# That's Reverend Nawth Chucka to you! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 22, 2007, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-reverend-nawth-chucka-to-you/388915 "2007-01-22T02:45:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![LifeOnWry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/96bed5/32.png) [@LifeOnWry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LifeOnWry)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2007, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-reverend-nawth-chucka-to-you/388915/21 "2007-01-23T03:59:28Z")
[QUOTE=Tripler] I respectully request that you ordain me to go unto a Crusade to rid the world of stupid people, who deserve it: as in those that spill hot coffee on their own lap [/QUOTE] Holy crap. I JUST did this tonight, not twenty minutes ago. Well, it was hot chocolate, not coffee, but the effects (ouch) are essentially the same. I’m not normally stupid, though, so I ask you to please consider my record before condemning me. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2007, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-reverend-nawth-chucka-to-you/388915/22 "2007-01-23T13:45:30Z")
[QUOTE=Nava] Can I call you Father Nawth Chucka? Mother Nawth Chucka brings me back to the nuns at school and while they were definitely nowhere as weird as the nuns usually depicted in movies, it still wasn’t much of a happy time… [/QUOTE] If you just take the “Nawth” out of there it’d be interesting… :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2007, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-reverend-nawth-chucka-to-you/388915/23 "2007-01-23T14:01:31Z")
[QUOTE=Nawth Chucka] Yeah, I don’t \*feel \* any different, but the Holy Glow kept me up all damn night! [/QUOTE] I just want to know what its like to be able to dispel/turn Goths. Trust me, there’s a real market for you in the workplace if you can: “This cubicle-farm is… Clean…!” “You sent them to another plane of existance?” “Yes.” “Hell…?” “No. Seattle…” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2007, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-reverend-nawth-chucka-to-you/388915/24 "2007-01-23T22:53:52Z")
[QUOTE=Count Blucher] I just want to know what its like to be able to dispel/turn Goths. Trust me, there’s a real market for you in the workplace if you can: “This cubicle-farm is… Clean…!” “You sent them to another plane of existance?” “Yes.” “Hell…?” “No. Seattle…” 😃 [/QUOTE] They _do_ make planes in Seattle, right? ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2007, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-reverend-nawth-chucka-to-you/388915/25 "2007-01-24T17:04:30Z")
Hey, Bobo, can I smite people? I have a list. ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2007, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-reverend-nawth-chucka-to-you/388915/26 "2007-01-24T17:10:04Z")
[QUOTE=Nawth Chucka] Hey, Bobo, can I smite people? I have a list. [/QUOTE] :eek: :eek: Uh oh! That doesn’t bode well… What happened?! 😕 :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Bobotheoptimist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/919ad9/32.png) [@Bobotheoptimist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bobotheoptimist)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2007, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-reverend-nawth-chucka-to-you/388915/27 "2007-01-24T17:17:19Z")
[QUOTE=Nawth Chucka] Hey, Bobo, can I smite people? I have a list. [/QUOTE] You _may_ smite people, I don’t know if you _can_ or not. Smiting is so old testament, I’m waiting for the power to unmake. Imagine growling out in a menacing voice, quiet but still loud enough to be heard by all (with just the faintest echo) “I will unmake you” MWA HA HA cough HA HA HAAAA! Sorry, what was the question? ---
**Author:** ![Caffeine.addict](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f475e1/32.png) [@Caffeine.addict](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caffeine.addict)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2007, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-reverend-nawth-chucka-to-you/388915/28 "2007-01-24T20:25:09Z")
I’m also ordained with the Universal Life Church. I did it on a whim since it is free. When I told my dad he asked me for a link so he can annoy his religious sister. I think that the certificate says I can absolve people’s sins so we’re pretty good to go here. At work, I’ve blessed the water cooler and the coffee pot. I thought about being registered to actually perform weddings but that seems too much like real work to me. ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2007, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-reverend-nawth-chucka-to-you/388915/29 "2007-01-24T23:06:55Z")
