# The Absolute Worst Christmas Song, Bar None **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 26, 2020, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-absolute-worst-christmas-song-bar-none/928972 "2020-12-26T17:16:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2020, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-absolute-worst-christmas-song-bar-none/928972/42 "2020-12-27T13:13:21Z")
_Mary did you know_ _Your song’s despised with much force_ _Mary did you know_ _Cervaise would suffer Discourse_ ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2020, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-absolute-worst-christmas-song-bar-none/928972/43 "2020-12-27T14:45:35Z")
> [@Superdude](#): > > But it’s almost worth it existing just to justify Patton Oswalt’s scathing [takedown](https://youtu.be/iq10bz3PxyY) of it. Thanks so much for this, but he left out the part about the kid leaving with the fuck-me pumps and selling them for drugs. ---
**Author:** ![saje](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saje/32/3631_2.png) [@saje](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saje)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2020, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-absolute-worst-christmas-song-bar-none/928972/44 "2020-12-27T14:51:46Z")
No, no, no. Sorrynotsorry, but no. Worst Christmas song award is a tie between Do They Know It’s Christmas and I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2020, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-absolute-worst-christmas-song-bar-none/928972/45 "2020-12-27T17:59:30Z")
Wow! Thank you! (Link to small pipe and drum corps playing Little Drummer Boy.) It was kinda intense, and, well, yeah, kinda pretty. Now, “Lullaby” music, it was not! ---
**Author:** ![carrps](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carrps/32/2957_2.png) [@carrps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrps)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2020, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-absolute-worst-christmas-song-bar-none/928972/46 "2020-12-27T20:06:55Z")
> [@Trinopus](#): > > Wow! Thank you! (Link to small pipe and drum corps playing Little Drummer Boy.) It was kinda intense, and, well, yeah, kinda pretty. It was cool, too, because I’ve actually been to that mall a bunch of times (older sister lives near T.O.). ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2020, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-absolute-worst-christmas-song-bar-none/928972/47 "2020-12-28T02:49:52Z")
> [@Trinopus](#): > > I’ve always hated the little drummer boy… Even the David Bowie/Bing Crosby version? _:eek:_ ---
**Author:** ![Ann\_Hedonia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ann_hedonia/32/319_2.png) [@Ann\_Hedonia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ann_Hedonia)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2020, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-absolute-worst-christmas-song-bar-none/928972/48 "2020-12-28T02:55:25Z")
I’m with you 1000% on this one. And the whole smarmy self-serving essence is summed up in this one line: “Tonight thank God it’s them instead of you” _Yes, let’s all be thankful that our privileged existences continue to be secure but let us just, for this one night, throw our spare change at some people whose lives really suck so we can assuage our guilt. Tomorrow we can revert to total self-centeredness while they’ll still be war-ravaged and starving, sucks to be them I guess”._ Then the next line is one of the stupidest lyrics ever penned “And there won’t be snow in Africa this Christmastime The greatest gift they’ll get is life” _There is so much wrong there. First, you ethnocentric 80’s airheads, Africa is in the Southern Hemisphere. That means it’s the beginning of summer there. Why would they be expecting a “gift” of snow, anyway? Their lives suck, you know this, you spent the first half of the song singing about how much their lives suck. About the only hint of a silver lining to their impoverished inadequately sheltered lives is that it’s not cold outside. Now you want them to freeze, too…just so they can experience **your** North American idea of Christmas?_ “The greatest gift they get is life”… _…I don’t know where to begin, I have so many questions. What does that even mean. Are you talking about the food you are raising money to send to them? Why don’t you just sing “The greatest gift they’ll get is food, if there is any left after the warlord trades it for guns?” Doesn’t quite sound as catchy, right? - it just doesn’t make you feel good enough to justify spending 5 minutes singing for free._ _Or maybe when you sang “The greatest gift you’ll get is life”, you aren’t talking about the salvation that is Band Aid II. Maybe you’re just hoping along with them that someone else will step up and save the Africans, someone smarter than you._ TL-dr I really hate that song. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2020, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-absolute-worst-christmas-song-bar-none/928972/49 "2020-12-28T02:59:46Z")
