# The Absolute Worst Christmas Song, Bar None **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 26, 2020, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-absolute-worst-christmas-song-bar-none/928972 "2020-12-26T17:16:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![jehan1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b4bc9f/32.png) [@jehan1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jehan1)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2021, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-absolute-worst-christmas-song-bar-none/928972/142 "2021-12-27T19:33:30Z")
Eartha Kitt’s version rocks (or jazzes?) though. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2021, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-absolute-worst-christmas-song-bar-none/928972/143 "2021-12-27T19:57:35Z")
It’s so sad, bitter and depressing that it’s played as they march Private Eddie Slovik to where he was executed by firing squad for desertion in the movie “The Execution of Private Slovik”. ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2021, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-absolute-worst-christmas-song-bar-none/928972/144 "2021-12-28T01:57:04Z")
For all those who hate The Liottle Drummer Boy Here’s the antidote. [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/jcvHUQ56ai0/hqdefault.jpg "The Annoying Drummer Boy") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jcvHUQ56ai0) ---
**Author:** ![Novelty\_Bobble](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Novelty\_Bobble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Novelty_Bobble)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2021, 8:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-absolute-worst-christmas-song-bar-none/928972/145 "2021-12-28T08:54:16Z")
> [@jehan1](#): > > Eartha Kitt’s version rocks (or jazzes?) though. It is defintely the best christmas song that involves negotiations with some form of prostitute, according to my daughter. She was horrified when she first properly listened to the lyrics. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2021, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-absolute-worst-christmas-song-bar-none/928972/146 "2021-12-28T17:52:30Z")
> [@am77494](#): > > All Nativity scenes depict a Hindu, a Parsee **and an African religion I don’t know.** Black Muslim ---
**Author:** ![asterion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4da419/32.png) [@asterion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asterion)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2021, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-absolute-worst-christmas-song-bar-none/928972/147 "2021-12-28T19:08:14Z")
Well, not 600 years before Islam was created. ---
**Author:** ![chela](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chela/32/21582_2.png) [@chela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chela)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2021, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-absolute-worst-christmas-song-bar-none/928972/148 "2021-12-28T19:35:24Z")
Must be talking about the Ethiopian wise man. Btw Epic xmas rant I heartily endorse the sentiment. ---
**Author:** ![WolfpackJeep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpackjeep/32/2921_2.png) [@WolfpackJeep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WolfpackJeep)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2021, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-absolute-worst-christmas-song-bar-none/928972/149 "2021-12-29T22:30:15Z")
> Mary had a little lamb > The doctors were astounded > Everywhere she went > Gynaecologists surrounded – from “99% of Gargoyles Look Like Bob Todd,” by Half Man Half Biscuit ---
**Author:** ![jerseymule](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jerseymule/32/3155_2.png) [@jerseymule](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jerseymule)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2021, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-absolute-worst-christmas-song-bar-none/928972/150 "2021-12-29T23:22:05Z")
> [@Senegoid](#): > > My nomination for the most annoying Xmas music (at least that I know) is “Christmas Don’t Be Late”, and specifically when sung by the Chipmunks. (As is, of course, anything sung by the Chipmunks.) I too always thought that this Chipmunks song was horrendous. However, once I heard the [Norah Jones](https://youtu.be/F9VWxIolpYM) rendition of the very same song, I realized that the song itself was not all that bad when performed by a talented singer and jazz combo. In fact, I really like Norah’s whole holiday CD. My vote for worst Christmas song is the Christmas Shoes. I really don’t care for Wham’s Last Christmas either. To me it is not a Christmas song at all, just a song about a break-up that happened to occur on December 26 one year. The Kenny Rogers renditon of Mary Did You Know is okay, but many artists did much better performances and arrangements of the song. The version by Pentatonix is a favorite of mine. ---
