# The 25 Funniest Analogies. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 9, 2006, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-25-funniest-analogies/383515 "2006-12-09T23:17:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Earthworm\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f07891/32.png) [@Earthworm\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earthworm_Jim)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2006, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-25-funniest-analogies/383515/21 "2006-12-10T18:48:31Z")
Sadly, they left off my favorite, from the same list **Wendell Wagner** linked. “She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.” _-Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station_ ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2006, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-25-funniest-analogies/383515/22 "2006-12-10T19:19:58Z")
Yesterday, our own **featherlou** wrote this gem, describing the moronic posters on another messageboard she frequents: > [@](#): > > ..their posts look like they were typed by an epileptic cat and are about as on-topic as you would expect from Shaky Fluffy. ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2006, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-25-funniest-analogies/383515/23 "2006-12-10T19:36:45Z")
Some of those are brilliant, almost Pratchett-esque. > [@](#): > > 1. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River. Man, do I ever know _that_ feeling. ---
**Author:** ![Stentor\_2.5](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc8723/32.png) [@Stentor\_2.5](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stentor_2.5)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2006, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-25-funniest-analogies/383515/24 "2006-12-10T19:47:58Z")
The other day during a photo critique at school I was able to describe one of my photos as being about “licking the frosting off the bitter cupcake of mortality.” ---
**Author:** ![BunnyTVS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BunnyTVS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BunnyTVS)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2006, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-25-funniest-analogies/383515/25 "2006-12-10T19:58:18Z")
Best of all… I _do_ have a brother-in-law called Phil. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2006, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-25-funniest-analogies/383515/26 "2006-12-11T00:33:38Z")
I don’t think these were written by high school students. I know I have heard 16 before. It doesn’t matter who wrote them though since they are damned entertaining! ---
**Author:** ![Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e56c9b/32.png) [@Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harriet_the_Spry)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2006, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-25-funniest-analogies/383515/27 "2006-12-11T00:53:33Z")
I am taking a number of classes pass/fail right now. I recently described one as “P and go, like the restroom at a gas station.” ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2006, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-25-funniest-analogies/383515/28 "2006-12-11T02:49:11Z")
The best one I’ve come up with described Drew Bledsoe’s performance this year. “He’s been intercepted more times than Al Qaeda chatter.” Robin ---
**Author:** ![Raygun99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Raygun99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raygun99)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2006, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-25-funniest-analogies/383515/29 "2006-12-11T02:52:26Z")
[QUOTE=matt\_mcl] For my money, you can’t beat Woody Allen’s “her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in yak.” Although the other day I did describe Internet Explorer as “going down like a boy band in a leather bar.” [/QUOTE] I use “Going down faster than Paris Hilton on the Titanic.” ---
**Author:** ![asterion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4da419/32.png) [@asterion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asterion)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2006, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-25-funniest-analogies/383515/30 "2006-12-11T03:02:16Z")
[QUOTE=MsRobyn] The best one I’ve come up with described Drew Bledsoe’s performance this year. “He’s been intercepted more times than Al Qaeda chatter.” Robin [/QUOTE] That’s good, but I think it works better with Rex Grossman. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2006, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-25-funniest-analogies/383515/31 "2006-12-11T03:28:10Z")
I saw Number 18 in a very old anthology (like, bacxk to the 60s) of the New Yorker. It was a cartoon. Two women were sitting at a sofa talking, one was saying, “Herbert has a mind like a steel trap, one that snapped shut twenty years ago.” ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2006, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-25-funniest-analogies/383515/32 "2006-12-11T03:30:26Z")
[QUOTE=asterion] That’s good, but I think it works better with Rex Grossman. [/QUOTE] This happened during the Cowboys game against the Iggles. It got to the point where I’d hear the word “interception” and yell an expletive, whether it was Drew or not. It’s been an interesting season. Robin ---
**Author:** ![Wendell\_Wagner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8491ac/32.png) [@Wendell\_Wagner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wendell_Wagner)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2006, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-25-funniest-analogies/383515/33 "2006-12-11T06:27:36Z")
pbbth writes: \> I don’t think these were written by high school students. Are you reading all the posts? We know for sure that they weren’t written by high school students. They were the winners in a contest in 1995 for bad analogies (which was entered only by adults), plus a few more that other adults have come up with since then. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2006, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-25-funniest-analogies/383515/34 "2006-12-11T11:50:17Z")
[QUOTE=garygnu] These kids are sharp. I like 3, 5, 14, and 17 [/QUOTE] Put me down for 2, 10, 19, and 23. Maybe I’m warped. > [@](#): > > 1. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. > > 2. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup. > > 3. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do. > > 4. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant. ---
**Author:** ![mr.jp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/48db29/32.png) [@mr.jp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mr.jp)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2006, 12:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-25-funniest-analogies/383515/35 "2006-12-11T12:22:19Z")
This list is as old as a really old man, who is standing and pitching horseshoes. But he never hits the target, as his hands are trembling, because he is so old. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2006, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-25-funniest-analogies/383515/36 "2006-12-11T22:14:11Z")
[QUOTE=Wendell Wagner] These are mostly taken from the Style Invitational contest in _The Washington Post_ in 1995: [http://monster-island.org/tinashumor/humor/analogy.html](http://monster-island.org/tinashumor/humor/analogy.html) The Style Invitational contest winners and honorable mentions pass around a lot on the Internet without getting credit. This is too bad, since they are under copyright. In any case, these analogies were not written by children. They are written by adults deliberately trying for bad analogies. [/QUOTE] May I recommend [**Maybe He’s Dead**](http://www.amazon.com/Maybe-Hes-Dead-Hilarious-Competitions/dp/0394749189/sr=8-2/qid=1165875061/ref=pd_bbs_sr_2/103-1950676-0871847?ie=UTF8&s=books) for the hilarious results of many a \*\*New York \*\* magazine contest. I still remember some of the entries verbatim and I haven’t seen the book in many years. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-25-funniest-analogies/383515.md?page=1)