# That's it. I want one of my own. Right now. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 27, 2000, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-it-i-want-one-of-my-own-right-now/23658 "2000-06-27T01:15:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2000, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-it-i-want-one-of-my-own-right-now/23658/1 "2000-06-27T01:15:45Z")
**ASK THE DRUNK DUTCH DUDE!** Fire at will, my friends 😃 ---
**Author:** ![SILENT-BOB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4da419/32.png) [@SILENT-BOB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SILENT-BOB)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2000, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-it-i-want-one-of-my-own-right-now/23658/2 "2000-06-27T01:18:27Z")
:rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/50afbb/32.png) [@Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duck_Duck_Goose)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2000, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-it-i-want-one-of-my-own-right-now/23658/3 "2000-06-27T01:18:46Z")
Well, go find some drunk Dutch dame, knock her up, and set the timer for 9 months. ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2000, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-it-i-want-one-of-my-own-right-now/23658/4 "2000-06-27T01:20:36Z")
Mr. Drunken Dutch Guy, what’s the stupidest thing (or person) you’ve done while under the influence? ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2000, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-it-i-want-one-of-my-own-right-now/23658/5 "2000-06-27T01:20:58Z")
Oh, what have I done now? They’ll never let me live this down! Especially with my impeccable reputation as a sober, churchgoing poster and all. I’ve got a Dutch dame, but she’s in London, quite sober, and not being knocked up. I hope 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Shayna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shayna/32/17976_2.png) [@Shayna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shayna)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2000, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-it-i-want-one-of-my-own-right-now/23658/6 "2000-06-27T01:21:24Z")
**FreezerBurn** , will you eat me? ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2000, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-it-i-want-one-of-my-own-right-now/23658/7 "2000-06-27T01:21:27Z")
Do you ever get splinters in your feet from the klompen? Have you ever saved Amsterdam by plugging a dike with your finger? Just what the hell **do** you do with all those tulips? Can you send me a poster from the Torture Museum? ---
**Author:** ![Sue\_Duhnym](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@Sue\_Duhnym](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sue_Duhnym)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2000, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-it-i-want-one-of-my-own-right-now/23658/8 "2000-06-27T01:24:50Z")
Do you like Amstel Light? And is there a plain Amstel? What’s your view on legal marijuana? Have you ever felched a dyke? ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2000, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-it-i-want-one-of-my-own-right-now/23658/9 "2000-06-27T01:26:18Z")
Stupidest thing while drunk: climb a 15 meter pile of bricks to piss from. The act itself was succesful, but the tumble down was rather unpleasant. Eating Shayna: are you a refridgerator? If so, are you currently bleeding? Klompen (wooden shoes) are worn with socks. No splinters. I’ve never saved Amsterdam, but I’ve heard it has saved many an American virgin 😃 We sell the tulips to Japan or put them in the Keukenhof. The Torture Museum is in London, you putz. We have the Sex Museum. Uhm, or so I’m told. ---
**Author:** ![aha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eada6e/32.png) [@aha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aha)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2000, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-it-i-want-one-of-my-own-right-now/23658/10 "2000-06-27T01:27:29Z")
What is your blood alchohol at this moment you drunk dutch bastard? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2000, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-it-i-want-one-of-my-own-right-now/23658/11 "2000-06-27T01:28:00Z")
I’ve heard prostitution and mary-jew-anna is legal in your country. Is this true? I’ve also heard that a guilder is at a ratio of approximately 2.3 guilder to 1 dollar. I’ve also heard a rumor that this changes daily. Can you confirm? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Globe-trotter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cab0a1/32.png) [@Globe-trotter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Globe-trotter)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2000, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-it-i-want-one-of-my-own-right-now/23658/12 "2000-06-27T01:29:32Z")
