# The accumulated advice thread. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 11, 2005, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725 "2005-04-11T01:18:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2005, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/1 "2005-04-11T01:18:01Z")
This works like a game, but I would hope it serves a useful enough purpose not to be considered a game thread under the SDMB rules. The idea is this: Each post provides some advice for the problem in the previous post and then submits a new problem hoping that the next post can provide advice for it. The ‘rule’ is lax, so that if you have advice for a post out of sequence (not the previous post) you are welcome to reply. As the OP I cannot supply advice for the previous post. I can only submit a problem. So I submit this: How do I make living where I live seem like being on holiday? ---
**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2005, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/2 "2005-04-11T01:52:20Z")
Behave like you’re on holiday: Dress casually, spend copious amounts on various items of bric-a-brac, and, in general, relax. How do I get an acquittal on the charge of vote-fixing? ---
**Author:** ![Fuji\_Kitakyusho](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f0a364/32.png) [@Fuji\_Kitakyusho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuji_Kitakyusho)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2005, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/3 "2005-04-11T02:24:33Z")
A: Bribe the judge who hears your case. Q: When you have to wait for something, how do you easily pass time when there isn’t much to do or look at? ---
**Author:** ![emekthian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecae2f/32.png) [@emekthian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emekthian)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2005, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/4 "2005-04-11T02:32:45Z")
Flee to the backcountry. Gather weapons and supporters, identifying the U.S. government as ready and willing to sacrifice the people’s civil rights for their benefit. When your following is big enough, break out into open revolution. If you can hide amongst the populace the troops will be unable to get you. Then, when the government kicks its current slow removal of civil rights into overdrive to catch you, a great many people will believe you, and follow you. Eventually, even the army won’t be able to stop you. When you take Washington D.C. following the chaos of the 2012 elections and install yourself as the Chief Advisor of the one who is supposedly genuinely the democratic choice of the people, you will be in a posistion to tell the Justice Department, which should be in your hands by now anyway, to back off. How do I get Cindy Ann Rajeerav to agree to go to the dance with me? ---
**Author:** ![lizardling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f4b2a3/32.png) [@lizardling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lizardling)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2005, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/5 "2005-04-11T02:35:08Z")
> [@emekthian](#): > > How do I get Cindy Ann Rajeerav to agree to go to the dance with me? Make sure she isn’t spoken for already. Then make sure you look nice and smell nice when you ask her. Be polite. How do I get tea as powerful as coffee? ---
**Author:** ![picker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/picker/32/13969_2.png) [@picker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picker)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2005, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/6 "2005-04-11T03:09:04Z")
Simulpost above, so I’ll address both, briefly. **Fuji** - Invent little games to play - count cars, make up backstories of the passers-by, try to find something new and interesting in anything you looking at, whether it’s large or small. **Lizardling** - try a Breakfast Tea, particularly Irish Breakfast. They are blended for caffeine content. Also, Black Teas are they most highly caffeinated tea in general. Add a little extra tea to the pot or ball than usual, and steep a little longer. Q: What’s the best way to train myself not to ‘um’ and ‘ah’ when I’m talking? I do it unconsciously, and don’t even realize I’ve done it until I hear a recording of my speech. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2005, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/7 "2005-04-11T03:41:57Z")
> [@picker](#): > > Q: What’s the best way to train myself not to ‘um’ and ‘ah’ when I’m talking? I do it unconsciously, and don’t even realize I’ve done it until I hear a recording of my speech. Hire an albino monkey to kick you in the balls for one month each time you use the word whiskers. By the time the month is over, you will no longer be using those fillers. The monkey doesn’t have to be albino, but it adds an element of fun to the equation. Q: Where can I find another albino monkey this time of night? ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2005, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/8 "2005-04-11T17:40:33Z")
> [@NoClueBoy](#): > > Q: Where can I find another albino monkey this time of night? Albino monkey’s are easiest to find at this time of the night, since they glow in the dark due to the radiation treatment they have been getting. The secret to capturing one, is to stay still and sound like a banana until the monkey is close enough to grab. Q. How can I stop my back from aching without resorting to modern medicine? ---
