# That’s Some Bad Puns... The MMP **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** mmp\ **Created:** [October 8, 2007, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-s-some-bad-puns-the-mmp/421905 "2007-10-08T04:02:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 11
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2007, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-s-some-bad-puns-the-mmp/421905/201 "2007-10-10T13:20:58Z")
Hi, all. I know some of you deserve my sympathies and love so here it is for everyone. Some of you are in need of hugs so here’s a great big hug, if I can stretch my arms out wide enough. Hi, **GT**! _looks over at **bbs2K** _ Boy, I’m glad I avoided the noogies when I first joined up. _runs_ ---
**Author:** ![anyrose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@anyrose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anyrose)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2007, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-s-some-bad-puns-the-mmp/421905/202 "2007-10-10T13:24:19Z")
[QUOTE=Anaamika] Hi, all. I know some of you deserve my sympathies and love so here it is for everyone. Some of you are in need of hugs so here’s a great big hug, if I can stretch my arms out wide enough. Hi, **GT**! _looks over at **bbs2K** _ Boy, I’m glad I avoided the noogies when I first joined up. _runs_ [/QUOTE] :::catches \*\*'mika \*\* by the shirttail and bestowes a quick noogie and releases her before she can turn around and whallop me::: 😃 ---
**Author:** ![taxi78cab](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e47c2d/32.png) [@taxi78cab](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/taxi78cab)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2007, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-s-some-bad-puns-the-mmp/421905/203 "2007-10-10T13:53:05Z")
[QUOTE=swampbear] **taxi** in addition, we could travel all over and give BE NICE, DAMMIT! seminars. We’d corner the manners market! I can see Miss Manners quivering at our might now! OH THE POWER!!! [/QUOTE] I like it! [QUOTE=swampbear] Also, let me know how that 30 minute Country Captain turns out. See, Country Captain is my favorite thing to eat ever but it does take a while to prepare. Thus, I’ve made it very few times. However, there is a restaurant in town that has it on the menu and if’n we go there I always order it. It’s teh YUM! [/QUOTE] What is Country Captain? I’d never heard of it before, and neither had **KeithT**. We enjoyed RR’s 30-minute version, but without knowing how it’s supposed to taste, we have no basis for comparison. So I’d say it’s a good quick chicken dinner, but I don’t know if it’s good Country Captain. Red tape like that sounds about par for the course, **BooFae**. Sucks that you’re the one getting all the complaints though. You should forward your calls directly to the Registrar. 😛 Tonight I’m learning how to make truffles through the local community ed program. Should be fun. We get a pound of them to bring home so there’ll be truffles for everyone tomorrow morning. ---
**Author:** ![scareyfaerie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scareyfaerie/32/3135_2.png) [@scareyfaerie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scareyfaerie)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2007, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-s-some-bad-puns-the-mmp/421905/204 "2007-10-10T14:20:54Z")
**Taxi** , I would love to forward all my calls to the daft twunt, but she’s never in. So they’d end up grizzling to her PA who I need to stay my friend! ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2007, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-s-some-bad-puns-the-mmp/421905/205 "2007-10-10T14:41:53Z")
Light-headedneedfoodandcoffee ---
**Author:** ![Noone\_Special](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/noone_special/32/2863_2.png) [@Noone\_Special](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Noone_Special)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2007, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-s-some-bad-puns-the-mmp/421905/206 "2007-10-10T14:43:29Z")
[QUOTE=HazelNutCoffee] Light-headedneedfoodandcoffee [/QUOTE] And a space bar… 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2007, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-s-some-bad-puns-the-mmp/421905/207 "2007-10-10T14:56:29Z")