What’s the deal with Rush anyway? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![sailor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a587f6/32.png) [@sailor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sailor)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2000, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-it-i-want-one-of-my-own-right-now/23658/13 "2000-06-27T01:29:36Z")
Shayna, _I_ want to eat you… Where do I get in line? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Shayna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shayna/32/17976_2.png) [@Shayna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shayna)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2000, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-it-i-want-one-of-my-own-right-now/23658/14 "2000-06-27T01:32:00Z")
No and No. And this is not the “Ask The Busty Redhead” thread so you are not allowed to ask me questions back. You must answer mine and I’m patiently, no, anxiously awaiting your reply. ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2000, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-it-i-want-one-of-my-own-right-now/23658/15 "2000-06-27T01:35:51Z")
Amstel Light is like any light beer: it sucks gerbil scrote. Amstel Lager is OK, if nothing else is available. Grolsch is my Dutch lager of choice. My blood alcohol percentage or whatever is still OK. It’s legal for me to drive, I’m sure. But I’m NOT gonna try! My insurance is high enough as it is 😃 Prostitution and hash are legal here. Well, condoned. Long story, legally. Point being: light’em up and have at’em 😉 Rush is Canadian. How the hell should I know?? Sailor, stop flirting in the Dutch Guy’s thread. Chiefscott is looking to “fill a vacancy”, or so I’ve heard 😃 ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2000, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-it-i-want-one-of-my-own-right-now/23658/16 "2000-06-27T01:36:01Z")
[Amstel product line](http://www.amstel.com/beerbrowser/index.html). Sexmuseum Venustempel 18 Damrak. Mon-Sun 10-23.30 hrs Torture Museum 20-22 Damrak. Mon-Sun 10-23 hrs. Fittingly, the sex and torture museums appear to be right next door to each other. You gotta get out more often, my friend. Here’s photos: [http://www.tattoos.com/stu/amstort/tortga01.htm](http://www.tattoos.com/stu/amstort/tortga01.htm) [http://www.stukay.com/amstort/tortga02.htm](http://www.stukay.com/amstort/tortga02.htm) ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2000, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-it-i-want-one-of-my-own-right-now/23658/17 "2000-06-27T01:43:50Z")
Holy shit. UncleBeer is correcting me on Amsterdam Tourist Info? That’s it. I’m gonna rat on him and tell y’all that he DOES own that roadside brothel in ButtFuck, Ohio 😉 ---
**Author:** ![missbunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/76d3ee/32.png) [@missbunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missbunny)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2000, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-it-i-want-one-of-my-own-right-now/23658/18 "2000-06-27T01:47:21Z")
Here’s a question that, depending on the answer, may dramatically increase the number of posters making their vacation plans for Holland: When I was there, I was struck by the fact that every waitress was a tall, gorgeous, model-beautiful woman. All of them! If I had been a man I would have been in heaven (and the men weren’t bad either). Is this normal? Is there some kind of Gorgeous Women’s Union to which all waitresses must belong? And everyone I met, women and men, was at least quatrilingual - Dutch, French, English, and another one - Spanish, Italian, or German. Is this just how it is? You obviously speak at least two beautifully. What others do you speak? I guess that makes three questions. ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2000, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-it-i-want-one-of-my-own-right-now/23658/19 "2000-06-27T01:48:09Z")
OK, I’m off to bed now. Tomorrow, I’ll answer all your questions. Sober, even. Or I could pretend I’m still drunk. With the coffee machine WE have at work, what’s the difference? Anyway, ask away. We’re fighting ignorance here! ---
**Author:** ![Shayna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shayna/32/17976_2.png) [@Shayna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shayna)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2000, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-it-i-want-one-of-my-own-right-now/23658/20 "2000-06-27T01:50:44Z")
I’m sorry, sailor, but you cannot eat me. You’ve already emailed me. It’s either one or the other, but not both. Did I neglect to mention that before? Sorry for any confusion this may have caused. I do appreciate the offer, however. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-it-i-want-one-of-my-own-right-now/23658.md?page=2)