# That Which You Have Promised Must You Perform \[spam subject lines\] **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 7, 2009, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-which-you-have-promised-must-you-perform-spam-subject-lines/502222 "2009-07-07T17:42:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Covered\_In\_Bees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ab992/32.png) [@Covered\_In\_Bees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covered_In_Bees)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2009, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-which-you-have-promised-must-you-perform-spam-subject-lines/502222/1 "2009-07-07T17:42:30Z")
The thread title is the subject line of an e-mail spam message I have in my spambox. I love looking through my spambox to read all the hilarious subject lines. Such hits included are: [ul] [li]Infection in our cinema[/li][li]Obama broke his leg[/li][li]That the sun itself[/li][li]vermengbaar[/li][li]Scandalous! Aguilara and Norris[/li][li]maanvormige[/li][li]With that concession, Soros signed the documents Soros promised[/li][li]Need mouse to become tiger?[/li][li]Suck it.[/li][li]Make your zipper knight the best in the whole town[/li][li]I wanna worry you[/li][li]onmeetlikheid[/li][li]Power drillo won’t be flaccid[/li][/ul] How can you not love such whimsy? Okay, you share now. On a more serious note, why is it that some of these are sent by “me”? How bad is this? ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2009, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-which-you-have-promised-must-you-perform-spam-subject-lines/502222/2 "2009-07-07T17:49:52Z")
Oh, yours are better than mine, but I do get a few chuckles out of: Christian sex uGide Essentials - Does Yoour Christian sex Guide Talk About This? If You Doo This Your Woman Will Kick You Out of Bed nad Search For Another Lover Open it or get constipation ---
**Author:** ![Simmerdown](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simmerdown/32/14859_2.png) [@Simmerdown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simmerdown)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2009, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-which-you-have-promised-must-you-perform-spam-subject-lines/502222/3 "2009-07-07T17:54:32Z")
The names in the “from” column are often amusing: Puetz Stanford Zona Faqpu Dwana Sidikj Pontes MIchale Grauel Monserratte Earlene Ebazuezy Jesus Ayomide Banvard Ragel Faxyk The list goes on and on. ---
**Author:** ![Covered\_In\_Bees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ab992/32.png) [@Covered\_In\_Bees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covered_In_Bees)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2009, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-which-you-have-promised-must-you-perform-spam-subject-lines/502222/4 "2009-07-07T20:30:51Z")
I never even though of listing the crazy names of all these e-mails! [ul] [li]cpa560[/li][li]e-fran[/li][li]acknaural[/li][li]lion-no-tsubo[/li][li]sheim[/li][li]clarcurt[/li][li]dukingphenomenon[/li][li]spring[/li][li]munnotIncluded[/li][/ul] ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2009, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-which-you-have-promised-must-you-perform-spam-subject-lines/502222/5 "2009-07-07T20:32:29Z")
New Season New Offers New Skydiving Gloves Best Price ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2009, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-which-you-have-promised-must-you-perform-spam-subject-lines/502222/6 "2009-07-07T20:59:14Z")
> [@](#): > > zipper knight Band name! ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2009, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-which-you-have-promised-must-you-perform-spam-subject-lines/502222/7 "2009-07-07T22:17:37Z")
Has anyone else gotten “Use mind to improve your fang!”? ---
**Author:** ![bathsheba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9e8a1a/32.png) [@bathsheba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bathsheba)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2009, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-which-you-have-promised-must-you-perform-spam-subject-lines/502222/8 "2009-07-07T22:36:32Z")
“Do you want bigger breast?!” Well, um, only if I want to walk in circles… ---
**Author:** ![raspberry\_hunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b19c9b/32.png) [@raspberry\_hunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raspberry_hunter)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2009, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-which-you-have-promised-must-you-perform-spam-subject-lines/502222/9 "2009-07-07T23:00:45Z")
At this point, of course, it becomes mandatory to mention [http://www.spamusement.com/](http://www.spamusement.com/) – Poorly-drawn cartoons inspired by actual spam subject lines! ---
**Author:** ![otorophile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/3ab097/32.png) [@otorophile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/otorophile)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2009, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-which-you-have-promised-must-you-perform-spam-subject-lines/502222/10 "2009-07-08T01:00:09Z")
> [@raspberry\_hunter](#): > > At this point, of course, it becomes mandatory to mention [http://www.spamusement.com/](http://www.spamusement.com/) – Poorly-drawn cartoons inspired by actual spam subject lines! There was one with the title, “HELLO ME NOT DEAD” and an annoyed elmo climbing out of a coffin. Pretty funny. Also, one of my spams used the euphemism “dignity” to refer to a penis, so I started referring to one’s dignity with my brother, if I wanted to keep sexual meaning cryptic to others. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2009, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-which-you-have-promised-must-you-perform-spam-subject-lines/502222/11 "2009-07-08T02:42:08Z")
If I ever have a boyfriend again, I’ll refer to him on the boards as “ZipperKnight” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2009, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-which-you-have-promised-must-you-perform-spam-subject-lines/502222/12 "2009-07-08T02:44:11Z")
Best spam subject I ever got was “Gay terrorist kills eight in fabulous bombing”. ---