[QUOTE=Caffeine.addict] I thought about being registered to actually perform weddings but that seems too much like real work to me. [/QUOTE] Whether or not you have to register depends on the laws of the state in which you’re officiating, if I understand the website correctly. **Zabali** , _life_ happened; now that I’m ordained, though, I have recourse against it!! 😉 Me - “Hey, gas prices jumped a quarter overnight!” Rich Jackass @ the Oil Co. - “So, what’re you gonna do about it?” And the brimstone begins… ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2007, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-reverend-nawth-chucka-to-you/388915/30 "2007-01-24T23:19:40Z")
[QUOTE=Nawth Chucka] Whether or not you have to register depends on the laws of the state in which you’re officiating, if I understand the website correctly. [/QUOTE] Yep. I’m in Illinois, so all I have to do is exist (and have that Certificate of Ordination). I did email the Cook County Clerk’s office to be sure, and they acted all confused about the question. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2007, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-reverend-nawth-chucka-to-you/388915/31 "2007-01-25T00:12:50Z")
[QUOTE=WhyNot] Yep. I’m in Illinois, so all I have to do is exist (and have that Certificate of Ordination). I did email the Cook County Clerk’s office to be sure, and they acted all confused about the question. :smack: [/QUOTE] Did you phrase it in proper Chicagoan? “Hey, dere, I need ta letcha know dat I’m, uh, gonna do some weddings dere, afta which wull go fuh beers. Oh, yah, you betcha!” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2007, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-reverend-nawth-chucka-to-you/388915/32 "2007-01-25T01:57:53Z")
[QUOTE=Nawth Chucka] Did you phrase it in proper Chicagoan? “Hey, dere, I need ta letcha know dat I’m, uh, gonna do some weddings dere, afta which wull go fuh beers. Oh, yah, you betcha!” 😃 [/QUOTE] I was with you until the last sentence, and then you started talking Minnesotan, but I’m not bilingual. 😉 No, actually I said something like, “I’m a recently ordained minister. I am writing to find out if there is any registration, licensing or other form I need to fill out before performing a marriage in Cook County or the State of Illinois.” And “they” wrote back something like: “If you want a marriage license, you can pick one up at the local office.” And I wrote back, “No, I want to perform legal marriages, not get married. Is there anything I need to do first?” And they said something else stupid and irrelevant and I took a large axe down to the Clerk’s office and reprogrammed their email response computer with it. No wait, I mean, I gave up. That’s what I did. I comforted myself with the information off several other websites, and left it at that. So there may be a few couples in Illinois living in sin if I have that wrong… ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2007, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-reverend-nawth-chucka-to-you/388915/33 "2007-01-25T02:52:46Z")
[QUOTE=WhyNot] No, actually I said something like, “I’m a recently ordained minister. I am writing to find out if there is any registration, licensing or other form I need to fill out before performing a marriage in Cook County or the State of Illinois.” And “they” wrote back something like: “If you want a marriage license, you can pick one up at the local office.” And I wrote back, “No, I want to perform legal marriages, not get married. Is there anything I need to do first?” And they said something else stupid and irrelevant and I took a large axe down to the Clerk’s office and reprogrammed their email response computer with it. No wait, I mean, I gave up. That’s what I did. I comforted myself with the information off several other websites, and left it at that. So there may be a few couples in Illinois living in sin if I have that wrong… [/QUOTE] I assume you signed the marriage licence, right? So, unless someone has some grounds somewhere down the line to challenge your right to marry the couples…you’re golden, no? (I bet the county’s computer has a sign on the front that says, “Share and Enjoy!”) ---
**Author:** ![LifeOnWry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/96bed5/32.png) [@LifeOnWry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LifeOnWry)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2007, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-reverend-nawth-chucka-to-you/388915/34 "2007-01-25T03:14:18Z")
[QUOTE=WhyNot] I was with you until the last sentence, and then you started talking Minnesotan, but I’m not bilingual. 😉 No, actually I said something like, “I’m a recently ordained minister. I am writing to find out if there is any registration, licensing or other form I need to fill out before performing a marriage in Cook County or the State of Illinois.” And “they” wrote back something like: “If you want a marriage license, you can pick one up at the local office.” And I wrote back, “No, I want to perform legal marriages, not get married. Is there anything I need to do first?” And they said something else stupid and irrelevant and I took a large axe down to the Clerk’s office and reprogrammed their email response computer with it. No wait, I mean, I gave up. That’s what I did. I comforted myself with the information off several other websites, and left it at that. So there may be a few couples in Illinois living in sin if I have that wrong… [/QUOTE] (hijack) You know, I am beginning to suspect that you are actually me. What with the threads on paganism, being ordained, herbs, being in the Chicago area and so forth… are you sure we haven’t met?? ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2007, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-reverend-nawth-chucka-to-you/388915/35 "2007-01-25T15:10:27Z")
