# Thats the wrong way to have a fork ... (medical)
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-the-wrong-way-to-have-a-fork-medical/666636
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [August 19, 2013, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-the-wrong-way-to-have-a-fork-medical/666636 "2013-08-19T13:38:51Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 2
### Author:  [@Battle\_Pope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Battle_Pope)
#### Post date: [August 19, 2013, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-the-wrong-way-to-have-a-fork-medical/666636/21 "2013-08-19T21:57:53Z")
> [@](#):
>
> The 70-year-old arrived at the Canberra Hospital emergency department
Alright! a local guy.
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### Author:  [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)
#### Post date: [August 19, 2013, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-the-wrong-way-to-have-a-fork-medical/666636/22 "2013-08-19T22:56:04Z")
Blue Raja: Well, I can fork-give if you can fork-get…
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### Author:  [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)
#### Post date: [August 19, 2013, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-the-wrong-way-to-have-a-fork-medical/666636/23 "2013-08-19T23:38:43Z")
An elderly Aussie
Horny & Bossy
Decided to Hump a Fork.
The fork’s doing fine
from handle to tine
(But he’s feeling quite like a Dork)
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### Author:  [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2013, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-the-wrong-way-to-have-a-fork-medical/666636/24 "2013-08-20T00:56:30Z")
> [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#):
>
> It’s now difficult to run across anything I now consider _odd_. Ill-advised? Yes! Odd? Well, my bar for that has been set too high.
After the third time you see a guy trying to smuggle a gun into prison up his ass, you get a little jaded.
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### Author:  [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2013, 7:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-the-wrong-way-to-have-a-fork-medical/666636/25 "2013-08-20T07:29:54Z")
> [@chacoguy](#):
>
> [There’s a reason for this warning label.](http://www.trbailey.net/g2/d/16857-1/do-not-insert-into-penis.jpg) (SFW)
LOL! I have _exactly_ that same set of, uh, _implements_, in _exactly_ the same box, and labeled in (almost) _exactly_ the same way, including (almost) _exactly_ the same picture!
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### Author:  [@si\_blakely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/si_blakely)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2013, 7:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-the-wrong-way-to-have-a-fork-medical/666636/26 "2013-08-20T07:48:46Z")
> [@TruCelt](#):
>
> Urethral sounds?
I think “ohGodohGodohGodohGodohGodNOoooooooooooooooArrrrrrrgh” probably suffices.
[This (from my favourite comic)](http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2012-07-09) illustrates my point (read the previous day for more context, then read the whole story arc, maybe the whole archive if you have a couple of weeks) 😃
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### Author:  [@JBDivmstr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JBDivmstr)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2013, 9:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-the-wrong-way-to-have-a-fork-medical/666636/27 "2013-08-20T09:57:03Z")
> [@picunurse](#):
>
> We once had a guy in the ER with _ **14 barbie head in his rectum** _.
(bolding mine)
_ **Fourteen?!** _
As in… _ **TEN** _… 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10! 😕
and then… FOUR _ **more** _?! :eek:
Therapy…
PROFESSIONAL therapy…
Many, _ **many** _ sessions, of _PROFESSIONAL_ therapy. ☹
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### Author:  [@si\_blakely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/si_blakely)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2013, 10:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-the-wrong-way-to-have-a-fork-medical/666636/28 "2013-08-20T10:22:24Z")
> [@JBDivmstr](#):
>
> Therapy…
> PROFESSIONAL therapy…
>
> Many, _ **many** _ sessions, of _PROFESSIONAL_ therapy. ☹
And the _patient_ probably needs those Barbie heads removing, as well 😉
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### Author:  [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2013, 11:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-the-wrong-way-to-have-a-fork-medical/666636/29 "2013-08-20T11:23:01Z")
I showed my husband that X-ray pic (because I am a cruel, cruel woman) and he said OUCH! For the next 15 minutes or so, he kept saying “How? Why? HOW!?! WHY?!?!?” but I suspect that he doesn’t really want to know the answers.
I’ll be sure to warn him about screwdrivers, but I really don’t think that that idea ever crossed his mind.
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### Author:  [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2013, 11:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-the-wrong-way-to-have-a-fork-medical/666636/30 "2013-08-20T11:35:49Z")
Yowsa! I wonder how they got it out?