[QUOTE=anyrose] :::catches \*\*'mika \*\* by the shirttail and bestowes a quick noogie and releases her before she can turn around and whallop me::: 😃 [/QUOTE] :readjusts hair: I have to tell you how bad we were. My coworkers watched a cooking show last night which was on sundaes. So my boss’s boss went out today and picked up sundaes for us all. Yes, at 9:30 in the morning. It took me an hour to eat mine. Coffee Toffee, with heath bar crunch in it. Ahhhh, it’s good to be an adult. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Tiger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Mama\_Tiger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Tiger)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2007, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-s-some-bad-puns-the-mmp/421905/208 "2007-10-10T14:58:48Z")
Morning, all. I finally broke down and took some extra meds last night just because I was in absolute _misery_ thanks to a front that was moving through; we were having thunderstorms, and that always makes my nerve problems in my foot fire up bigtime. I’ll pay for it later, probably, but at least today it’s feeling okay so I’m going to try hard to really cut back on what few meds I have left so they’ll stretch. This sucks bigtime, you know it? **Special One** , I cannot _believe_ you’ve missed all the furor over [Bacon Salt](http://www.baconsalt.com/)! And yes indeed, it is kosher. And delicious! Search for the Bacon Salt thread for further details; it’s been going for some time. I think half the Dope has purchased Bacon Salt; they certainly know us well. 😃 “daft twunt” – I like it! You do introduce lovely new phrases to my boring Murkin vocabulary, **BooFae**! You’re not kidding that your grandmother is…difficult, **snowbunny**. Just count your blessings you didn’t have to grow up with her. See how nice a mom I am by comparison? 😃 😃 I need to get back to work; I was hurting so much yesterday I couldn’t get half as much done as I needed to, and I’m super-late with this job. Later, all! ---
**Author:** ![Lissla\_Lissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lissla\_Lissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissla_Lissar)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2007, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-s-some-bad-puns-the-mmp/421905/209 "2007-10-10T15:11:33Z")
The dishes are all washed, I’ve cleaned the kitchen, and now it’s time to put laundry on. It’s very exciting. I think I might wander over to the health food store for Interesting Flour while the stuff’s washing. I’m going to bake on Friday. ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2007, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-s-some-bad-puns-the-mmp/421905/210 "2007-10-10T15:14:26Z")
TWO, count 'em TWO crazy, irate moms I talked to this morning on the phone for a grand total of 53 minutes and they BOTH love me to pieces right now. I’m good at this crap. I won a couple Spider Solitaire games while I was listening to them too, so it wasn’t a complete waste of time. The third irate, crazy mom ended up hanging up on me. Still as Meatloaf once sang: “two out of three ain’t bad” ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2007, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-s-some-bad-puns-the-mmp/421905/211 "2007-10-10T15:26:42Z")
[QUOTE=Noone Special] And a space bar… 🙂 [/QUOTE] That came with the coffee. 😉 Now I need a smoke. I’m so glad I don’t have to deal with parents anymore. When I was working as an ESL instructor back in Seoul, they made us meet with the parents even though the school’s official policy stated that dealing with the parents was the admin’s responsibility. I had to deal with it more than most because I was the only bilingual person there. :rolleyes: I should bake cinnamon rolls this week. ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2007, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-s-some-bad-puns-the-mmp/421905/212 "2007-10-10T15:28:14Z")
[QUOTE=HazelNutCoffee] I should bake cinnamon rolls this week. [/QUOTE] And share them. I love me a good cinnamon roll. ---
**Author:** ![anyrose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@anyrose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anyrose)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2007, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-s-some-bad-puns-the-mmp/421905/213 "2007-10-10T15:44:52Z")
[QUOTE=Mr Bus Guy] And share them. I love me a good cinnamon roll. \*\*Last edited by Mr Bus Guy : Today at 11:28 AM. Reason: note to self: unstick the ‘L’ key \* \* [/QUOTE] wlhlaltl’ls tlhlel mlaltltlelrl, **MlBlG** , alrlel ylolul hlalvlilnlgl plrlolblllelmls wliltlh ylolulrl "lLl"l klelyl?l ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2007, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-s-some-bad-puns-the-mmp/421905/214 "2007-10-10T16:15:23Z")
