# The 5 Worst Army Men Of All Time **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 28, 2010, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-5-worst-army-men-of-all-time/537627 "2010-04-28T14:55:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2010, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-5-worst-army-men-of-all-time/537627/21 "2010-04-28T19:39:48Z")
There’s something about [this scene](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Airfix54mm.JPG) that really reminds me of a North Korean statue or propaganda poster I’ve seen. ---
**Author:** ![figure9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f0a364/32.png) [@figure9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/figure9)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2010, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-5-worst-army-men-of-all-time/537627/22 "2010-04-28T22:35:47Z")
Wasn’t there a stupid guy with a flag? Or is my memory playing tricks on me? 1971 was a long time ago. ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2010, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-5-worst-army-men-of-all-time/537627/23 "2010-04-28T22:56:07Z")
> [@Slithy\_Tove](#): > > We cut their rifles away, making them surrendering guys. But then we always put bayonet charge guy right in front of them. > > We’d also stick a pin into a pencil eraser and heat it up on the gas range until it was red hot, and use it to make sucking chest wound guy, [Charles XII of Sweden,](http://ppusa.files.wordpress.com/2009/09/charlesxiiautopsy19161.jpg) etc. I went so far as to melt the machine gun guy with a horse from the wild west set and make a centaur with an M-16. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2010, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-5-worst-army-men-of-all-time/537627/24 "2010-04-28T22:57:20Z")
True story: Some years ago, as a joke, my wife fixed me my usual morning mug of coffee. There were two Army Men in it. Took me a minute to get it, then I laughed like anything: The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup. ---
**Author:** ![WolfpackJeep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpackjeep/32/2921_2.png) [@WolfpackJeep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WolfpackJeep)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2010, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-5-worst-army-men-of-all-time/537627/25 "2010-04-28T23:57:44Z")
I had access to my dad’s collection of little plastic Army Men when I would visit my grandmother’s house. I always assumed the dead guys were just injured, since the Army Men were stored with a metal building resembling a hospital. If I recall correctly, there were some light blue figures with the green ones. I don’t remember any other details though. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2010, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-5-worst-army-men-of-all-time/537627/26 "2010-04-29T00:49:27Z")
THe Blue Guys would have been the Germans, would they not? ---
**Author:** ![Morbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morbo/32/389_2.png) [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2010, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-5-worst-army-men-of-all-time/537627/27 "2010-04-29T00:52:47Z")
By the time they got through all of my older brothers, the Army men I played with had seen some serious action. Red model car paint, severe burns, you name it. But there was one guy, one of the few beige ones IIRC, who I never figured out. He looked like he was carrying a suitcase in his right hand, and his left arm was extended making a curved arch, like he was trying to form the human letter S. I named him “AWOL” and always placed him far away from the action, running the other way with his suitcase. I found out years later as we were going through the old toys one Cristmas that my brothers had all done the same thing, which is why he wasn’t damaged. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2010, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-5-worst-army-men-of-all-time/537627/28 "2010-04-29T01:06:19Z")
> [@figure9](#): > > Wasn’t there a stupid guy with a flag? Or is my memory playing tricks on me? 1971 was a long time ago. I had an Old West set that had some cavalry asshole with a flag. Closest thing to that in an army guy set was a little paper flag on a stick that you could jab into the ground in the middle of your FOB. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2010, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-5-worst-army-men-of-all-time/537627/29 "2010-04-29T01:17:28Z")
What does it mean, “FOB”? ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2010, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-5-worst-army-men-of-all-time/537627/30 "2010-04-29T01:18:34Z")
Did anyone have the ones that came in sheet-metal suitcases? The case would be lithographed to look like a castle or Western fort, or the Alamo, and it was filled with knights & Vikings; cavalrymen & Indians; Texans & Mexicans. There was also a DIY kit with an electric mold that you’d put wires and gel into, then bake your own army men into posable figures. Remember what they looked like after you left them in the field overnight and your dad went over them with the lawnmower? You could make a slide show of them with the _Adagio for Strings_ in the background. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2010, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-5-worst-army-men-of-all-time/537627/31 "2010-04-29T01:25:51Z")
