# "The 7 astronauts are in Hell." You can probably guess who said it.
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-7-astronauts-are-in-hell-you-can-probably-guess-who-said-it/152476
**Category:** The BBQ Pit
**Created:** [February 3, 2003, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-7-astronauts-are-in-hell-you-can-probably-guess-who-said-it/152476 "2003-02-03T12:21:28Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 3
### Author:  [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-7-astronauts-are-in-hell-you-can-probably-guess-who-said-it/152476/41 "2003-02-03T16:28:45Z")
Though I don’t believe in a literal burning Hell, I would gladly vote for one if I could toss Freddy boy in there!
With white hot needles in his eyes.
and a large rasp in his asshole
and give him a salt and lemon juice enema to take advantage of the damage the rasp did to his rectum
And then choke him for endless eons with his own severed genetalia
as if he has any
Damn! This really pissed me off!
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### Author:  [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-7-astronauts-are-in-hell-you-can-probably-guess-who-said-it/152476/42 "2003-02-03T16:48:51Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Jonathan Chance \*
> I never did quite get what the shuttle folks had done to earn the damnation. Anyone want to clarify?
They died. A very loud death. A death (er, 7) recognized worldwide. So then you say something controversial about their deaths and instantly everyone is demonizing you. That means your name, and in some cases a brief history of your being on Earth, get coverage. People start talking about you; your message is delivered for free and all you had to do was spout irrelevant bullshit.
Except that most of us have gotten rather tired and bored from Fred’s one-trick pony. “Phelps damns [insert person/people]” is no longer news. But since the newsmedia know they’ll get viewers if they say the name “Fred Phelps” or “Westboro Baptist Church”, my guess is they’ll keep on reporting the stories, needless though they are to so many of us.
Personally, I’d like to see something happen such that his message is ended and his followers change their ways. Whether or not he stops living is rather irrelevant if the message ends. Let other people get their fun little “I hope he gets his eyes poked out by children with shark poking sticks!” kicks in. That’s hate, too.
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### Author:  [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-7-astronauts-are-in-hell-you-can-probably-guess-who-said-it/152476/43 "2003-02-03T16:59:25Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Arden Ranger \*
> \*\*Do we have to share humanity with this asshammer? \*\*
Personally, I don’t think he’s human.
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### Author:  [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-7-astronauts-are-in-hell-you-can-probably-guess-who-said-it/152476/44 "2003-02-03T17:00:59Z")
We shouldn’t throw Phelps in jail, or stone him, or sue him, or anything.
But oh, how I’d love for lightning to strike his church.
Daniel
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### Author:  [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-7-astronauts-are-in-hell-you-can-probably-guess-who-said-it/152476/45 "2003-02-03T17:19:57Z")
It’s pretty obvious that Fred Phelps is mentally ill and thus not responsible for his actions. Nobody with an onuce of sense can take his paranoid ravings as anything other than an expression of his deep psychosis.
He needs to be institutionalized.
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### Author:  [@istara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/istara)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-7-astronauts-are-in-hell-you-can-probably-guess-who-said-it/152476/46 "2003-02-03T17:22:11Z")
Good lord, I didn’t realise Fred Phelps was **mad**. I don’t really know who he is, other than someone you merkins rant alot about on here (generally I don’t read the threads with him in the title).
I just imagined he was some uber-conservative preacher man. Not a fucking **FREAK**.
What an appalling, appalling thing for him to say, as a religious leader.
(and ditto the mad mullah in the UK, everyone hates him and wants him deported).
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### Author:  [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-7-astronauts-are-in-hell-you-can-probably-guess-who-said-it/152476/47 "2003-02-03T17:31:04Z")
OK, let me get Mr. Phelps’ take on my situation clarified:
I am an American (and I don’t even hate homosexuals), and America is a “fag-enabling” nation, therefore, I’m gonna burn in hell. OK, so I could always move to a nation where gays are, oh, burned at the stake or some such, then I would be saved, right? Oh, no, probably not, because then I would most likely be living in a “non-Christian nation”, which would condemn me to hell.
So, what, in Phelps’ twisted outlook, would I have to do to “save my soul”? My guess: For one thing, I’d have to convert (IANAC), then I’d probably have to go beat some homos to death with sharp sticks or something, then I’d have to join his church which means I’d have to marry into his “extended family”. Yikes!
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### Author:  [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-7-astronauts-are-in-hell-you-can-probably-guess-who-said-it/152476/48 "2003-02-03T17:39:47Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by istara \*
> \*\*I just imagined he was some uber-conservative preacher man. Not a fucking **FREAK**.
>
> What an appalling, appalling thing for him to say, as a religious leader.
> \*\*
Uh… I don’t think “religious _leader_” is all that accurate since his “congregation” is primarily made up of his own extended family. Not someone anyone really looks to as a credible “leader.” And even the most uptight religious right-wingers see him as a fringe wacko, I think.