[QUOTE=LifeOnWry] (hijack) You know, I am beginning to suspect that you are actually me. What with the threads on paganism, being ordained, herbs, being in the Chicago area and so forth… are you sure we haven’t met?? [/QUOTE] Just yesterday I got the inkling that you were one of my friends I haven’t seen in a while. But I’m pretty sure she likes Indian food a whole lot, so now I’m perplummoxed again. But if we don’t know each other, maybe we should! 😃 But she lives in your town, is a vegetarian, herbalist, dances with pagans (although I think she’s a Buddhist - or she follows the Red Path, I’m not sure which) and is one of the nicest people in the known universe…so maybe it’s \*she \*you should be meeting! ---
**Author:** ![Caffeine.addict](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f475e1/32.png) [@Caffeine.addict](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caffeine.addict)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2007, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-reverend-nawth-chucka-to-you/388915/36 "2007-01-26T04:09:02Z")
[QUOTE=Nawth Chucka] Whether or not you have to register depends on the laws of the state in which you’re officiating, if I understand the website correctly. **Zabali** , _life_ happened; now that I’m ordained, though, I have recourse against it!! 😉 Me - “Hey, gas prices jumped a quarter overnight!” Rich Jackass @ the Oil Co. - “So, what’re you gonna do about it?” And the brimstone begins… [/QUOTE] I was at the Courthouse anyhow so I wandered down to the Clerk’s office and asked. They gave me a bunch of forms which are in my office desk somewhere. ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2007, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-reverend-nawth-chucka-to-you/388915/37 "2007-02-11T20:47:50Z")
**Update!** Working on an HR project this week, I had to go through everyone’s resume’ and transfer info from hard copy to an online form. I ran across one of my co-workers who had put under Education a Doctorate in Divinity from the ULC! On further inspection of her file, I saw that during the background check the company did, it was only able to confirm that she had Minister’s credentials (as we all have at the ULC). I couldn’t believe the cheek of it! Other things in her file point to a lack of trustworthiness for this person, so I shall watch my step. ---
**Author:** ![racer72](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/racer72/32/3075_2.png) [@racer72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racer72)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2007, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-reverend-nawth-chucka-to-you/388915/38 "2007-02-12T12:33:35Z")
[QUOTE=Nawth Chucka] They _do_ make planes in Seattle, right? [/QUOTE] Renton and Everett actually. Another ULC minister licensed to perform weddings. I have done only 2. The first was for a young couple that could not afford a minister, I did that one gratis. The second was an older couple, he was Mexican and knew very little English, the bride picked a very long winded set of vows from the internet and it took twice as long because the groom’s brother had to interpret everything. I ran into the bride a few months later and her hubby had been deported back to Mexico. She didn’t seem to upset about it though. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2007, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-reverend-nawth-chucka-to-you/388915/39 "2007-02-13T01:04:57Z")
[QUOTE=WhyNot] Gotta watch out with ULC. Not \*for \*ULC, but for cities, counties or states which are (unconstitutionally, I believe) not accepting their ordination as basis for performing weddings. [/QUOTE] Help me out here, is the ULC a real religion? I thought it was just some website that would ordain anybody who asked? Do they actually have real beliefs and congregations and stuff like that? ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2007, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-reverend-nawth-chucka-to-you/388915/40 "2007-02-13T03:35:17Z")
