# THAT'LL teach you to have sex in church **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 1, 2003, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thatll-teach-you-to-have-sex-in-church/204959 "2003-10-01T18:11:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satisfying_Andy_Licious)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2003, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thatll-teach-you-to-have-sex-in-church/204959/1 "2003-10-01T18:11:20Z")
> [@](#): > > October 1, 2003 – A Virginia man who was charged with performing a sex act in St. Patrick’s Cathedral died last week, his lawyer said yesterday. > The death of [Brian Florence,](http://www.nypost.com/news/regionalnews/6979.htm) 38, was disclosed on the same day he and girlfriend, Loretta Lynn Harper, were expected to plead guilty to disorderly-conduct charges stemming from the Aug. 16, 2002, sex stunt that was broadcast live on radio on WNEW-FM’s now-canceled “Opie and Anthony Show.” The Pope may be old, but he’s still got it. ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2003, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thatll-teach-you-to-have-sex-in-church/204959/2 "2003-10-01T18:48:36Z")
Man, you don’t want to get Jesus mad at you! Hmm … I wonder what “Death the Destroyer of Worlds” thought when he picked up _that_ guy? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2003, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thatll-teach-you-to-have-sex-in-church/204959/3 "2003-10-01T19:21:51Z")
When I was first opening this, I thought, “Didn’t they learn from that O&A couple?” ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2003, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thatll-teach-you-to-have-sex-in-church/204959/4 "2003-10-01T19:31:14Z")
False advertising! Despite the title of the thread, nothing in the OP taught me to have sex in church. ---
**Author:** ![Sejal\_Traurig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Sejal\_Traurig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sejal_Traurig)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2003, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thatll-teach-you-to-have-sex-in-church/204959/5 "2003-10-01T19:51:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Biffy the Elephant Shrew \* > \*\*False advertising! Despite the title of the thread, nothing in the OP taught me to have sex in church. \*\* Agreed… If anything, the OP has taught me **not** to have sex in church… ---
**Author:** ![Heloise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e36b37/32.png) [@Heloise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heloise)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2003, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thatll-teach-you-to-have-sex-in-church/204959/6 "2003-10-01T19:51:55Z")
Did the O&A show get cancelled because of this? ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2003, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thatll-teach-you-to-have-sex-in-church/204959/7 "2003-10-01T20:33:07Z")
Well, after all, the guy _did_ shout; “Oh God, I’m coming!” The Old Man Upstairs just took him at his word. PS: O&A got _fired_. ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2003, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thatll-teach-you-to-have-sex-in-church/204959/8 "2003-10-02T00:02:30Z")
Sometimes smiting takes time… ---
**Author:** ![Krisfer\_the\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Krisfer\_the\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Krisfer_the_Cat)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2003, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thatll-teach-you-to-have-sex-in-church/204959/9 "2003-10-02T00:28:08Z")
Another good reason to avoid churches like the plague! ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2003, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thatll-teach-you-to-have-sex-in-church/204959/10 "2003-10-02T02:12:23Z")
Sex in church makes the baby Jesus. ---
**Author:** ![syncrolecyne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f08c70/32.png) [@syncrolecyne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/syncrolecyne)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2003, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thatll-teach-you-to-have-sex-in-church/204959/11 "2003-10-02T04:14:05Z")
I thought an active and varied sex life was good for the heart. ---
**Author:** ![clayton\_e](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c57346/32.png) [@clayton\_e](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clayton_e)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2003, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thatll-teach-you-to-have-sex-in-church/204959/12 "2003-10-02T05:03:27Z")
I can’t believe nobody has made a missionary position joke… ---
**Author:** ![misstee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/958977/32.png) [@misstee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/misstee)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2003, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thatll-teach-you-to-have-sex-in-church/204959/13 "2003-10-02T15:49:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zenster \* > \*\*Well, after all, the guy _did_ shout; > > “Oh God, I’m coming!” > > The Old Man Upstairs just took him at his word. Note to self, never, ever say this again while having sex. I am too young to die. Thanks **Zenster** , the life you just saved may have been mine. ---
**Author:** ![Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satisfying_Andy_Licious)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2003, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thatll-teach-you-to-have-sex-in-church/204959/14 "2003-10-02T16:54:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Biffy the Elephant Shrew \* > \*\*False advertising! Despite the title of the thread, nothing in the OP taught me to have sex in church. \*\* Well, I couldn’t really teach you about having sex in church. I’m not a priest. ---
**Author:** ![Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satisfying_Andy_Licious)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2003, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thatll-teach-you-to-have-sex-in-church/204959/15 "2003-10-02T16:56:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ponder Stibbons \* > \*\*Hmm … I wonder what “Death the Destroyer of Worlds” thought when he picked up _that_ guy? 😉 \*\* How about, “Fun’s fun but playtime’s over.” ---
**Author:** ![PRNYouth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9dc877/32.png) [@PRNYouth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PRNYouth)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thatll-teach-you-to-have-sex-in-church/204959/16 "2003-10-03T00:45:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by GMRyujin \* > \*\*Sometimes smiting takes time… \*\* [Family Guy quote] POPE: You make-a the pope look silly, you pay for that (_looks up_) Smite them!! _Long pause_ POPE: He’s a-cooking something up… [/Family Guy quote] ---
**Author:** ![Oat1957](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Oat1957](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oat1957)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thatll-teach-you-to-have-sex-in-church/204959/17 "2003-10-03T01:24:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Krisfer the Cat \* > \*\*Another good reason to avoid churches like the plague! \*\* Amen! ---
**Author:** ![nonebutD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/54ee81/32.png) [@nonebutD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nonebutD)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thatll-teach-you-to-have-sex-in-church/204959/18 "2003-10-03T05:26:12Z")
Three years ago, I worked at a summer camp that was based out of a church. One night when I was on closing duties, my girlfriend came to pick me up, and I ended up _TMI_ taking her while she held the pulpit for support. I still haven’t decided whether I regret it. I haven’t been smoten yet, though. Maybe the big man approves. ---
**Author:** ![Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satisfying_Andy_Licious)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thatll-teach-you-to-have-sex-in-church/204959/19 "2003-10-03T05:53:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by nonebutD \* > \*\*Three years ago, I worked at a summer camp that was based out of a church. One night when I was on closing duties, my girlfriend came to pick me up, and I ended up > > _TMI_ > > taking her while she held the pulpit for support. > > I still haven’t decided whether I regret it. I haven’t been smoten yet, though. Maybe the big man approves. \*\* Well, what denomination was the church? If it was Baptist, you were practically duplicating the liturgy. ---
**Author:** ![Redboss](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8baadc/32.png) [@Redboss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Redboss)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thatll-teach-you-to-have-sex-in-church/204959/20 "2003-10-03T06:52:18Z")
…if it was a Baptist Church, what you were doing standing up might have looked too much like dancing. And that would be a SERIOUS offence. Stick to the lying down sex in church please. Redboss (ex-Baptist, and proud of it) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thatll-teach-you-to-have-sex-in-church/204959.md?page=2)