Super easy grand jury today - 3 cases to hear, all open-and-shut, grand jury-wise. So I ran to WalMart for critter victuals, and came out with the back end of my little Scion packed full. Coulda been worse - I almost grabbed a few skeins of yarn, too. Then I ran to McKay’s and got a few more things that filled the back seat. Everything is stowed and \*\*FCD \*\* wants to go out for a burger, so we shall. Then I’ll come home and play in clay. One thing I learned from today’s duty - I need to get locks on my sheds. We’re not too awful far from an area that is rife with shed burglaries by druggies. And here I thought this was such a nice county. Stoopit druggies. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![anyrose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@anyrose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anyrose)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2007, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-s-some-bad-puns-the-mmp/421905/215 "2007-10-10T16:29:39Z")
A friend just sent me this and I had to share. It answeres some of the questions you all have asked me or \*\*Achod \*\* from time to time: > [@](#): > > **A Gentile > Explains Jewish Food** > **Latkes** > > A pancake-like structure not to be confused with anything the House of Pancakes would put out. In a latka, the oil is in the pancake. It is made with potatoes, onions, eggs and matzo meal. Latkas can be eaten with apple -sauce but NEVER with maple syrup.There is a rumour that in the time of the Maccabees they lit a latka by mistake and it burned for eight days. What is certain is you will have heart burn for the same amount of time. > It’s a GOOD thing. > > **Matzoh** > > The Egyptians’ revenge for leaving slavery. It consists of a simple mix of flour and water - no eggs or flavor at all. When made well, it could actually taste like cardboard. Its redeeming value is that it does fill you up and stays with you for a long time. However, it is recommended that you eat a few prunes soon after. > > **Kasha Varnishkes** > > One of the little-known delicacies which is even more difficult to pronounce than to cook. It has nothing to do with Varnish, but is basically a mixture of buckwheat and bow-tie macaroni (noodles).Why a bow-tie? Many sages discussed this and agreed that some Jewish mother decided that > “You can’t come to the table without a tie” or, > G-d forbid “An elbow on my table?” > > **Blintzes** > > Not to be confused with the German war machine. Can you imagine the N.J. Post 1939 headlines: “Germans drop tons of cheese and blueberry blintzes over Poland - shortage of sour cream expected.” Basically this is the Jewish answer to crepe Suzette. > > **Kishka** (a/k/a Stuffed Derma) > > You know from Haggis? Well, this ain’t it. In the old days they would take an intestine and stuff it. Today we use parchment paper or plastic. And what do you stuff it with? Carrots, celery, onions, flour, and spices. But the trick is not to cook it alone but to add it to the cholent (see below) and let it cook for 24 hours until there is no chance whatsoever that there is any nutritional value left. > > **Kreplach** > > It sounds worse than it tastes. There is a Rabbinical debate on its origins. One Rabbi claims it began when a fortune cookie fell into his chicken soup. The other claims it started in an Italian restaurant. Either way it can be soft, hard, or soggy and the amount of meat inside depends on whether it is your mother or your mother-in-law > who cooked it. > > **Cholent** > > This combination of noxious gases had been the secret weapon of Jews for centuries. The unique combination of beans, barley, potatoes, and bones or meat is meant to stick to your ribs and anything else it comes into contact with. At a fancy Mexican restaurant (kosher of course) I once heard this comment from a youngster who had just had his first taste of Mexican fried beans: “What! Do they serve leftover > cholent here too?!” My wife once tried something unusual for guests: She made cholent burgers for Sunday night supper. The guests never came back. > > **Gefilte Fish** > > A few years ago, I had problems with my filter in my fish pond and a few of them got rather stuck and mangled. My son (5 years old) looked at them and commented “Is that why we call it ‘Ge Filtered Fish’?” Originally, it was a carp stuffed with a minced fish and vegetable mixture. Today it usually comprises of small fish balls eaten with horse radish (“chrain”) which is judged on its relative strength in bringing tears to your eyes at 100 paces. > > **Bagels** > > How can we finish without the quintessential Jewish Food, the bagel? Like most foods, there are legends surrounding the bagel although I don’t know any. There have been persistent rumours that the inventors of the bagel were the Norwegians who couldn’t get anyone to buy smoked lox. Think about it: Can you picture yourself eating lox on white bread? Rye? A cracker? Naaa. They looked for something hard and almost indigestible which could take the spread of cream cheese and which > doesn’t take up too much room on the plate. And why the hole? The truth is that many philosophers believe the hole is the essence and the dough is only there for emphasis. ---