[QUOTE=Captain Amazing] Help me out here, is the ULC a real religion? I thought it was just some website that would ordain anybody who asked? Do they actually have real beliefs and congregations and stuff like that? [/QUOTE] Well, you have to help me out, first. What’s a “real religion”? 😃 They do have church services, every Sunday at 10 am, according to their [website.](http://www.ulc.net/) There are ULC congregations all over the world who meet for religious services, although more people hold Ordinations than attend their services, I expect. As they say on their website, the common thread uniting their congregations (and online ordination services) are a belief in religious freedom. [This page,](http://ficotw.org/faq.html) from another church which does online ordinations, has a good explanation of why it is legal and appropriate in the US to offer Ordination with no seminary training or other requirements: > [@](#): > > In 1974, the United States government was sued by the Universal Life Church in response to the government’s challenge to their right to have a tax-exempt status. When the judge ruled on this case, he also addressed the question of mail-order ordination, independent church charters, etc. While the Universal Life Church is not really a Christian ministry, nevertheless they performed a great service to all non-traditional ministries by fighting this case in court and eventually winning. > > The following is excerpted from the court’s decision in this case. The Universal Life Church is referred to as Plaintiff: > > “…an Honorary Doctor of Divinity is a strictly religious title with no academic standing. Such titles may be issued by bona fide churches and religious denominations, such as plaintiff, as long as their issuance is limited to a course of instruction in the principles of the church or religious denomination… The statute is silent as to recognized honorary titles conferred for some meritorious recognition.” > > The court then addressed the issue of whether the ordination of ministers, granting of church charters, and the issuance of Honorary Doctor of Divinity certificates are substantial activities which do not further any religious purpose. The following is excerpted from the court’s decision: > > “Certainly the ordination of ministers and the chartering of churches are accepted activities of religious organizations… The fact that the plaintiff distributed ministers’ credentials and Honorary Doctor of Divinity certificates is of no moment. Such activity may be analogized to mass conversions at a typical revival or religious crusade.” > > Now here is the real meat of the court’s decision, and the part that guarantees the legality of your ordination: > > “Neither this Court, nor any branch of this Government, will consider the merits or fallacies of a religion. Nor will the Court compare the beliefs, dogmas, and practices of a newly organized religion with those of an older, more established religion. Nor will the Court praise or condemn a religion, however excellent or fanatical or preposterous it may seem. WERE THE COURT TO DO SO, IT WOULD IMPINGE UPON THE GUARANTEES OF THE FIRST AMENDMENT.” As long as a church is legally incorporated and files with the IRS (and to do so, it has to meet the criteria laid out very nicely on [this Universal Ministries page](http://www.universalministries.com/churches.html)), then the church is a legally operating church and the government cannot legally tell them what education, duties or beliefs their ministers need to fulfill. So, religiously, how do they justify it? It varies by church, of course. I chose UM because I liked their take on it: > [@](#): > > From the New Testament: St. John states “Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that you should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain, that what so ever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you.” Being called to be a minister is a matter between God and the one so called. No man (or woman) has the right to say a Calling is false. At the time I applied, there was even a bit about how even those seeking Ordination as a joke were serving their Higher Selves and/or God/ess/es in their own way, and that there is sacred wisdom in humor. (I’m totally paraphrasing, because I can’t find that bit right now, if it’s still there.) > [@](#): > > The Doctrine of this Ministry that we “Do what is right, live fruitful lives, be true to ourselves and the God each of us worship, while causing no harm to others, and accept the individual’s right to worship as they see fit within the laws of their respective countries.” > > Through the expansion of our current and future membership we will share the beliefs of many forms of enlightenment. We invite not just Christians, but the Jewish, Islamic Moslems, Hindus, Buddhists, Episcopalians, Baptists, Catholics, Quakers, Methodists, Presbyterians, Wiccans, Pagans, Bahai, and all others to join us in our individual search for enlightenment. > > We acknowledge that spiritual growth comes from finding the truth in our individual ways throughout life. Each of us must find our own Holy Grail. Through our Statement of Faith, the doctrines of this church, and our desire to share, the Universal Ministries is willing share with everyone that wishes the benefits of our organization. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-reverend-nawth-chucka-to-you/388915.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-reverend-nawth-chucka-to-you/388915.md?page=3)