# That's It! I'm Moving Out of Here! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 8, 2002, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-it-im-moving-out-of-here/127498 "2002-09-08T02:55:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2002, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-it-im-moving-out-of-here/127498/1 "2002-09-08T02:55:47Z")
Okay, as many of you might remember, I’m the poster with the extraterrestrial neighbors, who’s city is building what looks to be a bunker down the street from where he works. Things have gotten even weirder, and I’ve just about had enough of it! Down the street from where I live, it looks suspiciously like the city/county’s building some kind of massive underground complex. I have no idea what it is, nor what it could be for. There’s been no local media coverage of it, which is even stranger. That’s not what’s unhinged me, however. Nope, it was, of all things, Wal-Mart. I stopped in there today to pick up some items and I should have known that it was going to be a bad time when I saw a car in the parking lot with a [Sons of Confederate Veterans](http://www.scv.org/) plate on it. (They’re _not_ racist, they’re endorsed by [Ann Coulter](http://www.jewishworldreview.com/cols/coulter021500.asp)! :rolleyes: ) It gets weirder. I spot a pre-teenage girl walking around with a T-shirt that proclaims, “Monkeys steal my underwear at night”! I guess if you’re a member of Future Strippers of America, it pays to start advertising early. Wal-Mart has it’s 2003 calendars out already. Used to be one didn’t see calendars for the next year until Thanksgiving or so, but in the past couple of years everybody’s started putting calendars out earlier and earlier. I suspect that in a few years, the only way you’ll be able to get a 2010 calendar, is if you buy it on Jan. 2008, as it’ll be replaced by the 2011 in Feb. I spot what has to be the strangest calendar ever produced. It’s a Christian calendar done in the same sleezy style as Thomas Kinkade’s work, but the subject matter of the painting is slightly different. On the front of the calendar is a painting of a man in a T-shirt with an anguished expression on his face. In one hand is the handle of a hammer, in his other hand is what appears to be a railroad spike. Supporting the man from the rear is a risen Christ, with a decidedly, uh, how can I phrase this, _passionately intense_ expression on his face. I couldn’t help but be reminded of the scene in the movie _Naked Lunch_ where Kiki’s raped by the giant centipede. I’m not sayin’ that the painter intended to paint a picture of an anal raping Christ (band name!), but that’s sure how it looked to me. Ye Gods! I have _got_ to get out of this place! ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2002, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-it-im-moving-out-of-here/127498/2 "2002-09-08T03:22:48Z")
Run… fast and as far as you can… that’s just creepy… and remember, If you’re not paranoid that doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you. -gives Tucker a tin foil hat and goes back to being domestic- ---
**Author:** ![ioioio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ioioio/32/316_2.png) [@ioioio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ioioio)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2002, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-it-im-moving-out-of-here/127498/3 "2002-09-08T15:39:55Z")
One day on the way to work I drove past a fully functioning McDonald’s where I swear there had been nothing but a vacant lot the previous day. I’ve chosen to not think about this too much. As for the 2003 calendars, another post on this board is titled “Mark Your Calendars: NYC MegaDopefest III - Januray 3-5, 2003”. How could I mark my 2003 calendar if not, thank God, for Walmart’s foresight? Seriously, it seems like more & more I have to schedule medical appointments, vacation time, plane reservations, etc months & months in advance. ---
**Author:** ![ioioio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ioioio/32/316_2.png) [@ioioio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ioioio)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2002, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-it-im-moving-out-of-here/127498/4 "2002-09-08T15:53:46Z")
One day on the way to work I drove past a fully functioning McDonald’s where I swear there had been nothing but a vacant lot the previous day. I’ve chosen to not think about this too much. As for the 2003 calendars, another post on this board is titled “Mark Your Calendars: NYC MegaDopefest III - Januray 3-5, 2003”. How could I mark my 2003 calendar if not, thank God, for Walmart’s foresight? Seriously, it seems like more & more I have to schedule medical appointments, vacation time, plane reservations, etc months & months in advance. ---
**Author:** ![Skerri](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f04885/32.png) [@Skerri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skerri)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2002, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-it-im-moving-out-of-here/127498/5 "2002-09-08T16:13:14Z")
Anytime I see something that says “Sons of Confederate Veterans” or “Daughters of the American Revolution”, I think to myself: “Damn! You must be REALLY OLD!” 😃 Skerri, who lives in a town with more “Sons of Confederate Veterans” and “Daughters of the American Revolution” than air molecules. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2006, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-it-im-moving-out-of-here/127498/6 "2006-11-12T23:21:20Z")
Holy shit, that is one majorly homoerotic Jesus painting! ---
**Author:** ![Rebo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rebo/32/13005_2.png) [@Rebo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rebo)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2006, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-it-im-moving-out-of-here/127498/7 "2006-11-12T23:27:33Z")
[QUOTE=Guinastasia] Holy shit, that is one majorly homoerotic Jesus painting! [/QUOTE] What? ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2006, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-it-im-moving-out-of-here/127498/8 "2006-11-12T23:36:01Z")
I think **Guin** meant to post that in [this](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=395618&page=1&pp=50) thread, which links to this (four year old) thread. Homoerotic Christ makes his appearance on page three. ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2006, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-it-im-moving-out-of-here/127498/9 "2006-11-12T23:38:23Z")
[QUOTE=Guinastasia] Holy shit, that is one majorly homoerotic Jesus painting! [/QUOTE] That _is_ weird! ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2006, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-it-im-moving-out-of-here/127498/10 "2006-11-12T23:41:27Z")
I promise to report this thread as a zombie after I post this - I just had to say, I REALLY want a t-shirt that says: “Monkeys steal my underwear at night” Like, REALLY, REALLY badly.