**Author:** ![Dottygumdrop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Dottygumdrop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dottygumdrop)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2007, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-s-some-bad-puns-the-mmp/421905/216 "2007-10-10T16:37:44Z")
Evening all. Nice summary of Jewish food, **rosie**! It all sounds so … appetising! 😛 **MamaTigs** , fingers crossed you make it through the week without killing anyone! Ummmm, **swampus** , what is Country Captain??? Well, we managed to avoid the pain that is iftar at MIL’s house today. Long story … Yesterday afternoon at about 3:00pm, hubby went out to get the window tinting on his car windows redone (said he’d be about 30 minutes). After 30 minutes went by, I decided to give Noor a bath and put her down for a nap. Just as we finished with the bath, I heard water dripping down the vent shaft outside our bathroom (there are two large vent shafts in the house (about 4ftx4ft square from the ground up past the first floor) which provide light and ventilation for the indoor rooms as well as housing the water heaters). Well, after I put Noor down (no, she wouldn’t sleep, but thank you for asking) I noticed I could still hear the water, then I noticed the power to the outlets was off. I looked out the bathroom window and saw water pouring out of the bottom of the water heater for Noor’s and our bathrooms. So, I switched off the power to the water heater, turned off the upstairs and downstairs water pumps (don’t ask - mains water pressure here is REALLY crap) and flicked the outlets power back on. THEN, I opened the door to the relevant vent shaft and quickly realised that the water was lapping at the bottom of the door, about to come streaming into the hallway (tiled floor, fortunately). I called hubby, who said, “What do you want me to do? I don’t have the plumber’s number on me? Gah!!! I’ll be there soon.” So I closed the door to the vent shaft and plugged up the doorway with a number of old towels and bathmats and waited … Hubby came home and called the plumber, who said he couldn’t come until 6:30pm (it being Ramadan and iftar at 5:20pm, etc. etc.). So we toddled off to iftar and came home to a still dry house (thank Og). The plumber finally turned up shortly before 7:00pm and fixed the leak but told us the water heater was cactus. Soooo, today hubby had to go and shell out $240 on a new water heater, plus another $100 on installation and labour (including fixing some new mixers and a new shower head in the downstairs bathroom, as well as resealing the toilet pan in that bathroom). The plumbers (yes, there are 3 of them still in my house!) were supposed to turn up at 2:30pm, then 3pm, then 3:30pm, before they finally showed up at 4:15pm. It’s now 7:20pm and because they turned up so late, there wasn’t enough light left for them to replace the water heater, which they will now come to fix at 9:00am tomorrow, BUT they are still not finished all the other minor sh\*tty little things that needed fixing before my parents get here. And before you ask, yes we are renting and no it should not be our responsibility, but things happen a lot faster when we repair them and deduct the cost from the rent owed to MIL (she has been promising to get a plumber to come and fix the downstairs toilet for 2 months now). And to add insult to injury, HRH has the sh\*ts again! She’s not running a temperature and is otherwise okay, but has had 3 really runny bouts of diarrhoea this afternoon. :: sigh :: But that’s not all. I made some really yummy spicy mac ‘n’ cheese for our iftar today and had it all ready to go in the oven to warm through and make the cheese on top all melted and golden. I turned the oven on at 4:30pm to preheat, went back 15 minutes later to find the durn thing stone cold. The gas had run out (we don’t have mains gas here, just cylinders)!!! Hubby called the gas company, who told him the earliest they could deliver was 6:30pm. So we ended up ordering pizza from Domino’s (dunno why, when we normally order from Papa John’s or Pizza Hut). It gets worse - the pizza turned up on schedule, but tasted revolting. :: double sigh :: When it rains it pours. So the only real bright spark in my day has been NOT going to MIL’s for iftar! ---