**Author:** ![Earthworm\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f07891/32.png) [@Earthworm\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earthworm_Jim)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2005, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/9 "2005-04-11T18:10:31Z")
> [@Bippy the Beardless](#): > > Q. How can I stop my back from aching without resorting to modern medicine? 1/2 gallon of your preferred 80-proof (or stronger) alcoholic beverage. How can I explain what I was doing in the backseat of my mothers car with the next-door neighbors doberman? ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2005, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/10 "2005-04-11T18:19:35Z")
You can’t. Where can I find an entire population of un-stressed, civil, considerate persons in a temperate climate with an appreciable degree of topography supporting trees with lush fruit no more than 6 feet from the ground and an approved pubic water supply… because I’ve looked and so far have come up quite emptyhanded. ---
**Author:** ![yellowval](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/919ad9/32.png) [@yellowval](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yellowval)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2005, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/11 "2005-04-11T18:34:06Z")
The problem, **lieu** , is that you’re being too picky. I suggest giving up one of your criteria. Perhaps the approved pubic water supply would be a good place to start. Q: How can I motivate myself to begin and maintain a workout schedule? ---
**Author:** ![SusanStoHelit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ab992/32.png) [@SusanStoHelit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SusanStoHelit)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2005, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/12 "2005-04-11T19:44:21Z")
Take a picture of your naked ass and tape it to your alarm clock (or whatever you see first in the morning). Works for me. How can I stop chewing on my bottom lip? My dentist is nearly ready to wire my mouth shut over it. ---
**Author:** ![Aragowyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/da6949/32.png) [@Aragowyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aragowyn)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2005, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/13 "2005-04-11T21:25:57Z")
Make a paste of habanero peppers and chapstick. Apply to bottom half of bottom lip. Nothing like good ol’ fashioned negative reinforcement. How do I get myself to do work more, read Straight Dope less? ---
**Author:** ![Cub\_Mistress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea666f/32.png) [@Cub\_Mistress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cub_Mistress)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2005, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/14 "2005-04-11T21:34:41Z")
A; Buy an uncomfortable chair and a tiny monitor. Q:How do I correct a boss or co-workers who make immense factual errors? ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2005, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/15 "2005-04-11T21:49:29Z")
> [@Cub Mistress](#): > > Q:How do I correct a boss or co-workers who make immense factual errors? I just shout “Nya, nya, nya, you’re a stoopid pooy head” at them during bord meetings. Q. Where am I going to find a new job, after being sacked from my last 4 positions (3 of which were at McDonalds)? ---
**Author:** ![Earthworm\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f07891/32.png) [@Earthworm\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earthworm_Jim)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2005, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/16 "2005-04-11T22:04:35Z")
> [@Bippy the Beardless](#): > > Q. Where am I going to find a new job, after being sacked from my last 4 positions (3 of which were at McDonalds)? A: Burger King! Q: How can I ensure my children will become functional, productive members of society? ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2005, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/17 "2005-04-11T22:27:57Z")
> [@Earthworm Jim](#): > > A: Burger King! > > Q: How can I ensure my children will become functional, productive members of society? Raise them on another planet. How can I get better at batting in baseball? ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2005, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/18 "2005-04-11T22:39:37Z")
Practice. 😛 What if I don’t want to forgive her or acknowledge her boyfriend’s existance? ---
**Author:** ![cher3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@cher3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cher3)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2005, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/19 "2005-04-11T22:40:27Z")
> [@NoClueBoy](#): > > How can I get better at batting in baseball? You haven’t been paying much attention to the news in the last month or so, have you? How can I get my kids to eat more different kinds of food? ---
**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2005, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/20 "2005-04-12T00:29:24Z")
> [@cher3](#): > > How can I get my kids to eat more different kinds of food? Try to prevent them from eating it. Reverse psychology being what it is, they’ll eat it all up. How do I learn how to dance? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725.md?page=2)