# The accumulated advice thread. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 11, 2005, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725 "2005-04-11T01:18:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2005, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/21 "2005-04-12T00:37:33Z")
Watch the scene in _Footloose_ with Kevin Bacon and Christopher Penn. How do I keep lipstick on all day, when I nibble fruit, eat yogurt, and sip water at work? I’m trying to wear lipstick now, but I feel self-conscious, like I have to reapply it after every spoonful. ---
**Author:** ![MacSpon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/34f0e0/32.png) [@MacSpon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacSpon)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2005, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/22 "2005-04-12T01:05:15Z")
> [@](#): > > How do I keep lipstick on all day, when I nibble fruit, eat yogurt, and sip water at work? I’m trying to wear lipstick now, but I feel self-conscious, like I have to reapply it after every spoonful. Have your lips tattooed with your favourite colour. How can I make myself write more, instead of getting distracted all the time? ---
**Author:** ![Lsura](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7993a0/32.png) [@Lsura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lsura)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2005, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/23 "2005-04-12T01:10:33Z")
> [@MacSpon](#): > > How can I make myself write more, instead of getting distracted all the time? That’s simple. First, you need to publish a bestselling novel. Once you do that, you’ll see the fabulous amounts of money available to bestselling authors and you’ll want to write all the time. How can convince my boss that I should really be making at least $75,000 a year without actually having to do more work? ---
**Author:** ![Cub\_Mistress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea666f/32.png) [@Cub\_Mistress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cub_Mistress)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2005, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/24 "2005-04-12T01:14:08Z")
Hypnotize him, then tell him how much he needs to pay you and what your job description should be. To what should I change my Dopername? ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2005, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/25 "2005-04-12T01:21:05Z")
> [@Cub Mistress](#): > > Hypnotize him, then tell him how much he needs to pay you and what your job description should be. > > To what should I change my Dopername? A: Club Missus Q: Waht small European Kingdom should I conquer next? ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2005, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/26 "2005-04-12T01:57:24Z")
> [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](#): > > A: Club Missus > > Q: Waht small European Kingdom should I conquer next? The Vatican. I hear there’s an opening. How can I get my altered female cat to stop humping my altered male cat? ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2005, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/27 "2005-04-12T02:03:37Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > What if I don’t want to forgive her or acknowledge her boyfriend’s existance? > [@panache45](#): > > How can I get my altered female cat to stop humping my altered male cat? These can use the same answer. Keep a spray bottle or water handy and spary them down every time it happens. How do I keep bugs out of my flour? ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2005, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/28 "2005-04-12T02:55:36Z")
> [@NoClueBoy](#): > > How do I keep bugs out of my flour? Kiww da wabbit! How can I stay motivated to lose weight, when My Guy likes me just as I am? ---
**Author:** ![picker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/picker/32/13969_2.png) [@picker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picker)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2005, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/29 "2005-04-12T03:32:02Z")
Tell him he’s allowed to gain a pound for every pound you lose, and that you’ll encourage him with beer and steaks. Give him a blow job when you both hit your target weight. How can I rid my house of an infestation of hippies? ---
**Author:** ![Millit\_the\_Frail](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/51bf81/32.png) [@Millit\_the\_Frail](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Millit_the_Frail)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2005, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/30 "2005-04-12T03:35:24Z")
Watch _America’s Next Top Model_ for three hours each day. Think about how much money Mischa Barton is making just by being thin. (It sure as hell can’t be due to her talent.) How the hell can I get my taxes done by Friday? (When I don’t even know what happened to my W-2 form?) ---
**Author:** ![Millit\_the\_Frail](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/51bf81/32.png) [@Millit\_the\_Frail](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Millit_the_Frail)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2005, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/31 "2005-04-12T03:37:03Z")
Oops, I’ll answer **picker’s** question too… Send in the Young Republicans! ---
**Author:** ![Nametag](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nametag/32/406_2.png) [@Nametag](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nametag)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2005, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/32 "2005-04-12T03:54:55Z")
> [@](#): > > How the hell can I get my taxes done by Friday? Estimate your debt and send in a check with a half-assed return. Then file 1040X when you get your shit together. For how much should I sell a 1991 Honda Nighthawk with 98,000 miles and exterior rust? ---
**Author:** ![TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tellmei_mnotcrazy/32/3419_2.png) [@TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TellMeI_mNotCrazy)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2005, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/33 "2005-04-12T14:05:21Z")
> [@Nametag](#): > > Estimate your debt and send in a check with a half-assed return. Then file 1040X when you get your shit together. > For how much should I sell a 1991 Honda Nighthawk with 98,000 miles and exterior rust? Go over the bike very carefully, find some rust that resembles the Virgin Mary holding the Baby Jesus, and sell it on eBay. Golden Reef Casino will snap it up for 50K, easy. How can I get the guy on the train to stop leering at me? ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2005, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/34 "2005-04-12T14:11:33Z")
Wear a tight low cut sweater and tight high cut skirt. He’ll lose interest. How can I get my nose to stop running? ---
**Author:** ![Greenback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/2bfe46/32.png) [@Greenback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greenback)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2005, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/35 "2005-04-12T14:14:57Z")
> [@TellMeI'mNotCrazy](#): > > Go over the bike very carefully, find some rust that resembles the Virgin Mary holding the Baby Jesus, and sell it on eBay. Golden Reef Casino will snap it up for 50K, easy. > > How can I get the guy on the train to stop leering at me? Sit behind him. I want to buy my wife flowers but hate being told when to do it. How long after Valentine’s Day should I wait? ---
**Author:** ![Greenback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/2bfe46/32.png) [@Greenback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greenback)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2005, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/36 "2005-04-12T14:16:10Z")
Sorry **Annie-Xmas**. Quick post with no preview = missed post. ---
**Author:** ![TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tellmei_mnotcrazy/32/3419_2.png) [@TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TellMeI_mNotCrazy)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2005, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/37 "2005-04-12T14:23:12Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > How can I get my nose to stop running? Snort Silica Gel. > [@Greenback](#): > > I want to buy my wife flowers but hate being told when to do it. How long after Valentine’s Day should I wait? One year. How can I get out of work without annoying my boss today? ---
**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2005, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/38 "2005-04-12T15:06:32Z")
> [@TellMeI'mNotCrazy](#): > > How can I get out of work without annoying my boss today? Leave work tomorrow. How do I get from here to there without driving or taking a plane? ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2005, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/39 "2005-04-12T15:10:29Z")
> [@Governor Quinn](#): > > How do I get from here to there without driving or taking a plane? Just add a ‘t’. How can I make Charlotte Church into my sex slave? ---
**Author:** ![picker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/picker/32/13969_2.png) [@picker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picker)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2005, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/40 "2005-04-12T15:21:32Z")
Go [here](http://www.charlottechurches.com/) and find one that looks like it’s full of simple-minded people who will be easily swayed by your massive pecs and disarming smile. How can I get my border collie puppy from being so skittish around other dogs? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725.md?page=3)