I had a great set, that included field artillery, bunkers, barbed wire, jeeps, tanks, trucks, and tons of soldiers. Americans were green and Germans were grey. Many rainy afternoons saw mass carnage on both sides, as I’d set em up, then shoot em down with rubber band powered paper wads. Each side got three shots/turn, and you had to fire from behind your own lines… ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2010, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-5-worst-army-men-of-all-time/537627/32 "2010-04-29T01:28:06Z")
> [@Slithy\_Tove](#): > > Did anyone have the ones that came in sheet-metal suitcases? The case would be lithographed to look like a castle or Western fort, or the Alamo, and it was filled with knights & Vikings; cavalrymen & Indians; Texans & Mexicans. Had two of those, handed down from my older cousins. Mine were the Ft. Apache set, and a Cape Canaveral set with rockets and guys in spacesuits. ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2010, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-5-worst-army-men-of-all-time/537627/33 "2010-04-29T01:32:43Z")
That set piques my memory - although I remember an Afrika Corps set, with a Kraut hauling a long belt of machine gun ammo. But instead of rubber bands, some neighborhood kid taught us that you could take a match and twist a little cone of tinfoil around the head, then set it over a ledge with a lit match under it, and it would make a neat little rocket. (I’ve still got a couple of those guys in space suits!) ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2010, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-5-worst-army-men-of-all-time/537627/34 "2010-04-29T01:38:19Z")
> [@Slithy\_Tove](#): > > Remember what they looked like after you left them in the field overnight and your dad went over them with the lawnmower? You could make a slide show of them with the _Adagio for Strings_ in the background. Oh, the horror! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2010, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-5-worst-army-men-of-all-time/537627/35 "2010-04-29T01:47:30Z")
> [@Slithy\_Tove](#): > > You could make a slide show of them with the _Adagio for Strings_ in the background. Dude, when I got through mutating them with a knife and a lighter you would want the theme music from _The Omen_. Did I mention the centaur with the M-16? I also made a Barsoomian from John Carter of Mars, with the extra arms and shoulders. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2010, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-5-worst-army-men-of-all-time/537627/36 "2010-04-29T01:48:47Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > What does it mean, “FOB”? [Several options](http://www.acronymfinder.com/FOB.html). I’m going with Forward Operating Base. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2010, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-5-worst-army-men-of-all-time/537627/37 "2010-04-29T01:52:44Z")
Switching genres slightly, a few years ago, I had an Army Men game for some outdated console…maybe Nintendo 64. It was a FPS type thing, Greens against Tans, and one of the battlefields in the campaign version was a bathtub. Another scenario included a PoW camp where the prisoners were tied to stakes under a magnifying glass… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2010, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-5-worst-army-men-of-all-time/537627/38 "2010-04-29T01:57:33Z")
One of my favorite souvenirs from a Hawaiian vacation is [this guy](http://www.flickr.com/photos/7896173@N03/4561546737/sizes/l/) that my friend found on Wai’anapanapa Beach. ---
**Author:** ![Morbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morbo/32/389_2.png) [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2010, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-5-worst-army-men-of-all-time/537627/39 "2010-04-29T02:10:02Z")
> [@blondebear](#): > > One of my favorite souvenirs from a Hawaiian vacation is [this guy](http://www.flickr.com/photos/7896173@N03/4561546737/sizes/l/) that my friend found on Wai’anapanapa Beach. Are you sure it wasn’t Lubang? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![TheHegemon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9c0ed/32.png) [@TheHegemon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheHegemon)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2010, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-5-worst-army-men-of-all-time/537627/40 "2010-04-29T03:58:20Z")
> [@Morbo](#): > > But there was one guy, one of the few beige ones IIRC, who I never figured out. He looked like he was carrying a suitcase in his right hand, and his left arm was extended making a curved arch, like he was trying to form the human letter S. I named him “AWOL” and always placed him far away from the action, running the other way with his suitcase. I think the “suitcase” might have been a satchel charge dude was preparing to throw. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-5-worst-army-men-of-all-time/537627.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-5-worst-army-men-of-all-time/537627.md?page=3)