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### Author:  [@JBDivmstr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JBDivmstr)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2013, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-the-wrong-way-to-have-a-fork-medical/666636/31 "2013-08-20T12:33:13Z")
> [@si\_blakely](#):
>
> And the _patient_ probably needs those Barbie heads removing, as well 😉
Ya think? :smack:
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### Author:  [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2013, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-the-wrong-way-to-have-a-fork-medical/666636/32 "2013-08-20T13:01:34Z")
> [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#):
>
> [Urethral sound](http://www.hnmmedical.com/media/catalog/product/cache/1/image/9df78eab33525d08d6e5fb8d27136e95/w/a/walther_urethral_sounds_01_6.jpg). A safe image, instrument only. They generally come as a kit, in a variety of sizes.
>
> It’s used medically mainly to dilate open a hypertrophied prostate, and allow easier urination. But some men enjoy the fact that it’ll massage the prostate in a different region of the gland from digital anal prostate stimulation.
>
> Hence one of the main reasons for urethral stuffing.
MPSIMS, but this is a good argument why sex workers should be regulated and certified. There’ll still be some practices that can’t be done safely (erotic asphyxiation, for example) that will still be underground, but a lot of safe kink + tax revenue = will for all
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### Author:  [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2013, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-the-wrong-way-to-have-a-fork-medical/666636/33 "2013-08-20T13:06:46Z")
> [@PunditLisa](#):
>
> Yowsa! I wonder how they got it out?
It’s not something that can be rushed. They’d have to take their tine.
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### Author:  [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2013, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-the-wrong-way-to-have-a-fork-medical/666636/34 "2013-08-20T13:06:51Z")
> [@picunurse](#):
>
> We once had a guy in the ER with 14 barbie head in his rectum.
No love for Skipper?
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### Author:  [@Death\_of\_Rats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Death_of_Rats)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2013, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-the-wrong-way-to-have-a-fork-medical/666636/35 "2013-08-20T13:49:12Z")
> [@PunditLisa](#):
>
> Yowsa! I wonder how they got it out?
According to the report I heard today: “Lube. LOTS and LOTS of lube.”
Direct quote.
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### Author:  [@johnpost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnpost)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2013, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-the-wrong-way-to-have-a-fork-medical/666636/36 "2013-08-20T16:05:45Z")
> [@JBDivmstr](#):
>
> Therapy…
> PROFESSIONAL therapy…
>
> Many, _ **many** _ sessions, of _PROFESSIONAL_ therapy. ☹
are you saying that people that have a strong affection to Barbie need therapy?
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### Author:  [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2013, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-the-wrong-way-to-have-a-fork-medical/666636/37 "2013-08-20T17:04:53Z")
> [@JBDivmstr](#):
>
> (bolding mine)
>
> _ **Fourteen?!** _
>
> As in… _ **TEN** _… 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10! 😕
>
> and then… FOUR _ **more** _?! :eek:
>
> Therapy…
> PROFESSIONAL therapy…
>
> Many, _ **many** _ sessions, of _PROFESSIONAL_ therapy. ☹
He told us there were 20, but we only retrieved the 14. Twenty was his magic number. Since Barbie heads aren’t radio-opaque, (x-rayable) He may have been telling the truth.
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### Author:  [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2013, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-the-wrong-way-to-have-a-fork-medical/666636/38 "2013-08-20T17:15:36Z")
> [@si\_blakely](#):
>
> It was on a mainstream news site in NZ, honest, linked off the front page. I don’t go **looking** for that sort of stuff.
>
> …but a urethra is a whole new kettle of fish.
Obligatory [Candiru](http://facstaff.cbu.edu/~seisen/TheDreadedCandiru.htm) link.
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### Author:  [@PSXer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PSXer)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2013, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-the-wrong-way-to-have-a-fork-medical/666636/39 "2013-08-20T17:23:20Z")
Did you give the guy the barbie heads back after that
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### Author:  [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)
#### Post date: [August 20, 2013, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/thats-the-wrong-way-to-have-a-fork-medical/666636/40 "2013-08-20T17:26:21Z")
> [@PSXer](#):
>
> Did you give the guy the barbie heads back after that
“Oh, no. You’ll get them back when you learn to take _care_ of your toys, young man!”
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