**Author:** ![Covered\_In\_Bees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ab992/32.png) [@Covered\_In\_Bees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covered_In_Bees)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2009, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-which-you-have-promised-must-you-perform-spam-subject-lines/502222/13 "2009-07-08T02:54:33Z")
> [@ZipperJJ](#): > > If I ever have a boyfriend again, I’ll refer to him on the boards as “ZipperKnight” 😃 What makes you think you won’t have a boyfriend again? 😕 > [@ultrafilter](#): > > Best spam subject I ever got was “Gay terrorist kills eight in fabulous bombing”. That’s awesome! ---
**Author:** ![Aghris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecccb3/32.png) [@Aghris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aghris)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2009, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-which-you-have-promised-must-you-perform-spam-subject-lines/502222/14 "2009-07-08T13:15:49Z")
> [@Covered\_In\_Bees](#): > > [ul] > [li]vermengbaar[/li][li]maanvormige[/li][li]onmeetlikheid[/li][/ul] Just to let you know that those three mean ‘mixable’, ‘crescent shaped’ and ‘inmeasurable’, in that order. Makes you want to know what they are talking about… Mine for today were: [ul] [li] Why weren’t you there?[/li][li] Megan Fox raped a criminal[/li][li] Hallo The day of love[/li][li] For non-muslim users only[/li][/ul] Maybe it’s time for a consecutive spam post thread sometime? ---
**Author:** ![Arglefraster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3bc359/32.png) [@Arglefraster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arglefraster)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2009, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-which-you-have-promised-must-you-perform-spam-subject-lines/502222/15 "2009-07-08T15:03:17Z")
My favorite one that I got recently was: Men with big members don’t have to go down on their girlfriends Of all the reasons for a guy to want a bigger penis, I don’t think that one ever crossed my mind. Are there really guys out there thinking “Man, I hate giving my girlfriend oral. But what can I do about it?” ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2009, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-which-you-have-promised-must-you-perform-spam-subject-lines/502222/16 "2009-07-08T15:07:52Z")
> [@ultrafilter](#): > > Best spam subject I ever got was “Gay terrorist kills eight in fabulous bombing”. [Gay Rights Terrorist Kills Eight In ‘Fabulous’ Bombing](http://www.godlikeproductions.com/forum1/message259065/pg1) ---
**Author:** ![Covered\_In\_Bees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ab992/32.png) [@Covered\_In\_Bees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covered_In_Bees)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2009, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-which-you-have-promised-must-you-perform-spam-subject-lines/502222/17 "2009-07-08T20:42:00Z")
**Aghris** : Thanks for the translations. What language were they? German or such? > [@Arglefraster](#): > > Of all the reasons for a guy to want a bigger penis, I don’t think that one ever crossed my mind. Same here. Spam subject lines are so crazy! ---
**Author:** ![Covered\_In\_Bees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ab992/32.png) [@Covered\_In\_Bees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covered_In_Bees)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2009, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-which-you-have-promised-must-you-perform-spam-subject-lines/502222/18 "2009-07-14T22:19:01Z")
So it’s been a week and I’ve gotten a few decent spam subject lines: [ul] [li]Hot Aniston Vulgar Video[/li][li]Watch Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince Clips\*[/li][li]Having a bigger tool is not a dream, it[big black square]s reality[/li][li]List of your mistakes[/li][li]If you love your wife, give your best to them (them?)[/li][li]Let your pink do the thing. Try it today (My pink?)[/li][li]Heal for your woody![/li][/ul] \*This one was from MySpace, but I’m pretty sure I told them not to send me any shit other than message notifications, so I sent it where it belongs. The spam folder. Upon some actual thought, now my notifications are going to get sent to my spam folder and I’ll have to unmark Myspace as a spam sender. Shit. How about everyone else? Get any good spam subject lines in the past week? ---
**Author:** ![Aghris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecccb3/32.png) [@Aghris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aghris)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2009, 7:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-which-you-have-promised-must-you-perform-spam-subject-lines/502222/19 "2009-07-15T07:26:34Z")
> [@Covered\_In\_Bees](#): > > How about everyone else? Get any good spam subject lines in the past week? Yep. A few. Some of these work great as sequential spam too. [ul] [li] Dad’s fishing trip fotos[/li][li] Unknown Format[/li][li] Know Andrew’s Surname[/li][li] Reply, you, motherf-r!\*[/li][/ul] - You know it’s gonna be a bad day when even you spam starts to swear at you. The earlier translation was from Dutch by the way, with a few spellng mistakes. What are spammer thinking? they really think Dutch is a common enough language to send spam with? ---
**Author:** ![Covered\_In\_Bees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ab992/32.png) [@Covered\_In\_Bees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covered_In_Bees)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2009, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-which-you-have-promised-must-you-perform-spam-subject-lines/502222/20 "2009-07-15T21:28:06Z")
I love that last one! It is indeed a bad sign when your spam is cussing you out. :-/ I even got one of my own, not nearly as harsh as yours though: [ul] [li]Hey, pal, damn you![/ul][/li]From someone named Levon Deprey On a quick second search I came upon the following gems that I’m not sure how I missed: [ul] [li]Incredible Hulk?s choice is the new incredible Cialis![/li][li]Your pork pistol won’t fail[/ul][/li] That’s right, my pork pistol. :dubious: [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/that-which-you-have-promised-must-you-perform-spam-subject-lines/502222.md?page=2)