**Author:** ![Lissla\_Lissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lissla\_Lissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissla_Lissar)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2007, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-s-some-bad-puns-the-mmp/421905/217 "2007-10-10T16:39:29Z")
I just want to say I’ve been reading the Dopefest thread and I’m sulking because there was a recent Dopefest with **MBG** , **gt** , **SarahFeena** , **WhyNot** , and a bunch of other people, and I wasn’t at it. **Haze** , did you go to that one? Not that the **Haze** party here with **Kyth** and **Sunspace** and **Cerowyn** wasn’t fun, but I’d love to meet everyone listed above. Sulk. Incidentally, we’re going to that pub (Rebel House) for dinner tonight. And I’m going to have three sips of Mr. Lissar’s cider. w00t! ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Tiger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Mama\_Tiger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Tiger)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2007, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-s-some-bad-puns-the-mmp/421905/218 "2007-10-10T17:57:26Z")
Aaugh! I am working on a case where this idiot guy is trying to explain that by giving his stockholders a 4-to-1 split on their stock, it’s a great thing because it means they have a greater ownership in the company because they have more stock! All I could think of is the idiots who think you have more pizza when you cut it into 8 slices instead of six. :rolleyes: Why is it that annoying depos like this run waaaaaaaay long, whereas the interesting ones are always too short? Oh, I know. It’s because in the interesting ones, the witnesses have lawyers who tell them when to shut their mouths. This guy is one of those people who cannot _stand_ to have silence in the room, so every time the lawyer questioning him pauses to review her notes or find an exhibit, he starts talking. And talking. And talking. Aargh! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Blue-Sighted\_Shadow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecae2f/32.png) [@The\_Blue-Sighted\_Shadow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Blue-Sighted_Shadow)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2007, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-s-some-bad-puns-the-mmp/421905/219 "2007-10-10T18:38:24Z")
**tigs** , hee! You must hear wayyyyy more than your fair share of drivel and moronity. (Hey, moronity is a real word! 🆒 ) Today is meh. 10 years ago today, my father killed himself. We wouldn’t find his body for 3 more days. In that time we were pretty sure that he was dead, but there was a slight possibility that he’d just been injured out in the mountains. Or that he’d taken off for South America again, like he did when my brother and I were young. (Irrelevant aside: That he did that then was my fault, according to both of my parents. If I were better behaved, that wouldn’t have happened. I was 7.) They had a lot of people, dogs, horses, and helicopters out looking for him. We didn’t find out until much later that he had gone to great lengths to hide, probably hoping he’d never be found. That would be just like him - to make us endure the maximum amount of suffering possible. Or maybe he wasn’t thinking like that. He had often told my mom that when he died, he wanted to be tossed off the side of the road. Who knows? It’s painfully clear that he was mentally ill, although with what is open to debate. He could be a cruel, vicious, violent man, and the only person who’s sorry he’s dead is his mother. My mother and I both had nightmares for years that he was alive and coming for us, one of the reasons we insisted on seeing the body after it was cleaned up. (It was pretty bad, but the funeral home did the best they could with a body left out in the elements for 3 days in summer weather.) On rare occasions, he could be incredibly gentle and tender. I like to think that was the “real” man, and the rest was a shield against his painful and abusive past, and whatever internal demons haunted him. But I’ll never know for sure; I can only assume. Suicide leaves behind the pain of a life deliberately left unfinished, and never knowing how it might have turned out, and the regret and “if-onlys” of the survivors. Well, that went off the rails. Anyway, I can’t wait for this week to pass; I seem to be reliving every painful thing that ever happened to me in the month of October and there is a _lot_. Dammit. ---
**Author:** ![Noone\_Special](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/noone_special/32/2863_2.png) [@Noone\_Special](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Noone_Special)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2007, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-s-some-bad-puns-the-mmp/421905/220 "2007-10-10T18:43:59Z")
{{{Jahdra}}} [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-s-some-bad-puns-the-mmp/421905.md?page=10) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-s-some-bad-puns-the-mmp/421905.md?page=12)