn things before being allowed to make any for paying customers. She will make you any kind of Martini you like, exactly the way you like it, but gets really, really pissed off at people who order something when they don’t know what it is. She’s had people ask for: Extra dry martinis, and then ask why they’re not sweeter. Dirty martinis and complain when they taste of olives. “A Martini” and send it back when it wasn’t lurid green and tasting of apples. A Hendrick’s martini and then complain that it tastes weirdly of cucumber. She’s happier if people say they don’t know what to have but tell her that they like X,Y and Z and then she can find something for them. If someone doesn’t like gin, they shouldn’t order Martinis and if someone knows they don’t like rum they shouldn’t order Mojitos. IMO a proper Black Russian is coke, vodka, Kahlua and a Guinness head ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2006, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-is-not-a-f-king-martini/338315/38 "2006-01-04T14:14:55Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Nononono, I meant a White Russian, without any vodka, isn’t that just Kalhua and milk? It’s not a White Russian anymore, is what I meant. Sorry for the misunderstanding. > > Here is what i found upon googling White Russian: > \* > A White Russian consists of Vodka, Kahlua, and cream and is a creamy, coffee flavored drink. Kahlua is a sweet coffee flavored liqueur. For this Drink we are using Ketel One Vodka, Kahlua and Half and Half cream. > > - _I_ knew you meant. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2006, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-is-not-a-f-king-martini/338315/39 "2006-01-04T14:15:22Z")
> [@betenoir](#): > > 🙂 I was just about to rush to your defense Anaamika. \*I \* knew what you meant. Thanks. 🙂 I thought everybody took me the wrong way! ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2006, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-is-not-a-f-king-martini/338315/40 "2006-01-04T14:32:03Z")
> [@even sven](#): > > But martini glasses suck ass. Thank you, this is the most true thing said in this thread. Think of the exact worst possible way to design a glass, and you have the martini glass. Most of the volume is at the top of the glass where it will spill. You have to drink half of it just to get it to be less spill prone. Ugh, they’re awful, you can’t enjoy yourself, you’re nursing that stupid glass. Me, I ask for my martinis in a rocks glass, and leave the ice in. Keeps the drink cold, dilutes it a bit when you get near the bottom, instead of getting warm and cringe worthy, and doesn’t spill all over. And… a martini is made of gin, a vodka martini is made of vodka. I also heard that the original James Bond vodka martini also has gin, it’s half gin half vodka, not straight vodka. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-is-not-a-f-king-martini/338315.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-is-not-a-f-king-martini/338315.md?page=3)