I love the Little Drummer Boy. Kid is so poor he has nothing to offer the Savior of Mankind. He recognizes a kindred spirit because Jesus is also poor. All this poor kid has to offer is his _art._ When the song gets to _I played my best for him_ it makes me cry every time. ---
**Author:** ![nelliebly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nelliebly/32/5422_2.png) [@nelliebly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nelliebly)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2020, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-absolute-worst-christmas-song-bar-none/928972/50 "2020-12-28T03:04:25Z")
While some of those songs are cringe-worthy, if you want a truly terrible, awful, why-was-I-born Christmas song, you need to listen to John Denver’s [“Daddy, Please Don’t Get Drunk This Christmas.”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Li8GrxE1jfg) > Just last year when I was only seven. > Now I’m almost eight, as you can see. > You came home at quarter 'til eleven, > Ans\d fell down underneath our Christmas tree. True, there are no references to Christianity for those of you who get all bent out of shape about that, but that’s the beauty of it: it’s just plain awful on its own. ---
**Author:** ![kitap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b9e5f3/32.png) [@kitap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kitap)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2020, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-absolute-worst-christmas-song-bar-none/928972/51 "2020-12-28T03:56:22Z")
There is no worse Christmas song than **Feliz Navidad**. My father loves it and sings it during Christmas. I have to shut him down all the time. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.winston_oboogie/32/2945_2.png) [@Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Winston_OBoogie)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2020, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-absolute-worst-christmas-song-bar-none/928972/52 "2020-12-28T04:23:18Z")
I forgot about The Christmas Shoes until it was mentioned up thread. Thanks for nothing. Probably second place to Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer. It was cute the first time I heard it. By the 2,000th time, I WAS SO SICK of it. If we’re talking specific versions of songs, I nominate Madonna’s version of Santa Baby. Not only is she singing it like a spoiled brat (Ertha Kitt’s version was sexy and seductive), she’s off key for half the song. Like nails on a chalkboard to me! ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2020, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-absolute-worst-christmas-song-bar-none/928972/53 "2020-12-28T04:57:46Z")
> [@bump](#): > > Not to overstate the obvious, but you do realize that Christmas is a Christian religious holiday, don’t you? It used to be, but now it is 90% secular. Havent you read about all the Evangelicals demanding we "_put the Christ back in Christmas"_? As I pointed out in the Christmas song thread, NONE of the top 20 played holiday songs in recent years have been religious at all. Even when you dip down into top 40 you only get _Silent Night_ and _Little Drummer Boy._ ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2020, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-absolute-worst-christmas-song-bar-none/928972/54 "2020-12-28T05:04:26Z")
> [@Wallet](#): > > However, I have to say that [Pentatonix’s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifCWN5pJGIE&list=PLg59shXY2KcSi6d3p6dnHLfKjIR6RjU1b) version is my favorite holiday song. > > I say that as a non-Christian, who does not believe in the song’s message. For those who don’t know, Pentatonic is an acapella group, and the harmonies in this version give me literal goosebumps. Oh, wow, thanks. That was wonderful. I didn’t listen to the words, just to the music. > [@FloatyGimpy](#): > > This is the absolutely worst Christmas song. Eeek!!! Not copying that link. Toxic. Ick! wash out my ears. ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2020, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-absolute-worst-christmas-song-bar-none/928972/55 "2020-12-28T05:04:31Z")