**Author:** ![jerseymule](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jerseymule/32/3155_2.png) [@jerseymule](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jerseymule)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2021, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-absolute-worst-christmas-song-bar-none/928972/151 "2021-12-29T23:40:53Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > I’ve always loved Mark Lowry, the guy who wrote it. He was one of the first stand up comedians I ever heard. He’s also a former fundamentalist and former member of the Gaither Vocal Band, my first exposure to barbershop-style harmony. My mom loved him, and used his kindhearted, joyful video streams to help her deal with the anxiety of her breath being taken away from her in her last days. > > He put the joy back in Christianity, without seeming at all fake. He admitted his own faults. And he was not one of those fake Christians who was anti-mask or pro hatred. > > Maybe knowing who the writer informed my interpretation, as I know he isn’t sexist, and that he pushes a very positive, anti-depressive message. But I just cannot see the song as what you claim it to be. > > And, frankly, I love the way it sounds. Minor doesn’t always mean sad. It can also mean contemplative, which is what he was going for. While I won’t listen to just any version, I love Mark’s original and [the one by Voctave](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uaRpeMT1tjQ) (former Disney singers) featuring him. > > As a vocal major and _a capella_ and barbershop fan, I don’t like Pentatonix and their overly produced music that makes their voices sound not like actual voices, and basically embracing that whine that Auto-Tune tends to have. I also am not a fan of some Country singer singing it, though I wouldn’t mind if Home Free try it sometime. Here’s [Home Free](https://youtu.be/Af73Qt1kkhk) performing Mary Did You Know. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2021, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-absolute-worst-christmas-song-bar-none/928972/152 "2021-12-29T23:48:50Z")
> [@asterion](#): > > Well, not 600 years before Islam was created. It’s a season of miracles. Duh. ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2021, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-absolute-worst-christmas-song-bar-none/928972/153 "2021-12-30T02:44:16Z")
> [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](#): > > I’m going to write a Christmas song from the point of view of Mary’s flabbergasted gynecologist. > [@WolfpackJeep](#): > > > Mary had a little lamb > > The doctors were astounded > > Everywhere she went > > Gynaecologists surrounded > > – from “99% of Gargoyles Look Like Bob Todd,” by Half Man Half Biscuit Or this: When Mary Had A Little Lamb the doctor was surprised, But when Old MacDonald had a farm the doctor nearly died! ETA: Why would the Mary’s doctor be surprised? Just because Mary claimed to be a virgin? Why would the doctor have believed that? Maybe the Herald Angels mentioned it to the doctor too? ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2021, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-absolute-worst-christmas-song-bar-none/928972/154 "2021-12-30T03:13:10Z")
> [@jerseymule](#): > > The Kenny Rogers renditon of Mary Did You Know is okay, but many artists did much better performances and arrangements of the song. The version by Pentatonix is a favorite of mine. Oh wait. We’re hijacking this thread to talk about songs we _liked_ now? 🙂 Okay, try this: For a good rollicking Gospel / Christmas number, here’s the Late Lamented Man In Black doing Children Go Where I Send Thee – the complete unabridged version: BTW, can somebody tell us what he says right at the beginning, at 0:00 to 0:02? This performance was in Denmark. Is it something in Danish? [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/GH0sjczcg48/maxresdefault.jpg "Johnny Cash - Children, Go Where I Send Thee (Live in Denmark)") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GH0sjczcg48) For a little extra entertainment, here’s an unintentionally amusing performance by Tennessee Ernie Ford: [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/V_eWR2hT_YM/hqdefault.jpg "Children Go Where I Send Thee by Tennessee Ernie Ford best version") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V_eWR2hT_YM) ---
**Author:** ![Yookeroo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yookeroo/32/323_2.png) [@Yookeroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yookeroo)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2021, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-absolute-worst-christmas-song-bar-none/928972/155 "2021-12-30T20:54:58Z")
> [@Senegoid](#): > > ETA: Why would the Mary’s doctor be surprised? Because humans generally don’t give birth to farm animals. ---
**Author:** ![Great\_Antibob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47c2d/32.png) [@Great\_Antibob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Great_Antibob)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2021, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-absolute-worst-christmas-song-bar-none/928972/156 "2021-12-30T21:05:21Z")
> [@Yookeroo](#): > > Because humans generally don’t give birth to farm animals. Not with that attitude they don’t ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2021, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-absolute-worst-christmas-song-bar-none/928972/157 "2021-12-30T21:13:31Z")
> [@Yookeroo](#): > > > [@Senegoid](#): > > > > ETA: Why would the Mary’s doctor be surprised? > > Because humans generally don’t give birth to farm animals. - Obviously, you haven’t been around young humans. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-absolute-worst-christmas-song-bar-none/928972.md?page=7)