So not “religious leader” more like “head of the raving loony pack.”
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### Author:  [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-7-astronauts-are-in-hell-you-can-probably-guess-who-said-it/152476/49 "2003-02-03T17:43:30Z")
I had no idea that Phelps was a Primitive Baptist.
At least in my limited experience, one of the big differences between the Baptists of, say, the Southern Baptist Convention, and the Primitive Baptists, is the predestination business, and its intellectual consequence regarding whether there’s any point to evangelism. (If humans are moral free agents, as the SBC believes, then yes; if we’re all predestined - as the Primitives believe - as either part of the saved elect, or damned, then no.)
So I have a hard time seeing why Phelps makes such a mission out of protesting everywhere. If no souls will be rescued from depravity by his message, then what’s the point, from his POV? I’m clueless here.
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### Author:  [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-7-astronauts-are-in-hell-you-can-probably-guess-who-said-it/152476/50 "2003-02-03T17:46:05Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by RTFirefly \*
> \*\* I’m clueless here. \*\*
Hey! That’s _MY_ line!
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### Author:  [@SisterCoyote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SisterCoyote)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-7-astronauts-are-in-hell-you-can-probably-guess-who-said-it/152476/51 "2003-02-03T17:49:07Z")
Look.
Phelps condemns everyone to hell because he’s afraid he’ll be lonely when he gets there otherwise.
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### Author:  [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-7-astronauts-are-in-hell-you-can-probably-guess-who-said-it/152476/52 "2003-02-03T17:57:56Z")
Ah, the internet…made anyone with a few bucks, a DSL line, and a dream…
The man is sick. But, I think, worse for him, he is irrelevant.
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### Author:  [@NutWrench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NutWrench)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-7-astronauts-are-in-hell-you-can-probably-guess-who-said-it/152476/53 "2003-02-03T18:03:21Z")
Phelps is one of those people who would rather be hated than unknown.
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### Author:  [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-7-astronauts-are-in-hell-you-can-probably-guess-who-said-it/152476/54 "2003-02-03T18:04:03Z")
This makes me want to go commit sodomy.
Honestly, I’m not actually that offended if some U.S.-hating extremists in the Middle East say they are glad this happened. I get where they are coming from, even though I think they’re small-minded little pinheads. But for this guy to have these seven burning for all our sins–it’d be offensive if it weren’t just so laughably ridiculous.
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### Author:  [@Soup\_du\_jour](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soup_du_jour)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-7-astronauts-are-in-hell-you-can-probably-guess-who-said-it/152476/55 "2003-02-03T18:12:17Z")
> [@](#):
>
> “Dear Lord, please save Fred Phelps’ soul from hell.”
No. The proper thing would be to pray:
“Dear Lord, please save hell from Fred Phelps’ soul.”
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### Author:  [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-7-astronauts-are-in-hell-you-can-probably-guess-who-said-it/152476/56 "2003-02-03T18:14:09Z")
“Any other interpretation of the tragic events of Feb. 1 is rank atheism and fagjunk theology by sodomite propagandists.”
I damn near wet my pants laughing when I read this line! Holy Mollie!
* * *
Fagjunk Theology: Not just for sodomite propagandists anymore.
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### Author:  [@Alatariel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alatariel)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-7-astronauts-are-in-hell-you-can-probably-guess-who-said-it/152476/57 "2003-02-03T18:35:37Z")
An example that there is always something worse in the world.
This guy makes Jack Chick seem like a major league theologian.
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### Author:  [@Baldwin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baldwin)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-7-astronauts-are-in-hell-you-can-probably-guess-who-said-it/152476/58 "2003-02-03T19:00:37Z")
Okay, I never payed any attention to Phelps before, but now he goes on the list of people who get kicked right in the goddamned nuts if I ever meet them.
(Right behind Elliot Abrams, former assistant Secretary of State.)
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### Author:  [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-7-astronauts-are-in-hell-you-can-probably-guess-who-said-it/152476/59 "2003-02-03T19:33:39Z")
> [@](#):
>
> _Originally posted by gatopescado (N.B. quoting Phelps – kd99)_
> \*\*“Any other interpretation of the tragic events of Feb. 1 is rank atheism and fagjunk theology by sodomite propagandists.”
> \*\*
Come to think of it, if that’s his position, why is he calling the events “tragic”?
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### Author:  [@Apos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apos)
#### Post date: [February 3, 2003, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-7-astronauts-are-in-hell-you-can-probably-guess-who-said-it/152476/60 "2003-02-03T19:39:34Z")
—From Bush down–preachers, priests, rabbis, politicians, pundits, reporters–all suddenly become theologians preaching lies and spinning fables about the meaning of the space shuttle tragedy.—
Well, i don’t much like Bush’s seeming desire to set himself up as national theologian and tell us all about how god thinks and works, but is it really that odd for preachers and rabbis to be theologians? I mean… isn’t that what a lot of them DO?
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