Sure, but it is a bit absurd to complain about overtly and overly religious songs at what at its core, is a religious holiday. That’s my point. Even if it’s mostly secular in popular culture, it’s still a religious holiday for many, if not most people. It’s like griping about people talking about the Declaration of Independence on the Fourth of July, because most people want to grill out and watch fireworks, not hear some nonsense about the Continental Congress and George III. I mean, it seems like cognitive dissonance for us to on one hand talk about the excessive religiosity of the American populace, and then complain when overtly religious songs are played, because they’re too religious. I don’t like the 'Did you Know" song, but I understand why it might be popular with a certain segment of the population. At least it’s well done by a decent artist; it could be some other religious glurge done by some “Christian” artist who couldn’t hack it as a secular artist. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2020, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-absolute-worst-christmas-song-bar-none/928972/56 "2020-12-28T05:05:34Z")
Eh, it was a Pagan winter festival before it was a Christian religious holiday. People on both sides of the “spirit of Christmas” thing get annoyed by the other side. ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2020, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-absolute-worst-christmas-song-bar-none/928972/57 "2020-12-28T05:07:23Z")
For what it’s worth, I delight in reminding my overly Christian relatives and acquaintances of the pagan roots of eating ham at Christmas. It annoys them mightily, but makes them think at the same time. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2020, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-absolute-worst-christmas-song-bar-none/928972/58 "2020-12-28T05:08:40Z")
Jew here – I had no idea it was traditional to eat ham on Christmas. What’s the backstory? ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2020, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-absolute-worst-christmas-song-bar-none/928972/59 "2020-12-28T05:20:48Z")
[Christmas ham - Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christmas_ham) (better link) Basically the eating of ham is a throwback to sacrificing a boar to Freyr in ancient Norse paganism, and has carried forward for millenia to modern Northern European derived Christmas traditions. I mean, I’m sure it’s some sort of syncretic thing, or at best, the missionaries back in the day were like “Yeah, whatever, you guys eat a ham on Xmas if it makes you happy. We don’t keep kosher or anything.” ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2020, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-absolute-worst-christmas-song-bar-none/928972/60 "2020-12-28T06:00:17Z")
Yeah, that is prefaced by “_It is said that the tradition of eating ham_…”. Ham is a good meat for the middle of winter. Mind you, There are a lot of Pagan traditions connected with Christmas, so it’s not impossible, but “_It is said_…” We know just about nothing about what was done for ancient norse and Northern Euro pagan practices because they didnt write anything down. The early Christian monks wrote down many of the wonderful _stories_ we have about Thor, Loki and what not, but none of the actual pagan practices. You know what we _know_ about Eostre? " _Eosturmonath has a name which is now translated “Paschal month”, and which was once called after a goddess of theirs named Eostre , in whose honour feasts were celebrated in that month. Now they designate that Paschal season by her name, calling the joys of the new rite by the time-honoured name of the old observance."_ That is it. One short paragraph by the Bede. Pretty much all of what we “know” about the other Germanic Pagan practices is that weak. Much speculation, now colored by modern neo-paganism. This is from one of the cites from that wiki : "_Eating ham for Christmas seems old school—because it is. Not only is it the centerpiece of the prototypical Dickensian Christmas, it’s said to have its roots in ancient pagan ritual. A wild boar was supposedly the sacrifice of choice to the Norse god Freyr, who is associated with harvest and phallic fertility._ " “it is said” “Supposedly”. The other cite is even more worthless. Neither of the cites have cites. But the tradition in England and America is more turkey or goose. We do a rib roast. ---
**Author:** ![erysichthon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d07c76/32.png) [@erysichthon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/erysichthon)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2020, 8:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-absolute-worst-christmas-song-bar-none/928972/61 "2020-12-28T08:11:35Z")
> [@Superdude](#): > > But it’s almost worth it existing just to justify Patton Oswalt’s scathing [takedown](https://youtu.be/iq10bz3PxyY) of it. Oh, great. Now I need to listen to that again! The last time, I almost passed out from lack of oxygen because I was laughing so hard I couldn’t breathe. I hope I survive this time! 😆 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-absolute-worst-christmas-song-bar-none/928972.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-absolute-worst-christmas-song-bar-none/928972.md?page=4)